MS West Devon Record Office Acc 1092/112
Otterbourn
March 22d [1855]
My dear Anne
It is a relief every time your letters are opened to see the [sic] at least not worse, and it is cheering that they go at the best time of the day, but one feels half sick to know that the afternoon did not bring a return of that terrible suffering. Julian is intending to go and get the letters today, but if the terrible weather lasts he cannot attempt it, as he has a sore throat. We thought much last night whether you were dreading the blasts of that roaring wind, and all the clattering sounds it would produce about the house interfering with the chances of sleep. I am afraid your lodge outside the door is very cold. I can see you sitting there in your little checkey shawl. I hope Mary has been able to have some peaceful rest today. John and Cordelia talk of coming here on Saturday, if accounts are better, but I almost fear that today’s must have decided them on coming home.3 I suppose it will all depend on what they may hear this morning and we this afternoon.
Meanwhile the Miss Palmers are really coming to spend to night here, the Bishop and Mrs Selwyn going to Hursley, where Mrs Keble is well enough to see a little of them in quiet in the evening, and Mr Keble has asked us to breakfast tomorrow morning, which I am sorry to say Mamma calls ‘figuring’ and will not do, though if the weather is respectable she will walk over to the morning service. The Southern Cross is to be well tried, and if pronounced sea worthy is to follow with the crew. Mary Coleridge says Lloyd will not insure her under 4 times the amount, so I think it is a great escape. The D of Portland sails on the 27th under a penalty of £5 for every day’s delay. It seems that till he saw his way home the Bishop could turn to nothing else, and so could make no engagements, and hardly any visits. Mrs Abraham has had my Winchester letter. I suppose we shall hear much from the Palmers.4 Mamma’s head ached yesterday, but not immoderately, and she seems to be rising in spirit for the turmoil today. The Dogmersfield people were very sorry to miss you, and all seemed well for them. Marianne has lent Mamma some more of her mother’s papers1
5 o’clock. Julian has brought your note back. I still send you my letter of today, because you say you like to hear of our doings, but it is with a very sore heart, and you may believe how much our thoughts are with you. I am afraid John will not come now, indeed I can hardly hope it. I know that help and comfort will be sent to you, as they have been before, but I cannot say any more, one knows not how it may be when you have this. Only blessing and peace there must be for one ever so patient and submissive
your most affectionate
CMY
131.To Anne Yonge
MS West Devon Record Office Acc 1092/12
Otterbourn
Friday [23 March 1855]
My dear Anne
I must write a word or two before Church. I do not think I dared to expect better than this, and I do hope that at least the suffering is not what it was the day before.2 It is the Cross at least, and she has been bearing it so in patience and meekness all her days that one thinks of her as one made meet. I am glad that Alethea is coming to you. I think I am relieved that the violent attack did not come at the periodical time, and that it does seem gentler now. But I don’t know how to write. Mamma is well, and liked hearing the N Z journals. The Selwyns left Hursley too early to be seen, so the Miss Palmers went to meet them at Winchester at 9.25. Mrs Keble was well enough to enjoy her evening with them. They went to the Moberlys, & the Bishop took 9 of the little hands together in his, & blessed them – it was all the young ones except the baby and Margaret, who was afraid. The Wigrams pay all the expenses of the Southern Cross till she or such another reach NZ. I say all this because you may be able to care to read it, otherwise it will not trouble you.
I have one of those 4 sermons of the Bishop from himself. Our good old friend Mrs Heathcote died this morning.3 She had had some sleepless nights, and Mr Wither thought her failing when he saw her yesterday but she was in better spirits & asked him to send her a fast day service, as they had missed having any at the Park. I do not think Mamma is knocking up. She & Julian have been looking over the boxes of papers almost all day.
Goodbye my dear Anne. I can only pray for you all.
your most affectionate
CMY
132.To Anne Yonge
MS West Devon Record Office Acc 1092/131
Otterbourn
March 29th [1855]
My dear Anne,
We know what the news must be that came this morning and yet it is a strange sense of blank that comes in feeling that all is really over, but more so at the times for prayer than at those for praise. When one can recollect that the weak suffering body is not pressing down the power of praise any more, but that it has grown to what we only have such little gleams of here that we can hardly guess at it at all It is strange to have the two still prayed for that were so before you came when others have gone so much more quickly. I wish we had not taken you from the last Easter and the last months of her, and yet those have been times of our feeling together. If it were not that I cannot leave Mamma at such a time, I should have wished so much to be with you in the laying her in the resting place. I wish I were coming with Julian, but you have each other, and it would not be much satisfaction to you.
Little we thought in our parting at Chobham that the same party would never meet again, but only may that sweet unselfish unfailing cheerful kindness stay with me as a lesson, and charm of remembrance. She was a bright thread in all the brightest hours of my life, and I do not know how to turn to the thoughts of not seeing the little figure and engaging face again coming in with her little table in the morning. But this is the wrong sort of thought, and there is the better remembrance of the meeting she has had with the others who are gone from us before.
I wish I could have sent this little picture before or on your birthday, but I only got it yesterday. It seems to fit the time, and I hope you will like it. Do you remember our Easter Eve talk leaning over the gate at Cranbury that sunny evening last year? Easter Eve is a day which brings a blessing on these waiting times of sorrow. Julian is gone to Mrs Heathcote’s funeral, not invited, for they asked only relations and tenants. Mr Wither goes home with his brother after it, so I grieve to say we have no Church till Saturday at 6. The little school girl was buried this morning- it was a day’s illness, and suspected of being scarlet fever so the school could not attend it. Poor Lovedy Kelland, how she has suffered!2 It does indeed seem weeks ago that Mrs Moberly was here. I wonder when and how we shall meet – differently outwardly from what we now fancy no doubt. Do you remember our having read those Burial Psalms so often under such different feelings – one of them once going up the hill from Ambleside3 – when all was bright – and how they fit ones tone. If you come back to your own room, hang this little picture there. I cannot think of its being your solitary room without tears, but ‘think what if she be there’
your most affectionate
CMY
Julian is just come back. Mrs Keble is better but the East wind keeps her back.
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