The Stupid 365 Project, Day 46: Post-Ixnay
November 16th, 2010
This is not about politics.
I actually had no intention of getting into the Ixnaycrats yesterday — it just came naturally out of your reactions to Horace Mann, an unfortunately outdated example of what political leadership should be. I was going to get to the Ixnaycrats eventually, but in a piece that had gone through a couple of drafts, rather than a fifteen-minute spew like yesterday’s post.
And then I wrote maybe five times as many words, each of them equally off the top of my head, in response to your responses. I need a little time before I come back to this, because I actually do take the Ixnaycrats seriously.
So for now, a miscellany.
First, thanks to Everett for pointing out that this post marks the point at which I’m one-eighth of the way through this insane commitment. WOOT! And I’ve only really scraped the bottom of the barrel a few times. There’s a lot more stuff down there. I haven’t even written about Cary Grant yet, or my extraordinarily unpleasant experiences with Henry Fonda. Or my other weight-loss approaches. Or putting Janis Joplin or Sly and the Family Stone onstage. Or astronomy or art-forgery techniques. Or the books I’m writing, since this blog is presumably at least in part about writing.
And speaking of writing, if we take 400 words as an average length for these pieces (and don’t count my responses), by the time I’ve finished this one, I’ll be at 18,400 words — almost one-fifth of a 100,000-word novel. And, while I’ve been writing these words, I’ve also written about 12,000 words of PULPED and about 3,000 words of warmup on Poke book #5. Also about 3,000 words on my Scheherazade thriller. The blog actually has gotten me writing earlier in the day and (obviously) turning out more words per day, and that in turn has led to a lessening of the incipient writer’s block that actually kick-started this whole thing.
The photograph above, brought to my attention by the wonderful Emily Bronstein, shows a bookstore in Beijing that has the taste and discernment to offer THE FOURTH WATCHER as an alternative to all those David Hewson books. (Hi, David!) David is a friend of mine, and I have to talk to him about the way his books are hogging that shelf. This photo raises to 19 the number of countries in which I know Poke to be on sale in English. And then he’s also in Spanish, Italian, and (coming soon) Finnish.
Back in the late 60s, the women’s movement took exception to being identified by their marital status and introduced “Ms” to the vocabulary. They also took exception to “he” and “him” being the language’s default indefinite third-person pronouns. I understand and sympathize with the impulse, but it’s given rise to the dreaded” him/her” and “his/hers” and “he/she” ratatouille that now defaces so many pages, as well as such horrors as “Each student brought their homework.” I also fail to find “she” to be any less sexist than “he” when used the way “he” used to be when it was the default.
Thus, I suggest, half-seriously, the Third Millennium’s versions of “Ms.” Instead of “he or she,” why not “se”? Instead of “him or her,” why not “hir”? I know, I know, it’s awkward as hell, but to was “Ms” at first, and at least you can actually pronounce these words the way they’re spelled. Plus, they’re compromise spellings, using equal number of letters from each pair of pronouns. Thus, “Each student brought hir homework.”
And back to politics for a moment: Why don’t we just elect Arcade Fire to everything? There are enough of them. Oh, wait, they’re Canadian. And in response to Helen Simonson’s suggestion that we should be glad we don’t live under a monarchy, all I have to say is that they’re talking about Jeb for president.
I know, I know, this is a pretty pathetic post, but after yesterday I needed a vacation.
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24 Responses to “The Stupid 365 Project, Day 46: Post-Ixnay” -
Maria Yolanda Aguayo Says:
November 16th, 2010 at 11:16 am
Timothy, you are always tres informative
and tres amusing. I’m not sure of the se or hir. I get confused with the normal he and she. I don’t even use Ms. The idea of Jeb Bush horrifies me or the repulsive notion of Sarah Palin.
I guess I’m going to be under my rock for the rest of my life.
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Timothy Hallinan Says:
November 16th, 2010 at 11:34 am
Well, Maria, it’s a very stylish rock.
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Bonnie Says:
November 16th, 2010 at 11:51 am
If you want to indulge in some more work avoidance that is still marginally related to politics, go on Twitter and search for #TSAslogans over the last day or so.
Some are predictably juvenile, but some are pretty funny.
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Suzanna Says:
November 16th, 2010 at 11:53 am
I remember one author mention that the way they dealt with the he/she gender bias problem in hir (heehee) writing was to simply alternate the use of he or she throughout their work. I dunno. I don’t pay too much attention to that stuff.
This is not a pathetic post!
Since you brought up the topic of how the blog is helping you, I wanted to give you my appreciation for the great job you’re doing.
Day to day I don’t know where your blog will take me, or how your readers will respond, or how you will respond to your readers.
And I love the mixture of topics that you bring to us. From silly to serious in tone I never tire of reading about your personal stories, work experiences, or your take on our pathetic political system.
Who else could make Hell a funny topic?
Just a lot of fun, Tim, so thank you!
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Trevel Says:
November 16th, 2010 at 12:07 pm
A friend of mine made a very good pro-monarchy case. Let me summarize it:
1: A monarch could be bad or good. They’re generally raised from birth to rule, or at least with that potential. Having been arbitrarily assigned the role, we don’t know how good or bad they’ll be.
2: We *know* that politicians are corrupt liars, who will do anything for votes and to stay elected. That’s the nature of the game we make them play, and with the way things are now they really can’t succeed without it.
So, under a monarchy we have the possibility for a Good King. Under a democracy, we don’t. Whoever is elected will have been corrupted by the system that elected him.
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Timothy Hallinan Says:
November 16th, 2010 at 3:10 pm
Awwww, Sooz — you got a lot of class. I figured if it did the 1/8 thing LOTS of people would take the opportunity to tell me how great I’m doing. So who does? Two sisters. By the way, day to day I never know where the blog will take me, either.
Bonnie — very funny tip. I might do a blog about it, but not tomorrow’s. Tomorrow’s is about suicide. (Because only two people said nice things about me here at the 1/8 landmark. If you could see my lower lip trembling right now . . .
Hi, Trevel — You I forgive because you’ve never been here before. But I bet, if you come back, you’ll say something nice on the day I’m 1/4 of the way through? Won’t you? Come on, you can show all these people up.
The arguments for monarchy are powerful. I agree with each of the three points in turn. On the other hand, there’s North Korea, where the Kims have declared themselves king, complete with inherited succession, and are methodically starving, freezing, and beating their people to death. And then look at Great Britain, where the Queen is apparently immortal and the Crown Prince has entered and exited middle age without getting any closer to the throne than a tourist does — and look how sad he looks.
But not as sad as I look on this day when I dangled compliment bait, and the only people who rose to it are related to each other.
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Larissa Says:
November 16th, 2010 at 3:23 pm
lol. keep fishing…I think I see a compliment coming! (c: There it is! Good catch! You’ve done some great stuff here Tim. It’s not that each blog post is the next coming of a sacred text (I know, I’m sorry…) but that they are real, honest and above all, entertaining. And, they persuade us slackers to get on our game and start trying out our own voices-either in writing or whatever media we pursue. So, well done and keep going. And don’t forget to stay on top of the website so it doesn’t run away on you. 
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Suzanna Says:
November 16th, 2010 at 3:47 pm
Hahaha!
Believe it or not, Tim, I had made up my mind before I even read your blog this morning that it was about time that I tell you how much I am enjoying your 365 Stupid Project. So although you may have dangled the compliment bait I was already heading your way.
It was a happy coincidence that you mentioned how much it was helping you, because it really has helped me to read it. So thanks again.
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Richard Delman Says:
November 16th, 2010 at 4:40 pm
I have read the 4 Poke books and they have given me immense joy. Why isn’t Patpong on the website? I bought two of the Simeon Grist books, but Poke is just such a fantastic creation that it’s hard to read Simeon last. I am a psychologist. I have been in nerve pain for 7 years (!) and you have lifted me out of the pain for just a while. When do you think #5 will be done? Don’t give up; your talent is limitless.
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Timothy Hallinan Says:
November 16th, 2010 at 5:30 pm
This is embarrassing, Richard. You come saying such extravagantly nice things and find me groveling for approval. I’m thrilled that you like the Poke books so much and amazed and touched that they’ve distracted you from the pain. There will be a fifth Poke book – title to be determined — sometime this fall, and a sixth behind that. I sort of agree about the Simeons (I was learning how to write when I wrote the first three or four) but a lot of people have enjoyed them, even though they lack the emotionality and the family ties that (I think) make the Poke books different. Thank you so much for writing. Can I add you to the distribution list for my monthly newsletter?
Riss and Suzanna, is it any wonder that, generally speaking, I like women more than I do men? You guys are so sweet to put up with someone who fishes so transparently for compliments.
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EverettK Says:
November 16th, 2010 at 5:37 pm
I look forward to the future blogs covering all of those subjects you rattled off. Looks like you shouldn’t have any trouble making it to the 1/4 mark! 
I’m VERY happy that the blogging seems to blown away your log-jam. We’re all direct beneficiaries of that!
As for gender neutral pronouns, who gives a rats ass for Political Correctness. I’m fine with Reasonable Correctness, and to hell with trying to destroy our language. It’ll self-destruct soon enough on its own…
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Gary Says:
November 16th, 2010 at 6:18 pm
I still say you can’t use person as a gender-neutral noun. Has to be perchild.
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Timothy Hallinan Says:
November 16th, 2010 at 6:22 pm
RICHARD — I forgot to answer your question. The site is being updated now and will have QUEEN on it in a couple of weeks. I kind of let it get away from me.
Everett, I have a trillion topics but most of them are dull, so it’s really a matter of staying away from the Twenty Uses for Lint and A Trip to Van Nuys topics. WILL be writing about political correctness, though, right after suicide.
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Lil Gluckstern Says:
November 16th, 2010 at 7:49 pm
I am just catching up with your posts (I’ve been under the weather), and I just want to tell you that reading your blog is the highlight of my morning tea. I like your humor, and your take on a lot of things, including politics-not sure about the se and hir though. You may feel that this post was lightweight, but the trouble with politics these days is that it is so dispiriting, and anything feels lighter than that. I actually feel a little privileged when authors trust enough to share of themselves. Your talents don’t just appear; I expect they come out of who you are, and I like hearing about how you do things. Enough shameless pandering-I look forward to tomorrow, I think. (Suicide ? )
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Laren Bright Says:
November 16th, 2010 at 8:37 pm
Finnish? Whoa.
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Timothy Hallinan Says:
November 16th, 2010 at 9:56 pm
Gary, perdottir is the Norwegian variant. (Have you ever read Kristin Lavransdottir by Sigrid Undset? Has anyone here read it?)
Everett, thanks for the great words about CRASHED on DorothyL tonight.
Lil!!! I’ve never been the highlight of anyone’s morning tea before. I’m honored. And I was the one who was shamelessly pandering. The suicide piece will be great with tea.
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Bonnie Says:
November 17th, 2010 at 2:12 am
Goodness, memories. I have read Kristin Lavranstochter, though it may have been in German. Someone has been circulating a list of 100 books (from the BBC?), asking you to tally up how many of them you’ve read, on Facebook. I had read about 90% of them, which makes me feel very old, but K.L. was too obscure for them.
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fairyhedgehog Says:
November 17th, 2010 at 4:49 am
In informal writing I tend to use “they” as the polite form of “he or she”. Plurals are often used as polite forms in other languages, why not in ours? I know some people may assume I’m simply uneducated but it’s the way that appeals most to me, partly because it doesn’t involve any new words and everyone knows what I mean even if they don’t like it.
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EverettK Says:
November 17th, 2010 at 6:43 am
Just tryin’ to spread the joy, Tim!
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Timothy Hallinan Says:
November 17th, 2010 at 11:28 am
Laren, whoa indeed. Lots of “o” with slashes through them, unless that’s Swedish. The things I don’t know would fill the seven seas, and then where would all the water go?
Bonnie — so glad someone has. I just ordered it, my copy having gone to that great Unreturned Loaned Books Library in the sky. Can’t wait to read it again, all nine trillion pages of it.
FHH, it bothers me when the subject is singular, as in “each student brought their homewlrk.” But that’s just me. And I know my suggestions are silly and cumbersome, but no less so than “herstory” instead of “history.” Of course, that never caught on, either.
Everett, Joy is like manure – it’s no good unless you spread it around. (Paraphrasing Thornton Wilder, who said it about money.)
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EverettK Says:
November 17th, 2010 at 3:31 pm
Well, I’m plenty good at spreading manure, so I figure I should work on the joy part.
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Jaden Says:
November 21st, 2010 at 7:35 am
I’m going to have to do a better job of keeping up with the blog, Tim. I can’t believe I missed your 1/8 mark and let it pass without complimenting your wonderful blog.
I don’t think herstory is any less sexist than history. Thank goodness it didn’t catch on. It was a lot easier when “he” was assumed to mean all of mankind–er, personkind. I hate the cumbersome he/she and its ilk. The plural works if the sentence can be structured so the subject is also plural (“All the students brought their homework.”) Otherwise, I hate it.
I’m glad the blog is helping you so much, Tim, because the rest of us are getting a lot out of it.
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Richard Delman Says:
November 22nd, 2010 at 6:08 pm
Tim: Please put me on the monthly list. I am delighted to be able to correspond with you, in any form. I have been wondering whether it’s time for Poke and Rose to have a baby. Might be very treacherous to have an infant involved in the kind of dangers that Poke gets into. But expanding the family in that way would progress in a way that many series writers don’t do. And you’d be the perfect author to do it.
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Richard Delman Says:
November 23rd, 2010 at 11:00 am
I forgot to ask another. Is it terribly difficult to get your books narrated and then published as audiobooks? Due to the pain, my eyes get strained at night, and over the past 3 years I have read about 500 audiobooks. This is a huge audience that has not been exposed to your work. It’s not just for blind people. Commuters listen to books rather than the ridiculous radio, or music they’ve heard over and over. A good narrator turns the book into one’s own private movie: I get to imagine what the characters look like, etc. Your books seem perfectly suited to the medium. I regularly search for you at the Audible website, and thus far they have no idea who you are. I imagine it costs money to produce, to pay the narrator, and so forth, but the audience out there who could see your work for the first time in that format is truly large. If it’s doable, go for it. You’ll be a smash hit.
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