Step 2 - Came to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity.
2nd Step Prayer
I pray for an open mind so I may come to believe in a Power greater than myself. I pray for humility and the continued opportunity to increase my faith. I don't want to be crazy any more.
The Spiritual Principle of Step 2 is Hope. (Open-mindedness to the idea that we are not God).
Dear God, I confess that I have blamed You and others for many things. Some of my problems are the result of the decisions and actions of others, but my real problems right now are within myself. As I have come to know You better, I know that You love me and that You are not the cause of my sufferings. Indeed, I know that You only desire what is best for me, and I need to be willing to believe that You will do what is best for me when I let You take over. I trust that you will restore my sanity and my life would look like this:
-
In my education, . . . I would let go of my feelings of inadequacy around my education and intelligence. I am a college graduate. Still, I don’t believe I’m very smart. This was result of my upbringing and the negative feedback I received from my family and teachers. I would change two core beliefs: (1) I believe that I always took the easy road. (2) I believe that my success is from fortuitous circumstance rather than and intelligence or good work on my part. In changing these core beliefs, I would have to let go of feelings that I’m not good enough or smart enough. I would remember that education is only one component of my professional life – leadership and execution are the others. I would appreciate my common sense and my get it done attitude. I would appreciate that I look at things differently, that I’m more introspective, methodical, logical and analytical than most people. I would recognize what others see: a leader, an intelligent man, a doer. I would remember that education is a life-long endeavor. I would apply this simple truth to everyday life by seeking to educate and inform -- learn and grow. I would surrender my anxiety around education.
-
In my career, . . . I would be competitive but not ambitious. I would no longer define my success by how much money I make, how high I climb the corporate ladder, and where others expect me to finish. I would not put my job before my recovery, my family, or my relationships. I would be true to myself.
I would no longer exhibit people-pleasing behavior ~ like living the mantra: “No mission too difficult, no task too great.” I would stop playing martyr or victim when my sacrifices and my go-the-extra-mile behavior, go unnoticed or unrewarded. I would stop wearing masks and show my disappointment, rather than burying my anger and building my resentments. I would no longer subordinate my feelings with coworkers when things don’t go my way.
I would move out of management and into training or teaching -- my passion! I would surrender my need to make a lot of money. Because I would be doing what I like, rather than what I thought others wanted me to do, procrastination would be replaced by passion for my work. I would be fulfilled.
I would coach and mentor others ~ helping them navigate the shoals of a career in selling or management. I would impact people’s lives in a positive way that is neither selfish nor self centered.
-
With my feelings, . . . I would be present and stay in the moment. I would learn to recognize and articulate how I’m feeling. I would not evaluate or judge every conversation I have with another person and then respond with what I think they want to hear. I would listen with an open heart and open mind. I will speak from my heart and not my head. Fear of saying the wrong thing would not guide my every word. I would allow myself to sit with my emotions . . . good or bad. I would allow myself to feel. I would allow myself to cry in front of others especially my wife. I will no longer suppress my feelings . . . any feelings. I would immediately pray for others when I am feeling resentful or angry towards them. I will not pull in my feelings and avoid contact with those that anger me. I would believe in myself and trust God. I would not give my power away to others . . . I will no longer allow other people, places and things to define how I feel about myself.
-
In my relationships, . . . with my wife . . . I would respect her and consider her my equal. I would be available to her. I would appreciate the things that she does, the sacrifices that she makes and regularly tell her what a wonderful wife and mother she is. I would stop blaming her and manipulating her into the cause of every problem in my life. I would treat each moment with her as if she were a newcomer to the program … with patience, kindness, tolerance and respect. I would communicate more openly and consistently with her about my feelings, my work and my fears. I would allow myself to be vulnerable. I would get us help to heal our marriage and sexual anorexia. I would renew and rekindle our love by spending time with her alone and away from the kids. I will not try to control her or manipulate her. I will openly laugh with her at her faults as well as mine. I would encourage her more. I would help her more around the house. I would pray for her regularly. I would not be resentful towards her. I would thank God everyday for her. I would focus on my own problems.
With my children, . . . I want to demonstrate acts of kindness and love towards their mother so that my daughter has a clear understanding of how a husband treats his wife and so my son learns to respect and honor women. I want to encourage them. I want to be gentle but firm with them. I want to teach them that attitude is everything. That life is hard and not always fair. That’s its okay to fail, that failure can be their most important teacher. That they should respect life ~ all life. That they should treat people as they would like to be treated. That honesty is still the best policy. That character counts. That your reputation is everything. That there is no substitute for hard work. That you have to give up something to gain something. That God’s unconditional love and forgiveness is always available if you just ask for it. That victory in life is in the surrender of one’s will to God. I want them to learn from their dad’s mistakes of pride, anger, lust, resentment, envy, guilt, shame and selfishness ~ that these things diminished him and kept him from being true to himself and to others.
With my brothers, sisters, friends and coworkers, . . . I want to continue on the road that I’ve been on . . . to love them, forgive them and to be there for them. To give more than I take. To give freely and openly of myself without any expectation of return. To not judge them or speak ill of them. To not diminish them in any way. To inspire them through my actions and my words. To trust them and allow them to have faith in me. I would not question the motives of others. I would not envy others, but instead seek out role models and openly solicit their help. I would reach out to others on a daily basis. I would subordinate my needs to the needs of others. With respect to my siblings, I will reach out more often in terms of sending cards on anniversaries and calling them on their birthday.
With my mom and dad,. . . to accept them as they are. The best way to love them is to keep my boundaries around them -- To not compete for their love -- To be true to myself -- To not diminish the accomplishments of my siblings in their presence. To be there for them in the twilight of their years. To enjoy every moment I have with them and be emotionally intimate with them.
-
With my hobbies . . . I haven’t had a real hobby since I was a kid but I do need to affirm that I have many interests and things that I do now that I would like to continue or develop – so to that end -- I like reading history and biographies and the occasional Pat Conroy novel. I like visiting battlefields and museums. I like hiking and being in nature. I like geography and maps. I like Google earth. I like to write. I would focus on the improvement of my writing skills. I seem the most fulfilled when my writing is published or enjoyed by others. I like to teach. I like to help people in areas that I feel I can provide value. I like to study and defend my faith. I like to help people and teach resume and interview skills. I am trying to give back and have turned my addiction into an opportunity to do through esoberbuddy.com.
-
In my financial situation . . . I would simply trust that God will take care of my family and me as he has always done. I don’t need to control or be god.
-
In my spirituality . . . I would be a better member of my faith tradition. I would live my faith more openly and purposefully – especially in my home. I would surrender to the need to do prayer and meditation daily.
-
In my physical health . . . I would for the first time in my life eat right consistently. Three modest meals a day. Moderation would be my watch word. I would keep my weight at my target. I would exercise 4-5 times per week. I would permanently cut out sugar and junk food binges. I would significantly reduce my use of caffeine. I would minimize my intake of artificial sugar and sugar in general. I would get an annual physical. I would take my prescriptions daily and lower my cholesterol and heartburn to tolerable levels. I would live with the goal and mindset that I want to walk my daughter down the aisle on her wedding day and to see the birth of my grandchildren.
-
With my mental health . . . I no longer have to remember what I did yesterday; concoct lies to cover my tracks; look over my shoulder for the police; live in fear of getting caught acting out, catching an STD, or wondering when it was my turn to get a DUI. I have resolved the anger and resentment that resides inside me. I’ve forgiven those that have humiliated me. I no longer live in fear but hopeful expectation. I don’t look upon the 12 steps as an end in themselves, but embrace them as a way of life and return the gift of sponsorship. I share more and take less. My addict is my friend and a friend that serves as a potent reminder that all sanity is fleeting without a life-long commitment to recovery. Life is wonderful. Acceptance defines my nature. Surrender is easy and natural. God’s will for me is my guiding thought of each and every day. I am at peace. I don’t get high on anything but recovery.
-
Integrity . . . I would tell the truth, always. I do what I say I’m going to do. I can trust myself in all situations. I follow the rules at work and expect others to do the same. I am not an ethical relativist as I once was. I am firm in my convictions and I no longer have the attitude that “everybody does it” or “that rule is stupid and should be overlooked”. I am firm in my convictions and no longer waiver. I no longer lie, cheat or steal. But most of all I am honest with myself, my sponsor, and my wife. I am accountable.
-
My self respect . . . I love myself for who I am. I am not saddened by my lack of talents. My self-respect is not contingent on success because there are always failures to contend with. Neither is it a result of comparing myself with others because there is always someone better. With self-respect, I like myself because of who I am and not because of what I can or cannot do. I accept my limitations; I “accept those things that I cannot change.”
-
My morals and values . . . I believe and honor the tenets of my faith tradition. I know the difference between right and wrong. I know the difference between good and bad behavior. I no longer minimize or rationalize my behavior. My fundamental beliefs are time tested and true. I believe that God is right, good and just. I practice the Golden Rule: Do to others as you would have them do to you." I take responsibility for my actions. I honor and abide by the laws of our society. I respect all life. I exercise moral courage. I do not malign others behind their back. I do not diminish anyone by words or deeds.
-
My life goals and objectives . . . to be at peace within myself. Be confident in myself and know that I’ll make a few mistakes a long the way. Learn from the past, but not live in it. Maintain the sanctity of my marriage. Love my children with all my heart and soul. Love my God and to surrender to his will. Lead a moral and ethical life, devoted to family, friends, community and to church. Use my addiction for the benefit of others. Reconcile my deep anger, resentment, fear, shame and guilt. Forgive others for their trespasses and faults. Trust others and to trust myself. Maintain a sense of humor and optimism. Have fun and to never, ever give up on God or life. It is my life goal – that on my death bed, I will look back and say that I had a choice in life between celebration and regret and I chose to do those things that will allow me to die in celebration of my life.
Thank you for letting me share my 2nd Step.
| Page
Share with your friends: |
