|Nothing completes this wall, except what I run up against
Donít let your forehead be a battering ram
A room vibrates.
Is that, possibly, because I erase mysetf?
Could I ask for my bill?
You could not ask, but we could plan a meal backwards
Oh? In the case of an unsatisfied appetite, I would never want to be the one who remembered everything
You must be hungry
I am not, yet a certain mechanism, repeats iytself in meWhat do you see
I don't think you cansee light, I think you can see what it bounces off
What enters my eye is light
You see this orange?
To be consistent, shouldnít you answer-- no, I see the light bouncing off something
Do you see light
In what part of the brain does that intuition take place
I donít knowIs it morning?
How can you tell
By the quality of the light
Reference to the clock doesnít condition the way you perceive that light
Yes, it probably does
So which takes prescidence
You mean, the aspect under which you see objects
Yes, the light
What you mean is, the objects in your field of vision appear differently at this moment tan they do at other remembered moments
Such as evening
Yes. I suppose so
This is all hypothetical, of course
You say that and my blood runs cold
I donít know
What I mean is, I donít know myself well enough to be able to explain myself
I just live
Ah, make an imaginary world of your own design
Notice, I donít answer
Did you or did you not answer
What do you see now
Do you see the light bouncing off me
No. I see you
Iíll count to three. When I reach three--
No, I wonít wake up
1-2-3. Iíll keep tryingThis isnít the moment I expected.
How could you expect a moment before it happened
No-- after it happened, thatís when I realized Iíd been expecting it, but it was different
Right now-- are you expecting anything?
I donít think so
--but what happens next may prove me wrong
In what way
What happens next may suddenly make me realize-- Oh, I was expecting this, but with a difference
Thatís why I ask.. What are you expecting
You see? I didnít expect that
You coaxed me into it
I can see that in retrospect
You donít mean that, you just say that to provide a certain consistancy
You were trying to change your mind
Too late. It changed before you could change it
(Others taope mouths)If I were in fact here-- facing a twist in the street which allowed just a glimpse of the ocean beyond
With the sun, shining on that ocean. Thatís what Iím imagining
In this end of the world sunlight, I have decided to be reminded by you, of me.
Nothing can kiss me.
This light is terrific
Thats just how I feel about it
This light is terrific
Thereís nothing else I want, really
Oh, then youíre in for a dissapointment
It doesnít stay like this always
Then letís just try to pan a life that doesnít have to register those times when it isnít just like this
The rest of the time you want to be unconscious?
Well, not exactly unconscious, but registering things differently, so I can know deeply that when itís like this it counts, and when it isnít, in some sense or other, it doesnít count
I think I made a mistake
Talking about it spoiled it. Now-- it doesnít seem quite so wionderful. I shouldnít have talked about it
You donít care if it changes
In fact Iíd like it to change
What a sudden flip flop
Could I have something to drink?
Notic e anything
Do you want to talk about it
Are you sure
Oh well, maybe I better because my feelings certainly change and they get lost, so if I talk about it, thatís what I can have in perminent possession, whenever I talked about it. So Iíll say-- this light is evocative. But I know it wonít last and I know its evocativenesss wonít last either, as a feeling I have
Does this stand in for tears of regret?
Tears of regret
Maybe that means if you didnít talk, you wouldnít have to experience unhappiness
No, no-- Iím talking my way out of unhappiness
Well, I wonít know that for a very long time, will I?This rather unpleasant moment when spring returns.
Iíve lived through this many times, and each time itís a sadness, as life springs forth again, so delicately that it mocks me. It mocks me. I canít possibly match it in delicateness
It has a life, therefore
I canít enter and dance with
and therefore I feel the worst I can possibly feel, and yet, savoring it--
this is the torture.
To compensate for this, what stratagiesare available to me>?
Well. I rouse myself with great painful effort-- and build a totally different world into which I disappear
Good bye spring!
This is a hammer. Used to hit things
Now-- letís give a hammer a choice. Would it prefer to hit this nail-- or, the center of this target
You see neither object. I know that
You must be imagining each
Yes. I am imagining a small golden nail, I inch long by one eighth of an inch in diameter
Why is it gold
It is gold, of course, the better to persuade the hammer to be attracted, attractive, valadated in and of itself.
God hammer. God hammer
Who said anything about God
Does God himself hammer upon us-- through and by life. Help. Iíve been hit by God himself
Ah, target person
I am indeed target person!Rest assured, I circulate amongst you so that no effort on your part is necessary, except
perhaps. . .I thought I was going to get to know things--
raced, to know something reAl before I die.
Now-- I see what is real can never be known, and I will die--
I donít know what it would be like to be young and write. I consider myself ëoldí.
and write out of the void, because I have tried everything-- (well, no. I have tried very little-- but--
Probably the only reason to write anything. . .
The book of life, as it were
There is a window in me, right now, right this minute, which--
shows me only the self evident.
I am required to present you with a whole life, but I have not the resources for doing so.
Which lie to evoke next?
lift all veils
Please: be afraid
(Of what. Be afraid of what)
By not answering. . .
Please, donít answer
I tried not to
Ah, it worked.Please, open your eyes
They are open, but shining
If they shine, do they receive light?
I find my way
Thank goodness for stumbling
Thank goodness, it doesnít hurt forever
Prove it to yourself
Please, donít frighten me
You can frighten me without knowing it
By saying things
I wonít tell you
Iím sorry. That sounded like a threat
Did I frighten you?
I think I did. I really think I did
Please, talk to me
What I am interested in is destruction
To destroy everything valuableWho shall I invite to my party?
Oh, I donít think anybody really would be interesting to you
That is true
Must you have a party?
Then you neednít invite anyone
How about throwing a party
Yes. But who would I invite?To speak bluntly: I donít.
No to friendship.
No to love
No to erotic compatability
Nothing is happening between us
I donít want to come closer
What are you doing here
What I like to do best is drink
NoOh please, all this effort and what you come up with is nothing
Day after day after day--
I have better things to do with my time
So I gather
What better things do you have to do with your time
Oh please. Get a life
Is that for my benifit?
Everything has to be for your benefit
Well, hopefully so
When was the last time you had a successful emotional relationship
This is my escape mechanism
I know you think I canít escape, but I can escape
How is this possible
Sex magic is your escape mechanism?
If I begin kissing you--
Yes, please do
Then I go further
How much further
* * * *
I dream of that
Isnít that dream enough
Let me see if the door is effective
Well-- I feel myself irrestibaly re-involved
You mean, the opposite of escape
Iím not sure if I had the experience
If thereís nothing to escape from thereís no escape
Sometimes I think thatís what I mean by talking to myself
If you could, but I donít think you can
When I touch something similar
You just said I was into sex magic
Oh, I didnít believe it was real magic
Letís not bother with verrification
Letís not bother with putting into practice what we KNOW to be only semi-satisfactory
Thereís the escape route
That disillusionment you seem to be talking about
(He kisses her)
That dissillusionment you seem to be talking about
Neither of us seem satisfied with sticking to the same subject for a very long time
How strange-- I thought the opposite
I thought we both found it impossible to change the subject
To what extend is talking about it dreaming about it
Yes. I have that feeling
Thatís why I never trust words
But you do
I can tell you do
If I tell you-- all the fun goes out of it
This isnít my idea of fun
You donít have to have any ideas about it. Thatís why itís fun. Potentially.
Suppose I were to cinfuse you totally--
I canít just dream about it
Thatís just words
Yes. My favorite dream word. I mean ìnoí-- my favorite dream word is no. Close to yes, but not quite
Not quite no, either
Youíre right. Not quite
Yes. Thatís the closest Iíve been able to come. Not quite rightIím 58, and wonderfully close to death
Nothing to say
Nothing to do
Nothing the least bit interesting
This dream of liviong without language. If only one could.
Be in the presence of others and rely on gestures only.
Basically, the articulation of the eye.
Actually, written notes permitted, so that life is able to continue vis a vis the practicalities.
But the human interaction--
no longer tripped up and lascerated by words,
flayed alive by words because that is indeed what happens.
Most of lifeís pain-- words. Knives.What do you understand?
Why begin understanding.?
Perhaps you should disappear
Perhaps you HAVE disappeared
Perhaps you have opened your eyes and seena flag, fluttering in the wind and said--
ah, thatís the image for me.
But was it the word, or the movements of that flag, or that flag itself with its bright colors and bold geometric design.
Couldnít it be all three?
There are no heroes
There are no heroes. Correction
There are no heroes
If there are no heroes--
If there are no heroes--
Think again.Human beings. Lying in wait to put things together
Anything is grist for the mill
What did you say
Psychoanalysis, the sort you claim to represent, has been much discredited of late. I hope you know that
Why are you here
Why are YOU here.Isnít it possible that I am not understood
Of course. You are not understood
So close to you, I am
Is this where one might expect to find it
You donít know what Iím looking for?
On object? This vase?
Itís quite. . .special
It can hold anything.
Well-- not anything
Here-- put something insideMy only reason for being here is to. . .
My life is very lifelike
By which you mean?
Itís full of things that are like the things that make up a life
You notice things.
Well-- yes. I do
My life is lifelike too
It could be your particular life
Itís much more specific
If Iím tired enough, I kow myself. I mean, I sink into my real self
Most people donít like being tired
How do you explain that
Oh, the beauty of it is-- tired enough and explinations donít drive me. I mean, the guilt that makes one offer up explinations. Bye bye to that. I donít care
I donít see it happening
Another plus. Itís invisible
Why is that a plus
Tell me, why is that a plus
Donít pretend youíre too tired to answer
I donít have to pretend
See? You talked
Yes, I managed
I donít feel like talking any more
Ah, two routes to the same destination
I realize you hope to destroy something effectively, and the search is for the object of that focused energy
What a waste of time
No, I donít see
You mean its your words that lead you forward. When you find that desired and destructable object, once having destroyed it, it enters that realm where it could have been any other object whatsoever.
Once destroyed, all objects are equal in their nothingness
Whatís the moment in which that destruction takes place. In that moment, this table for instance, is still different from this photograph --
(takes out of pocket)
Where did you acquire that photo
(Tears it up)
I canít remember
Truly then, uopu have destoyed it
Well, I could take the pieces and re-assemble them
Youíd never be sure
If they were put back together in the same order, recreatring the same face
Oh, all faces have the characteristic of a certain coherence. I would be sure
Was it a face
Then you didnít destroy it
I donít always do what I say. In fact, after the fact, I find out I NEVER do what I say
You donít destroy anything
YesDoes it help to think of roses. Each moment:: at least, each moment isolatable that way in the mind. A rose hovering in space
Everything. Hovering in space. The memory of a certain morning in childhood. A house at the edge of town and outside the open window, a trellace covered with roses
Other roses evoke those roses
Yes. How did you know
Roses hovering everywhere
The day of my birth
I donít think you should touch on that
Could I tell you a secret
I wasnít alive at that time
Where were you
I had no existence. I wasnít what I am now
What am I now
Wait a minute. You have your own existence, and I am not alive in that existence which is yours. In the same way-- the way I was before I was born
But we talk about things
We share things
Before you were born, maybe we did that also
Youíre probably talking about somebody else
Yes, but it does seem interchangeable
ight. I remember and think-- roses
Roses.HERE IS A MAN, DRIVEMN BY LOVE, BUT UNREWARDED
What drives you
Yes. I am driven
What drives you, sir
Are you in love?
Are you in love, sir?
I do not speak because I have no way of answering
Are you in love
There is no one thing I can point to which I find loveable
What are you in love with, sir
Then you are not driven by love
But I am
Then, right now, youíre being asked to explain
This is something I cannot do
Then I donít believe that you are driven by love
You see? I should have said nothing
You present me with a paradox. This forces me to search for an explination. What this search arouses in me, I do understand, is love.
Ah, but when you have understood--
Letís not rush into this. What do you love
What do I love
Which is the more worthy object of a human beingís love
Is it nothing, or is it understanding
My lips are sealed
Thatís the best policy
Then we remain in suspended animation
No. A move has to be made
This is what life is-- movement. The brain, to begin with, reaching out for gratification
Does it work?
Does something slip through your fingers?
Always. But this is what life is like. I donít turn my back on it
Of course not. Youíre in love
And you, sir?
Iím in love also
But with nothing
Well, there is nothing I have found about which I can say-- ah, here is the object of my love
Are you quite sure
Why donít you uncover your eyes
Iím trying something
I donít know exactly, but Iím trying it
(Girl sits-- he uncovers eyes)
Well. This is certainly a woman I find attractive
Thereís no reason I shouldnít be in love with you, my dear
Iím in love with you
I donít think she believed you were a hundred per cent sincere
Then sheís made a terrible mistake
Iíll prove it
Well-- Iíll marry her
Not unless you convince her, firtst, of your sincerity
Even then, she may not return your affection
Well, Iíll have to convince her
More than that
Iíll have to capture her affection
Will there be an exact match between her love and your love
Whatís your question
Well, the man who says he loves me is still sitting there
Yes he is
Why should I believe you
Why should it matter if you believe me or not. I mean-- why should it matter to ME. I simply. . .love you
And you wouldnít porefer for that love to be reciprocated?
Iím not sure if that would be better or if that would be worse. Let me tell you a story--
(Story, add at end ìand I love youî)
Iím not convinced
Let me tell you another story
(Done. ìI love you)
(other scenes, add I love youîDonít you understand we float on ideas
Iíd like to think we made contact with something other than what we float on
We float on ideas
But-- do we make contact with reality
This is unanswerable
I can imagine a man who loses touch with reality
I cannot imagine such a man
This inability of yours represents your own losing touch with reality
I insist this is impossible. Believe me-- if I could lose touch with reality I would persue that with a vengence. But whatever turn I take, I find myself still enclosed in that c ircle that asserts itself as perhaps centerless, but nevertheless in regards to which I am always in the center.
I am I.
Radiating out from me is what I radiate. Then, I touch, as in a reflection, things that are sometimes houses, trees, or other people, and sometimes dreams or even emptiness.
Itís the same, isnít it. I canít stop the process of this invisible, poverty stricken me, generating more and more reality no matter what the intensity of my efforts to remove my self so I am not in touch with reality, but I am!Partically dead
Oh, not quite
Thatís what I said
Not quiteDoes this mean youíve lost touch with reality
Oh, long ao
I thought so
Thatís my only contact
With realityAre you in love
I donít think so
How about me
Oh? Why not. Through you-- the world, of course
Just the opposite
What do you mean?Are you out of touch with reality
I hope not
No-- I mean I hope I am
You donít like reality?
If I was in touch with it, Iíd be dead, wouldnít I
Either that or in love
Here is a man in love with reality
Why is there nothing in my bag of tricks
Well, I donít have any bag I can look into
How do you know itís empty
I suppose I want it to be empty
Ah, you want to be possessed of no resources
Well, maybe I want to get to the bottom of things
Wouldnít one need resources to be able to accomplish that
I have them
Resources. They were of no help
So youíre trying something different
You ëd like to feel empty
I donít believe that
I think that ënothingí is in fact impossible
You see? You made a request
It was automatic
It may have been automatic, but that means it wasnít nothing
This woman is going to be here--
The one youíre attracted to?
What do you find so attractive about her
Well, sheís always surprising me, but I have to admit that in itself wouldnít count for much if it wasnít accompanied by a desire to make multiple physical contact
I donít understand multiple
I mean innovative
Finding, or imagining, ways to place different psarts of my body in contact with different parts of her own body in a wide variety of ways
Well, that in itself would probably lead to surprises
Yes, but when I said she surprises me, I didnít mean that
What did you mean
Itís not what she says--
Itís how she says it?
No. Itís rather that what she says is never said at the exact moment I seem to register it being said.
There is no such thing
Then what are you experiencing
I donít know what to call it, but I do know this. Thereís nothing there
When she comes into the room-- at least the room where I am at the same time-- thereís an emptiness there. I can experience it
Isnít it here now?
Of course it is
I donít sense it
Thereís no emptiness
But if she walks in, there is
The is the one
The one what
(Pause. She exits)
Well, I can ssee nothing was said
Nothingís still being said
I donít think so
What I mean is, even if you stopped talking, there wouldnít be emptiness, therre would be boredoom
Can I offer you a drink.
Why notConsider this. Human beings, whatever their roles in life, function as teachers for other human ebings. All human beings learn from each other, even if their official role in life is something other than teacher, students, businessmen, artists, police, etc.
This man teaches through arrogance, while this second man teaches through humility.
These two different methods prehaps produce similar results. Some pupils are awakened to the truth by the stern menthod of arrogance. Others, by the impenetrable mystery of sweetness
These two men are used by the dsame necessity, but manifest in seemingly different, ah-- leave the next word blank.
Let life itself write the next word in a language that is not spoken with words.
One of these men does his work by disappearing
Which one disappears, in fact. You do not know, believe me, you cannot know, which one of these men does his work from a center of invisibility that others, such as yourself, have no tools to meanure.I no longer believe in that ëother worldí that heretofore sustained me and/or fed into me in secret
Ah, do you feel great loss?
Not realy. In my previous life-- because I think of it as a previous life--
I donít want to talk about this, I just want to express it-- no-- not express it, just experience it
If I communicate what, it changes it
You used to have faith in some--
--I wonít continue this concersation.
There is morfe to life than a conversation
Isnít that my point? Evolution has happened
Evolution has happened
You mean, molocules to aomebas, to fish, to apes, to human beings
No. I mean way past that. Right now-- we have evolved much more-- unimaginably more
Yes. We are blind to it, but we have already evolved way past what we are
I donít understand
I said-- we are blind to the fact, but itís a fact
Because you say so
No. Not because I say so
If weíve evolved, what are some of our unimaginable attributes.
Thatís exactly what canít be put into words because we have evolved beyond words
Forget it. Primitive stuff. Just imagine something beyond words, beyond feelings. Just imagine something that seems arbitrary
Well, thatís a vast catagory
Right. Anything could happen
No, this world
Shall we go to the delicatessen?
The one around the corner
Why go there
To get sandwiches
Iím not in the mood for a sandwich
I want to tell you something. Iíve been to the delicatessen around the corner, and they donít make sandwiches
As of today
Ah, thereís been a change in policy
Yes there had
When God walked into the delicatessen around the corner and said ìIíve come for a sandwichî-- well, certain adjustments were made
Are we talking about the same delicatessen?
You said-- the one around the corner
I never patronize that delicatessen of course, because--
No, donít give me REASONS
Then Iíll hold back
We understand each other
Now we do
When I say ìanimalî-- whatís the first picture you see in your mind
How many do I get
All right. Zebra
But Iím on the verge of something
Oh yes. On the verge. But thatís not much of an accomplishment. One is always-- on the verge
I wasnít claiming it as an accomplishment
GoodI shall do what I deem best
Your next move?
When itís necessary
The world is waiting
Dies the world have the power to punish me?
Oh yes it does
It will punish me, I assume, if I donít make a move
If you donít make a move, nobody can be offended
If Iím asked to move?
Well, I didnít realize that, but now I do
So. Iím being punished
You already internalized that
How can I control whether or not that happens
See? I shouldnít have made my move
Did you mean-- love me, in the sense of loving mankind, or loving the earth, or culture, or something like that?
Something like that
Then I do love you
See> I made my love. Do you know how humiliated I feel
Well, everybody needs love
Thatís the human condition
Iíl like to be a little more clear sighted than that, thank you
No such luck
I do my best
Well-- your best isnít good enough
As a matter of fact, my best is perfect. I mean, it suits me perfectly, because it is me. My best.
That shouldd blind you
Why blind me
The perfect fit. That should be radient
I failed the test
I donít pick up on this radience
Sorry. You failed the test. But thatís OK
It makes you radient
Careful-- itís not necessarily a lot of fun
Yes. You areRest assured, this man-- myself-- is not here.
You are here. This table is here-- but this man, this man is not here.
This man is, in fact, a hole carved in everything else here manifest.
Oh, his body is here, but he is not here-- do not think what I am speaking of is some unfathomable soul. No. No. Iím not speaking vis a vis the existence of that or anything else postulated being not-visible.This is not what I am saying.
This cabinet is here
this book is here-- even though its contents are of course invisible to you at this moment.
But this man-- myself-- is not here. What Iím sasying is-- thatís your decision. Your decision is how you read me. And whichever way you choose to read me-- I can respond to you by saying youíve made the wrong choice. The man youíve decided to postulate is not here
(exit)Answer any available questions
Well, all questions are probably available, even if only some of them get asked
Why are you here?
Because Iím breathing, thinking, registering what I see and hear
Because I was born. Because having been born, I continue existing
Because the world evolved in such a way that creatures evolved and gave birth to other creatures.
Lose oneself in others? Iím not sure thatís such a wonderful idea.
Itís necessary. Itís the only was I have enough energuy to go on
Is that why youíre here?
I am here in order to move toward the future. IE-- death
Did you come from death?
Well, I came from not being alive
Who made you say that
Ah, then you DO need others, after all, to get you to say those things you desparately want to say
Yes, but also I get pulled into saying things I have no desire to say. Things I donít mean all, but the saing of them just gets provoked
Go on about being dead before you were alive
Iím not sure I was dead. Iím not sure you can be dead until after youíve been alive
Can you be dead for a long time
Really? Think about it
Youíre suggesting that Iím only dead for a minute. After that-- Iím not anything, since Iím not alive
Iím not suggesting anything
Maybe Iím dead now
I donít know why I say that
Well, maybe Iím as good as dead
Ah, being dead is as good as being alive
That could be true
Even though you wouldnít be able to enjoy things
There are things I havenít experienced that I might enjoy-- but Iím not sure that I miss them
So-- do you wish to be dead?
It might hurt
Other than that?
Let me think about this
I think itís something I can think about better if Iím alive
If I go away, will you talk o yourself?
Then I better stay
All right-- Iíll talk to myself
If I wasnít here-- now wait a minute-- whatís the relationship between not being in this room, and geing dead?
ìNotice. The room is still here, and it is not at all sad about being emptyîNothing. Nothing. This is nothing
You canít believe this, or rather-- you can believe this but you can BELIEVE anything. Can you therefore believe this.
Yes. You can believe that I am speaking and in my speaking you can believe that I say what is in my heart. This is easy for you to believe
Now I have said enough. Hidden in what I have said is everythingI am aware of everything, so I donít have to be
You mean, there are parts of yourself that close down for the night
Did I say that
I think there are parts of myself that close down for the night
Then you are not aware of everything
(Holds out phone)
Did you call out for dinner?
If I did, another phone call is necessary?
That wasnít my implication
You called out for dinner-- now cancel it
First of all I didnít, but why cancel
Is it time for dinner?
Then why cancel
The more times we cancel, the more confused the source is
And the more confused at the source--
Ah, are we then in a position of power?
I think he who controls the lines of communication controls the power
Better hang up now
Better be aloof. Or should I say-- withdrawn. Then one is cocooned in oneís power
Not quite. But one option, and if there remains one option, thedn one hasnít covered everything, and one wants to cover or include everything
Itís been covered
Good. Then the phone line is unoccupied
Letís make it forever
Letís effectuate that final message
Oh, I think that final message is already written all over the walls
--In invisible ink?
No. Not in ink
I said invisible ink
And I said, not in ink
Did you hear me?
Funny-- putting two and two together, Iíd say I didnít hear you the first time, but I heard you the second time
This is the third time
And I heard, even though you didnít have to say it a third time
And I did
Right. You didnít.
(Shake)The outside limit. Now what the hell does that mean?
Itís too vague
Ah-- that must be what it means
It just popped into my head
The whole phrase
Therefore it has to be important
Anything that pops into somebodyís head wants, certainly, to be there. Thatís whatís important
The outside limit of being important
This is important
Actually, itís the outside limit of being important
Whatís the opposite
There is no opposite
Is it the opposite that I hate being here, being in this place in which I am living, surrounded by the people who I experience--
You wish you were someplace else
Some other epoch. Yes. I wonít name it
Itís probably wrong
You probably wouldnít like that other time and place any better, if you were actuallyinside it, it would probably see equally suffocating
It would always be the outside limit of what was tollerable
Yes, I suppose this is tollerable.
Well, hereís the secret. Whatever it was, it would be tollerable, even though it would seem that just a little bit more and it wouldnít be.
Yes. If this world Iím living in were just a little bit more suffocating than it is-- it wouldnít be tollerable
Except, it would be
Yes. I suppose it would
Iíd change along with it
Ah, my friend. You will always be placed at the outside limit of things
Right, here I am, waving to everybody inside
Trying to attract peopleís attention?
No, letís postulate that you succeed in attracting everybodyís attention, or at least the attention of a significant number of people. They turn toward you, because youíve attrracted-- at least for the moment--everybodyís attention. They all ëcenterí on you, at least for a moment
Youíre the center of their attention
Where am I
You tell me
Well, I suppose Iím in the middle of things
Is that good?
I donít know
Iím focusing my attention on you
Well, Iím returning the favor
Ah, then we find ourselves locked together in a circle of mutual attention
How did we get here
Oh no, I never look back
Why bring roses, when roses are visible in the distance
Guess what. You donít get anything unless you work for it
How about if you wish for it
Wishes without work? No results
Thatís why life sucks
No/ Thatís why YOU suck
Fuck youThis is not what you imagine. This is a field over which your attention is even distributed, and then you zone in on small sectorss of that total field
This is something you can hardly avoid doing because you lack discipline. But if you acquire self-discipline, you will be able to sustain in your consciousness the entire field as one thing, or not one thing, but as an endless wideness, and you will not make a ëthingí out of it, but truth will start speaking to you as it bounces randomly across the wide vista of this entire field. It will happen. It will happen.
But of course you are not yet really in a position to allow this to happen and so for the moment you are busy making discoveries which repeat old patterns which are just as valuable as new patterns, but thatís not the point, is it. The point is-- oh, look, there is a recognizable tree in that painting
on the wall, but who said anything about a wall? Thatís the point. Who said anything about a wall?You donít watch this probably
I donít watch what
Who is going to be giving me what I want
What do you want
. . .Everything for free.
Everything IS free. Just take it.
No. Everything is for free only if I use violence, and that wastes my energy
The more you waste, the more you acquire. This is a rule of life
Was my imitation of a dogís face effective?
It made me think that you were a dog
I guess it doesnít get any better than that
Could I interest you in a rubber hat?
Am I getting it for free?
It keeps the rain off
Because itís rubber
Then itís for free, really.
I donít even have the energy to reach out and take it.
This is not one of your better experiences
I wonít say
You mean, you wonít correct yourself
You can judge me, but I wonít do it myself
I better go
Now Iím really alone
Did you know your name had been called?
Now Iím really aloneHis reason for becoming one of us was at first only apparent. Then, he slid into this was of being at one with himself.
A door opened and he was there but a light shone on him, and the light was not there, but the smile it illuminated was flying. Ahh, flying smiles
You should be able to recognize me
I do, I recognize you
That was quick
Oh, I donít think so quick, because Iíve evolved into that ability, and that certainly took time
Then what I wanted to say was wrong
But you said it
When a hand is offered in friemndship. Be prepared to take it
You talked to me about sex philosophy, and I thought that was very wonderful
I didnít know what I was talking about
I knew that to be the caseI decided in my next life to be a table. Is that OK with you?
Why not. I like tables
I donít know if youíll be around to like or not like the kind of table I turn into
Letís try it out
Table you appeals to me as a table for usage
I decided in my next life to be a table because I would be so useful. You could eat off me. You could sit at me and read books. You could cut pieces of paper leaning your elbows on me. You could play cards with somebody else sitting on the other side of the table. Or you could have negotiations
Letís try negotiations
About being dead
But weíre not dead. Weíre living a second lifeDonít you ever have the feeling-- I do-- that there I a secret content that is undiscoverable. We could talk, of course, of a hundred things-- but non of these things-- not really sex, excetement, power, etc-- none of these things are the secret content
What is ther secret content
I donít know
Maybe itís a picture
Maybe itís this picture of this cat. Something is driving me forward and maybe itís this. The secret content. The content that blows everything else away. The seed. The content is a seed that could turn into almost ANYTHING. The secret content
Maybe the secret content is numbers. Just numbers. You fill it naming numbers and itís totally satisfying in and of itself. MaybeI feel growing in me-- a love for everything in the world, which is certainly not explicable. But I have chosen to accept it. Let us class it as a distortion of the field in which I exist. OK. But there is nothing evil in this particular distortion of reality, even if it is a distortion, because it makes me love everythingEverything under a different sign
1) Now that I am dead
Now that I have entered my second life
2) Because I feel a love for everything
3) This is my move to render the inexplicable
4) I think I have touched a super content, a content that is inexhaustable
5) This is my openess to things
6) If I empty myself out, something else is able to speak through me
7) I want my consciousness to be able to trvel in multiple directions at once
8) The thing Iím taling about is not what Iím talking about
9) In order to contact the emptiness which is productive
10) Understand why what Iím about to say is a little bit confusing. Thereís a lapse in time
11) Can I go on? Can I grow, or regress-- Iíll try to grow
Please, he says. Please do not punish me.
To whom does he speak?
To life itself. But of course, his words are useless, because life, certainly, will punish him, as it already has, and as it will forever and ever.
Because this man intuits-- everything that he is not
and all the pleasures that fail to descend upon him
and all the limitations of his own consciousness and ability.
And this intuition of the truth of things--
this finds different ways in which to manifest itself and these different manifestations do punish him, and so he says--
Pleae-- donít punish meî.
He is speaking to the wind
and his heartfelt plea
This flower. . .is yours
Shall I reward you with a kiss? I think not
That was not my expectation
Wasnít it now
Not heretofore, but I can see that I am being punished
Listen-- my kiss would punish you even more
Am I a child still-- that I must be punished for reasons I do not understand?
Are you a child?
In a sense, yes. I feel childlike--
But you are not innocent, however
I feel innocent
Ah. Now you twist something inside me--
--so I no longer feel the security of my inocence
And yet-- I do not understand whatís happening to me-- so in that sense, I feel my innocence restored
I donít know what to do with this flower
Then you are certain to be punished
For your lack of generosity
Yes. You donít undertsand?
I donít understand.
Well, after you are punished-- perhaps you will understand.Can you see anything?
Those glasses look opaque
I find the word opaque to be very bizarre. To me it sounds like something totally penetrable. It sounds like, glass-- that you can see through, thatís opaque. Itís transparent, but opaque sounds more transparent than transparent
Iím sure thereís an explination for that
You mean, etimologically
You mean-- these eye glasses are opaque
In which sense
You bore me. You bore me.
--You bore me!
Here. See if these are opaque
In your sense or my sense
You bore me, you bore me
--You bore me! (Package)
Oh? I thought-- carrots,
(open, our carrots)
(enters with roses, stops)
I said ROSES. Getr rid of those carrots
Now get rid of those roses
(Pause. Exit)Itís basic. People like to put things on their wall, so those things are there to look at. Sort of reminders-- ? No. Tuning machines. You see a picture, and tune yourself to that image. Ah yes-- have that image in mind. Why? Well-- I donít want to forget a certain energy. Reference to a certain energy. The was things go together to make beauty.
Energy is implied in that.
Thereís an energy transfer when you look at a beautiful thing.
See energy in the movement of lines and colors. In the transformation of a face or a table or flowers-- into lines that are lively. A principal of life is contained in that.
In that transfer.
In that livelyness of line.
Is that what makes it work?Certain words that leap out of me.
That take possession of a person.
Say a thing.
The messiah comes tomorror.
Yes, this is a quality of ëtomorrowí that kind of-- sleeps inside the word, doesnít it.
Here, these flowers are for you
Thatís not particularly intense, that ëthank youí.
Without talking about it-- would you have known?
I donít know
Would you have known even that ëdonít knowí?
Letís see. I would have given you flowers--
No, I gave them
Then Iím confusedThe word is.... Reply
The word is re-play
Then the word is re-place.
Wait a minute. I postulate an experience-- that I have no means of describing
Why do you use the word ëpostulateí
--I know what it means.
It means, I ask you to imagine--
--No you donít
All right. I use the word ëpostulateí because it says what I want. In the total sentence-- it works. I postulate an experience I have no means of describing.
To myself, even. I just say-- Iím having an experience-- Iím sitting here talking to you. That I can describe, imagine, talk about-- everything else. But at the same time Iím having another experience, which I donít know about.
Then youíre not having it
But I am
Why should I believe that
Because it seems self evident to me
Is there any reason to say-- youíre having hundreds of experiences right now, of which you are not aware
No. That seems true
Are you having them in your unconscious?
Do better than that
No. Maybe is an excellent response
Can you imagine the intensity in that ìmaybeî?
Maybe I can
See those flowers?
Those are for you