SLIDESHOW: Fallen soldier's family tries to carry on with just memories of husband and father

SLIDESHOW: Fallen soldier's family tries to carry on with just memories of husband and father

Published: Tuesday, May 27, 2008, 10:04 AM     Updated: Tuesday, May 27, 2008, 10:06 AM Amy L. Payne | Booth Mid-Michigan

REESE - As a military wife, Melissa Alex followed her husband, U.S. Army Staff Sgt. Eugene Alex.

When Eugene Alex died in Iraq in 2006, she followed his wishes, moving their three children to his hometown of Reese, in Tuscola County.

These days, Melissa Alex, 32, just tries to pursue happiness.

Melissa Alex, more than many, knows the possibilities.

Before he left for Iraq in the fall of 2005, Eugene Alex told his wife that if anything happened to him, he wanted her to move with their three children to Reese, population 1,400.

About a year later, at 6 a.m. Aug. 30, 2006, the phone rang at the Alex home on an Army base in Alaska.

"I received a phone call telling me my husband was shot by a sniper in the head and that he was in critical condition," Melissa Alex said.

That morning, Alex found herself on a jet heading from Fairbanks, Alaska, to Washington, D.C.

That night, she met with reality.

"I was in a hotel by myself, and I called the hospital in Germany, and they asked me if my husband was an organ donor," Melissa Alex said, breaking into tears.

The next day, the soldier's wife flew to Germany.

In Germany, Alex made her way to a hospital rooming house where she hoped to find relief from Eugene Alex's parents, Ron and Sally Alex of Glennie, who had arrived before her.

"I remember crawling up the steps inside that home, and I begged them to tell me that it wasn't Eugene, and that everyone was wrong," Melissa Alex said.

"They told me it was him, and that it was a bad situation, and that I had some decisions I had to make."

In the hospital room with her husband, and with Eugene Alex given no chance for a meaningful recovery, Melissa Alex remembered his wishes again.

"He didn't want to be (incapacitated)," she said. "If he couldn't walk and talk and play with his kids, he'd rather be dead."

She decided to remove her 32-year-old husband from life support, and to donate his organs.

"I let him go," Melissa Alex said. "They presented him with his Purple Heart shortly before I made the choice."

About a month after Eugene Alex's death, his wife moved with their children - Austin, Zackery and Autumn - to a home near Reese.

http://blog.mlive.com/baycitytimes_extra/2008/05/fallen_soldiers_family_tries_t.html
"Everyone knew Eugene and it would be kind of a place for the kids to meet other people who knew their dad in a different capacity - he played baseball and football here," said Melissa (Szenay) Alex, a Bay City native and 1995 graduate of Bay City Western High School.

"At first it was OK because I didn't have to explain everything to everybody," Melissa Alex said.

While Reese offered a fresh start, there have been drawbacks.

"It's been hard, too, with all eyes on us," Alex said. "Sometimes it's a little suffocating in terms of privacy."

Melissa Alex has begun dating again, and there's a man in her life. She has her home up for sale and - if it sells - plans to move to Freeland.

Eugene Alex had prepared for the worst in the event he didn't return from war, Melissa Alex said. He purchased a life-insurance policy that has provided invaluable financial benefits.

Melissa Alex said he also gave her advice that - at the time - she didn't want to hear.

"He had said that if he didn't come back, when the time's right, you'll find somebody to love you and to love your children," Melissa Alex said.

Tomorrow, the Alex family will mark a low-key Memorial Day.

"Of course, we'll probably go out to the cemetery to see Eugene, but we try not to get wrapped up in dates," Melissa Alex said.

"I can't, because it's so overwhelming for myself. How would it be for the kids?"

Melissa Alex urges Americans to think of soldiers - and their families - on Memorial Day, and every day.

She said she had to speak up at a meeting of a young mothers' group in Reese when one of the moms complained about a husband leaving for a week on a business trip.

"I said 'How would it be if he was gone for a month?'" Alex said. "I don't think the average person realizes the amount of time and sacrifices that the soldiers and families make."

Melissa Alex said she'll decline an invitation to attend a Memorial Day brunch tomorrow with Gov. Jennifer Granholm.

"Sometimes," Alex said, "enough is enough, and that's heartbreaking, and it's emotional.

"But you just don't want to deal with it anymore. It's not that we will ever, ever forget Eugene. But sometimes you just have to say 'Enough is enough.'

"We just try to live every day honoring Eugene, and doing things that he would approve of."

The Alex kids - 12-year-old Austin, 10-year-old Zackery and 8-year-old Autumn - have helped create a memorial garden, in the front yard, in honor of their late father.

Austin Alex was quick to fetch a painting of his dad, eagerly showing it to a reporter, when asked about Eugene Alex.

"He was a lot of fun," Austin said.

"You know what?" Melissa Alex added. "You can ask all my kids, and each one will say 'I have a memory of my dad.'

"But there are kids who don't."

Remembering SSG Eugene Alex this 9/11

65 By gksquire9

3 Years Later

I just want to let you all know that I originally wrote the following story about Eugene Alex three years ago when I was serving in Iraq.  For me, I do not like to turn the television on and see all the 9/11 tributes.  It's hard.  I have been to Ground Zero in New York and have fought our Nation's enemies on their home turf to ensure (hopefully) that the awful events that occurred eight years ago will never happen again.  It's a tough day for me and many I have served with, and it is made harder because I always associate this day with the loss of Eugene.  This morning I emailed Melissa Alex, Eugene's widow, and asked her for permission to re-publish this write-up.  With her blessing I submit the following.  God Bless Melissa Alex, her family, and the thousands affected by the events of September 11th, and the years of war in Iraq and Afghanistan since then.   

BAGHDAD (11 September 2006)--On the morning of 30 August, his 32nd birthday, at about a quarter after 11, Sergeant Alex made his last volunteered movements. Moments later, while conducting patrols with C Troop, 4th Squadron, 14th Cavalry Regiment, Eugene Alex was down. A single shot to the head had started in motion the inevitable. A few days later, with his wife, Melissa, at his side, Eugene Henry Eli Alex was pronounced dead. 

I used to call him the man with four first names. He was a great-hearted guy from Michigan and I met him as a Platoon Leader in Bravo Troop during the aging Alaskan summer of 2003. He wasn't one of my Soldiers but his platoon's office was right next to mine and we shared the same paper thin drab government office wall where conversation bled through as if it didn't even exist.  I liked SSG Alex right away. 

     I first thought of his death as a tragedy, and in many ways it is. Since I heard the news and had time to reflect on him, I have come to realize that his loss was less tragic and more an example of fortitude, perseverance, and honor. He died honorably doing what he wanted to do, serving on the line with Soldiers at death's door. 

     The "extension" of the 172nd Stryker Brigade caused more than a ruffle of anger when it was announced at the end of July, just days before many of the main body of the Brigade was to return home to Alaska after a year in Iraq. Wives, husbands, parents, girlfriends, anyone associated with the Brigade, were for lack of a more tasteful euphemism, pissed off.  Some Soldiers had actually made it all the way back to Alaska before they were told that they would have to return to Iraq and join their demoralized Brigade in Baghdad. Pissed off indeed. Now some Soldiers had to say good-bye to their families and loved ones again, without any knowledge of when they would return home. End of summer plans, leave, fishing trips, moose hunting, enrollment of kids in new schools, apartment deposits, plane tickets, wedding plans, first communions, and changes of duty station were all put on hold or thrown out indefinitely. Pissed off for sure. 

     As a Brigade we knew nothing about the extension other than Baghdad and Iraq needed our help. As you hear senior officials tell it, we have been the "best of the best" in mission after mission during our stay in Iraq. This is to take nothing away from the Marines, Airmen, Navy Seals, other coalition troops, and some exceptionally brave Iraqi fighters we have worked and fought with--this is just the official story which intentionally, or just incidentally was meant to pump up our egos. So, if we're the best, and  only the best can help save this nation from plunging into a civil war, well, you get the picture.  Now  five  years after the events in New York, Pennsylvania, and Washington, D.C. shook our nation and tested our will, we are here for our second straight 9/11 instead of home with our families. 

We were at the end of a year's worth of blood-stained effort and grin-and-greet handshakes with politicians, Imams, civil and religious leaders. The end of a year's worth of training Iraqi Army Soldiers and Iraqi Police how to defend themselves and their people. We were at the end of our war psyche. But for one man a new start loomed. For Eugene Henry Eli Alex of Michigan, there was a chance to return to the line.

Back in September of 2005 the 4-14 Cavalry was fresh in our practically brand new uniforms and vehicles having just arrived in the desert outpost of Rawah. A combat sandbox in austere conditions was just what the CAV lived for. They would go out on "presence and counter-insurgency patrols" every day and every night until the Euphrates River Valley all the way west to Syria was clear and free of terror. It was an overwhelming job that would be like trying to dam a glacier on the Sun, but it was our job.

Shortly after we arrived in Rawah SSG Alex was in a Stryker that was struck by an IED (Improvised Explosive Device). While not technically wounded by enemy action, SSG Alex did sustain a concussion and the blast also aggravated a pre-existing back problem. SSG Alex left Rawah, Iraq, and the rest of us behind to heal up in Alaska. He was gone for nearly five months and by all accounts he was written off as nearly any Soldier evacuated out of theater who never returned. But Sergeant Alex did come back. 

In January of this year SSG Alex came back to Iraq, Rawah, and the 4-14 but was re-assigned to Headquarters and Headquarters Troop. His back, still an issue, and the unknown mental scars of being blown up kept him "in the wire" and found him in a pretty important job:  life-support sustainment specialist. It was damned cold in Rawah in January and SSG Alex was dubbed, "Generator 7" the guy you went to when the generators and heaters crapped out, which was often. I hadn't seen him in months but his smile, man o' man that great biiiiiiiiig smile, and that giggly, infectious laugh was as present as they ever were. He was back. 

I spoke with SSG Alex often, daily even, as it was nearly every morning and every night that our tent's heater and power shut down. But I also spoke to him about home, his wife, Melissa, and his kids, places called Saginaw and Reese, Michigan snf mostly I just liked talking and joking around with him. And though we weren't that close, and though in some circles officers "fraternizing" with non-coms is strictly interpreted, in that Iraqi desert those were good talks and as well as could be expected in a war, pretty good times, so I would proudly tell anyone in my chain of command that Eugene Alex was my friend. 

Back in our days of Bravo Troop SSG Alex was the guy that the Soldiers loved to be around.  "He had a ready joke in his pocket," said Captain Chris L'Heureux, Alex's commander in C Troop. And he really did. That guy could make you laugh after you just lost two grand on the Super Bowl. Ummm, let's see, if  Heureux in French means "happy" and the captain said  Eugene Alex made the troops happy, we'll consider him an expert witness.  Alex also coached our troop's softball team but couldn't play because of his bad back. Melissa would bring the kids and the other wives would show up, too. I always liked and respected that about the Army wives - - they really support their Soldiers in all that they do. 

And in the off hours SSG Alex was my designated driver many times, making sure his own Platoon Leader and I would not get into too much trouble. But we did get him to sing karaoke with us and by himself twice. I truly won't forget that. 

All of these memories and thoughts of what was, and what might have been, brings me back to the extension. Once it was official that the Brigade would head to the heart of Iraq and help stem the violence, SSG Alex did something that would define "character" forever in my book. While many were flat-out tired mentally, he volunteered to return to a line Troop to lead Soldiers and fight the enemy. Duty. Honor. Personal Courage. All the things that the Army tells us define a leader and a good person. In that single, unselfish act, SSG Eugene Alex assured himself that his death would always be seen as honorable, not tragic. He was re-assigned to C Troop, my old Troop and joined the already battle-tested and proven leaders like SFC McDowell, SFC Sheehan, and 1SG Borkowski. Be it by attitude or personality, Alex fit in right away. 

Now I know it is incredibly difficult for Melissa and the kids, as it is with all the people Eugene touched, but his death should be remembered for a lot more than just our first of the extension. SSG Alex died contributing to a sharp decline in violence in the capital. August, our first month here in Baghdad, saw the horrific murders of innocent people by death squads, as well as all other violence (small arms fire, IED's, suicide bombers) decrease significantly. And during the March of the 7th Imam where nearly 400 civilians died last year as a result of panic caused by a bomb threat, roughly only 20 people lost their lives this year. It was because of the resolve and fortitude of the Brigade and the thousands of other Soldiers like SSG Eugene Alex who helped lessen the blow here. In other venues of life 20 dead would be horrific. In the reality you don't see on CNN and Fox News, sadly but true, this is progress.

It isn't up to me to say that SSG Alex died the way he wanted to. But I can say that he died doing WHAT he wanted to do:  helping his Soldiers help these people be safer.

For many in the 4-14 and for Melissa Alex and her kids there is an irreplaceable void. At the memorial service attended by nearly 600 Soldiers for Eugene Alex last week CPT L'Heureux said it best, "You couldn't go into a room where Sergeant Alex had just been and not know he was there."
     

Eugene Henry Eli Alex, the man with four first names, had that presence and even in that void we know he is here. 

Porras, Sgt. Ralph Nicholas, Merrill, Michigan. U.S. Army serving in Iraq. Funeral Service will take place 11:00 a.m. Wednesday, September 13, 2006, at the W.L. Case and Co. Funeral Chapel 201 N. Miller Rd. Chaplain Major Jeffrey Haw-kins will officiate. Friends may call at the Chapel from 2:00-5:00 and 7:00-9:00 p.m. Tuesday and then from 9:00 a.m. Wednesday until the time of the funeral service. Those planning an expression of sympathy may wish to consider the Michigan Military Relief Fund. Ralph was an unforgettable person. He has touched many lives and leaves behind many friends and loved ones. Our family is extremely proud of him as an individual and for his dedicated to our country. Ralph is our hero. This is a tremendous loss and he will be greatly missed. www.casefuneralhome.com