《Sermon Illustrations (D~F)》(a compilation) table of contents



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HUMOR


Two 6 year olds struggled with the problem of the existence of the devil. One boy said, "Oh, there isn't any devil." The other, rather upset, said, "What do you mean, there isn't any devil? It talks about him all the way through the Bible!" the first replied, "Oh that's not true, you know. It's just like Santa Clause, the devil turns out to be your dad." 

G. Lewis, Demon Possession, ed. J. Montgomery.

DEVOTION


The motto of every missionary, whether preacher, printer, or schoolmaster, ought to be "Devoted for life." 

Adoniram Judson in To the Golden Shore: The Life of Adoniram Judson.

DIAGNOSIS


A severe rash prompted a man from a rural area to come to town to be examined by one of my colleagues. After the usual history-taking followed by a series of test, the physician advised the patient that he would have to get rid of the dog that was evidently causing the allergic reaction. As the man was preparing to leave the office, my colleague asked him out of curiosity if he planned to sell the animal or give it away. "Neither one," the patient replied. "I'm going to get me one of them second opinions I been reading about. It's a lot easier to find a doctor than a good bird dog." 

George Hawkins, M.D. in Medical Economics, in Reader's Digest, January, 1982.

DIARIES


I think of David Livingstone, the pioneer missionary to Africa, who walked over 29,000 miles. His wife died early in their ministry and he faced stiff opposition from his Scottish brethern. He ministered half blind. His kind of perseverance spurs me on. As I run, I remember the words in his diary: Send me anywhere, only go with me. Lay any burden on me, only sustain me. Sever me from any tie but the tie that binds me to Your service and to Your heart. 

Joseph Stowell, Through The Fire, Victor Books, 1988, p. 150.

DIETING


There's one thing to be said for a diet--it certainly does improve your appetite. 

E. Wilson.



Ever notice how people on a diet are never reduced to silence? 

G. S. Galbraith.


Statistics and Stuff


Daily Exercise for the Non-Athletic: A calorie guide citing a recent medical association report: "Proper weight control and physical fitness cannot be attained by dieting alone. Many people who are engaged in sedentary occupations do not realize that calories can be burned by the hundreds by engaging in strenuous activities that do not require physical exercise." Here's the guide to calorie-burning activities and the number of calories per hour they consume.

Beating around the bush..................... 75
Jumping to conclusions......................100
Climbing the walls..........................150
Swallowing your pride....................... 50
Passing the buck............................ 25
Throwing your weight around (depending on your weight)..........50-300
Dragging your heels.........................100
Pushing your luck...........................250
Making mountains out of molehills...........500
Hitting the nail on the head................ 50
Wading through paperwork....................300
Bending over backwards...................... 75
Jumping on the bandwagon....................200
Running around in circles...................350
Eating crow.................................225
Tooting your own horn....................... 25
Adding fuel to the fire.....................150
Opening a can of worms...................... 50


Source Unknown.


HUMOR


Stress Diet: Breakfast--1/2 grapefruit, 1 slice whole-wheat bread, 8 ounces skim milk. Lunch--4 ounces broiled chicken breast, 1 cup steamed zucchini, 1 Oreo cookie, 1 cup herb tea. Mid afternoon Snack--Rest of the package of Oreo cookies, 1 quart Rocky Road ice cream, 1 jar hot fudge sauce. Dinner--2 loaves garlic bread, large pepperoni and mushroom pizza, 3 candy bars, entire frozen cheesecake eaten directly from the freezer.

Source Unknown.



Diet tips: If no one sees you eat it, it has no calories If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, they will cancel each other out. Calories don't count if you eat with someone and you both eat the same amount. Food taken for medicinal purposes does not count. This includes toast, hot chocolate, brandy and Sara Lee chocolate cake. If you fatten up everyone around you, you'll look thinner. Snacks consumed at a movie do not count as they are part of the entertainment. For example: Mild Duds, popcorn with butter, red licorice and M&Ms. Pieces of cookies contain no calories. The process of breaking causes a calorie leakage. Late-night snacks have no calories. The refrigerator light is not strong enough for the calories to see their way into the calorie counter.

Source Unknown.



The problem with bucket seats is that everyone doesn't have the same size bucket. 

O. Smith.



Never eat more than you can lift. 

Miss Piggy's Guide to Life.

DIFFERENCE, MAKING A


Making a difference...In his book, The Americanization of Edward Bok, Edward Bok, one-time editor of the Ladies' Home Journal, tells a story about his grandfather, who lived in Denmark. It seems the grandfather had been commissioned by the King of Denmark to lead a band of soldiers against pirates who were playing havoc with shipping along a certain coastal area. The elder Bok set up his headquarters on a lonely, rocky, desolate island just off the coast, and after a few years was able to clear the pirates out of the area.

Upon returning to the mainland Bok reported to the King. The King was very pleased and offered Bok anything he wanted. All he wanted, he told the King, was a plot of land on the island where he had just lived and fought for so many months. They told him the island was barren. Why would he want to live there? "I want to plant trees," was Bok's reply. "I want to make the island beautiful." The King's aides thought he was crazy. The island was constantly swept by storms and high winds. He would never be able to get a tree to grow there.

Bok, however, insisted, and the King granted him his wish. He went to live on the island, built a home, and finally was able to bring his wife to it. For years, they worked industriously, persistently, planting trees, shrubs, grass. Gradually the vegetation took hold, the island began to flourish. One morning they arose to hear birds singing. There had never been any birds on the island before.

Eventually the island became a showplace and now is visited by thousands of tourists each year. When he died the grandfather requested that the following words be inscribed on his tombstone: "Make you the world a bit more beautiful and better because you have been on it."

But the story doesn't end there. Edward Bok, the grandson, who had become an American citizen, believed that anyone who was able to do so should retire at 50 and spend the rest of his life making the world a more beautiful and better place to live. And he was as good as his word. At 50 he retired as editor of the Ladies' Home Journal.

One day, while traveling around central Florida, he came upon Iron Mountain, elevation 324 ft. above sea level, the highest point in Florida. Immediately the thought hit him -- why not repeat in America what his grandfather had done in the old country? He bought the site and set to work. Eventually he was more than successful. The place is called Mountain Lake Sanctuary, Lake Wales, Florida. Upon his death, Edward Bok willed it to the State of Florida, and it is now a major tourist attraction. Upon the younger Bok's catafalque were the words: "Make you the world a bit more beautiful and better place because you have been in it."   

Bits & Pieces, March 31, 1994, pp. 17-20.



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