Single on Valentine's Day By Chandni Jhunjhunwala

Single on Valentine's Day By Chandni Jhunjhunwala

The next Valentine's Day, I still didn't have a boyfriend, but I did receive a greeting card from a secret admirer. It would have been flattering, except the card featured a picture of an office desk with neatly arranged paper clips and pens. I can't remember what it said inside the card, but it hardly mattered. While other women inspire candlelit dinners and marriage proposals, some guy felt the need to tell me that I was as exciting as office supplies. When he revealed his identity, I discovered that he was the one who was as exciting as office supplies.

Not to say that all my Valentine's Days have been dull. I had a particularly memorable one the year I was dating, long-distance, a guy who lived in England. I had been waiting all day for him to surprise me. I had thought up several scenarios, from him flying in to Calcutta just for the day, to receiving a mysterious, unmarked brown box covered with U.K. postage stamps. I checked the mailbox every hour and would look up expectantly each time our doorbell rang. Instead, I stumbled upon an e-mail that evening detailing his "intensely passionate" day with another woman. What followed was a post-Valentine Day pity party like no other -- I stayed in bed for days, and called my friends at odd hours of the night to cry without even saying hello.

I know I'm not the only one who's had the single-gal blues. Anyone who's been alone on Valentine's Day can understand what it feels like to want to stick your head under a comforter and eat Starbucks Java Chip ice cream until you swallow a fork prong thinking it's a coffee chip, and then laugh and cry alternately because this might be your lowest point yet. It isn't. That comes when your coupled friends call to try to cheer you up. If I have to hear one more sympathetic voice telling me, "Come out with us -- don't stay alone. Of course, you won't be a third wheel," I'll eat another fork prong.

One of my closest friends, with whom I shared years of singles solidarity, finally found the love of her life. When Valentine's Day came, she snuck away on a romantic weekend to Kansas City without telling me. When I confronted her, she admitted that she didn't want to rub it in ("Because Kansas City really is the stuff of every woman's fantasy?" I felt like saying). But she knew that there's nothing I like better than spontaneous trips, because I've talked about it for years. On my ideal Valentine's Day, I would wake up to find my bags packed as my boyfriend surprises me with a weekend in Rome. It sank in, and I apologized to my friend. I realized that I was carrying a chip on my single shoulder. No one should have to hide the joy of being in love, just because I'm not in a relationship.

It's not just Valentine's Day when I'm reminded of these feelings. One night, my friend and I were at the subway station in New York City waiting for the local to arrive. The station was mostly full of college students and twentysomethings, when an older couple dressed to the nines walked in. As if on cue, a street musician started playing the Billy Joel ballad "She's Only a Woman to Me." The couple began waltzing around the station, laughing and lost in their own world. Because this is New York, a city where strangers are apt to do strange things, I hardly batted an eye as I stood back and watched the show. But on the train, I found myself reminiscing about the time I was with a date at the subway station, when he spontaneously picked me up in his arms and twirled me around like a ballerina.

My view of romance has changed from when I was 14 in Calcutta to now, 23 and living in Manhattan. You'd never catch a New York man waiting in line for hours outside a Hallmark store to pick out the perfect Valentine's Day card. At the same time, a simple spin on the subway with the right guy can create memories that beat anything you can dream up.

This year, I won't pin all my romantic expectations on one particular day on the calendar. I'll spend Valentine's Day with friends in New York City. Some say that this is the worst place to be if you don't want romance thrown in your face: horse and buggy rides through Central Park cuddled under a shared blanket, fancy dinners at the Plaza Hotel, street vendors selling red roses to the lovers who pass by. But I won't try to hide under a comforter or switch off my cell phone. Instead, I'll help my coupled-up friends pack for their weekend trips to Rome. READER’S DIGEST 2005

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The Healing Art of Massage From Harvard Women's Health Watch

For thousands of years and across many cultures, massage has been used to reduce stress, encourage relaxation, and relieve a range of ailments, from arthritis and asthma to insomnia and sports injuries.

Swedish Massage

Because therapeutic massage hasn't been the subject of many controlled studies, its benefits are largely unproven. But few would deny that a massage can make us feel better, both mentally and physically. This hands-on approach to the care of patients is now practiced in many hospitals, offered by some health maintenance organizations, and covered by certain insurers.

Most Western massage is based on Swedish massage, introduced in the United States in the early 19th century. Which strokes are emphasized depends on the type of massage and its purpose.

Deep-tissue massage uses slow strokes and fingertip pressure to relieve muscle "knots" that result from chronic tension and to improve blood and lymph circulation.

Myofascial release applies gentle, stretching strokes to areas above injured connective tissue (myofascia) to relieve postural or alignment problems.

Sports massage employs stretches and movements against resistance to increase range of motion and to reduce injury.

Talcum powder or oils are often used to help the practitioner's hands move smoothly over the body.

Eastern Techniques

Other popular types of massage have their roots in Eastern medicine and philosophy. The basis of Shiatsu and acupressure is the Chinese system of 12 major channels (meridians) through which life-force energy (qi) is said to flow. The idea is that disease results from blockages of qi. Shiatsu and acupressure practitioners apply pressure with their fingertips, and acupuncturists insert needles at specific points along the channels to release qi. In reflexology, specific zones on the hands, feet, or ears are thought to correspond, or reflex, to certain internal organs.

Studies have shown the efficacy of these approaches, but the concept of qi is not part of Western medicine and science.

Recent Findings

Recent research suggests several benefits of massage.

Back pain. A Canadian study of low back pain compared massage therapy with soft-tissue manipulation, exercise, and a sham laser-therapy. Subjects who received massage therapy had less pain and better physical function than those receiving other forms of treatment. Therapeutic massage has also been found to provide better long-lasting relief than acupuncture.

Pain, nausea, and anxiety. An Australian study showed that nightly 10-minute foot massages can lessen pain and nausea in hospitalized cancer patients. Research has also found that 30-minute reflexology sessions reduced anxiety in patients hospitalized for breast and lung cancer. Additionally, a randomized study of massage therapy showed that it relieves the symptoms of premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PDD).

Sleep. In a controlled study, older institutionalized patients given acupressure slept better than those in sham acupressure or control groups.

Lymphedema. Breast-cancer survivors with lymphedema (painful swelling due to the buildup of fluid in the arm) often get relief through lymphatic massage. This technique should be performed only by a massage therapist trained in the procedure and supervised by a woman's surgeon.

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