The Umbrella Academy: Trade 1 Apocalypse Suite Based on the Comic Book Series by Gabriel Ba and Gerard Way
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INSERT CUT: A FLASHBACK of Rumor as a child bound to a chair. A man in a tin suit, DR. TERMINAL, approaches her and strikes a cleaver down. SPACEBOY: (Shouts) RUMOR!
Rumor looks over at Spaceboy. SPACEBOY: Get these children out of here now! Rumor runs for the kids. She evacuates a few into a safe zone. The J Robot follows her. He is floating silently. His arm is drawn, ready to fire flames. J ROBOT: Observation! There are fewer numbers of the Umbrella Academy than expected! And there’ll be fewer momentarily. Spaceboy’s paws grab the J Robot and rip it in half. SPACEBOY: (To Rumor) Rumor! Get them out of the carnival now! I need you!
(Yelling from a distance) Space!
Announcement! Prepare for eradication! Spaceboy jumps up and impales his fist through the D Robot’s body. He slams it onto the ground. The B Robot is about to fire bullets at the Academy members. SÉANCE: This is bringing me down, man! B ROBOT: Imminent execution! Kraken, out of nowhere, tosses a knife through the B Robot’s head. A bullet is shot into Kraken’s arm. INT. CAB – NIGHT Flames of the carnival are seen through the cab windows. Seven, in the backseat notices this. The CAB DRIVER looks out the window. CAB DRIVER: The carnival is on fire! SEVEN: (Sarcastically) It’s probably my family! (Swallowing a pill) Drive me there… fast!
Status! I have sealed off the exit and am closing in. Escape impossible! Decimation eventual! Kid VOICES are heard in a boat. KID #1: (O.S.)
We’ll be safe in here. KID #2: I’m so scared! Kraken peaks his head out of the shadows. He finds three panicked kids crouched in a boat. KRAKEN: You gotta be shitting me! KID #2: I don’t want to go back there! KID #3: I can’t swim! KID #1: (Quietly) Shhh! I heard someone coming.
Ubiquitous bloodshed! C ROBOT: Fortune smiles! Kraken comes out, bleeding with two knives drawn. He throws them both out of his right hand. They fly and nail both robots into the wall. EXT. CARNIVAL – NIGHT The F Robot blasts energy beams at a large rock. Spaceboy positions the rock as a shield for himself, Rumor, Séance, and the CHILDREN. SÉANCE: (Whining) I was better off at Shinyview! At least you can get a sponge bath from a large ex-con.
I don’t think this is the time or place, Séance! F ROBOT: Cowardice! The F Robot continues to fire.
(Cont’d)
The papers all said I was cracked but I checked myself in the comatose ward. I preferred the company. RUMOR: (Annoyed) Shut up Klaus!
(Cont’d)
Ever wonder what a vegetable thinks about? SPACEBOY: (To Séance) Séance please be quiet! I want you to break right and draw their fire! (To Rumor) Rumor, you stay with the children!
Excitement! L ROBOT: Adventure! Spaceboy uses a curved metal sign as a battle ace on the F robot, splitting it into two. L ROBOT: (Firing at Spaceboy) No escape!
She notices the V Robot with missiles prepared to fire. SEVEN: (Shouts)
Spaceboy! The V Robot turns it’s attention to Seven. V ROBOT: Target number seven acquired! The missiles launch towards Seven’s direction. Kraken comes out of nowhere and pushes Seven out of the way. KRAKEN: (Yells)
What the hell are you doing there? You think you can just show your face after all these years? SEVEN: (Puzzled) I—I wanted to help! There’s something I need to tell you!
(To Seven) You left! The only thing you’re going to help us with is getting killed. And there’s nothing you can tell me that I want to hear. And to think, I thought I had a sister. But I’ve got nobody.
(Walking away) Fuck off! Seven runs off crying and leaves the carnival. SPACEBOY: Kraken!
Don’t start! Rumor, Séance and the children walk towards Spaceboy. Kraken walks the opposite direction. RUMOR: Was that Vanya? KRAKEN: (Walking away) Just a citizen, no one special!
(Bitterly) That was completely pointless!
What are you talking about? We just saved the universe. SPACEBOY: No we didn’t, Rumor. Terminal programmed these things years ago. He hadn’t thought about destroying the world. Is the end of the world is coming, it’s going to be something much bigger than that. Let’s lend a hand then head back to the house! We need to bandage up and start researching. We’re running out of time! INT. ACADEMY MANSION, MEDICAL LAB – NIGHT The Boy is shirtless. His X-ray results are hung on a board behind him. He sits on a bed watching the news. From the television set, a REPORTER delivers a story about the recently occurred events. REPORTER: Speculation that the Umbrella Academy would reform following the death of Sir Reginald Hargreeves had been heated. But this is a much different reunion than expected. Around the time of Sir Reginald’s burial, The Carnival Pier was attacked by a group of unidentified “killer” robots, which made their presence known by opening fire on a carousel. Torching over nine children and dozens of adults. Eyewitnesses confirmed that Spaceboy, The Rumor, The Séance, and The Kraken arrived and were locked in a life-or-death battle with said robots. CLICK! The TV turns off. BOY: (Pouts)
I should have been down there. They needed me. POGO: I advise against any action or thought of action until we figure out what’s going on with your biology, which appears to be that of a perfectly healthy sixty-year-old man trapped in the shell of a ten-year-old child. But here’s the fascinating part: you aren’t aging. BOY: What?
Scans show no signs of cell death, yet any signs of cell growth. It’s as if your body is stuck in time.
Well, the clock may have stopped on me, but it’s still ticking on the world, closing in on destruction. We need to start searching for numbers! Mom appears. MOM: I don’t think that’s such a good idea, Number Five. BOY: (Tying his tie) With all due respect Mrs. Hargreeves, I am not only an actual human being but a good thirty years older than anyone in this room. I appreciate you naming and raising my siblings, but I have little use for mothering. May I suggest you bake a soufflé?
(Heading toward the door) Let’s go, Doctor!
You still dream about that? RUMOR: More than you ever know. That’s one of the other reasons that Patrick left me. SPACEBOY: (Pause)
I’m sorry. Do you want anything? RUMOR: No, just let me go back to sleep! SPACEBOY: Okay! Tomorrow we’ll go find Diego.
Stop! How many times must we do this? It’s wrong! Wrong! Wrong! The Conductor draws a .44 magnum. He raises it at the player. BANG! The bullet explodes through the violin player’ brains. Blood and brain matter splatter onto other members. CONDUCTOR: (Putting gun to his temple) I am running out of bullets here.
Do you have room for one more? The Conductor lowers his gun. He sees Seven and smiles through his stitched mouth. SEVEN: (Cont’d)
I used to think I had a family but I have nobody… Let’s give them a performance they’ll never forget! INT. ACADEMY MANSION, HALLWAY – DAY FLASHBACK! A narrow hallway with chessboard floor tiles. Ten-year-old Seven is heard screaming down the hall. SEVEN:
(From bedroom)(Screaming) I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! Pogo peaks his head out of his room. POGO: (Concerned) Vanya?
(From bedroom)(Screaming) I… HATE… YOU…
(Loudly screaming) I DON’T BELONG HERE!
(Cries)
I don’t belong here. Pogo opens the door slowly and steps inside the room. POGO: Vanya?
What do you want?
(Concerned) I heard a noise. What’s wrong?
(Cries worse) I’m useless. I’m so w-w-worthless! There’s nothing special about me. I’m not like the others. I can’t do anything. Pogo wraps his arm around Seven to comfort her. SEVEN: You’re right. You’re not like the others. But you don’t need to destroy things to prove yourself! You are special. Seven stops crying and smiles. Her and Pogo hug. OVER BLACK Chapter Four: “Baby, I’ll Be your Frankenstein” POGO: (V.O.)
You’re more special than you’ll ever know. INT. ICARUS THEATRE – NIGHT PRESENT The theatre is dark. On stage, Seven is strapped down naked to a bed. The straps cover her breasts and private parts. Machines with chemicals have plugs inserted into Seven’s arms, legs, and forehead. The plugs are pumping the chemicals and toxins through her body. Seven’s eyes open slowly. SEVEN: (Confused) What’s happening?
(Angrily) What the fuck are you doing to me?
Now, now, Vanya! Watch the language. SEVEN: What are you doing? CONDUCTOR: Shhhhhhh… You wanted to help, didn’t you? Well, you’re helping. You’re just not ready yet. SEVEN: What are you talking about? The Conductor reads a file. CONDUCTOR: Your father’s notes! You can get anything if you kill the right people. Sometimes it only takes two or three. But what’s the fun in that? Hargreeves ran extensive experiments on all of you, while you slept. And apparently, you’re the most dangerous one. CLOSE IN- Seven’s eyes grow fearful. The Conductor inserts a probe through Seven’s palm and pumps a mysterious liquid into her body. CONDUCTOR: How does that feel? SEVEN: (In pain) It hurts so much! I’m getting cold.
He also figured out the means by which to make you shine. But I think his method was much less painful. The liquids continue to pump through Seven’s body. Her grin grows angry and painful. CONDUCTOR: (Cont’d)
You see, the orchestra was doomed for failure almost from inception. Out souls are tainted. Painted black by the very deeds that make us so wonderfully individual. But if we are to destroy the world, we need one thing more. Something white. Something pure. Seven’s skin grows white. SEVEN:
(In pain) I’m going to kill you! CONDUCTOR: And I’m going to make you into a star. Smile! BOOM! Green lightning and flames explode out of the machines. Seven screams loudly in pain. Symphony music echoes from Seven’s body. EXT. THE CITY – NIGHT The streets are busy but sleazy. Prostitutes flood the streets. Sleazy and disgusting men attempt to pay the hookers for a “good time.” The Boy and Pogo fly over the city. BOY: It’s a good thing these old levitator belts were lying around. POGO: (Jokingly) Yes because there’s nothing conspicuous about a ten-year-old boy flying around with his monkey. (Pause)
What exactly are we looking for? BOY: Oh… Burning buildings, massive explosions, incinerated children, the odd doomsday device. You know, the apocalypse! The Boy and Pogo fly passed a porn theatre. POGO: Number Five, in those fifty years that you were alone, cut off from any human contact, or any familiar reality, had it ever occurred to you that you might have become disconnected? Or even- BOY: (Cutting off Pogo) Insane? Are you suggesting I imagined it? The death and destruction? The annihilation of all mankind? Could I have driven to madness in my search for a way home? Yes, the thought had occurred to me. But what if I hadn’t.
(Cont’d)
Precisely. The Terminaut’s attack on the carnival was far too simple to be an actual threat. Impeccable timing but a distraction at most. I saw what I saw, Pogo. My brothers and sisters have spent their lives being dissected by the people Hargreeves raised us to protect. Pogo’s eyes turn to The Boy while flying. BOY: (Cont’d)
If I’m wrong, we’re once again guilty of trying to save the world from a false alarm. But if I’m right- The Boy and Pogo fly passed a street brawl between two rival hookers. Homeless tramps cheer them on. BOY: (Cont’d)
Isn’t this worth saving? OVER BLACK Bloody music tabs and blood flows from all directions of the screen. SEVEN: (V.O.)(In nauseating pain) What’s happening to me? I need my pills!
(V.O.)
You don’t need them anymore. You’re doing wonderfully. OVER WHITE CLOSE IN- Eyeball, Seven’s. It grows incredibly bloodshot. INT. ICARUS THEATRE – NIGHT Classical music plays over the darkness of the isolated theatre. A grotesque white female figure is shown. It’s Seven, now mutated. SEVEN: (About the music) Sounds like angels! Suffocating. I can hear it! (Smiles devilishly) It’s beautiful!
There’s still no sign of Diego. I wonder where he can be. SPACEBOY: We’ve got much bigger problems, including the fact you froze yesterday. RUMOR: Well, this isn’t the easiest thing to jump back into. Especially with flying garbage cans firing death rays. They continue to walk and turn around the corner. They freeze and are stunned. RUMOR: (Worried) Diego!
I’m fine. SPACEBOY: (Bitterly) You know maybe you wouldn’t get your damn guts blown out if you didn’t go running off on your own.
You’re right. Maybe if I followed you, I wouldn’t have to bleed it out. Maybe I’d just get myself killed! SPACEBOY: (With hate) Still pissed off at the world because Father didn’t love you?
(Raising his voice) Don’t you get it? He didn’t love any of us! But you’re still trying to impress him after we just put him in the fucking ground. Spaceboy’s face grows impatient. SPACEBOY: I guess you’re right. He didn’t love me. But I haven’t spent my life pretending he did. Like you have with Vanya. KRAKEN: What the hell did you just say to me? SPACEBOY: You damn well heard it. Kraken and Spaceboy approach each other. KRAKEN: Say it to my fucking face! SPACEBOY: (Yells)
You and Vanya pretended father loved you! Are you happy? Kraken spits in Spaceboy’s face. KRAKEN:
You’re pathetic! Kraken leaves the mansion and slams the doors behind him. SPACEBOY: (Wiping the spit off his face with his paw) I’m going on patrol. Keep your ear on the communicator!
What? Luther, you haven’t slept and you’re bleeding! SPACEBOY: No time!
Then I’m coming with you.
Fine. I’ll reset the televator. RUMOR: (To Séance) I assume you’re going to bed?
I’m tagging along. I’ve been eating speed for the last three days and every time I close my eyes, I see centipedes. RUMOR: (Sarcastically) That’s nice!
(Writing down order) What’ll it be?
Two cups black, my dear! Agnes laughs and walks off. BOY: (Annoyed) They don’t believe me!
Who is the one called number five? The Boy sips on his coffee and doesn’t turn around. BOY: I am. Who wants to know? INT. ICARUS THEATRE – NIGHT Red curtains block the stage and spotlights are focused on the Conductor. The seats are filled with masked people in tuxedos and black dresses. CONDUCTOR: (Presenting to the audience) Ladies and gentlemen! For years man has dreamt of finding the answer to a single question. “How do I unreservedly kill billions of people in the blink of an eye?” First there was the Fennler manual-feed machine gun, followed by the gas chamber, and eventually my personal favorite, the atomic bomb. Mere trifles. Failures. But tonight my friends- (Enthusiastically shouts) We make the dream a reality! For allow me to introduce to you the world’s greatest instrument of extermination! A wonder of modern science! And the most adorable little killing machine you have ever laid! Your! Eyes! Upon!
(Cont’d)
Orchestra Yerdammten meet La Viole Blanche! Or if you prefer- The curtains spread open. A naked chalk-white woman with white hair and black string tattoos stands in the middle of the stage- Seven. CONDUCTOR: (Presenting Seven) The White Violin!
Your instrument! Don’t be shy. The White Violin takes her instrument. CONDUCTOR: Now do what you were born to do! Seven plays slowly. The music is eerie but beautiful. The audience is intrigued. The Conductor smiles with joy. As Seven continues to play, the Conductor’s body begins to violently twitch. Seven continues to play, making the twitching worse. The audience worries over the Conductor. His body explodes into a splattering pool of blood. Blood and guts splatter onto the front row of the audience. The Conductor’s left part of his head hits the wall and slops down, leaving a long trail of smudged blood. The audience is in shock and clap. Seven looks over them and stops playing. SEVEN: (In a commanding voice) Brothers and sisters, listen to me! Gather your trumpets, your cellos, and your harps! Lend me your lives and prepare for demise! For tonight we end the Umbrella Academy! And tomorrow we end the world!
What’s your name, Ma’am? AGNES: A-Agnes.
Okay, Agnes. I want you to relax and tell me what you told the officer over there.
(Hesitates) O-okay. I was working the late shift and this little boy and a monkey-
(Cutting off Agnes) A chimpanzee.
Monkey, chimp they’re the same thing. LUPO: My colleague would disagree. Continue! AGNES: Well, they come in around five in the morning and order some c-coffee. And just as I’m handing it to them, these men walk in. LUPO: And what did they look like, Agnes? INT. COSTELLO’S DINER – NIGHT FLASHBACK to previous night. Agnes is eyeing the bizarre appearance of the temps. AGNES: (V.O.)
They were strange. LUPO: (V.O.)
What did they do Agnes? AGNES: (V.O.)
They started asking questions, looking for someone with some kind of name that’s a number. The Boy continues to calmly sit. AGNES: (V.O.)(Cont’d) And the little boy just sits there all calm like, and he says he’s the one they’re looking for.
(V.O.)(Cont’d) And one of those weird-looking men pulls out some kind of gun.
LUPO:
(V.O.) And then what happened? INSERT CUT: PRESENT. Agnes is still in shock. AGNES: H-he killed them. He killed every one of them. LUPO: (O.S.)
Who killed them, Agnes? The Boy dodges the ray blast from the gun. The blast destroys part of the wall. AGNES: (V.O.)
The little boy! The Boy delivers a missile kick to the Temp Leader’s head. The leader’s head explodes like a watermelon. Chunks fly everywhere. AGNES: (V.O.)(Cont’d) He was so fast. He didn’t show mercy… he didn’t even flinch.
(V.O.)(Cont’d) It’s too horrible to describe what he did to them… I never want to remember that.
(Cont’d)
And then it was over. He threw some money on the counter and then they walked out. PULL OUT – Blood splatters exposed on all windows, counter stools, and booths. Forensics officers collect blood samples. OVER BLACK Chapter Five: “Thank you for the Coffee!” EXT. LUPO’S DINER, FRONT ENTRANCE – DAY Lupo steps outside. EXT. LUPO’S DINER, PARKING LOT – DAY Lupo approaches his car and slides a cigarette between his lips. INT. LUPO’S CAR (MOVING) - DAY While driving, Lupo sticks a lighter towards his cigarette. A shadowy figure is seen in the backseat. Kraken. KRAKEN: Those things are going to kill you. Lupo drops his lighter and quickly draws his .357 magnum. He points it at Kraken. LUPO: I bet this will kill you quicker! He puts his gun away after seeing its Kraken. KRAKEN: How have you been, Lupo? LUPO: (Relieved) I could’ve killed you, Kraken! I think you scared me on purpose.
What went down at Costello’s? Lupo pulls out his car lighter and lights his cigarette. LUPO: Triple homicide! Apparently it was self-defense but the suspects took off. A chimpanzee and a boy wearing a black school uniform. You know anything about that? KRAKEN: I’ll work on it. I need help. LUPO: (Sarcastically) Why? All your enemies are on ice. Or is it that time again? The end of the world?
Maybe… I’ve been searching. I got shit. I need a lead… LUPO: Hmph! Probably nothing, but there’s been an awful lot of violinists gone missing over the last two months. Virtuosos, all of them. There may even be a connection to other missing persons going back six years. All concert musicians of some sort! (Pause) Isn’t your sister a violinist? EXT. ROAD – DAY Following Lupo’s car, Kraken flies quickly through the back window and vanishes. INT. LUPO’S CAR (MOVING) – CONT’D Lupo doesn’t appear to be surprised. He keeps driving. INT. ACADEMY MANSION, HALLWAY – DAY Pogo walks down the hallway with a hot cup of coffee in his hand. He enters- INT. ACADEMY MANSION, MONOCLE’S ROOM – DAY Pogo enters Monocle’s bedroom. It is trashed head-to-toe. The Boy digs through the drawers. POGO:
I thought you could use a cup of coffee. (Pause)
What exactly are you looking for? BOY: (Digging through drawers) Hargreeves’s revolver! If the world’s going to end I’d prefer to go quickly, rather than be flattened by the jettisoned engine of a 747 or burned alive. If you like, I can take care of you when the time-
(Changing subjects) I suppose you want to talk about the diner?
Quite frankly, yes! BOY: Just a bunch of Ruffians out joyriding for kicks! Well, they got them. POGO: (Surprised) Ruffians? Carrying laser guns?
There are things about me you don’t or wouldn’t understand. The Boy approaches a window and looks over the view. BOY: (Cont’d)
You wouldn’t understand the things that I’ve done to get back here. It’s too complicated to explain! POGO: Why don’t you try me? BOY:
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