Max: “Yeah, yeah. Just let me be madfor a while.” Nick: “I am the greatest friend ever.”
Max, who has just finished exercising, is walking with Nick. “Man, I never thought exercise would feel so nice!”
Max: “Hah, now I’ll be losing weight in no time!” He reaches into his pocket.
He unwraps a giant candy bar. Nick looks surprised.
Nick: “You know it’s called diet and exercise, right?” Max: “Oh, please. I can just burn it off later!” Nick: “With a flamethrower, maybe.”
Max is sitting and eating, a lot. Nick: “What happened to your calorie-counting diet?”
Max: “Oh, please. I exercise now! It’s no problem!”
Nick: “…” He stares skeptically at Max, who’s looking pleased with himself.
Nick: “That’s it. I’m setting you up on another romantic date.” Max reacts with surprise. “WAIT WHAT”
Max is meeting with Alice, looking nervous. Alice: “Hey, what’re you looking so scared for?...”
Alice: “Here, as a show of my goodwill, eat this!” She tosses him a bag of cookies. Max looks surprised. “What? Well, gladly…”
Max eats the bag of cookies.
Alice pulls out a stopwatch. “Okay, now we’re going to see how long it takes you to burn those cookies off.” Max reacts in shock, nearly spits cookies out.
Max is sweating and panting. “A whole hour and I barely burned off that little pack of cookies!” Alice: “Yeah, sadly, that’s how it usually goes.”
Alice: “Losing weight is a two-way deal. You gotta exercise, yeah, but you also gotta eat less! Eat healthy!” Max: “I see…”
Max: “But I’ve never learned how to cook! I’m all fast food and processed dinners.” Alice: “Really? I love cooking! Do you want me to help you?”
Later: Max runs into the house, triumphantly lording over Nick: “Ha! I don’t need your help to set up a hot date!” Nick: “Should I even ask?...”
Max, Alice, and Nick are at a kitchen stove. Max, to Alice: “I didn’t know you and Nick were friends from college, Alice.”
Alice: “Yeah, but it’s been a while! I was pretty surprised when he called me about you!” Max: “Really? What was he like in college?”
Alice: “Well, Nick was kind of… geeky. Actually, I remember during one chem lab he accidentally spilled hydrochloric acid on—“ Nick reacts in shock/fear, accidentally squirts a huge amount of oil onto the pan.
The pan catches on fire. Nick: “OH HEY, THE CHICKEN IS ON FIRE. THAT’S A GREAT REASON TO CHANGE THE SUBJECT.”
Pictures of some of dishes. “Roasted salmon… stir-fried green beans…”
“Chicken and vegetable soup… brown rice… and a fruit salad for dessert!”
Alice turns to Max and Nick. The three are cooking at the stove. Alice: “How’s that for a dinner?”
Max and Nick are staring in awe at the dishes. Max: “It’s so… so exotic!” Nick: “The only thing that’s ever on this stove is bacon and instant ramen.”
Alice, at the gym with Max: “Hey, how’s your cooking coming?”
Max: “Great! I think I’m really starting to eat more fruits and veggies!” Alice: “Really? That’s great!”
Alice: “…Can I come over to eat sometime, then?” Max: “YES”
Alice, Nick, and Max eating at a table. Alice: “I hate to tell you, but chocolate-covered strawberriesand deep-fried onions aren’t exactly the healthiest things.” Nick: “The tastiest things, though!”
Alice, Max, and Nick are in the grocery store. Alice: “What do you guys buy when you go grocery shopping?”
Nick: “Well, you know, cereal, chips, cookies, crackers…” Max nods. Alice: “WRONG!”
Alice: “Alright, I got it. For today, you are not allowed to go in…”
Alice: “…the FORBIDDEN ZONE.” She points towards the middle of the grocery store. Max and Nick look confused.
Max: “The ‘Forbidden Zone,’ you called it?” Alice: “Yup…”
Alice: “In a grocery store, the healthy produce is usually located around the perimeter of the store. Dairy, fruits, veggies, meat, the works!”
Alice: “But the middle sections have a lot of processed food! You know, the stuff that you always want to buy but isn’t good for you!”
She looks up from her speech. Max and Nick are gone. “Which means… huh?” “Uh-oh.”
Max and Nick are in a grocery store aisle, pulling out food from the shelves. Nick: “Check this out, man! Discount habanero death chips!”
Max: “Throw it in with my triple-decker cookies. That’ll be a fun night.” Nick: “Aw yeah, you know it.”
They hear a voice behind them. “WHAT…ARE…YOU…DOING?”
They turn around in complete fear. Alice is towering over them, looking furious.
Alice is dragging Max and Nick out of the snack-food aisle. “Listen, kids, do you want to shop healthy or not?”
Max: “But, but half-off cheese puffs!” Nick: “Those donuts were begging to be eaten, let me tell you!” Alice rolls her eyes.
Alice: “What are you, a five-year-old?” She glares at them. Nick, jauntily: “No, actually, but I’ve been told to have the maturity of one.”
Alice glares at them in a frightening way. Max: “Thanks, Nick. You’ve just sentenced us to death.” Nick: “Why don’t I think these things through?...”
Nick, Alice, and Max are in the veggie section choosing vegetables. Alice: “So, what vegetables do you guys like to eat?”
Nick: “Well, I’m really into those veggie chips…” Max: “Carrot cake, that’s for sure.”
Nick: “And I really like those cheese and spinach dips…” Max: “Ketchup is made of tomatoes, right?”
Max: “Potatoes are vegetables, right?” Nick: “They grow in the ground…” Alice sighs. “I have a long way to go…”
Nick, Alice, and Max are at the butchery section. Max: “Meat, too?” Alice: “Of course! You need your daily dose of protein with everything else, of course.”
Alice: “So which one do you—“ Nick: “Steak.” Max: “Red steak.”
Nick: “Steak so red it bleeds on my plate.” Max: “Steak so rare that it still moos.”
Nick: “Raw cow I caught with my bare hands!” Max: “Oh yeah?! Then…” Alice: “WE’RE GETTING CHICKEN.”
Nick, Alice, and Max are in the fruit section choosing fruit.
They’re ordering meat from the butcher section.
They’re picking up some milk, checking the labels.
They’re at the register buying their choices. Max, looking at their foods: “This is the first time I’ve shopped so… so healthy!” Nick: “This is the first time I haven’t bought Pop-Tarts here! It’s bothering me…” Alice just nods, proud of herself.
Max comes home from work. “Man, I’m starving! Time for dinner…” He pulls out a frozen dinner from the freezer.
Suddenly, on his shoulder, a little vision of his phone with angel wings (you know, they whole angel/devil thing) appears. The phone says: “Don’t forget to incorporate vegetables into your diet!”
Max looks at his dinner.
Nick walks in on Max eating. “A frozen dinner of fried chicken, and… green beans?” Max: “It’s a start, alright?”
Max is in the kitchen. “So, to stir-fry vegetables, I first add oil to the pan…”
“One teaspoon, it says. Let’s see…” He pours oil into a tiny spoon.
He stares at the tiny spoon suspiciously.
He shouts, “That’s it?!” Nick: “How much more pure fat do you want?”
Nick is fiddling with the cityphone. “Hey, man, your phone says that baking stuff is a healthy way to cook things.”
Max: “Really?! That’s great news!” Nick: “It is?”
Later, Nick walks into the house. There’s a delicious aroma in the air. Nick: “What the…”
Nick walks in on Max pulling a pan of cookies out of the oven. “When they said bake, they meant meat and stuff, not cookies.” Max: “They did?”
Max: “Steaming food is healthy, I hear. Let’s do this!” He puts some vegetables into a steamer.
He stares at the pot intently as it cooks.
Max is still staring at the pot. Water vapor is venting out of it, turning the room into a steamy sauna.
Nick walks in. “Why did you turn the house into a sauna?” Max: “I’m cooking!” Nick: “For how long?” Max: “Oh, maybe two hours or so.”
Max, with a pan, looking determined: “I shall cook this meat thoroughly to burn off the fat!”
He’s cooking. The stove is turned up all the way, so that you can see the flames.
He’s still cooking the meat, which is smoking and black.
Nick walks in holding his nose. Max: “Oh, hey, Nick. Ready to eat?” Nick: “Eat what, grilled carbon?”
Nick and Alice are standing in front of Max. Nick, seriously: “Max, I am holding an intervention.”
Nick: “Your cooking, might… might need work.” Alice: “It’s okay, Max. I’m here to help.”
Max: “What are you talking about? My cooking is delicious!”
The camera zooms out. Max is cooking food, food that is completely blackened and smoking. Alice: “If you like the taste of coal, maybe.”
Alice is showing Max the different dishes she is cooking. Alice: “You’re on the right track. Stir-frying is a great way to cook.”
She shows him several bottles of spices. “Try adding spices for flavor instead of just salt.”
Alice shows him a spread of ingredients. “The more colorful your meal, the better!”
Max, comically dejected: “I’m still waiting for the part where you say, ‘And now you deep-fry the potatoes in this vat of boiling oil…” Alice: “I’m afraid not, buddy.”
Monday. Max is weighing himself. “Hey, I’m a pound lighter!”
Tuesday. “Wait, now I’m three pounds heavier…”
Wednesday. “Now I lost two pounds?”
Thursday. “PLUS FOUR?! I DON’T GET IT”
Max, to Nick: “Dude, I think there’s something wrong with my scale!”
Nick: “What is it?” Max: “It keeps going crazy! It keeps saying I’ve lost weight, then gained weight, then lost, every day!”
Nick: “That’s not the scale… that’s you!”
The main character is in extreme (comical) shock.
Max and Nick are walking: “So you’re saying my weight fluctuates?”
Nick: “Yeah, didn’t you know? The amount of fluid in your body, the last time you’ve worked out, the stage in your digestion, all change your weight day to day. “
They keep walking.
Max: “So I can’t really lose four pounds in one day?” Nick: “No, man, you can’t.” Max: “Awww…”
Max walks through the front door, looking totally stressed. “Ugh, what a terrible day at work today…”
We see him at the kitchen table eating a ton of food. “My boss is totally nuts! I don’t know what he’s thinking sometimes…”
We see him at the couch, eating even more. “I mean, he wants all the paperwork in by Monday? How can he expect us to…”
He looks around at all the food he’s just eaten. “…whoops.”
Max is sitting at the table, looking horribly guilty and surrounded by eaten food. Nick walks in. “Whoa, what happened here?”
Max: “What happened here?! I screwed up! I ate way too much! I broke my diet plan?!”
Max, freaking out: “OH NO! I can’t do this! I’m dead! I can’t go back! I messed up big time!”
Max, still freaking, staring imploringly at Nick: “What do I do, man?!” Nick: “First, you’re going to take a deep breath…”
Alice, Nick, and Max are sitting at the table. Alice: “So you got stressed out at work, and over-ate…”
Max, still looking sad. “That’s pretty much it.” Nick: “C’mon, Max, it happens, you know?”
Alice: “Yeah, you’ve been doing so well so far! You put in way too much effort to let one slip-up get you down!”
Max: “’One little slip-up?’ So what was that time when I lit the kitchen on fire?” Alice: “That was something else entirely.”
Max: “You’re right. In the grand scheme of things, one-time overeating isn’t the end of the world.”
Alice: “That’s right!” Nick: “That’s the spirit!”
Alice: “You just gotta focus on the positives, you know? Don’t give up entirely because of one little thing.”
Max looks around at all the food lying around. “…or one big thing.” Alice: “…you know what I mean.”
Max is walking by, looking nervous. Nick: “What’s eating you?”
Max: “It’s just… just an appointment with the doctor.” Nick: “Oh, no. Does that mean what I think it means?...”
Max nods. Nick looks horrified…
NEEDLES. The two look afraid, as they share a mutual fear of needles.
Max, thinking while walking next to the doctor: “Here it comes: the scale…”
Max, thinking: “Every time, I don’t like looking at it and seeing the doctor’s judgmental stare…”
Max, thinking: “But now, they’ll be impressed! I’m a new man with a new diet!”
Max is standing on the scale. Doctor: “Oh, hey. You dropped a pound and a half!” Max, thinking: “That’s it?!”
Max is sitting in a chair and thinking. “Just a pound and a half? I thought I would have been dropping weight faster than that!” In the background, doctor: “Okay, we need to do your bloodwork…”
Max, thinking: “I mean, I’ve been making my diet better… right? And exercising for the first time.” In the background, doctor: “Which means, of course, that I’m going to have to withdraw blood with this needle…”
Max, still thinking: “This is going slower than I thought!” Doctor, in the background: “I’m sticking the needle in now…”
The doctor is done withdrawing blood. “Wow, that was better than usual! Usually you freak out every time I come close to you with a needle.” Max, snapped out of his reverie: “When the who does what with a needle?”
Max is sitting in the waiting room.
The doctor walks up with a piece of paper. “So here, I have the results of your blood test.”
Max sits up nervously. Doctor: “And, as it turns out…”
Doctor: “Your cholesterol has actually gone down!” Max: “It has?!” He looks extremely happy.
The doctor and Max are sitting at some chairs. Doctor: “Your cholesterol is still high, so you still have to be careful…”