Letters from a new hampshire prison from the wrongfully convicted chad evans

To this gentleman named Tom, (not sure if he is the same Tom who is leaving comments on Becky's facebook page and who knows Jeff Marshall), I would ask him this, "Did Jeff ever share with him his restraining orders from girlfriends? When I had my situation with Tristan, I told Jeremy, Bruce, my secretary, and others. Hell, I even told Jeff Marshall, and we weren't close. I didn't hide it. I wanted people to know I was an idiot, and needed work. My point is, give me facts. If I did something, I'll admit it. It's what I would like to do. I know I've made mistakes, but I know I didn't kill Kassidy. I just want people to think and question and be fair. Fair or unfair, my life is an open book. The thing I don't think people are giving me credit for is I opened that book myself. It is hard to admit you are ashamed of yourself. I was very ashamed of my actions with Tristan. I know I have told you in the past that she could fight like a dude. She could. But the reality is she wasn't one. It still eats me up that I could have ever let myself get that out of control with someone that I loved so much. I never hid my stupidity from anyone. I didn't have a publicist telling me that it would be best for my career to "own" all these things. I was owning them because I hoped it would help keep me from repeating them. With me, it not about anger. It's when I get hurt that I lash out. I really hope my sessions with Gray Fitzgerald can be found and were recorded somehow. When I first met Bruce and Michelle Truell, one of the first things I told them was about my situation with Tristan. I wanted them to know my flaws and the person they were befriending. Luckily, they were still accepting of me, "spots" and all.

I appreciate Becky's willingness to be open minded and all of the extra effort. I don't know how we get everyone to be willing to question. It's all of this negativity that makes me wonder if this is worth pursuing. Is this something that we overcome or is this "hill" just too big to climb? I don't want everyone to just have heartache at the end.

Ok. moving on to other issues in your letter...

In letter 42, Feb 28, I wrote about David Gundry being my cousin and we got his dog, Max. David is the son of Jackie Kenney, my aunt, and our committee treasurer. David and his wife, Polly, hosted the first meeting in Swanzey, NH of the Chad Evans Wrongly Convicted Committee. In another letter you asked about Polly and Amanda talking about bruising just after or prior to death. Polly did not work with Amanda at Genesis. They were/are both LNA's. Polly still works at the Cheshire Hospital in Keene, I believe. Polly is also the lady that was originally working on my case, she found the info about CPR causing bruising and you went to the link and found several more pages to the article.

I also wrote in same letter about being a freshman in high school, and losing my cousin Tim King and my former best friend, Regan Lower, to gun shots. Tim was half paralyzed from a car accident years earlier. He was firing his gun out his bedroom window when he heard his parents coming home. He quickly went to put the gun away and tripped over his foot, fell, and the gun shot him in the temple. Regan was manic depressive. He was home alone one day and shot himself in the chest. He had a twin brother who I was also friends with. Really great family. I'll ask mom and dad to get list of family members. Many cousins, etc. Some have connected via facebook.

I saw in Becky's email that people in DCYF still blames themselves. No offense, but DCYF does bear a lot of responsibility in my eyes. If DCYF had responded promptly when Tristan originally made her call on Oct. 31 to DCYF, Kassidy likely would have been taken from us for a while but ultimately she would be alive. It is obvious that Amanda and I had our heads up our asses, and were believing every excuse we were given; and had no clue about how serious Kassidy's injuries were. We apparently didn't see what was in front of us, but the people at DCYF might have understood what was happening. It's clear that we needed an intervention of some sort, and that's part of what DCYF does - as I now understand. DCYF was scrambling after Kassidy's death because they knew they messed up. They should have just admitted that a call "fell between the cracks" or that they were so busy, or whatever the truth was. Even if they called me, and left a message on Nov. 6, which was a call I never received and doubt that they even made; that should not have been the only DCYF effort. What about Nov. 7th and 8th?
August 6, 2010 (217)

You asked about my memory of Jeff's pets. I may have seen his dog, Jake, once. I recall Jake being a large, older, mixed breed. I know on our way to Maine to get my second 3-wheeler, the red 250SX for Amanda to ride, Jeff bragged about kicking Jake and him being excessively stupid. I know Jeff had a cat, and that is how we somehow ended up with a kitten for Kassidy.

Your next letter to me is 218 which included numerous pages from my old address book. I have thumbed through it and am not sure how helpful it is going to be. I was mostly excited about the possibility of #'s for Glen Varney, Scott Lane and Jess Edmands's parents' phone. Instead of trying to type out for corresponding pages, I think I am going to write what I can remember about each person in different colored ink and if it is good idea to try and contact them. I was sure Glen and Deb had broken up by now. They almost where then.

Glen would be good because he saw me directly with Kassidy. Maybe you should wait a little bit to see if I can find a photo of us together and then I will write to him.

You asked about something I wrote in Letter 35 during month of Feb. It was about the shopping trip I took to Kittery with Bruce and me stopping at Perfumania to purchase a gift for Amanda: You mention it must have been sometime in Oct. as we know that Jen Bortner started around then. I thought we found recently and updated it based on Heather Hamilton's statement that Jen started in August. I believe this shopping trip was before Oct. You may want to double check on this. Bruce and I actually enjoyed shopping together at outlet stores. We usually did it 1 or 2 times a year. I know I bought Amanda a bottle of nice perfume. We likely hit a bunch of stores that day. Nike, Bugle Boy, Tommy Hilfiger. I'm sure I purchased some T shirts, etc. for the kids., maybe some work pants and ties for me. Sometimes Bruce and I would just shop on a whim. We always planned it around things. I am sure Kyle was with Tristan, and Amanda and Kassidy were likely off with one of her friends or something.

I do believe that Jessica Edmands was working. Sometimes, Bruce and I would just be sitting around together on a planned day to spend together and we'd say, let's go shopping. We'd go drop a bunch of money on Christmas presents, birthdays or whatever. It didn't matter if it was mid-August. We'd treat ourselves to something. Sometimes, a nice cigar for later that evening. We preferred to go to North Conway, where there were much better stores, but it was further away. Even when I was supervising restaurants and Bruce was working in downtown Portsmouth, we'd meet once every month or two for lunch in one of the downtown Portsmouth restaurants. Bruce was my dude. It's funny, for two weightlifter dudes, we loved to shop. We both had a taste for nice things. Yeah, I'm pretty sure this was prior to Oct. I remember there was a kitchen gadget store close to Perfumania We both loved it and always got something there when we went to Kittery. It probably was a weekend, either that or I took a half day off. Can't really remember yet.

You asked about Polly and Amanda's statements that damage can be caused in people after death. I actually answered earlier in letter #182

My two friends Jarrod and Jeff, just stopped by and we discussed the crazy comments from Becky's facebook. They are good guys. Jeff told me that to him, it shows my character, that I am worried about people getting it wrong about cocaine all those years ago and saying negative things about Tristan. Jeff said, "A guilty person likely wouldn't care about what someone else said about his cocaine use." I never read horoscopes. Jarrod thought so much of mine he decided to share it with me. "Before you get discouraged, consider how brave you've been up to this point. There are so many people who wouldn't even attempt the feat that you've devoted so much of your life to."

Pretty neat huh? Got to keep pressing forward.

You asked about my dad hearing during my trial that Jeff had done some landscaping for the Chief of Kittery PD. I had heard something similar, but I can't recall exactly from who. I know that Jeff often bragged to me with about the relationships he had with the Kittery police. He was always bragging about the fact he did work for them and hung out with some of them, etc. I never much put stock in it. As Mr. Alden described it, I always felt he was a "wannabe." The kind of guy that would lick the cops boots to be able to say they were his friends. I know it sounds weird but it was like he was a cop "groupee". Seriously, just thinking about it now, he must have waved to like 20 different cops on our way up to Maine to get the 3-wheeler. I can give you one concrete example of Jeff's supposed relationship with police. He was suing some business named Macca Motors (or something close). They screwed up or were taking too long with his corvette motor. He was ballistic; threatening to sue, etc.

When they refused to meet Jeff's demands, Jeff decided to picket the business. He was proudly telling me this story one day, (either during our trip to Maine or close by during landscape of one of my restaurants.) Jeff said, "You should have seen it. Everyone loved it. People went by honking their horns, and the police stopped by several times to bring me coffee." I am almost certain he said, "my police friends." This motor business wasn't even in Kittery. I thought at the time that Jeff was just full of shit. After Kassidy died, and they jumped on me so quickly I questioned his supposed relationships with more vigor. Maybe these people were Jeff's friends. Maybe Jeff did do their landscaping, etc.

Everything else in this letter has been previously addressed.

Most of this letter I responded to already in handwriting. I wrote out much of what I could recall about Tanya Edwards as you asked. She had a little sister, Jaime that also worked for me also. This one still gets me. I can't think of a reason that Tanya would have been at my house in the summer of 2000 unless she was there to see Travis who she had previously dated. Tanya had a couple of small children when she was in Texas. I think she had recently gotten custody of them and was bringing them to NH. Travis I know helped her out at times. However, Travis didn't move in until mid Sept.

If Tanya was at my house, Travis would have been there too and would have witnessed the same thing. He certainly wouldn't have kept the things Tanya claims from police. Also, Travis was hanging out with his friend Irene from soon after he moved in with me.

You mentioned sorting Amanda's letters chronologically and they seemed to stop after 2005. There are several cards and love letters from 2007. I know I sent you at least one I had from here in 2007, several months ago. I'll look to see if I have more. You may recall that around the time of our June 2 anniversary in 2005 Amanda left me and began dating her future husband, Craig Chaffee.

I appreciate your candor about the love Amanda and I shared and am glad you were able to see signs of it yourself. It's one thing for me to describe it. It's another for you to see it yourself. I hesitated sharing these letters with you for a long time. They are very personal and among some of the most important things I treasure. Ultimately, I felt they would give you a good idea of the relationship I have described to you for many months now. Read them thoroughly and if you have any questions, as always, I will answer to the best of my ability.

I am glad that you spoke to Sandy Gelinas. She sounds very helpful.

Hey. If I'm not mistaken, Tanya Baud's husband, ex husband, used to work for me in Rochester. Last name Baud. I think she dated them when they worked for me. His name may have been Ernie Baud. Nice Guy.
August 8, 2010 (186)

You asked about a July 17 veterinarian appointment for Kato. I imagine it was me that took Kato to the vet on this date because my relationship with Amanda was only 6 weeks old. Kato was usually a real handful at the vet's because if there were other dogs present, he would try to attack them. He was real aggressive with other dogs. So, it is unlikely that I would ask Amanda to take him up on her first trip alone. Tristan or Mary would have been different because they knew what to expect with Kato. However, I have a recollection of showing Amanda where the vet was located so there is a good possibility that she and Kassidy went with me. At this time, I don't have any specific memories to back this up or what we might have done after the appointment.

Speaking of Kato, if I am not mistaken, during the month of Oct. in Rochester your dog had to be registered with a trip to City Hall. I am fairly certain Amanda and Kassidy registered him for us. I am fairly certain I gave her money to register something in October, I'm sure it was Kato, the RX-7 or both. I'm sure she had Kassidy with her.

I doubt my mom would have any specific memory about Kato's lameness because it happened quite often. Poor puppy. I did everything that the vets recommended to ease his pain. We kept his weight off, and exercised him, and fed him quality protein, etc. but that damn accident was traumatic.

You asked about Jackie's surgery and pointed out the date in the chronology was August

27, 2000. I'm not sure where you got this date (Jackie's police interview?) I wasn't even sure that this was a Sunday until you just mentioned. I'm guessing if this date is accurate, I would guess Jackie was admitted on Sunday for a surgery the next day. I believe she was in the hospital for a few days. I recall around the time asking Amanda if we should go up and visit her, bring some flowers. (I knew that if it was my mom, it would be important to me, but their family dynamic was different.) Amanda said, "No," and that she would go up and see her with Kassidy in a few days.

She said, "You are really busy at work right now." It was true that I was busy, and we had just taken a few days off to go to Keene; but "work is work" and this is family, you know? So I left it alone and told her where Studley's is, (a florist in Rochester) and encouraged her to go down and pick out and arrangement and send to Jackie. I'm not sure if she ever did. I hope so. I believe soon after Jackie arrived home, Amanda did go up with Kassidy for the day to see her mom.

I do think it is important to nail down better dates of the early July vacation with my mom and her friend Liz at my house. I spoke to my mother and she said that she gave you a new number to reach Liz on Wed. evenings. I haven't spoken to Liz in many years, but she is a great lady. I am confident that she will do her best to help if you can reach her.

You asked about sleeping arrangements when people visited. Generally, we would have guests sleep in the children's bedrooms when they came. The kids would then sleep between Amanda and me. This wasn't a big deal because they ended up in our bed many evenings anyway. Especially Kassidy. I'm fairly certain that when my mom and Liz came to visit, my mother took over Kyle's bedroom and Liz took Kassidy's. My mom would always take Kyle's bed, and she loved getting Kyle to stay with her and it was more likely if it was in his bed and room. Of course, we put fresh linens on the beds prior to guests staying over.

The evening that Jeremy stayed at our house prior to the golf outing, I am fairly certain that he slept on our extremely comfortable sofa. Jeremy has always been a huge sports guy and channel surfer. The only TV we had working was the large one in the living room. I'm sure he watched for a while. The following morning Jeremy observed Kassidy in our bed, which is not where she started out the night before. I believe he came up to check on me because I had slept a little late and we needed to get going. This is when he asked if she always slept with us, and I said "No, she had fallen out of bed," so I pulled her in during the middle of the night. Neither of us observed any bruises to her cheek/ jaw area in the morning. Those bruises were fresh when we arrived home and found that Kassidy had spent the day with Jeff.

While on the subject of sleeping, I am not certain of when, perhaps we'll get lucky someday, but I know that while my mother was up we purchased a new double bed for Kyle's room. (Those missing credit card statements would be priceless) Amanda, myself, Bruce, my mom, and Kassidy drove to a store in Sanford, Maine that Amanda told me she loved to shop at. I believe the name of it was Marden's or something like that. Bruce borrowed his dad's truck and we went to the store. The ladies followed in Amanda's car. Kyle didn't really have a bed and the one in Kassidy's room was Brent's old bed. We settled on a large, pillow top double bed for Kyle. It served a dual purpose, and was good bed for him, and a good guest bed for out of town visitors. Prior to going we discussed also purchasing a "girlie" bed for Kassidy, but as I recall there was nothing that really fit the bill there. Amanda and I discussed getting her a bed at a later date. It didn't seem like a big hurry item and to be honest, Brent's old bed was kind of low to the floor, and she occasionally rolled out onto the floor. Come to think of it, most nights Amanda or I remembered to put extra blankets or pillows on the floor in her room, in case she rolled out of bed or fell as she was climbing out. Kassidy got off the bed and the couch by sliding down on her rear or on her belly. Sometimes she had a perfect landing, sometimes not. I recall Kassidy being especially playful that day in the store and screeching as she ran through the row of beds. Amanda would chase her around and I would also catch her and toss her up on the beds. This had to have been during one of those July vacations.

You asked about all the times that Kassidy may have started out or ended up in bed with Amanda and me. Oh boy. If I had to guess, I would say that at least 30-40 times Kassidy ended up sleeping with us. She was still so young, and it was a big transition for her to be sleeping in her own room when she had shared one with Amanda for so long. Many nights, Amanda or I would lay in her bed with her until she fell asleep but inevitably, she would start crying and one of us would go get her, or she would just wander in by herself. When she was in our bed she would occasionally sleep on Amanda's side, wrapped in Amanda's arms. But most often she liked to sleep right between us.

Our bed was pretty high and this is where we liked her. If I went in to Kassidy's room to get her because she was crying, I would lay her down between us and she would instinctively reach for mama's hair. It was precious to see. Sometimes she would reach out to touch me, usually somewhere on the face. She'd look at me for a minute and fall fast asleep. You could tell that Kassidy was very content and felt safe between us. I loved watching her sleep when Amanda had her arms wrapped around her and nuzzled to her chest. It looked so peaceful. There are so many nights I wish I had taken a photo of that but I was afraid the flash would wake them. Damn, I should have done it! I know if some people knew that Kassidy slept with us so often, they would frown

upon it and judge like they have with everything else involving me. It is so easy to "armchair" quarterback. I don't really have a defense other than to say that she was so damn cute, she showed up tapping on your arm to get into bed in the middle of the night, I certainly wasn't going to resist. Kassidy slept with us so often in fact that I changed my sleeping habits. I had always liked to sleep free of the restraints of clothing but when she started coming into our room so often I started wearing underclothing to bed. If for some reason I didn't, there was always clothing real close by.

You asked about the kitten we got for Kassidy. It never went to the vet that I know of. Amanda approached me about wanting to get a kitten for Kassidy knowing I was going to "rubber stamp" it. I believe it was Jen that hooked Amanda up with the kitten. Either their cat or a neighbor's cat had kittens. We literally had the kitten a week or two before Kassidy's death. We talked about Amanda taking it to our vet to get shots but I am sure it didn't happen yet. I am pretty sure that Mandy Allard found a home for it with a friend after Kassidy died. We didn't have any other animals, yet. The

kitten and Kato seemed to get along very well. Kato was great with most small animals especially when he realized we were fond of them. It was other dogs Kato wanted to kill.

You asked about any doctors or dentist appointments I may have had during that 160 day period from June 2 through November 9. I didn't really have a doctor, and, in fact, my dentist was still in Keene. I didn't visit either of them often. By this time in my life, I flossed and brushed daily, and only went for a cleaning every 2 years or so.

The only doctor that I can recall going to at this time is possibly to the chiropractor's. I have already written to Dr. Anderson and Dr. Clark. Hopefully we will hear from them soon.

You asked about some specific things I wrote to you in letter 25a (Feb 15) about a party at my house. I am not sure if it was at the end of the summer of 1998 or 1999. I may have been on probation in 1999 and if so, then it was 1998. I don't recall many specifics about this particular party. They were all pretty much the same, we would drink, play cards, listen to music. Sometimes the guys would go play some "gorilla" basketball or touch football in the front yard.

You also asked if I could right down everything (oops write), everything I can recall about my relationship with Jeff. I wrote about this last week. I know I got talked into hiring him on for my restaurants by Larry or Bob because of his prices but I believe it started out with my "inheriting" Jeff when I took over the Portsmouth McDonald's. I am not sure exactly when this was, but I believe this is how it started. The following year, the gentleman I had in Rochester, Glen Couture, was not landscaping that year. If I recall correctly, Glen was a longtime PSNH employee and when I hired him to handle Rochester, it was his first shot out doing commercial landscaping. So I had an opening and Jeff was there. No, I never knew about Jeff with girlfriends prior to Jen. But I am pretty sure he was telling me about some blonde he was trying to pick up at a video store (Jen) about the time they started out. The only thing I knew about Jeff's previous girlfriends were the stories he would tell me. His stories were NOTHING like the police reports that I would later read that these girls had filed against him.

You asked about a recollection from same letter of feeding Kassidy French Fries in the Hampton Rte. 1 lobby. I'm not sure why Amanda was meeting me in Hampton that day. She wasn't working, and lots of times would meet me with Kassidy and or Kyle if it was my night. On this particular day it was just Kassidy and Amanda. She would meet me in whatever restaurant I was finishing up in and we would go off in the area and do something in the area. Kassidy and Amanda ate some dinner while I attended to a few more things. I recall feeding Kassidy some French fries and then getting up to help with a mini rush that came in. Kassidy LOVED French fries. Normally, we would head

down to the beach to get ice cream and walk around for a while but I am pretty sure this was late in the season or the Hampton Beach store was already closed. I am fairly sure that we drove from the restaurant to BJ's in Portsmouth where we browsed and bought some items for the kids (snacks) and the house.

Yes you have the address correct for Hampton Rte. 1.

I hope this helps some.

There were lengthy exchanges in here from comments Jackie Conley, someone named Shawn

and you made. First off, you did a nice job. I did see the tone change in this Shawn person by the end. I cannot think of a Shawn I know with this spelling. There is so much misinformation out there and I know that we have to engage people. However, it is still very difficult to read things about yourself that you know are simply not true. It is difficult enough to read about the things that I DID do sometimes. I certainly don't need people making things up or embellishing. I am doing everything thing I can to remain open minded. I wish I could somehow speak to these people myself but I am comfortable with you doing the talking. I was pretty upset about some of the things I read and was discussing it at Saturdays visit with my brother, Jason. I told you long ago, he doesn't speak much but when he does, it usually has meaning. He made a great point and said, "You know how these things go Chad. Somebody knows someone, who knew someone that was at one of your parties. You probably did something crazy like chug a beer in two seconds and then smashed the can on your forehead. A year later, this horrible tragedy happens and people are talking. The story passes through 5 peoples' hands and at the end you picked up a keg and threw it at 8 people." His point was I could have had a small argument with Amanda and by the time the story has gone through five different people I was holding her against the wall by the throat and punching her in the face. Shawn's comments were pretty far off, so I knew they weren't based on fact, or if they were, it was very remote, i.e. 5th or 6th hand. It's just frustrating when people talk about things as if it was personal experience and it's obvious that it was hearsay that they heard from someone else. I was shocked that he/she admitted that they had seen me play with Kassidy and I was great with her. Quite a difference from the beginning. This is a great example of where the media killed me. So many people believe the stuff they print as fact.

With regards to Jackie Conley's new comments. I believe I commented in a letter yesterday when she claimed that Kass said, "Chad Bad", I know she is in pain and misses Kassidy. But today's new additions to the comment that she made, about Kassidy hugging her leg, looking up at Jackie and crying "Chad Bad, Chad Bad Nana" rattled me a little. How can she say something like this? I called my mom, who isn't the most open-minded person about these subjects, and she said, "Oh Chad, you know Kassidy didn't do this. If Kassidy had you would have heard about it then and Jackie would have NEVER let Kassidy leave her house. Jackie is hurting and it's easy to blame you.- Just keep hoping that someday she will look at this for what it really is and maybe she will go back to the first minutes in Kittery when she asked 'What did he (Jeff) do to my baby, Chad?"

The only thing I will say about calling Kassidy a little shit and a retard is they have been mis-characterized. (you get it) I have heard 100's of parents say "little shit" and mean it the same way. You are in awe by something they have done and you mean it endearing. As in, "You cute little bugger." This choice of words may be viewed as poor but they wouldn't even raise an eyebrow if this terrible tragedy hadn't happened.

As far as calling Kassidy a Retard.... Yes the word was a lot different then and I am still guilty of saying things like, "Oh my God, that rule is so retarded... " I am trying to break myself of this terrible habit. It is often misused by MANY people. However, I specifically wanted it to be one of the questions ever asked in a lie detector because I don't believe that I have EVER called Kassidy the name directly in a derogatory manner. I believe my use was in the example I gave you at one point when I described Amanda and I curled up together on the couch and Kassidy came in with a shirt or sheet over her head and all we could see was these little feet walking toward us. I said laughing, "Your daughter is so retarded." Meaning funny. Poor choice of words but that was their meaning. If Kassidy or Kyle was doing something real silly I may say, "You guys are acting retarded." Not even giving the negative connotation of the word a second thought. Certainly, if I could have foreseen the microscope my life was going to come under for this HORRIFIC tragedy, I would have selected better words.

You mentioned in this letter that you were enclosing an email and info about steroids. Neither of them were in here so I can only assume that it was an issue for someone. Let me tell you unequivocally, I have NEVER used steroids! I earned my mass the old fashioned way, hard work, proper rest and eating enough protein. I have always been naturally strong. I believe this is due to the fact that I was lifting heavy trash barrels into the back of my dad's rubbish removal trucks. If I wasn't doing that, I was helping my grandfather in the hay fields or hauling slabs in the lumber mill. The extra strength came in handy when playing my favorite sport, football.

While on the subject, I may as well address weight. As you can see from the photos you've posted on the website, I was always a "hefty" kid. (Though I liked to refer to it as being "farm fed" and "big boned" :) By the time I got into 8th and 9th grade most of my baby fat melted off and I was left with a big chest and wide shoulders. I was already an undersized lineman by height standards and without extra weight I couldn't hold up at the point of attack on the football field so I ate and ate to gain. The problem is, I stayed heavy during those last two years of high school even after I stopped playing football. I carried some of this extra weight with me when I moved to Rochester. I always had a thyroid gland problem and add a McDonald's diet to that and it is easy to stay a few pounds heavier than you'd like. Around 1999 my grandfather was pretty well confined to a wheelchair. This man that I once had known to be as strong as two oxen, now had diabetes and it was slowly killing him. Although weight wasn't his issue, I knew diabetes could be developed with excessive weight.

I had these two beautiful sons at home that I wanted to participate with and watch grow up. I was 26 or 27, and lifting weights, but not doing much else so I decided to diet some. I started eating better and taking some supplements recommended by the local GNC staff. Around this time Tristan and I were splitting up and I spent more time in the gym that Bruce and I had built in his home. He and I got into powerlifting and we were contemplating doing some meets. My body\fat had literally melted off and I was strong as ever. We were having a blast.

I weighed around 180 pounds at this point and didn't have a bunch of visible fat. I needed to get down approximately another 10 pounds to get into the weight class I wanted to compete in. I explained what I was trying to do and the salesman recommended that I try Xenadrine. I used it for 3-4 months. The only noticeable side effect I had was that I sweat more. It helped me lose the weight but we never did end up competing. Other than amongst ourselves.

The first supplement I ever used was a protein powder during high school. As I said earlier, I was always gifted with strength, but I had no idea how that would translate to lifting weights. During freshman football we had a "bench-a-thon" to make money for our team. I had never lifted before and after being shown how to bench the weight off my chest, I proceeded to bench 225 pounds when I weighed only 160. This was better than all but 4 seniors that year. One of my friends recommended I drink protein powder and start seriously lifting to give me the upper hand. I tried one shake and couldn't get past the chalky taste. I didn't drink protein shakes again until I was 26 or 27 years old. I tried several different products around 1999-2000, all of them recommended by the professionals at the nutrition store. I drank protein shakes, ate Met Rx bars, tried Creatine for muscle recovery after a lift and even tried something called Ultimate Orange which was supposed to give you max. energy before a lift. I immediately stopped that because it made me feel light headed. I may or may not have bought other supplements, but these are the ones that I remember and the ones I gave the biggest chance to. EVERYTHING I used was purchased at a nutrition store. Oh, and I took a multivitamin everyday. I wanted to get in better shape for my kids, I wanted to have

a nicer physique for me. My dad had given me a few genetic gifts that I was wasting.

However, I had no plans of going for Mr. America or entering bodybuilding competitions and certainly wasn't going to stick a needle in my ass to get there. I have NEVER used steroids. Let's put this on a list along with cocaine use and calling Kassidy names for a future lie detection test.

Hope this helps some.

I hope you had fun in Canada with your wife and granddaughter. These memories you are creating are so important. I'm always so thankful when Nicole or Jason spend time with Kyle or go on a day trip with him somewhere. I always get a few precious nuggets to hold onto from these trips.

Good afternoon. I hope this letter finds you having a good day. I am sure you are wading through the large envelope of work I just sent you yesterday.

There were several typos in letter #187. It is sometimes so difficult to work with a typewriter, especially when living on a 40 foot pod with 24 men. It can be tough to keep your thoughts straight. I would be so happy to have a computer or even word processor. It can be a real pain to realize that you misspelled something three lines ago or were interrupted and never completed a thought you were working on. I guess I am pointing all of this out because I know at some point you plan to use some of this information on the website after you have scanned it into your computer. Hate to create extra work for you, but you'll have to spend a little extra time checking the grammar and spelling of these typewritten letters.

Another error to be aware of. When you sent me my address book from all my years in Rochester and Keene I misidentified someone and didn't realize it until today. There was a girl named Missy Peck that I identified as having worked with at McDonald's for a while and then she was involved with Special Olympics and she may be able to help with date of 2000 Special Olympic Summer Games held at UNH in 2000. Missy (short for Melissa) was a girl that I occasionally hung out with in high school. It is her younger sister, Katie that I worked with and who also worked for Special Olympics. I had really hoped that the address book project would produce better results. I had forgotten that by 2000 the cell phones had come a long way and most numbers I used were stored in the phone. It was hit or miss after mid 90's if number made it into my address book.

I have spent a significant amount of time reviewing the credit report you sent me from Equifax in letter #216. I really want to pursue writing these companies because it is amazing how expenditures can put me places and places usually lead to other memories, why I was there, who I was with etc. From that one Chase Card statement we had for Oct. I think we were able to fill in or confirm like 5 dates on the chronology. That is pretty amazing. The problem is, I am not sure which cards were

in use during 2000, and if the addresses listed are the ones I actually write to in order to obtain information, etc. If I was working with a computer I would just bang out one form letter, similar to the one we sent to Chase several months ago, change the addresses at the top of each letter and mail off the dozen or so needed. Then patiently wait to see if any respond or send us the correct address we should address letters to. (correct dept.) So do you have any suggestions? Did you review the report and/or have any idea which card was in use during 2000? It was very unclear to me.

You were able to deduce things from it, (the one late house payment after I went to prison) that I couldn't see. I did send the request form you gave me into Transunion to see if they have any additional information. It was interesting observation you made about my credit history. I think it gives a good example of the "square little box" I lived in. I never borrowed more than I could repay, I often borrowed or bought on credit just to build the score. I prided myself on paying my bills on time. I was brought up with the principle, "If you give someone your word, you follow through no matter what. I would have gone without eating before I would intentionally go without paying a bill. I always wanted my finances in order in case I ran into that one item that I desperately wanted for my family.

For example, if the perfect house came on the market to raise my kids in. Don't get me wrong, I loved my house, but I bought it as sort of a party house. I was a bachelor in 1994 and kids were not in the equation. I knew I wanted children down the road but I didn't expect it for a while. I certainly wasn't planning to raise my kids on such a busy road. There was one particular house that I was interested in purchasing. Unfortunately, it never came onto the market until things with Tristan and I were "rocky." I'd bet anything Tristan would still remember the house even today. We used to drive by it a lot and I'd say, "I'm going to buy this house for you and the boys someday." It was big, and had a nice yard for the kids, a couple of neighbors, swimming pool, and a huge garage and workshop for me. The road was still a little busier than I wanted but there was enough land that I wasn't worried.

Anyway, getting back to my credit information, I recall that Stephanie Chick had a part time job a few days a week in a Jewelry store at the Fox Run Mall. It was shortly after Tristan and I married I believe that I ran into Stephanie there. She called me over to the counter and we were discussing me picking out a little gift for Tristan. I couldn't find anything in the displays that screamed, "TRISTAN" to me, but Stephanie, the natural saleswoman she is, kept "working" me. Stephanie said, "Let me get you pre-approved to see what your limit is." A few minutes later, I hear her say from the other side of the store, "Holy Cow, Chad, you have the highest credit rating that I've ever seen." I think I blushed a little because there were other people in the store staring at me but

it was a proud moment." If you ever meet Stephanie, you will see that she is the most bubbly person in the world. She comes bouncing over to me with her trademark smile and says, "NOW, you HAVE to buy something." I didn't end up buying anything at that time. The exchange was so funny, I thought I'd share it. I guess the overall point is that money, personal finances, credit, etc. these things were not stressful to me. I had them under control. I lived within my means for the most part and didn't have to stress about things such as groceries (fortunately).

I found it comical that the police spent so much time trying to talk to me and others about money being a stressful thing for me. Actually, here I go again with my poor choice of words. When will I learn? It wasn't comical; it was frustrating. But that was this entire case. "Hammer this detail over and over and when that doesn't produce a result, hammer something else."

I get so busy at our work and responding to questions that I don't get a chance much to talk about the thing that drives me through this, which is Kyle. I was writing a letter to my new supporter, Becky, and I was discussing some of this newest negative criticism about steroids, cocaine, aggressiveness, etc. I really worry about how these things will affect Kyle if he happens upon them. I have never lied to Kyle and will always look him in the eye and tell him the truth when he asks me a question. It's just disappointing that he has to be exposed to things that he shouldn't have to concern himself with. First and foremost I am a father. My goal, as with most dads I am sure, is to help mold Kyle into the man he will become. Obviously, part of Kyle's growth will be making his own decisions, his own mistakes, and ultimately learning from them. I certainly hope to influence his decisions and keep him from making some of the mistakes I have made. At visits we talk about things such as drugs. (Fortunately he wrinkles his nose.) We talk about constructive ways to deal with anger, we talk about always thinking twice before acting once, and we talk about "core values", among other things. I guess what I am saying I wish it was my choice of what and when to tell him. I'm not certain, "Do as I suggest, not as I did" is always the best approach. Unfortunately, because my life is an open book, this is the way it has to be. I feel very fortunate that Kyle is as bright as he is and we can have conversations. I can talk with him about the regret I have for some of the decisions I have made and hope that he does better with his chances. He will listen and ultimately, he will decide. I just hate that my SHIT will affect him. I HATE that I may "saddling" Kyle with things he shouldn't be concerned with. He has been victimized enough by this entire situation already. My life has always been about him. It is even more so now. I can't have my "garbage" affecting my ability to be a father to Kyle. This has been eating at me since all this negative stuff came up. I guess I just wanted to get it off my chest.

I don't believe I shared this with you yet. If I did, just disregard. On Friday when I was reading some of that tough stuff being said about me, one of my friends, Jarred, could see I was a little upset. He shared with me my horoscope for the day. "Before you get discouraged, consider how brave you've been up to this point. There are so many people who wouldn't even attempt the feat that you've devoted so much of your life to." Like I said, if I had a "brain fart" and already sent this to you, disregard. Just thought it was neat. A couple of new quotes I recently came across may or may not fit in with our quote section of website. Either way, I knew you'd appreciate them. "A successful lie is doubly a lie; an error which has to be corrected is a heavier burden than the truth."

Dag Hammarskjold UN Secretary General 1905-1961. and "A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing." George Bernard Shaw 1856-1950

I am enclosing a couple of articles. The first is a front page story from Mon Aug. 9, 2010 Boston Herald. It is a story about a pastor who is about to be promoted to assistant principal of a Mattapoisett, Mass. middle school. His name is Silas Coellner. The article is titled "Spank Your Toddlers." The article is about this pastor's feelings that children need love and discipline. Sometimes that discipline results in spanking. While I don't necessarily share the same views as Mr. Coellner, I think the article and headline serves as a great example of how reporters try to sell papers. It seemed to me that the pastor was sharing his views and had them taken a bit out of context. It is also interesting to see how views change. What was once an acceptable "norm" is now taboo. To a lesser extent, this reminds me of the changing acceptance of the word "retard."

The second article is by Rodney Peete who was an NFL Quarterback for 16 years. Rodney

has an autistic son. It's only a two page article, but it is so full of things that seem similar to me. I know that you and I have discussed autism in the past and it is something that we plan to look into more in the future. But this article brought some things home that I hadn't previously heard. Mr. Peete and his wife noticed something change in their son around 18 MONTHS OLD. His verbal skills diminished, he stopped making eye contact, he stumbled on as if hypnotized by things, he'd fixate on nothing for long periods, etc. I am in no way diagnosing Kassidy, but I am left to wonder. I also can understand exactly how Mr. Peete felt. If it turns out that Kassidy was on the autism spectrum like one in 100 kids are today, it would explain a lot. It would also make me feel like an even bigger shit bag for my behaviors. I know that palming Kassidy's cheeks didn't have anything to do with her death, but it's even more devastating to me if there was a problem we didn't know about.. Either way it sucks!!!

In closing, you made a comment about contacting S. N. recently. He may be the one person to contact that may be able to help. He is a pretty down to earth guy for his status. Please don't contact him yet. I will put some thoughts down on paper soon.

I hope this helps some.
August 14, 2010 (189)

I have reviewed letters from NH state Prison pages 61-78. You mentioned your uncomfortableness with deciding what to leave in/ take out. I think you are doing great. I think you should leave in as many feelings I share about Amanda so people can "feel" the dynamic of our relationship. Which reminds me, I don't believe I asked yet, are you planning to scan and include the recent letters as well? If possible, I think that you should. We are getting into some detailed areas that I think anyone that is taking the time may appreciate reading about, experimentation, my relationships with certain people etc. Am I correct in assuming that you don't post the letters until I get back to you letting you know I am fine with them?

I think you have been picking and choosing so far the correct inmate names to leave in. I would say anyone that I identify as a friend would have no problem with their names being in print. These people want to see the truth presented nearly as much as I do and if they can help in anyway, they are more than happy to. Nearly all of them are dads themselves and see me interact on a one-on-one basis with Kyle through visits. If nothing else, they all know Kyle is a terrific boy and want to help him.

I was very excited last night at mail call when I saw that I received a letter from my old bank, Holy Rosary Credit Union. YYYEEAAHH. Someone finally got back to you. (To "us," I should say.) It was the branch manager, Carolyn Wood, that responded. My letter to her was a bit confusing and her letter to me was also a bit confusing. It looks like they may be able to help, but it looks like it will be expensive. So this is what I think we should do. If you don't mind, could you call her. I identified you as my contact person. If she is unwilling to speak to you as my representative then I will find a way to call her from here at some set time, but doing that is quite the project. Ms. Wood identifies the statement periods we are interested in but I recall that most bank statements run approximately one month behind so if we want to see about June's checks for example, we may need to get July 2000's statement. Ms. Wood will be able to clear this up for us. If I understand her letter correctly we will need to cut a check for $12.00 to get the six monthly statements we need.

(You can either cut the check and we'll reimburse you or you can contact my mom and she can cut the check.)Once we get the statements we can evaluate how expensive it will be to copy the checks we need. At $5.00 per check copy, it is steep and the costs will add up quickly. What I am hoping, and if I remember correctly, the credit union's statements give a check number as well as the amount it was written for. If so, it will eliminate the need for certain checks to be written for example. If we see a check every single month for $800.00 I will know that is my mortgage payment and we can eliminate having that check copied, saving us $30.00. I am hopeful that I will

also recognize other amounts and be able to eliminate them in a similar fashion. What do you think? If nothing else, you giving Ms. Wood a call, you may find another person interested in looking at the website and we may find out if my former shift manager, Michelle Labrie, still works there. It wouldn't hurt to speak with her too.

Yesterday we had another parenting seminar with Dr. Leo Sandy. He is such a great man. You two remind me of each other. Similar mannerisms, ideals, etc. I know you'd hit it off if you met. Yesterday's topic was about bullying. He dissected both sides of the "aisle" - if your children are being bullied or are the aggressor. It doesn't matter what topic this man presents. I always learn something. The thing I learned yesterday while listening to Dr. Sandy speak was what a terrific son I have. Sometimes I worry so much about him. He has been through so much and has every right to be angry. Does he lash out? Is he bullied? More likely, he is bigger and stronger than most kids his age. Is he being a bully? The answer is neither. I get to see him interact with other children in the visiting roam for a few hours and he is always under control and especially attentive to smaller children. This is great but it is hardly a social setting with his peers. For this information, I am thankful I have my brother, Jason. Jay is a fantastic story teller and very rarely forgets a detail when it involves Kyle. Jason recently told me a story about going to one of Kyle's football games. Kyle is very good and when you are good in athletics, right or wrong, it typically makes you more popular with other kids. It has probably always been this way. It certainly was when I was in school 20 years ago. Anyway, Jay was telling me how all of the smaller kids were following Kyle around after the game, talking to him, telling him that he had an awesome game. Kyle just kind of takes it all in stride. They ended up over by the snack shack and apparently the team bully, who happens to be a little bigger than Kyle started terrorizing some of the littler kids. Kyle watched them being pushed around by the bully for a minute or so, and decided he had enough. With one quick shove he knocked the bully on his butt and quickly stood over him and said, "It doesn't feel good when someone stronger than you puts you on your butt does it?" With that, the bully was off and running in a different direction as bullies often do. Jason said, all the other kids gathered around Kyle thanking him and typical Kyle fashion, he brushes it off as no big deal. I obviously don't condone violence, and I have since discussed other ways that he may have handled it but overall I was pretty

proud of him. It says a lot about his character when he doesn't follow the "herd" and isn't afraid to think for himself. To me it's the old nature vs. nurture argument. Kyle did this on his own, and it is EXACTLY what I always did as a child. Yet, he wasn't around during my childhood and couldn't have known this. On the other hand, we speak often about character and doing the right things. Hopefully, I can influence him in ways that don't involve violence. Anyway, it was a proud moment for me when Dr. Sandy said, one of the best deterrents is to have a group of kids or one of the bigger kids that isn't a bully, stand up and say, "We aren't going to take this anymore." Which is what Kyle was doing all on his own. Through all my worry, am I doing enough? Am I impacting Kyle's life in meaningful ways? I believe I got an answer.

I don't believe I have ever written to you about the book you sent me "In the Name of the Father," by Gerry Conlon. It was a great book. I don't find comfort in knowing that other men have suffered in prison for crimes they did not commit but I always find something about their living conditions, treatment, mental state, etc. that I can relate to. I get especially happy when I see that there is light at the end of the tunnel for some of these people and eventually the truth comes out and they are set free. Unfortunately it is often at great expense. Loss of friends, loved ones that pass away, if you have children, they grow up with a dad that cannot physically be there for them, and of course loss of YEARS that you will NEVER get back!

There were two quotes from the book that struck me as familiar. The first, "Prison has taught me that real, lifetime friendship is a very rare thing." I've certainly found this out the hard way. The second quote seems odd for an innocent person to say but the minute I read it, I could relate. Some people may find this hard to believe, but at times, and especially at the beginning, I found my innocence a very heavy burden in prison. More exactly, I found it an EMBARRASSMENT, very hard to express without blushing, very difficult to just up and say, what Gerry Conlon wrote, " 'I shouldn't be here, I'm innocent of what they claim I've done.' " I still feel this way at times. I can only surmise that it is due to the prison stereotypes, where everyone is either guilty or everyone claims they are innocent. In reality, far fewer people claim innocence than you would expect. In fact, I read recently in the Summer 2009 issue of "Justice Denied" that sociology professor, Tony Poveda, did a study and found that only 15.4% of inmates claim they were innocent of the crimes they were convicted of. He used a survey done by the Rand Corporation across three states. (So, in essence, the stereotype that all inmates claim innocence is wrong and perhaps we should pay more attention to those who do make that claim.) I know with me, I am so emotionally wrapped up in this thing that I have a difficult time engaging people. I can become very defensive, "Hey, I know the truth. I'm telling you the truth, now please hear me out." That type of thing.

I think it is encouraging that Amanda contacted you, even if she is asking for a little more time before she answers any more questions. Obviously we could use her help and I KNOW that she believes I had nothing to do with Kassidy's death. Despite the things she said and was talked into saying as well as the lies she was told during initial interviews I knew that she would think on her own if she left alone she would came to it on her own. It happened just days after she was in Texas. The reality of the situation is that Amanda has gone through hell. She lost Kassidy, she lost me, she was pushed around by the police, etc. Sometimes I'll sit back and think and her strength amazes me. I don't know if I had gone through so much if I would be able to put one foot in front of the other. Though her ability to compartmentalize her life and move on has always been painful for me, I am thankful for her sake that she has this ability. It has likely been one of the things that keeps Amanda breathing. I miss her so much sometimes still. I blame myself for Amanda's moving on. If only I hadn't been so lonely and needy here. What can I say? I am a flawed human being with flawed thinking that is always trying to become a better person. One of these days, I will "Chisel" into this rock I call a head and come to terms with the fact that putting my expectations onto others just doesn't work. (Unless of course heartache is what I am after.) I have always loved Amanda, probably always will. As you have now witnessed from our letters, it was real and it is hard to let go. It's probably the area where I am most selfish. Amanda has proven that she is capable of handling problems herself. If she and I ever start a friendship again, I am going to try and be a better listener and less of a problem solver. Hopefully you will indeed get the releases she promised to send.

Speaking of releases... YEAH, we just had mail call and I received a release form from Behavioral Health Services, the place that Gray worked. I will fill it out and mail it asap. I will also send you a copy of the release form.

One advantage to rereading some of these "Letters From NHSP," is that I have happened upon some of those questions I mentioned to you throwing into your AMANDA file to ask her questions at some point so I will rekey the ones I recently read.

1. Was Kassidy's kitten named "Kitty"? How long did we have? Did we bring to vet for shots? Did we get from Jennifer? If not, who? Chad states that you asked to get the kitten for Kassidy and even though he doesn't really like cats, he couldn't say no because it was for her and she was "too damn cute" to say no to. Is this true?

2. Chad describes only being in the presence of Kassidy and Jeff together on several occasions and during those times, Jeff had very little interaction with Kassidy and she, Kassidy, stuck to you or Chad. (The point is, it isn't normal for most people who are around a small child often, not to pick them up, hug, kiss, greet or whatever upon first seeing them. I don't care if you see the child once a day, if you have some sort of relationship with the child, you do these things automatically. No one, including myself, can keep their hands off my niece Aliza. She is so huggable and lovable.) What did Amanda observe? She was obviously around Kassidy and Jeff together much more than me.

3. Amanda got after Jeff because he would tell Kassidy to go to the corner and call her "bad girl" He said it often enough, and Kassidy would repeat sometimes. How often did he say this to Kassidy?

4. Amanda took Kassidy to a Maine DHS office several times for the ASPIRE program. Obviously, this is a very public place where people would likely notice bruises. How often did she go there? When? etc.

5. Can Amanda give more info about her ASPIRE benefits, and the plan to convince me that Jeff and Jen won a $1000 shopping spree when they were really using Amanda's food stamps? They all knew that I would never approve of such assistance as my income was adequate, but Amanda wanted to help with the budget as best she could. Jeff apparently knew about the plan, as he discussed the "shopping spree" story with me. After Kassidy's death, Amanda told me the truth about that food purchase.

Hope this helps some.

You opened the letter asking about the Yankees game that Amanda and I attended with friends in 2000. Let's come back to this issue when my mother has completed the photo search of all my old pictures. I believe there is a photo of Amanda and I with a date on it in my collection that was taken while on that trip to NY City. Jason Shunk may very well be correct. It may not have been the Red Sox we saw the Yankees play. I know that I have been to a Yankees game at least once where they didn't play the Red Sox. I thought it was our 2001 trip though. The dated picture should tell a story.

Thanks for the address for Sandy Gelinas. She actually wrote me a letter on her own that I received on the day that your letter with her address arrived. I responded immediately.

You asked about Steve Skidds and Tom Mikoski. They both lived with Tristan and me sometime in 1998 I would say. They probably lived with us for six months to a year. Interestingly, Matt Skidds is Steve's older brother. You told me in another letter that you found a Matt Skidds as athletic director of Coe Brown I believe. I'm sure this is the Matt Skidds that I know, as this is what he was going to college for. Matt and Steve's stepfather. Mark Moehler is a family attorney practicing in Dover. He was also a JP and married Tristan and I. Matt and Steve worked for me for a long time. I was closer with Matt. Matt was in high school and a shift manager in Rochester when I took over in 1992. Matt, Bruce and myself hung out together a lot in those early years, In fact, right after High School, Matt moved into Bruce Aube's house on Winter Street. A short while after Matt moved in, his then girlfriend, Missy Labrie, (same girl from Holy Rosary Credit Union) also moved in with Bruce, Jess, and Matt. I haven't spoken to Matt since my arrest. I am not sure that any of these people would be willing to get involved or helpful if we did locate them.

When Steve lived with us, he lived in what became Kyle's bedroom. Steve and Tom both moved out shortly before Tristan and I split up. It was time. Steve especially was a good roommate, but I was now married, the boys were getting older and it was time for me to settle down, Kyle and Brent each have their own rooms, etc. Tom was higher maintenance, so it was a relief to Tristan when he moved out. Both Steve and Tom were only a year or so out of high school and I was basically doing them a favor. They both wanted some independence from living with their parents, (especially Tom, his parents are very nice people but tended to smother Tom.) So they each stayed with me for $200.00 a month everything included, except they bought their own food. For a while Steve's girlfriend, another former employee in Rochester, Christine Jennison stayed with as at no additional charge. I didn't mind the extra cash as this was during Tristan's college years but that was a small part of the equation. Tom was one of my assistant managers. He was good at his job. I took him under my wing so to speak. Steve was a former employee at that time, but I was always hopeful that I could get him back. He was so talented.

I saw both Torn and Steve one time each after my arrest. By 2001 Tom was married and working for his father in law who owned a McDonald's restaurant in Warner NH I believe. Talk about chance encounters, I was driving back from Bruce and Michelle Truell's house in Unity NH at 11 PM when my car broke down. I pulled into the McDonald's parking lot thinking I was screwed and to my surprise, Torn Mikoski happened to be there that evening. Tom gave me a ride back to Rochester and we talked all the way back. He asked me what had happened to Kassidy, I told him. At one point he said, "I know you've got a temper and all but I had only ever see you be good with Kyle and Brent, I knew what the papers were printing couldn't be true but it is a relief to hear you say that you didn't do it." Tom did some crazy shit at work and I had chewed him out on several occasions but like with all my dealings, before I left the restaurant I would sit him down, ensuring that he was thinking about what I said, not how I said it. Tom felt the need to fit in, and is a very intelligent man. Sometimes, this combination let to Tom doing things he didn't need to do, in order to get attention. I believe Tom's family may still live in Rochester if you think it good to contact him. Tristan and I attended his wedding with Angelique and, last I knew, they were still married. Unfortunately, Matt, Steve, and Tom were never around Kassidy and Amanda.

I've always been good with people, or tried to be good with people. I mean by "good," being respectful and supportive of their inherent goodness, and their desires to succeed. The key to success is to develop your own style. Once their style became clear, I would try to find ways to help it flourish.

My chance meeting with Steve happened at the Rochester Hannaford's store some months

after my arrest. Steve was very cool towards me which was shocking to me because we had been very close, I had helped him many times. After he left working for McDonald's for a better opportunity at Red Lobster, I was always there to advise him on work and some personal problems. At this point in time, Alan was wanting me to put together a list of people that had seen me interact with the Kassidy and or my boys. I went up to Steve and we shook hands. I said, "I can't believe this is happening. Hopefully, you know better." Steve wasn't saying much. Of course I was being murdered by the press at this time. I asked Steve if he would mind speaking to my attorney or his PI at some point, I believe he said, "I've kind of been told, It would be better if I didn't get involved." I believe I replied, "But Steve you know me, you know I couldn't have done this." At same point he said, "The only thing I could really do is verify that you were good with Brent and Kyle. and that's it." I could sense there was something Steve wasn't saying. I assured him that is all I wanted but can see there is something else he wasn't saying. He said, "Well, I couldn't say anything to help you regarding Tristan, because you were kind of a jerk to her sometimes." ') I think I said, "I know I was at times and that is exactly the reason I sought a counselor, because I loved Tristan so much and wanted to learn better ways to deal with my emotions. The last thing I ever wanted to be was verbally or physically abusive to the woman I loved." Steve seemed relieved to hear me say this. I think the conversation ended on a good note, him telling me if someone contacted him, he would verify what he saw. No one did that I am aware of. Either right after Kassidy died or I was arrested, Steve's stepfather, Mark Moehler, came to my house in Rochester to offer his support and talk to my dad. I believe Mark told my dad this case was going to be much "bigger" than him and he may have suggested we contact some of the bigger named criminal defense lawyers. Mark was well aware of my and Tristan's domestic history. Not only was Steve living with Tristan and I for a time, but when she left and it was apparent we were heading to divorce, I went to Mark, the man who married us for advice. He couldn't really represent me because he knew both Tristan and I but referred me to someone else. It turned out that I didn't need a divorce lawyer, as our divorce ended on good terms. I believe Mark was showing his support to my dad because he had raised Steve since very young and knew that I had been there for Steve. As I said, I don't know if Steve, Tom, Matt, or even Mark would be supportive. If nothing else, it may be helpful to ask them to review the website.

You know, something just occurred to me. Because I was convicted of this horrible crime it seems like when anyone is approached, all they can think about is any bad thoughts or memories they have involving me. Certainly there was a lot of good with these people. How do we get them to think back and share some of the good stuff too. We already know about the monster that the newspapers created. Maybe it is as simple as open ended questions. My point is that "bad" may be all they associate me with right now, because as you point out, all they have heard for nearly 10 years was the bad stuff. "Thanks for sharing those negative things that Chad did. There must have been some redeeming quality he had, that encouraged you to keep your friendship intact. Can you share some of those?" I don't know if I am saying correctly. I don't want people to sit around saying nice things about me because my ego needs it. I want them to think back to the Chad that they knew, who I think overall was a pretty good guy. If we can get them to thinking about that guy they knew, we may get them to be open minded, willing to check out the FACI'S on our website, and possibly even supporters.

Steve's bedroom was upstairs in what would become Kyle's bedroom. Tom lived downstairs

in the cellar room.

You asked many questions about Jeff. When I saw him, how often was he at our house, how often did we speak, etc. This is a hard request to fill. I know that Jeff came to a party at my house sometime in 1999. I was still with Tristan. We had a bunch of people over. I think I invited him because he happened to be standing there in the Rochester McD' s lobby when I was speaking to someone else about it. Other than that I didn't really have any contact with Jeff in a social setting until I met Amanda. I ran into Jeff in my restaurants often. I would say an average of one time a week. If I didn't happen to run into him, I would contact him by telephone at least one time a week. Jeff required constant followup and feedback. Often when I ran into Jeff in the restaurants I would lead him around and point out problems with the landscaping. Jeff and I didn't have any of the same friends socially. In thinking back to Jeff and his landscaping, I think one of the big problems for Jeff was he would start six different jobs in six different restaurants. Leaving one restaurant half completed and starting another one. This was frustrating to me as well as the restaurant managers. This wastes a ton of time; very haphazard.. For example, he may have started landscaping in Portsmouth. For whatever reason, he would finish half of it and then move onto Larry Lane's restaurant in Newington. I would be in Rochester with the landscaping looking horrible. I would call Jeff up to let him know I was unhappy, and he would drop what he was doing to come right up to Rochester (vs. telling me he would make it his first stop the next day or something) thus, we have 3 restaurants looking like crap.

I believe in 1998 Jeff went to the company Christmas party as the date of Melissa Brundage. Other times in 2000 that I can think of Jeff being at my house. He came to Kyle and Brent's combined birthday party. Once he came to help me move some weights and a bench in my garage to Bruce Aube's house. (He was already in Rochester doing landscaping work at McDonald's.) You know about the double date to Applebee's on June 2, 2000. The trip to Auburn Margarita's and the trip to Newick's. I know that Jeff had been to my house on several occasions when picking up or dropping off Kassidy. Jeff was at my house in the Spring of 1999 or 2000, perhaps both, to do a Winter "clean-up". My yard was full of pine trees and there were hundreds of broken limbs, twigs and pine needles. I wasn't there for these events. You already know about the 3 wheeler trip to Maine and how we all sat around dining room table after trip discussing various topics including discipline of Kassidy. (I have already written about this). I went to Jeff's apartment the night of Nov. 8th and once only several days before that.

Amanda had just started her job, and I was in the area so I was going to Kittery to pick up Kassidy and surprise Amanda by taking her to lunch, or if she couldn't go to lunch, I knew she would love a quick visit from Kassidy. Something strange happened though, I made the arrangements with Jeff to pick Kassidy up but when I got there, Amanda was there with Jen. She had messed up her schedule or something and wasn't due into work for like another 30 minutes. So I ended up taking Kassidy anyway and we met at the Perfumania parking lot. Amanda got into my car and we took Kassidy through the Kittery McDonald' s drive-thru to get a happy meal. I believe this is in my discovery somewhere. This was the incident where I described Amanda seeming to get upset because I was paying more attention to Kassidy in the backseat than Amanda who had to be to work in like 20 minutes. I said something like, "I can't help it. She is cuter than you are." Amanda wasn't really jealous of Kassidy. I think it was her way of saying that she wanted some attention before she went off to work, or maybe it wasn't work but an interview. Either way, I knew that Kassidy was with Jeff and I planned to surprise Amanda. Boy I wish we could nail down this date, because it would be