Nothing completes this wall, except what I run up against Donít let your forehead be a battering ram



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Nothing completes this wall, except what I run up against

Donít let your forehead be a battering ram

A room vibrates.

Is that, possibly, because I erase mysetf?

Could I ask for my bill?

You could not ask, but we could plan a meal backwards

Oh? In the case of an unsatisfied appetite, I would never want to be the one who remembered everything

You must be hungry

I am not, yet a certain mechanism, repeats iytself in meWhat do you see

Light


I don't think you cansee light, I think you can see what it bounces off

What enters my eye is light

You see this orange?

Yes


To be consistent, shouldnít you answer-- no, I see the light bouncing off something

An orange

Yes

Do you see light



In what part of the brain does that intuition take place

I donít knowIs it morning?

Yes

How can you tell



By the quality of the light

Reference to the clock doesnít condition the way you perceive that light

Yes, it probably does

So which takes prescidence

The light

You mean, the aspect under which you see objects

Yes, the light

What you mean is, the objects in your field of vision appear differently at this moment tan they do at other remembered moments

Yes

Such as evening



Yes

Nioght


Yes

High noon

Yes. I suppose so

(Pause)

This is all hypothetical, of course

You say that and my blood runs cold

Why

I donít know



(Pause)

What I mean is, I donít know myself well enough to be able to explain myself

(Pause)

I just live

Ah, make an imaginary world of your own design

No--


Whoís design

Notice, I donít answer

Did you or did you not answer

(Pause)

What do you see now

You


Do you see the light bouncing off me

No. I see you

Iíll count to three. When I reach three--

No, I wonít wake up

1-2-3. Iíll keep tryingThis isnít the moment I expected.

How could you expect a moment before it happened

No-- after it happened, thatís when I realized Iíd been expecting it, but it was different

Right now-- are you expecting anything?

I donít think so

Good


--but what happens next may prove me wrong

In what way

What happens next may suddenly make me realize-- Oh, I was expecting this, but with a difference

Thatís why I ask.. What are you expecting

Nothing

Liar


You see? I didnít expect that

You coaxed me into it

I can see that in retrospect

Liar


You donít mean that, you just say that to provide a certain consistancy

(Pause)

Too late

For what


You were trying to change your mind

--Your mind

Too late. It changed before you could change it

(Others taope mouths)If I were in fact here-- facing a twist in the street which allowed just a glimpse of the ocean beyond

With the sun, shining on that ocean. Thatís what Iím imagining

Myself


In this end of the world sunlight, I have decided to be reminded by you, of me.

Nothing can kiss me.

This light is terrific

Thats just how I feel about it

I do

This light is terrific



(Pause)

Thereís nothing else I want, really

Oh, then youíre in for a dissapointment

Why?


It doesnít stay like this always

Then letís just try to pan a life that doesnít have to register those times when it isnít just like this

The rest of the time you want to be unconscious?

Well, not exactly unconscious, but registering things differently, so I can know deeply that when itís like this it counts, and when it isnít, in some sense or other, it doesnít count

(Pause)

I think I made a mistake

How come

Talking about it spoiled it. Now-- it doesnít seem quite so wionderful. I shouldnít have talked about it

You donít care if it changes

(Pause)

No

(Pause)



In fact Iíd like it to change

What a sudden flip flop

Could I have something to drink?

Not yet

(Light changes)

Notic e anything

Yes

Do you want to talk about it



No

Are you sure

Oh well, maybe I better because my feelings certainly change and they get lost, so if I talk about it, thatís what I can have in perminent possession, whenever I talked about it. So Iíll say-- this light is evocative. But I know it wonít last and I know its evocativenesss wonít last either, as a feeling I have

Does this stand in for tears of regret?

My talking

Yes


Yes

Tears of regret

Yes

(Pause)



Maybe that means if you didnít talk, you wouldnít have to experience unhappiness

No, no-- Iím talking my way out of unhappiness

Successfully?

Well, I wonít know that for a very long time, will I?This rather unpleasant moment when spring returns.

Iíve lived through this many times, and each time itís a sadness, as life springs forth again, so delicately that it mocks me. It mocks me. I canít possibly match it in delicateness

It has a life, therefore

I canít enter and dance with

Itístotally unapproachable,

and therefore I feel the worst I can possibly feel, and yet, savoring it--

this is the torture.

To compensate for this, what stratagiesare available to me>?

Well. I rouse myself with great painful effort-- and build a totally different world into which I disappear

Good bye spring!

This is a hammer. Used to hit things

Now-- letís give a hammer a choice. Would it prefer to hit this nail-- or, the center of this target

This?


You see neither object. I know that

You must be imagining each

Yes. I am imagining a small golden nail, I inch long by one eighth of an inch in diameter

Why is it gold

It is gold, of course, the better to persuade the hammer to be attracted, attractive, valadated in and of itself.

God hammer. God hammer

Who said anything about God

Does God himself hammer upon us-- through and by life. Help. Iíve been hit by God himself

Ah, target person

I am!


I am indeed target person!Rest assured, I circulate amongst you so that no effort on your part is necessary, except

perhaps. . .I thought I was going to get to know things--

raced, to know something reAl before I die.

Now-- I see what is real can never be known, and I will die--

not knowing

I donít know what it would be like to be young and write. I consider myself ëoldí.

and write out of the void, because I have tried everything-- (well, no. I have tried very little-- but--

Probably the only reason to write anything. . .

The book of life, as it were

There is a window in me, right now, right this minute, which--

shows me only the self evident.

I am required to present you with a whole life, but I have not the resources for doing so.

So

Which lie to evoke next?


Please


lift all veils

Please: be afraid

(Of what. Be afraid of what)

By not answering. . .

Please, donít answer

I tried not to

Ah, it worked.Please, open your eyes

They are open, but shining

If they shine, do they receive light?

Black night

I find my way

How


By stumbling

Thank goodness for stumbling

It hurts

Thank goodness, it doesnít hurt forever

Realy?

Prove it to yourself


Please, donít frighten me

I canít

You can frighten me without knowing it



How

By saying things

What things

I wonít tell you

Tell me

(Pause)

Iím sorry. That sounded like a threat

Did I frighten you?

No

I think I did. I really think I did


_____________________________

Please, talk to me

Itís true.

What I am interested in is destruction

To destroy everything valuableWho shall I invite to my party?

Oh, I donít think anybody really would be interesting to you

That is true

Must you have a party?

Certainly not

Then you neednít invite anyone

Thank God

(Pause)

Iím bored

How about throwing a party

Yes. But who would I invite?To speak bluntly: I donít.

What

No to friendship.



No to love

No to erotic compatability

Nothing is happening between us

Come closer

I donít want to come closer

What are you doing here

What I like to do best is drink

Eat something

NoOh please, all this effort and what you come up with is nothing

(Pause)

Day after day after day--

Nothing?


Nothing

I have better things to do with my time

Not me

So I gather



What better things do you have to do with your time

Oh please. Get a life

Is that for my benifit?

Everything has to be for your benefit

Well, hopefully so

When was the last time you had a successful emotional relationship

This is my escape mechanism

What?


I know you think I canít escape, but I can escape

How is this possible

Sex Magic

Sex magic is your escape mechanism?

Yes

Explain


If I begin kissing you--

Yes, please do

Then I go further

How much further

* * * *

Escape


I dream of that

Always


Always

Isnít that dream enough

Let me see if the door is effective

(Exits)


It is

(Re-enter)

Well-- I feel myself irrestibaly re-involved

You mean, the opposite of escape

Iím not sure if I had the experience

If thereís nothing to escape from thereís no escape

Sometimes I think thatís what I mean by talking to myself

If you could, but I donít think you can

When I touch something similar

Yes?


You just said I was into sex magic

Oh, I didnít believe it was real magic

Letís not bother with verrification

Letís not bother with putting into practice what we KNOW to be only semi-satisfactory

Thereís the escape route

What


That disillusionment you seem to be talking about

(He kisses her)

Go further

Thatís it

What

That dissillusionment you seem to be talking about



(Pause)

Neither of us seem satisfied with sticking to the same subject for a very long time

How strange-- I thought the opposite

Satisfied?

I thought we both found it impossible to change the subject

Escape


To what extend is talking about it dreaming about it

Yes. I have that feeling

Thatís why I never trust words

But you do

No

I can tell you do



How

(Pause)\

If I tell you-- all the fun goes out of it

This isnít my idea of fun

You donít have to have any ideas about it. Thatís why itís fun. Potentially.

(Pause)

Suppose I were to cinfuse you totally--

Ah, escape

I canít just dream about it

Thatís just words

Yes. My favorite dream word. I mean ìnoí-- my favorite dream word is no. Close to yes, but not quite

Not quite no, either

Youíre right. Not quite

Escape


Yes. Thatís the closest Iíve been able to come. Not quite rightIím 58, and wonderfully close to death

Nothing to say

Nothing to do

Nothing the least bit interesting

This dream of liviong without language. If only one could.

Be in the presence of others and rely on gestures only.

Glances

Basically, the articulation of the eye.

Actually, written notes permitted, so that life is able to continue vis a vis the practicalities.

But the human interaction--

no longer tripped up and lascerated by words,

flayed alive by words because that is indeed what happens.

Most of lifeís pain-- words. Knives.What do you understand?

Nothing.

Why begin understanding.?

Totally unnecessary

Perhaps you should disappear

Perhaps you HAVE disappeared

Perhaps you have opened your eyes and seena flag, fluttering in the wind and said--

ah, thatís the image for me.

But was it the word, or the movements of that flag, or that flag itself with its bright colors and bold geometric design.

Couldnít it be all three?

How many?

Three


Think again.

There are no heroes

Never

There are no heroes. Correction



There are no heroes

If there are no heroes--

What?

If there are no heroes--



Think again.Human beings. Lying in wait to put things together

Anything is grist for the mill

What did you say

Anything


Psychoanalysis, the sort you claim to represent, has been much discredited of late. I hope you know that

Why are you here

Why are YOU here.Isnít it possible that I am not understood

Of course. You are not understood

So close to you, I am

I am


Is this where one might expect to find it

What


You donít know what Iím looking for?

Love?


Not love

(Pause)

On object? This vase?

Itís quite. . .special

It can hold anything.

Well-- not anything

Here-- put something insideMy only reason for being here is to. . .

My life is very lifelike

Lifelike

Yes


By which you mean?

Itís full of things that are like the things that make up a life

You notice things.

Well-- yes. I do

My life is lifelike too

It could be your particular life

Itís much more specific

Oh?


If Iím tired enough, I kow myself. I mean, I sink into my real self

Most people donít like being tired

Iím different

How do you explain that

Oh, the beauty of it is-- tired enough and explinations donít drive me. I mean, the guilt that makes one offer up explinations. Bye bye to that. I donít care

Tired


Yes

How tired

Watch me

I donít see it happening

Another plus. Itís invisible

Why is that a plus

(Pause)

Tell me, why is that a plus

(Pause)

Donít pretend youíre too tired to answer

I donít have to pretend

See? You talked

Yes, I managed

(Pause)

I donít feel like talking any more

Tired?


No

Ah, two routes to the same destination

What?

I realize you hope to destroy something effectively, and the search is for the object of that focused energy


What a waste of time

See?

No, I donít see



You mean its your words that lead you forward. When you find that desired and destructable object, once having destroyed it, it enters that realm where it could have been any other object whatsoever.

Once destroyed, all objects are equal in their nothingness

Whatís the moment in which that destruction takes place. In that moment, this table for instance, is still different from this photograph --

(takes out of pocket)

Where did you acquire that photo

(Tears it up)

I canít remember

Truly then, uopu have destoyed it

Well, I could take the pieces and re-assemble them

Youíd never be sure

Of what

If they were put back together in the same order, recreatring the same face



Oh, all faces have the characteristic of a certain coherence. I would be sure

Was it a face

Yes

Then you didnít destroy it



I donít always do what I say. In fact, after the fact, I find out I NEVER do what I say

You donít destroy anything

Never

(Pause)



How terrible

YesDoes it help to think of roses. Each moment:: at least, each moment isolatable that way in the mind. A rose hovering in space

Everything. Hovering in space. The memory of a certain morning in childhood. A house at the edge of town and outside the open window, a trellace covered with roses

Other roses evoke those roses

Yes. How did you know

(Pause)

Roses hovering everywhere

Roses


Roses

(Pause)

The day of my birth

I donít think you should touch on that

Why not

Could I tell you a secret



What

I wasnít alive at that time

Where were you

(Pause)

I had no existence. I wasnít what I am now

What am I now

Wait a minute. You have your own existence, and I am not alive in that existence which is yours. In the same way-- the way I was before I was born

But we talk about things

Yes

We share things



Yes

Before you were born, maybe we did that also

Youíre probably talking about somebody else

Yes, but it does seem interchangeable

It hovers?

Yes


(Pause)

Roses


ight. I remember and think-- roses

Roses.HERE IS A MAN, DRIVEMN BY LOVE, BUT UNREWARDED


What drives you

Yes. I am driven

What drives you, sir

Love

Love?


Yes

Are you in love?

(Pause)

Are you in love, sir?

I do not speak because I have no way of answering

Are you in love

There is no one thing I can point to which I find loveable

What are you in love with, sir

Nothing

Then you are not driven by love



But I am

(Pause)

Then, right now, youíre being asked to explain

This is something I cannot do

Then I donít believe that you are driven by love

You see? I should have said nothing

Wrong

Why wrong



You present me with a paradox. This forces me to search for an explination. What this search arouses in me, I do understand, is love.

Ah, but when you have understood--

Letís not rush into this. What do you love

Nothing


What do I love

Understanding

Which is the more worthy object of a human beingís love

(Pause)

Is it nothing, or is it understanding

My lips are sealed

Why

Thatís the best policy



(Pause)

Then we remain in suspended animation

Yes

(Pause)



No. A move has to be made

Why


This is what life is-- movement. The brain, to begin with, reaching out for gratification

Does it work?

What

Does something slip through your fingers?



Always. But this is what life is like. I donít turn my back on it

Of course not. Youíre in love

And you, sir?

Iím in love also

But with nothing

(Pause)

Well, there is nothing I have found about which I can say-- ah, here is the object of my love

(Covers eyes)

Are you quite sure

(Girl in)

Quite

Why donít you uncover your eyes



Iím trying something

What


I donít know exactly, but Iím trying it

(Girl sits-- he uncovers eyes)

Well. This is certainly a woman I find attractive

Thank you

(Pause)

Thereís no reason I shouldnít be in love with you, my dear

Thank you

(Pause)

Iím in love with you

(She exits)

I donít think she believed you were a hundred per cent sincere

Then sheís made a terrible mistake

Reallly?

Iíll prove it

How

Well-- Iíll marry her



Not unless you convince her, firtst, of your sincerity

(Pause)

Even then, she may not return your affection

Well, Iíll have to convince her

More than that

Iíll have to capture her affection

Will there be an exact match between her love and your love

Probably not

Then what

Whatís your question

(Girl reappears)

Well, the man who says he loves me is still sitting there

Yes he is

Why should I believe you

Why should it matter if you believe me or not. I mean-- why should it matter to ME. I simply. . .love you

And you wouldnít porefer for that love to be reciprocated?

(Pause)

Iím not sure if that would be better or if that would be worse. Let me tell you a story--

(Story, add at end ìand I love youî)

Iím not convinced

Let me tell you another story

(Done. ìI love you)

(other scenes, add I love youîDonít you understand we float on ideas

Iíd like to think we made contact with something other than what we float on

We float on ideas

But-- do we make contact with reality

This is unanswerable

I can imagine a man who loses touch with reality

I cannot imagine such a man

This inability of yours represents your own losing touch with reality

I insist this is impossible. Believe me-- if I could lose touch with reality I would persue that with a vengence. But whatever turn I take, I find myself still enclosed in that c ircle that asserts itself as perhaps centerless, but nevertheless in regards to which I am always in the center.

Because.

I am I.

Radiating out from me is what I radiate. Then, I touch, as in a reflection, things that are sometimes houses, trees, or other people, and sometimes dreams or even emptiness.

Itís the same, isnít it. I canít stop the process of this invisible, poverty stricken me, generating more and more reality no matter what the intensity of my efforts to remove my self so I am not in touch with reality, but I am!Partically dead

Oh, not quite

Thatís what I said

Partially dead

Not quiteDoes this mean youíve lost touch with reality

Oh, long ao

I thought so

Thatís my only contact

What with

With realityAre you in love

I donít think so

How about me

Oh? Why not. Through you-- the world, of course

Prove it


Just the opposite

What do you mean?Are you out of touch with reality

I hope not

Why


No-- I mean I hope I am

You donít like reality?

If I was in touch with it, Iíd be dead, wouldnít I

Either that or in love


Here is a man in love with reality

Why is there nothing in my bag of tricks

Look again

Well, I donít have any bag I can look into

How do you know itís empty

(Pause)

I suppose I want it to be empty

Ah, you want to be possessed of no resources

Right


Why

Well, maybe I want to get to the bottom of things

Wouldnít one need resources to be able to accomplish that

I have them

What

Resources. They were of no help



So youíre trying something different

Perhaps


You ëd like to feel empty

Yes


What next

Nothing


(Pause)

I donít believe that


Believe it

I think that ënothingí is in fact impossible

Think again

You see? You made a request

It was automatic

It may have been automatic, but that means it wasnít nothing

(Pause)


This woman is going to be here--

The one youíre attracted to?

Am I?

What do you find so attractive about her



Well, sheís always surprising me, but I have to admit that in itself wouldnít count for much if it wasnít accompanied by a desire to make multiple physical contact

I donít understand multiple

I mean innovative

How


Finding, or imagining, ways to place different psarts of my body in contact with different parts of her own body in a wide variety of ways

Well, that in itself would probably lead to surprises

Yes, but when I said she surprises me, I didnít mean that

What did you mean

(Pause)

Itís not what she says--

Itís how she says it?

No. Itís rather that what she says is never said at the exact moment I seem to register it being said.


True love

There is no such thing

Then what are you experiencing

(Pause)

I donít know what to call it, but I do know this. Thereís nothing there

Where

When she comes into the room-- at least the room where I am at the same time-- thereís an emptiness there. I can experience it



Isnít it here now?

No

Of course it is



I donít sense it

Thereís no emptiness

No

But if she walks in, there is



Yes

(Knocks)

Come in

(Pause)

The is the one

The one what

Yes.

(Pause. She exits)



Well, I can ssee nothing was said

Nothingís still being said

I donít think so

What I mean is, even if you stopped talking, there wouldnít be emptiness, therre would be boredoom

(Pause)

Can I offer you a drink.

Why notConsider this. Human beings, whatever their roles in life, function as teachers for other human ebings. All human beings learn from each other, even if their official role in life is something other than teacher, students, businessmen, artists, police, etc.

This man teaches through arrogance, while this second man teaches through humility.

These two different methods prehaps produce similar results. Some pupils are awakened to the truth by the stern menthod of arrogance. Others, by the impenetrable mystery of sweetness

These two men are used by the dsame necessity, but manifest in seemingly different, ah-- leave the next word blank.

Let life itself write the next word in a language that is not spoken with words.

(seat one)

One of these men does his work by disappearing

(other exit)

Which one disappears, in fact. You do not know, believe me, you cannot know, which one of these men does his work from a center of invisibility that others, such as yourself, have no tools to meanure.I no longer believe in that ëother worldí that heretofore sustained me and/or fed into me in secret

Ah, do you feel great loss?

Not realy. In my previous life-- because I think of it as a previous life--

Yes?


I donít want to talk about this, I just want to express it-- no-- not express it, just experience it

What


If I communicate what, it changes it

You used to have faith in some--

--I wonít continue this concersation.

(Pause)

There is morfe to life than a conversation

Isnít that my point? Evolution has happened

What

Evolution has happened



You mean, molocules to aomebas, to fish, to apes, to human beings

No. I mean way past that. Right now-- we have evolved much more-- unimaginably more

ìWeî?

Yes. We are blind to it, but we have already evolved way past what we are



I donít understand

I said-- we are blind to the fact, but itís a fact

Because you say so

No. Not because I say so

(Pause)

If weíve evolved, what are some of our unimaginable attributes.

Thatís exactly what canít be put into words because we have evolved beyond words

Feelings


Forget it. Primitive stuff. Just imagine something beyond words, beyond feelings. Just imagine something that seems arbitrary

(Pause)

Well, thatís a vast catagory

Right. Anything could happen

Multiple worlds

No, this world

(Pause)

Shall we go to the delicatessen?

Which one

The one around the corner

Why go there

To get sandwiches

Iím not in the mood for a sandwich

Liar


I want to tell you something. Iíve been to the delicatessen around the corner, and they donít make sandwiches

As of today

Ah, thereís been a change in policy

Yes there had

)Pause)

When God walked into the delicatessen around the corner and said ìIíve come for a sandwichî-- well, certain adjustments were made

Are we talking about the same delicatessen?

You said-- the one around the corner

I never patronize that delicatessen of course, because--

No, donít give me REASONS

Then Iíll hold back

(Pause)

We understand each other

Now we do

When I say ìanimalî-- whatís the first picture you see in your mind

Guess


How many do I get

20

All right. Zebra



No

Lion


No

Giraffe


No

Dog


No

Cat


No

But Iím on the verge of something

Oh yes. On the verge. But thatís not much of an accomplishment. One is always-- on the verge

I wasnít claiming it as an accomplishment

GoodI shall do what I deem best

Your next move?

When itís necessary

(Pause)

The world is waiting

Dies the world have the power to punish me?

Not really

Oh yes it does

(Pause)

It will punish me, I assume, if I donít make a move

If you donít make a move, nobody can be offended

If Iím asked to move?

Are you?

Yes


By me?

Yes


(Pause)

Well, I didnít realize that, but now I do

So. Iím being punished

You already internalized that

Love me

How can I control whether or not that happens



See? I shouldnít have made my move

Did you mean-- love me, in the sense of loving mankind, or loving the earth, or culture, or something like that?

Something like that

Then I do love you

See> I made my love. Do you know how humiliated I feel

Well, everybody needs love

Why

Thatís the human condition



Iíl like to be a little more clear sighted than that, thank you

No such luck

I do my best

Well-- your best isnít good enough

As a matter of fact, my best is perfect. I mean, it suits me perfectly, because it is me. My best.

(Pause)

That shouldd blind you

What


My best

Why blind me

The perfect fit. That should be radient

I failed the test

Yes

I donít pick up on this radience



Sorry. You failed the test. But thatís OK

Why


It makes you radient

(Pause)

Thank goodness

Careful-- itís not necessarily a lot of fun

Thatís OK

Right. Because--?

Iím radient

Yes. You areRest assured, this man-- myself-- is not here.

You are here. This table is here-- but this man, this man is not here.

This man is, in fact, a hole carved in everything else here manifest.

Oh, his body is here, but he is not here-- do not think what I am speaking of is some unfathomable soul. No. No. Iím not speaking vis a vis the existence of that or anything else postulated being not-visible.This is not what I am saying.

This cabinet is here

(opened)

this book is here-- even though its contents are of course invisible to you at this moment.

But this man-- myself-- is not here. What Iím sasying is-- thatís your decision. Your decision is how you read me. And whichever way you choose to read me-- I can respond to you by saying youíve made the wrong choice. The man youíve decided to postulate is not here

(exit)Answer any available questions

Well, all questions are probably available, even if only some of them get asked

Why are you here?

(Pause)

Because Iím breathing, thinking, registering what I see and hear

Go on

Because I was born. Because having been born, I continue existing



(Pause)

Because the world evolved in such a way that creatures evolved and gave birth to other creatures.

Lose oneself in others? Iím not sure thatís such a wonderful idea.

Itís necessary. Itís the only was I have enough energuy to go on

Is that why youíre here?

I am here in order to move toward the future. IE-- death

Did you come from death?

Well, I came from not being alive

Who made you say that

You did


Ah, then you DO need others, after all, to get you to say those things you desparately want to say

Yes, but also I get pulled into saying things I have no desire to say. Things I donít mean all, but the saing of them just gets provoked

(Pause)

Go on about being dead before you were alive

Iím not sure I was dead. Iím not sure you can be dead until after youíve been alive

Can you be dead for a long time

Yes

Really? Think about it



(Pause)

Youíre suggesting that Iím only dead for a minute. After that-- Iím not anything, since Iím not alive

Iím not suggesting anything

Maybe Iím dead now

Really?

I donít know why I say that



Really?

(Pause)

Well, maybe Iím as good as dead

Ah, being dead is as good as being alive

That could be true

Even though you wouldnít be able to enjoy things

There are things I havenít experienced that I might enjoy-- but Iím not sure that I miss them

So-- do you wish to be dead?

It might hurt

Other than that?

Let me think about this

Yes?


(Pause)

I think itís something I can think about better if Iím alive

If I go away, will you talk o yourself?

No

Then I better stay



All right-- Iíll talk to myself

(Exit: Pause)

If I wasnít here-- now wait a minute-- whatís the relationship between not being in this room, and geing dead?

(Goes)


ìNotice. The room is still here, and it is not at all sad about being emptyîNothing. Nothing. This is nothing

You canít believe this, or rather-- you can believe this but you can BELIEVE anything. Can you therefore believe this.

Yes. You can believe that I am speaking and in my speaking you can believe that I say what is in my heart. This is easy for you to believe

Now I have said enough. Hidden in what I have said is everythingI am aware of everything, so I donít have to be

You mean, there are parts of yourself that close down for the night

Did I say that

I think there are parts of myself that close down for the night

Then you are not aware of everything

Please

(Holds out phone)

Did you call out for dinner?

If I did, another phone call is necessary?

That wasnít my implication

What was


You called out for dinner-- now cancel it

First of all I didnít, but why cancel

Is it time for dinner?

No

Then why cancel



The more times we cancel, the more confused the source is

And the more confused at the source--

Ah, are we then in a position of power?

I think he who controls the lines of communication controls the power

Better hang up now

Why


Better be aloof. Or should I say-- withdrawn. Then one is cocooned in oneís power

Excellent

Not quite. But one option, and if there remains one option, thedn one hasnít covered everything, and one wants to cover or include everything

Dinner


That too

Itís been covered

Good. Then the phone line is unoccupied

For now


Letís make it forever

(Pause)

Letís effectuate that final message

Oh, I think that final message is already written all over the walls

--In invisible ink?

No. Not in ink

I said invisible ink

And I said, not in ink

(Pause)

Did you hear me?

Funny-- putting two and two together, Iíd say I didnít hear you the first time, but I heard you the second time

This is the third time

And I heard, even though you didnít have to say it a third time

And I did

Right. You didnít.

(Shake)The outside limit. Now what the hell does that mean?

Itís too vague

Ah-- that must be what it means

What

It just popped into my head

What

The whole phrase



Therefore it has to be important

Anything that pops into somebodyís head wants, certainly, to be there. Thatís whatís important

The outside limit of being important

(Pause)

This is important

Actually, itís the outside limit of being important

Whatís the opposite

There is no opposite

Is it the opposite that I hate being here, being in this place in which I am living, surrounded by the people who I experience--

You wish you were someplace else

Some other epoch. Yes. I wonít name it

Itís probably wrong

Probably

You probably wouldnít like that other time and place any better, if you were actuallyinside it, it would probably see equally suffocating

Yes

It would always be the outside limit of what was tollerable



Yes, I suppose this is tollerable.

Well, hereís the secret. Whatever it was, it would be tollerable, even though it would seem that just a little bit more and it wouldnít be.

Yes. If this world Iím living in were just a little bit more suffocating than it is-- it wouldnít be tollerable

Except, it would be

Yes. I suppose it would

Why


Iíd change along with it

Ah, my friend. You will always be placed at the outside limit of things

Right, here I am, waving to everybody inside

Waving?


Yes

Trying to attract peopleís attention?

Yes

No, letís postulate that you succeed in attracting everybodyís attention, or at least the attention of a significant number of people. They turn toward you, because youíve attrracted-- at least for the moment--everybodyís attention. They all ëcenterí on you, at least for a moment



(Pause)

Youíre the center of their attention

Where am I

You tell me

Well, I suppose Iím in the middle of things

Is that good?

I donít know

Iím focusing my attention on you

Well, Iím returning the favor

Ah, then we find ourselves locked together in a circle of mutual attention

Very true

(Pause)

How did we get here

Oh no, I never look back

Please

(Think. Exit)

Why bring roses, when roses are visible in the distance

Guess what. You donít get anything unless you work for it

How about if you wish for it

Wishes without work? No results

See?

Thatís why life sucks



No/ Thatís why YOU suck

Fuck youThis is not what you imagine. This is a field over which your attention is even distributed, and then you zone in on small sectorss of that total field

This is something you can hardly avoid doing because you lack discipline. But if you acquire self-discipline, you will be able to sustain in your consciousness the entire field as one thing, or not one thing, but as an endless wideness, and you will not make a ëthingí out of it, but truth will start speaking to you as it bounces randomly across the wide vista of this entire field. It will happen. It will happen.

But of course you are not yet really in a position to allow this to happen and so for the moment you are busy making discoveries which repeat old patterns which are just as valuable as new patterns, but thatís not the point, is it. The point is-- oh, look, there is a recognizable tree in that painting

on the wall, but who said anything about a wall? Thatís the point. Who said anything about a wall?You donít watch this probably

I donít watch what

Who is going to be giving me what I want

What do you want

. . .Everything for free.

Everything IS free. Just take it.

No. Everything is for free only if I use violence, and that wastes my energy

The more you waste, the more you acquire. This is a rule of life

Really?

Really.


Was my imitation of a dogís face effective?

It made me think that you were a dog

I guess it doesnít get any better than that

Could I interest you in a rubber hat?

Am I getting it for free?

It keeps the rain off

Because itís rubber

Yes


Then itís for free, really.

Yes


(Pause)

I donít even have the energy to reach out and take it.

This is not one of your better experiences

I wonít say

You mean, you wonít correct yourself

You can judge me, but I wonít do it myself

(Pause)

I better go

(Pause. Goes)

Now Iím really alone

(Other enters)

Did you know your name had been called?


No


(Exit)

Now Iím really aloneHis reason for becoming one of us was at first only apparent. Then, he slid into this was of being at one with himself.

A door opened and he was there but a light shone on him, and the light was not there, but the smile it illuminated was flying. Ahh, flying smiles

You should be able to recognize me

I do, I recognize you

That was quick

Oh, I donít think so quick, because Iíve evolved into that ability, and that certainly took time

Then what I wanted to say was wrong

But you said it

When a hand is offered in friemndship. Be prepared to take it


You talked to me about sex philosophy, and I thought that was very wonderful

I didnít know what I was talking about

I knew that to be the caseI decided in my next life to be a table. Is that OK with you?

Why not. I like tables

I donít know if youíll be around to like or not like the kind of table I turn into

Letís try it out

What


Table you

Table me


Table you appeals to me as a table for usage

Use me


I decided in my next life to be a table because I would be so useful. You could eat off me. You could sit at me and read books. You could cut pieces of paper leaning your elbows on me. You could play cards with somebody else sitting on the other side of the table. Or you could have negotiations

Letís try negotiations

About what

About being dead

But weíre not dead. Weíre living a second lifeDonít you ever have the feeling-- I do-- that there I a secret content that is undiscoverable. We could talk, of course, of a hundred things-- but non of these things-- not really sex, excetement, power, etc-- none of these things are the secret content

What is ther secret content

I donít know

Maybe itís a picture

Maybe itís this picture of this cat. Something is driving me forward and maybe itís this. The secret content. The content that blows everything else away. The seed. The content is a seed that could turn into almost ANYTHING. The secret content

Maybe the secret content is numbers. Just numbers. You fill it naming numbers and itís totally satisfying in and of itself. MaybeI feel growing in me-- a love for everything in the world, which is certainly not explicable. But I have chosen to accept it. Let us class it as a distortion of the field in which I exist. OK. But there is nothing evil in this particular distortion of reality, even if it is a distortion, because it makes me love everythingEverything under a different sign


1) Now that I am dead

Now that I have entered my second life

2) Because I feel a love for everything

3) This is my move to render the inexplicable

4) I think I have touched a super content, a content that is inexhaustable

5) This is my openess to things

6) If I empty myself out, something else is able to speak through me

7) I want my consciousness to be able to trvel in multiple directions at once

8) The thing Iím taling about is not what Iím talking about

9) In order to contact the emptiness which is productive

10) Understand why what Iím about to say is a little bit confusing. Thereís a lapse in time

11) Can I go on? Can I grow, or regress-- Iíll try to grow

Please, he says. Please do not punish me.

To whom does he speak?

To life itself. But of course, his words are useless, because life, certainly, will punish him, as it already has, and as it will forever and ever.

Because this man intuits-- everything that he is not

and all the pleasures that fail to descend upon him

and all the limitations of his own consciousness and ability.

And this intuition of the truth of things--

this finds different ways in which to manifest itself and these different manifestations do punish him, and so he says--

Pleae-- donít punish meî.

He is speaking to the wind

and his heartfelt plea

is supressed

by music.

-------

This flower. . .is yours



Shall I reward you with a kiss? I think not

That was not my expectation

Wasnít it now

Not heretofore, but I can see that I am being punished

Listen-- my kiss would punish you even more

-----------------


Am I a child still-- that I must be punished for reasons I do not understand?

Are you a child?

In a sense, yes. I feel childlike--

But you are not innocent, however

I feel innocent

Really?

Ah. Now you twist something inside me--



Really?

--so I no longer feel the security of my inocence

Really?

(Pause)



And yet-- I do not understand whatís happening to me-- so in that sense, I feel my innocence restored

(Present rose)

For you

(Takes)



I donít know what to do with this flower

Then you are certain to be punished

Why?

(Pause)



For your lack of generosity

Generosity?

Yes. You donít undertsand?

I donít understand.

Well, after you are punished-- perhaps you will understand.Can you see anything?

Oh yes.


Those glasses look opaque

I find the word opaque to be very bizarre. To me it sounds like something totally penetrable. It sounds like, glass-- that you can see through, thatís opaque. Itís transparent, but opaque sounds more transparent than transparent

(Pause)

Iím sure thereís an explination for that

You mean, etimologically

Yes


(Pause)

You mean-- these eye glasses are opaque

In which sense

You bore me. You bore me.

--You bore me!

(Pause)

Here. See if these are opaque

(Tried on)

yes

In your sense or my sense



You bore me, you bore me

--You bore me! (Package)

Here. --Flowers.

Oh? I thought-- carrots,

(open, our carrots)

(enters with roses, stops)

I said ROSES. Getr rid of those carrots

OK


(Exit)

Roses--


Now get rid of those roses

OK


(Pause. Exit)Itís basic. People like to put things on their wall, so those things are there to look at. Sort of reminders-- ? No. Tuning machines. You see a picture, and tune yourself to that image. Ah yes-- have that image in mind. Why? Well-- I donít want to forget a certain energy. Reference to a certain energy. The was things go together to make beauty.

Energy is implied in that.

Thereís an energy transfer when you look at a beautiful thing.

See energy in the movement of lines and colors. In the transformation of a face or a table or flowers-- into lines that are lively. A principal of life is contained in that.

In that transfer.

In that livelyness of line.

Is that what makes it work?Certain words that leap out of me.

That take possession of a person.

Say a thing.

Tomorrow. Tomorrow.

The messiah comes tomorror.

Yes, this is a quality of ëtomorrowí that kind of-- sleeps inside the word, doesnít it.

Yes

(Pause)



Here, these flowers are for you

Tomorrow


Now

(Pause)

Thank you

Thatís not particularly intense, that ëthank youí.

Without talking about it-- would you have known?

I donít know

Would you have known even that ëdonít knowí?

Letís see. I would have given you flowers--

No, I gave them

(Pause)

Then Iím confusedThe word is.... Reply

The word is re-play

Then the word is re-place.

Rather tha--

Wait a minute. I postulate an experience-- that I have no means of describing

Why do you use the word ëpostulateí

It means--

--I know what it means.

(Pause)

It means, I ask you to imagine--

--No you donít

All right. I use the word ëpostulateí because it says what I want. In the total sentence-- it works. I postulate an experience I have no means of describing.

Try

To myself, even. I just say-- Iím having an experience-- Iím sitting here talking to you. That I can describe, imagine, talk about-- everything else. But at the same time Iím having another experience, which I donít know about.



Then youíre not having it

But I am


Why should I believe that

Because it seems self evident to me

Is there any reason to say-- youíre having hundreds of experiences right now, of which you are not aware

No. That seems true

Are you having them in your unconscious?

Maybe


Do better than that

No. Maybe is an excellent response

(Pause)

Can you imagine the intensity in that ìmaybeî?

Maybe I can

(Pause)

See those flowers?

Yes


Those are for you


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