Way up in the very north of Canada, there lived a trapper and his dog. His name was Sam - the trapper, not the dog. The dog's name was Rover and he was an extremely shaggy dog - I mean REALLY shagy.
Out in the wilderness, Sam did not get visitors nor much mail. But, he did have a newspaper subscription to help stay current with the world. Once a month a plane flew over and dropped out Sam's copy of the newspaper from the closest town which was 98 miles away.
Today just happened to be newspaper day so Sam picked up the paper, went to his cabin, made a cup of hot chocolate and sat down to read. After reading the entire paper, Sam noticed an interesting ad on the back page. It said that way down south in Minnesota an eccentric multi-millionaire was offering half his fortune if only someone would bring him his dying wish, a really shaggy dog.
Carefully he tore the item from the newspaper and placed it in his pocket. Whistling for Rover, he hurriedly packed for his journey. It would be a long haul through some of the worst of the winter months, but he could do it!
(At this point you should add your own horrific tales of icy crevasses, blizzards, starvation, polar bears, thin ice, thick snow: anything to make the journey as difficult and as courageous as possible.)
Weeks passed as Sam and Rover, footsore, frostbitten and weak from lack of food, fought their way nearer and nearer to the millionaire's deathbed. Would they find his house? Would he have found another dog? Would he still be alive? Urgently, Sam asked at each trading post or small homestead he passed.
'My word, that's a shaggy dog you have there!' folks remarked whenever he stopped.
'That's the shagiest dog I've ever seen!'
'Is there a dog under all that shaggy hair?'
Finally, Sam and Rover reached the mansion of the multi-millionaire and stopped at the huge oak-studded front door. Raising a weather-beaten hand, Sam tugged at the wrought iron bell-pull. Distantly, the bell clanged. The door opened and a butler stood in the doorway.
'I've come about the shaggy dog ad in this newspaper,' said Sam, carefully drawing out the clipping from his pocket and offering Rover's lead to the butler.
Silently, the butler withdrew with the dog. Sam listened to his footsteps cross the huge hall and climb the massive circular staircase. He waited patiently on the doorstep, dreaming of the luxury soon to be his. At last the butler reappeared. Solemnly, he handed back the dog.
'Not shaggy enough,' he said, and shut the door.
Skeleton Lady Story
Up here in the really cold areas, last winter was exceptionally long and cold. Folks around here were beginning to run out of food and firewood. There was one old couple barely surviving.
(use exaggerated old womand and old man voices)
Wife: 'Oh, husband, I am so cold and hungry. Look at me - my hands are blue! I am going to die I am sure of it.'
Man: 'Very well, my darling, I will go and search for food. But before I go you must promise me one thing. You must not use the last two logs we have for the fire, we will need them to cook the food on when I return.'
Wife: 'Okay, okay I agree just go, please find food.'
With that, the old man went out in search of food. Time passed and the old man did not return, the fire was beginning to get lower and lower.
Wife: 'Where is he? I'm hungry! I'm freezing! I am sure I will die' (rub hands a lot)
Wife: 'I know! If I put just one of the logs on the fire he will be back soon and then we will still have one to cook the food with. Yes, yes, that's what I'll do.'
Wife: 'Oh that's much better, I'm so warm, he'll be back with food soon'.
The old lady forgot how hungry she was as she sat close to the warm fire. But more time passed and still her husband did not return. It was beginning to get dusk outside and again the fire was getting lower and lower.
Wife: 'Where is he? He must have found food and eaten it. I am going to be left here to freeze!' (Lots of rubbing and groaning)
Wife: 'He must be back soon. If I put the last log on the fire it will be hot and ready to cook on when he returns.'
With that, the old lady put the last log on the fire. But more time passed and the old man was not back. The last log began to burn lower and lower until all that was left was a tiny flicker.
The old lady got closer and closer to the fire. Then suddenly 'Ouch' she burnt herself on it and began to bleed. She placed the finger in her mouth to lick it.
Wife: 'MMMM, this tastes good.' Then the old lady began to chew. 'Mmmm so good.' And chew, and chew - up her arm, and around her body, until all that was left was a skeleton.
Wife: 'Mmhh that was so good, I feel much better but I'm still hungry.'
Just at that moment she heard a rustling outside and the door opened. In came her husband with 2 rabbits in his hand.
Man: 'Look my wife I found foo::-'
The old lady ran towards him and grabbed the rabbits.
Wife: 'Mmm, these are good. Mmmm. Mmmm. My husband, I've just noticed how meaty you are. Come here I want to eat you. I want Meat!'
With that, the old man burst out the door and ran into the frozen winter as fast as he could. Behind him the old lady was running. 'I want meat, I'm going to eat you.'
Fortunately, the old man could run fast and began to escape his wife. He ran further and further into the snow. In the distance was the sound of the old lady.
Wife: 'I want meat. I'm going to eat you!'
(Each time you do this grab the arm of a member of the audience and fake chew it)
Suddenly, the old man came to the edge of a huge gorge that went as far as he could see that way (look) and as far as he could see that way (look). There was no way across and coming closer was the sound of the old lady.
Wife: 'I want meat. I'm going to eat you.'
Then the old man noticed a small wooden cottage. He ran to it and banged on the door. The door opened on a chain and a woman could be seen inside. 'Yes. How can I help you?'
Man: 'It's my wife. She's gone crazy. she's going to eat me!'
Lady: 'Very well. I will help you but first you must bring me a bucket of water.'
Man: 'What? She's going to eat me and you want water?'
Lady: 'Yes'
Man: 'Okay, okay'
The old man found a bucket and got some water from the well. He took it to the woman who pulled out a ladle from her pocket and dipped it into the water.
Lady: 'AAhh yes. Very good. Now I will help you.'
In the distance, the sound of the skeleton lady was very close 'I want meat. I'm going to eat you!'
The lady stood on the edge of the gorge and stamped her feet into the ground. Then she reached out and streeeeeeeeeetched to the other side and grabbed onto a tree. 'Now you may cross.'
The old man walked carefully across the lady's back and reached the other side. Then the woman let go and PING went right back to the other side. She returned to her house.
Just then the skeleton lady arrived at the gorge. 'I will get you my husband. I will eat you. I want Meat!' She banged on the door of the house.
Lady: 'Yes. Can I help you?'
Wife: 'You are too skinny to eat. You will help me cross the gorge. Now!'
Ldy: 'Very well. I will help you but first you must bring me a drink of water.'
Wife: 'Help me now or I'll eat you anyway!'
Lady: 'Okay, Okay.'
With that, the lady stood on the side of the gorge and stamped her feet into the ground. She stretched across and grabbed onto the tree. The old woman began to run across.
Wife: 'I want meat. I will eat you.'
When she was halfway across, the lady let go and PING went back to the start.
Wife: 'I want meeeee.....'
CRASH! the skeleton lady fell to ground and shattered to a million pieces.
The lady continued to live in her little cabin by the gorge and the old man moved to Florida.
