Century earth
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| Preface
A written card scrolls past. It says: It’s a dark time for Mulder. He’s been assigned an X-File that is nearly unsolvable. Scully isn’t anywhere to be seen. At all. Meanwhile, something like 400 years in the future, the Crew of an Enterprising Vessel ponders the unsolved mystery. Then a menace thought long vanquished returned unexpectedly… 20th century earth Mulder’s boss: Mulder, we’ve got trouble in the future Mulder: well what am I supposed to do about it? Opening sequence: Space Ships fly by Conversation on bridge Chappie: there’s trouble now No 1 No 1: what am I supposed to do about it? Chappie: We have to stop the evil enemy, they took me once and they freakin implanted stuff in my body. Alien: I am a Klingon. Android: Interesting. Klingon is a dull place and nothing interesting ever happens there. But you know… Alien: Shut up foo’. No. 1: Which reminds me, we’d better call Mr. T. (A Team Theme plays briefly) Chappie: No, we burned too many bridges last time. Blind man: I’ll fly the ship now. Ship flies wildly around space. Enemy ship appears. Enemy Captain: lets bar b q them. Enemy Minions: lets. Ship flies around. All: AAAHHHH! Blind man: I’m quite done now. And we’re there. All: Thank YOU! Chappie: We’re here on a mission. It’s time we told you, what the mission, is. No one has been here before, nay, no one important. But we’re here now. Android: I have a briefing for you all. This planet, nife G’Nife was made by the esteemed Dr. Banzai out of some extra brain cells and some 8th dimensional matter he put in a coffee pot and set on high. Suffice to say, this is one weird… No 1: shut up Chappie: well, I’ve learned quite enough. Get your phase’ems ready people. All except Chappie beam down. No.1: We need to find and negotiate with the Bird-King. Bird-King emerges from jungle. Bird-King: Cluck Cluck Cluck Android: He says he has something for us. No.1: Phase’ems on kill dead. Blind man: OMG Wut iz dis? Android: It appears to be my long lost twin brother, made before me and evil. Pure evil. Flashback: Mulder, looking at twin brother: He’s pure evil. Present day (future): Alien: I agree, and he’s a threat. Get him. Shoots twin brother. Twin brother comes alive. No. 1: Crap he’s alive. Android: Well technically, he never was alive, I mean not in the sense I am…. All: Shut up. All (except Chappie) beam up, along with now alive twin brother. Back on ship: Chappie: welcome back Enemy ship in space: Brog queen: We must summon Lawd Bobo. He has the key to our dilemma. Brog minions: you da man. Brog Queen: I am the queen, you know. Lawd Bobo enters. Lawd Bobo: I am here, Brog Queen. What can I do for you today? Brog Queen: We hafta Defeat the enemy ship, the enterprising vessel of my nemesis, Captain Chappie. He’s evil…to me. Lawd Bobo: I have a plan: I planted an evil twin of their android on a primitive bird world. For certain, they’ve taken it aboard by now and what I’m going next is switch that twin for the evil twin you already have. (Evil twin of Evil twin steps forward) The evil twin of the evil twin will infiltrate the Enterprising Vessel. Brog Queen: Excellent. Later: Lawd Bobo, watching feed from the original evil twin: My plan is working perfectly. On Enterprising Vessel: Blind Man: I once was blind but now I see…well enough to drive again. No. 1: No way Jose Bob. You’re not driving one depametre. Blind man: (under breath) bonzo Chappie: Well somebody’d better drive the stinking ship. Alien: I can drive. On my planet… Android: Yes, and on your planet you aren’t old enough to do much else. Heh heh heh. I programmed myself to say that contraction and to imitate laughter. Isn’t that great? Alien: I can also say I’d be well within my rights to disembowel you and spread your mechanical entrails about the ship until all the crew cringes with distaste…if you had entrails. Android: Well, actually… No. 1: On my home planet we have an expression: Shut UP! Evil twin walks in Evil twin: Hello my name is AndroidOne. Android: What a coincidence, my name is AndroidTwo. I thought I was unique. But now I know better, boy do I know better. No. 1: Crap AndroidOne: I know better too…Now I realize I’m not unique in the universe. (This will come up later. Ed.). Yes, I realize that, and I have the perfect remedy…(pulls out weapon) (attempts to shoot android, but stops) Whoops, I am an evil twin you know. That was a close call. All except emotionless automatons laugh. Bridge quivers. Outside Enterprising Vessel, laughter is heard. On Enemy vessel: Lawd Bobo: Come in evil twin, come in evil twin… Evil twin (AndroidOne): Hello. It’s good to hear from you master. What can I do for you? Lawd Bobo: I’d like you to deploy the bomb. AndroidOne: I can’t do that Bobo. Lawd Bobo: You must do as I wish, AndroidOne. I reprogrammed you. Android One: Nope I won’t do it master. Signing off. Btw, I really like my new family which you delivered me to. Bye. Brog Queen: How’s the plan going Lawd Bobo. Lawd Bobo: Just fine Ma’am Brog Minions: You da man. Lawd Bobo: I’ll need the Evil twin of the evil twin of the android minion. I have a mission for him. On Enterprising Vessel AndroidTwo, on holodeck jungle planet: (singing) Three fat turkeys, Three fat turkeys, see how they run, away from the chopping block, one jumped over a garbage can, another fell into a pit and died, and the third one got away, the third one got away…Three fat turkeys… No.1: Shut UP Android! Hey, what’s this fence? Android: You’ll see, No.1. Velociraptor leaps from jungle and attacks No.1. Velociraptor screams. No.1: AHHHHHH! Get it off me! AHHHHH! Robert Muldoon emerges from jungle: Clever Girl. Muldoon disappears into jungle. No. 1: AHHHHHH! AndroidTwo: Don’t worry, the safety protocols are on, you can’t be hurt commander. No.1: That doesn’t make me feel any better Android. Velociraptor continues to bat him around. Evil twin enters. Evil Twin (AndroidOne): Hullo AndroidTwo. AndroidTwo: Hello AndroidOne. Want to sing a song? Brog Ship again. Brog Queen: How is the plan going Lawd Bobo? Lawd Bobo: Just fine. I have already initiated phase 2. Brog Minions: What’s phase two Lawd Bobo: I thought they’d ask. I have placed the evil twin of the evil twin of the android on a distant moon near the primitive bird planet. I’ll now send a message to the Enterprising vessel to attract their attention. On Enterprising Vessel Alien: We get signal Chappie: Where is it from, Klingon? Alien: it’s on a distant moon near the primitive bird planet. But not so distant that Blind man would have to drive the ship. Blind man: aww. Chappie: AndroidTwo to the bridge. AndroidTwo enters bridge. Chappie: Drive the ship AndroidTwo. AndroidTwo sits down and starts playing with the controls. He sings: We like the mooooon…. On Enemy Vessel: Lawd Bobo: My plan is working perfectly. Enterprising vessel enters orbit around the moon. Android: …Cause it is close to us… All: Stop. Android: I just did. All except Chappie beam down including evil twin. Alien: I detect a threat. No.1: Weapons ready. AndroidTwo: I know what this is. This is the home of my creator. AndroidOne: I remember it too. Then I blew up the house. AndroidTwo: Oh yeah, that’s why you’re evil. AndroidOne: But I’m better now. Both: Yes. No.1: There’s the threat…It looks like a copy of the evil twin. Blind man: An evil twin of the evil twin? Where? AndroidTwo: Right in front of you. Evil twin of Evil twin shoots Blind Man. He falls over. Others subdue Evil twin of Evil twin and take him back to the ship. Back on ship. Chappie welcomes away team back. Chappie: What have we here? AndroidTwo: An Evil Twin of my Evil Twin. Chappie: What does that mean? No.1: What does anything he says mean? Chappie: Oh. You’re right. His words are meaningless. Thanks No.1. No.1: Don’t Mention it. Engineering. Blind man: I’m running the engines now! Bridge. All except emotionless automatons: Oh no! We’re screwed! Ship begins flying away from the moon. Suddenly, enemy ship shows up. It bombards the Enterprising Vessel. It’s shields hold firm. Chappie: AHHH! We’re under attack! Ship shakes. All fly around. In engine room, Blind man is standing at his console. Blind man: What’s happening? Evil twin of evil twin walks into engineering. On enemy ship: Lawd Bobo: Ha ha, this is such a great plan. Evil twin minion, prepare the bomb. In engineering, evil twin of evil twin sets up the bomb. Blind man walks into the bomb. Blind man: Captain Chappie! I think somebody set us up the bomb! On bridge Chappie: Get rid of the bomb engineer. Do it fast we’re under attack. Ships fly around, exchanging fire. Blind man picks up bomb and runs around the ship. Over the PA on the bridge, they hear his progress. Blind man: I’m making my way to the cargo bay where I can jettison the bomb into space. Ah, this is the way to the bridge, sorry. I’m turning left. Oh here we are…hey there’s an echo in here. What’s that? Ack the Evil twin of the evil twin is coming after me! Both AndroidOne and AndroidTwo leave the bridge. Both: We’ll take care of it. They get to the cargo bay, and see Blind man unconscious. They drag him into the hallway. Then they go into the bay and fight with the evil twin of the evil twin. The two evil twins get mixed up. AndroidTwo: Which one am I to shoot? They’re twins, yet one is more evil than the other. Both evil twins: There’s no way to tell us apart. Lawd Bobo interlinked us. We know each other’s thoughts. AndroidTwo: I must think on the matter. (pause for 8 seconds) OK, I know what to do. (Asks them a question) Are you unique in the universe? Evil twin of the evil twin: Yes. Evil twin: No. AndroidTwo shoots Evil twin of Evil twin. Boom. With evil twin minions last breath, he blasts AndroidTwo. AndroidTwo: Ack. AndroidOne pulls AndroidTwo out of cargo bay and then dumps contents of bay into space. Bomb falls onto primitive populated planet. We see the inhabitants running and then it blows. Enterprising vessel shoots a bomb into Enemy ship. Blows up Enemy vessel. Brog Queen, Lawd Bobo, and Brog Minions: AHHHHHH! Boom. Crew takes disabled AndroidTwo to a place to work on him. No.1: He’s dead. All: Yep. Blind man: maybe we should fix him. Alien: I guess we ought to. AndroidTwo (lying down): There’s no way to fix me. My Brain Modem is fried. The only way is to put my brain into AndroidOne’s body. Chappie: Well, let’s give it a try. Nurse, get in here and switch the brains. Nurse PC enters. Nurse PC: I’ll do my best. All crew nervously await the results. Then, a modem dials up. Out walks AndroidOne, who miraculously has transmogrified into AndroidTwo. AndroidTwo: I feel fine. Almost human. Blind man: Yay! You saved us. Alien: How’d you know the difference between those evil twins? AndroidTwo: I know that only a really evil being could be so egotistical that he would still consider himself unique in the universe even confronted with facts to the contrary. Chappie: Hold your tongue, No.1. Alien grabs No.1. Chappie: Let go of No.1 Alien does so. No.1: Well, we survived another adventure, Captain. What now? Chappie: Let’s go off into the sky, over there. They do. Flashback: Mulder’s Boss: Found anything yet? Mulder: Yes and no boss. I didn’t find out what happened, there’s not any evidence. But I also realized in my investigations that all the relevant information hasn’t happened yet. Maybe someday in the future this case will be closed, but not today. Not today, boss. Mulder’s Boss: You know the way out. Mulder walks out. The end Credits Download 38.37 Kb. Share with your friends:
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