Chapter 27: Page 2
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They had borrowed a melodeum—a sick one; and when everything was ready a young woman set down and worked it, and it was pretty skreeky and colicky, and everybody joined in and sung, and Peter was the only one that had a good thing, according to my notion. Then the Reverend Hobson opened up, slow and solemn, and begun to talk; and straight off the most outrageous row busted out in the cellar a body ever heard; it was only one dog, but he made a most powerful racket, and he kept it up right along; the parson he had to stand there, over the coffin, and wait—you couldn’t hear yourself think. It was right down awkward, and nobody didn’t seem to know what to do. But pretty soon they see that long-legged undertaker make a sign to the preacher as much as to say, “Don’t you worry—just depend on me.” Then he stooped down and begun to glide along the wall, just his shoulders showing over the people’s heads. So he glided along, and the powwow and racket getting more and more outrageous all the time; and at last, when he had gone around two sides of the room, he disappears down cellar. Then in about two seconds we heard a whack, and the dog he finished up with a most amazing howl or two, and then everything was dead still, and the parson begun his solemn talk where he left off. In a minute or two here comes this undertaker’s back and shoulders gliding along the wall again; and so he glided and glided around three sides of the room, and then rose up, and shaded his mouth with his hands, and stretched his neck out towards the preacher, over the people’s heads, and says, in a kind of a coarse whisper, “HE HAD A RAT!” Then he drooped down and glided along the wall again to his place. You could see it was a great satisfaction to the people, because naturally they wanted to know. A little thing like that don’t cost nothing, and it’s just the little things that makes a man to be looked up to and liked. There warn’t no more popular man in town than what that undertaker was.
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Someone had borrowed a melodeun—a pretty awful one. When everything was ready, a young woman sat down and started playing it. It shrieked a lot and sounded like a crying baby, but everyone joined in and sang. Peter was the lucky one, if you ask me. Then the Reverend Hobson began to talk slowly and solemnly. Just then, the loudest noise anyone had ever heard came up from out of the cellar. It was only a dog, but he barked so loudly you couldn’t hear yourself think. The parson had to just stand over the body and wait. The whole situation was pretty awkward, and no one seemed to know what to do. Pretty soon, though, the long-legged undertaker signaled to the preacher as if to say, “Don’t worry about—I’ll take care of it.” Then he bent down and began to glide along the wall, so that only his shoulders showed above people’s heads. He glided along as the barking got louder and louder until he’d made his way along two walls and disappeared down into the cellar. In a couple seconds we heard a loud whack followed by a final howl or two from the dog before everything was dead still. Then the parson picked up his sermon again right where he’d left off. The undertaker’s shoulders appeared gliding along the wall in another minute or two, and he continued gliding around three sides of the room. Then he rose up, covered his mouth with his hand, craned his neck toward the preacher over people’s heads and said in kind of a coarse whisper, “He had a rat!” Then he dropped back down and glided along the wall again to his place. You could see everyone was satisfied with that, since they’d all wanted to know why the dog had been barking so loudly. A little touch like that doesn’t take much effort, but it’s those little touches that earn people’s admiration and respect. That was why there wasn’t a more popular man in town than the undertaker.
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Well, the funeral sermon was very good, but pison long and tiresome; and then the king he shoved in and got off some of his usual rubbage, and at last the job was through, and the undertaker begun to sneak up on the coffin with his screw-driver. I was in a sweat then, and watched him pretty keen. But he never meddled at all; just slid the lid along as soft as mush, and screwed it down tight and fast. So there I was! I didn’t know whether the money was in there or not. So, says I, s’pose somebody has hogged that bag on the sly?—now how do I know whether to write to Mary Jane or not? S’pose she dug him up and didn’t find nothing, what would she think of me? Blame it, I says, I might get hunted up and jailed; I’d better lay low and keep dark, and not write at all; the thing’s awful mixed now; trying to better it, I’ve worsened it a hundred times, and I wish to goodness I’d just let it alone, dad fetch the whole business!
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Well, the final sermon was very good, but it was really long and tiresome. When it was over, the king barged in and spouted some of his usual garbage. Then that was it. The undertaker began to sneak up on the coffin with his screwdriver. I was getting pretty nervous, and I watched him closely to see what would happen. He didn’t mess around with anything at all, though. He just slid the lid on quickly and easily and screwed it down tightly. And that was that! I didn’t know whether the money was in there or not. Suppose, I said to myself, someone has taken the bag without anyone else knowing it? How could I know whether I should write to Mary Jane or not? Suppose she dug him up and didn’t find anything. What would she think of me then? Shoot, they might come after me and throw me in jail. I’d better just keep quiet and not write anything at all, I said to myself. Everything’s all messed up now. I tried to make it better and just messed it up even more. I wished to goodness that I’d just let things be. Darn it all!
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They buried him, and we come back home, and I went to watching faces again—I couldn’t help it, and I couldn’t rest easy. But nothing come of it; the faces didn’t tell me nothing.
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They buried him, and we went back home. I started watching everyone’s face again, because I just couldn’t help it, and I couldn’t relax. Nothing more came of it, though—the faces didn’t tell me anything.
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The king he visited around in the evening, and sweetened everybody up, and made himself ever so friendly; and he give out the idea that his congregation over in England would be in a sweat about him, so he must hurry and settle up the estate right away and leave for home. He was very sorry he was so pushed, and so was everybody; they wished he could stay longer, but they said they could see it couldn’t be done. And he said of course him and William would take the girls home with them; and that pleased everybody too, because then the girls would be well fixed and amongst their own relations; and it pleased the girls, too—tickled them so they clean forgot they ever had a trouble in the world; and told him to sell out as quick as he wanted to, they would be ready. Them poor things was that glad and happy it made my heart ache to see them getting fooled and lied to so, but I didn’t see no safe way for me to chip in and change the general tune.
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The king visited with everyone that evening and lightened the mood with his friendliness. He said he had to settle up the rest of the estate immediately and head back to England because his subjects back home would be worried about him. He and everyone else were very sorry that he was so pressed for time. Everyone wanted him to stay longer, but they understood that it wasn’t possible. Of course, he said that he and William would take the girls home with them. That made everyone happy too, because then the girls would be well taken care of and among family. It pleased the girls too—pleased them so much, in fact, that they forgot everything bad that had happened. They told him that he could settle his business as quickly as he wanted to, because they were ready to go. The poor things were so happy to go back that it made my heart ache to see them getting fooled and lied to. I didn’t see a safe way for me to tell them the truth, though.
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Chapter 27: Page 3
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Well, blamed if the king didn’t bill the house and the niggers and all the property for auction straight off—sale two days after the funeral; but anybody could buy private beforehand if they wanted to.
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Well, darned it if the king didn’t prepare to auction the house and the n------ and all the property just two days after the funeral. Anybody could buy anything from him privately beforehand if they wanted to.
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So the next day after the funeral, along about noon-time, the girls’ joy got the first jolt. A couple of nigger traders come along, and the king sold them the niggers reasonable, for three-day drafts as they called it, and away they went, the two sons up the river to Memphis, and their mother down the river to Orleans. I thought them poor girls and them niggers would break their hearts for grief; they cried around each other, and took on so it most made me down sick to see it. The girls said they hadn’t ever dreamed of seeing the family separated or sold away from the town. I can’t ever get it out of my memory, the sight of them poor miserable girls and niggers hanging around each other’s necks and crying; and I reckon I couldn’t a stood it all, but would a had to bust out and tell on our gang if I hadn’t knowed the sale warn’t no account and the niggers would be back home in a week or two.
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The girl’s bubble started to burst around noon the day after the funeral. A couple of n----- traders came along and the king sold his n------ to them for a reasonable price. The buyers wrote a check, and away they went. Two sons were sold up the river to work in Memphis and their mother was sold down the river to New Orleans. I thought the girls and the n-----’s hearts were going to break out of grief. They cried and carried on so much that it made me down right sick to watch. The girls said they never dreamed of seeing the family separated or sold to out-of-towners. I will never forget the sight of those poor miserable girls and n------ hugging each other and crying. I probably wouldn’t have been able to stand it, and would have ratted out our whole gang, if I hadn’t known that the sale wasn’t legal and that the n------ would be back home in a week or two.
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The thing made a big stir in the town, too, and a good many come out flatfooted and said it was scandalous to separate the mother and the children that way. It injured the frauds some; but the old fool he bulled right along, spite of all the duke could say or do, and I tell you the duke was powerful uneasy.
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The sale caused major controversy in town and prompted many people to put their feet down in protest because it was so scandalous to separate the mother and children that way. It hurt the reputation of the king and the duke, but the king played along, despite the duke’s protests. You could tell the duke was getting pretty uneasy.
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Next day was auction day. About broad day in the morning the king and the duke come up in the garret and woke me up, and I see by their look that there was trouble. The king says:
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The auction was held the day after. The king and the duke came up to the attic around mid morning and woke me up. I could see by the look on their faces that there was trouble. The king said:
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“Was you in my room night before last?”
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“Were you in my room the night before last?”
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“No, your majesty"—which was the way I always called him when nobody but our gang warn’t around.
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“No, your majesty,” which is what I always called him when no one except the people in our little group were around.
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“Was you in there yisterday er last night?”
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“Were you in there yesterday, er, I mean, last night?”
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“No, your majesty.”
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“No, your majesty.”
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“Honor bright, now—no lies.”
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“Be honest now—don’t lie.”
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“Honor bright, your majesty, I’m telling you the truth. I hain’t been a-near your room since Miss Mary Jane took you and the duke and showed it to you.”
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“Honestly, your majesty. I’m telling you the truth. I haven’t been near your room since Miss Mary Jane showed it to you and the duke.”
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The duke says:
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The duke said:
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“Have you seen anybody else go in there?”
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“Have you seen anyone else go in there?”
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“No, your grace, not as I remember, I believe.”
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“No, your grace. Not that I remember anyway.”
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“Stop and think.”
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“Stop and think.”
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I studied awhile and see my chance; then I says:
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I thought about it awhile, and saw the opportunity I was looking for. I said:
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“Well, I see the niggers go in there several times.”
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“Well, I’ve seen the n------ go in there several times.”
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Both of them gave a little jump, and looked like they hadn’t ever expected it, and then like they HAD. Then the duke says:
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Both of them jumped a little bit, completely caught off guard. Then they acted like they expected that to be my answer. The duke said:
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“What, all of them?”
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“What do you mean? All of them?”
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“No—leastways, not all at once—that is, I don’t think I ever see them all come OUT at once but just one time.”
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“No. Well, not all at the same time, anyways. I think there was only one time when I saw them all come OUT at the same time.”
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“Hello! When was that?”
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“A-ha! When was that?”
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“It was the day we had the funeral. In the morning. It warn’t early, because I overslept. I was just starting down the ladder, and I see them.”
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“It was in the morning on the day of the funeral. I’d overslept, so it wasn’t too early. I was just coming down the ladder when I saw them.”
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“Well, go on, GO on! What did they do? How’d they act?”
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“Well, go on, go on! What did they do? How were they acting?”
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“They didn’t do nothing. And they didn’t act anyway much, as fur as I see. They tiptoed away; so I seen, easy enough, that they’d shoved in there to do up your majesty’s room, or something, s’posing you was up; and found you WARN’T up, and so they was hoping to slide out of the way of trouble without waking you up, if they hadn’t already waked you up.”
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“They weren’t doing anything. And they weren’t acting strangely as far as I could tell. They tiptoed away. It looked to me as if they’d gone in to clean up your majesty’s room, thinking you were awake, but slipped quietly when they found you still in bed. They didn’t want to wake you up and get in any trouble.”
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“Great guns, THIS is a go!” says the king; and both of them looked pretty sick and tolerable silly. They stood there a-thinking and scratching their heads a minute, and the duke he bust into a kind of a little raspy chuckle, and says:
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“My god! That’s it!” said the king. Both of them looked pretty sick, and pretty silly too. They stood there a minute thinking and scratching their heads. The duke finally burst into kind of a raspy chuckle, and said:
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“It does beat all how neat the niggers played their hand. They let on to be SORRY they was going out of this region! And I believed they WAS sorry, and so did you, and so did everybody. Don’t ever tell ME any more that a nigger ain’t got any histrionic talent. Why, the way they played that thing it would fool ANYBODY. In my opinion, there’s a fortune in ’em. If I had capital and a theater, I wouldn’t want a better lay-out than that—and here we’ve gone and sold ’em for a song. Yes, and ain’t privileged to sing the song yet. Say, where IS that song—that draft?”
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“Those n------ played their hand pretty well. They pretended to be SAD that they were being sold far away from here! And I believed they WERE sorry, and so did you and everyone else. Don’t ever tell ME that n------ can’t act. Why, the way they acted, they could have fooled ANYBODY. They could make a fortune, in my opinion. If I had some money and a theater, I couldn’t ask for better actors. And we’ve just sold them for a pittance! A pittance! Hey, where’s that check the traders wrote you?”
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Chapter 27: Page 4
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“In the bank for to be collected. Where WOULD it be?”
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“I deposited it in the bank. Where else would it be?”
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“Well, THAT’S all right then, thank goodness.”
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“Well, at least we have that, thank goodness.”
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Says I, kind of timid-like:
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Rather timidly, I said:
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“Is something gone wrong?”
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“Did something bad happen?”
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The king whirls on me and rips out:
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The king whirled around to look at me and snarled:
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“None o’ your business! You keep your head shet, and mind y’r own affairs—if you got any. Long as you’re in this town don’t you forgit THAT—you hear?” Then he says to the duke, “We got to jest swaller it and say noth’n’: mum’s the word for US.”
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“None of your business! Keep your mouth closed and mind your own business, if you even have any. You just keep that in mind as long as you’re in this town, you hear?” Then he turned to the duke, and said, “We’ll just have to swallow the loss, say nothing, and go on. Mum’s the word for us.”
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As they was starting down the ladder the duke he chuckles again, and says:
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As they were starting down the ladder the duke chuckled again and said:
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“Quick sales AND small profits! It’s a good business—yes.”
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“Quick sales AND small profits. Oh yes, it’s a good business.”
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The king snarls around on him and says:
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The king snarled back:
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“I was trying to do for the best in sellin’ ’em out so quick. If the profits has turned out to be none, lackin’ considable, and none to carry, is it my fault any more’n it’s yourn?”
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“I thought I was doing the best thing for us by selling them so quickly. If it turns out we didn’t make much money, is it any more my fault than yours?”
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“Well, THEY’D be in this house yet and we WOULDN’T if I could a got my advice listened to.”
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“Well, they’d still be in this house and we wouldn’t if SOMEONE had listened to my advice earlier.”
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The king sassed back as much as was safe for him, and then swapped around and lit into ME again. He give me down the banks for not coming and TELLING him I see the niggers come out of his room acting that way—said any fool would a KNOWED something was up. And then waltzed in and cussed HIMSELF awhile, and said it all come of him not laying late and taking his natural rest that morning, and he’d be blamed if he’d ever do it again. So they went off a-jawing; and I felt dreadful glad I’d worked it all off on to the niggers, and yet hadn’t done the niggers no harm by it.
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The king mouthed off at the duke as much as he could get away with, then turned around and started chewing me out again. He yelled at me for not having told him before that I’d seen the n------ acting suspiciously as they snuck out of his room. He said that any fool would have known something was up. Then he started cursing to himself for not having done what comes naturally to him by lounging around in bed that morning. He said that he’d be darned if he would ever get up early again. They went off griping at each other, and I felt pretty happy that I’d been able to put the blame on those n------ without hurting them in the process.
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