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Debate is the act of two-way communication. We send and receive messages and confirm or revise our perceptions of the other party. The most effective debate is possible when we display debating behavior intended to keep the relations good and to get information on the other’s positions.
Debate sets the tone for negotiation. It removes or creates obstacles to agreement. It conditions the expectations of the negotiators. It confirms their prejudices or overthrows them. It reveals or camouflages what the negotiators wants.
Debate determines if there can be agreement, but not what the agreement exactly looks like.
Debate takes up > 80% of all time spent negotiation. (Proposal ~10% , Bargain ~5%)
Rackham & Carlisle on effective behaviors
Ineffective negotiating behaviors are such as jovial remarks*** (thereby irritating), defend/attack spirals (‘it’s not our fault’), immediate counter-proposing (thereby disagreeing), argument dilution with irrelevant material, and labeling disagreement (I disagree, because…).
***It is when 'jovial' remarks become treated as sarcastic that the problems begin.
What is funny to you may be treated as offensive to your listener.
There are no 'rules' about what is jovial and what is not. You should know the difference from your social experience.
To the extent that negotiation is a conversation, you should be aware of circumstances and context.
Prof Kennedy
Effective behavior is characterized by seeking information by questioning, testing for understanding by summarizing, behavior labeling (‘Can I ask…?’, ‘Can I make a suggestion?’), and stating feelings (‘I feel some doubts’, ‘I'm very worried’, ‘I'm not sure how to react’) rather than expressing opinions, remaining silent.
The more you display effective negotiating behavior, the better you can maneuver yourself into a good debating position.
Destructive argument
Destructive debate has the effect of moving us away from a solution or an acceptable decision.
Where agreement would in principle be possible, the list of progress obstructing behaviors below can result in deadlock, sub-optimal outcomes, expensive legal battles etc.
Irritation
Irritation generates negative responses. Your idea of a ‘generous’ and ‘reasonable’ offer might not be shared by your counterpart. People you irritate are seldom inclined to assist you in achieving your goals.
Assertions and assumptions
Do not make assertions or assumptions about what drives the other party. You could be wrong. Even when you think you are right and you say so the other party might not admit it, yet display destructive and mistrusting behavior afterwards.
Interruption
The best way to get informed about the other party’s drives is not to interrupt but to let them finish. Question them and let them demolish their own case.
Blocking
Blocking is making subjects not negotiable: blocked off from any debate or agreement. Question them on why they block it.
Listening to a view point is not an endorsement of it, for nothing is agreed unless and until we explicitly state our agreement.
Point scoring
Point scoring at someone else’s expense is self-defeating. Leads to bad atmosphere and the other negotiator will be less inclined to help you achieve your objectives.
Attacking/blaming
Often used to soften up and intimidate the other negotiator, but it usually leads to counter-attack and defense and a movement away from agreement.
Threats
They seldom if ever have the desired effect (namely to get somebody to comply with your wishes) and almost always have the opposite effect (they provoke them to dig in).
Constructive debate: SAQSS
Constructive debate moves us towards a solution or an acceptable decision. This is characterized by behavior that serves our goal of seeking a solution agreeable to our interest.
Solution oriented debate is constructive and disconnected from how the other party behaves. This does not guarantee success, but it provides the best circumstances.
Neutral Statements
These are statements that inform the other party of views, opinions, attitudes etc.
Assurance
This behavior assures the other party of your good intentions and positive attitude towards your relationship. Tell them you are in the solution business.
Questions
Intended to get informed about the other party’s interests. Open- rather than closed questions, since they invite elaboration from the other party.
Summarizing
This is an excellent method of finding out if both parties have the correct understanding of what is under debate.
Signaling
The signal is an invitation to explore other possibilities than the one currently discussed. It is an indicator of a potential solution, without any commitment of the signaler.
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