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Good start Melanie!
There is a lot of orange down there, but remember that these are college level marks, and as this is your draft, you can utilize them to turn in a college level paper next week. Our biggest piece of advice? Keep it formal. Make a point based on facts, and then back it up with facts in the rest of your essay. No speculation, musings, or conjecture. Just the facts ma’am! 
As always, please feel free to contact us with any questions!
Content/Ideas – 7/12

Organization – 5/8

Grammar – 8/8

Self Evaluation – this will be on the final – as you will need to self-eval your own paper.

Total – 20/28 (remember that this grade is not recorded, it is letting you know where you are at as of today. If you follow the guidelines advised below, as well as in the instructions, you should get a near perfect grade when you submit your final paper)
Formal essays need a title
The telephone tap got its name because the monitor was connection to the telephone wires and tapped off a small bit of the electrical signals in a conversation in order to gain knowledge in a very rude and inconsiderate way. (it was all good until you got to “very rude and inconsiderate way.” Try to simply stick to the facts. You should not need to your dramatic language to bring the reader over to your side of the argument, or to make your argument. The facts should be enough. If your facts are weak, your argument will be weak, and no amount of drama will help. )Telephone tapping, also known as wire tapping, is one of the many forms of espionage that the government uses to get what they want.(like what? This might help clarify whether this is a need or a simple invasion of privacy.) By hooking up simple mechanics and listening devices to ordinary, run of the mill telephone lines, they are able to hear from mile(s) around and know what every body (who is talking on a phone) is saying. I believe (no I, we, or you in formal essays. We know that you believe, as you are the author. No we or you, and you cannot speak for we or you.) that telephone tapping is a very unjust way for the government to get information. (instead of stating that it is unjust, which is a personal opinion, you could bring up privacy laws that may or may not be being broken)
Firstly, telephone tapping leads me to believe that the government does not even care about their own laws.(facts, not personal musings) For the most part,(details, not vagueness) the government will not inform you if your telephone is being tapped, because it will cause no disturbance to you, except for invading your privacy. (meaning that the person having his or her phone tapped does not need to be made aware by any inconvenience of installation or future usage?) And because most telephone taps create no audible sounds, they are extremely hard to detect. Invasion of privacy is against the law, but since the authorities make and enforce the laws, it would be hard to hold a case against them in court. (are you saying that the constituents of a country have no say in the laws that are or are not enforced?)If the government thinks that you are making a bomb, then they have a decent reason to legally tap into your phone lines. But, if the wire tap is illegal, meaning that the government did not place it there, and then it can and will be removed by the phone company.(how does the phone company know if a wiretap was or was not placed by the proper authorities? If they discover that the tap was placed there illegally, what are their steps, other than just removing the tap?) However, both types of telephone taps are the same, unjust invasion of privacy. (are you saying that all wiretaps are unjust? Are there examples of just and unjust? Are there legal and illegal wiretaps?)
Secondly, many people are not pro wire tapping for very good reasons. (introduce your quote)“As a means of espionage, writs of assistance and general warrants are but puny instruments of tyranny and oppression when compared with wire tapping” (Justice Louis Brandeis, 1928). This statement proves that even people of higher authority of everyday normal people believe that telephone tapping is wrongful.(does this prove anything, or is this just another opinion?) My theory is that most of the government applauds telephone tapping because they known that they can use the same excuse. That excuse is that they can prevent another 9/11. Although that may be true, tapping into people’s private lives is not really preventing anything either. (remember to bring in facts and details. How is wiretapping used to prevent acts or terrorism? Have there been any instances where this tapping has actually prevented anything? Has it always been fruitless and a waste of time and money? Whose lines are being tapped exactly? Only those from the Middle East? Muslims? Brining in new issues of profiling. Housewives in Vermont? Is it only used for terrorism, or is it used to other things? Spying on a cheating spouse? Tapping the lines of CPA firms looking for tax fraud? Do the police use it? The FBI?)
Thirdly, there are laws in certain places that forbid taping a telephone conversation. In California, it is illegal and against California Penal Code 623 to record a phone conversation unless all parties are willing and will consent. Meaning, that if the government was monitoring and recording your phone conversations, and you didn’t say that it was okay, they would be breaking the Californian law. Other states with the same law include Connecticut, Florida, Illinois, Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan, Montana, Nevada, New Hampshire, Pennsylvania, and Washington.
Finally,(this is not a list. Transition from paragraph to paragraph) due to the unwarranted government tapping of phone lines, it leads me to be con wire tapping due to consent from only one side of the recorded conversation. Invasion of privacy, and more laws still do not stop the use of government and illegal telephone tapping are just some of the many reasons why I am, and you should be, con wire tapping.

“Telephone Tapping.” (2009) Wikipedia. May 7, 2009 from:

“Wiretapping and Eavesdropping on Telephone Conversations: Is There Cause for Concern?” (2009) Privacy Rights Clearinghouse. May 7, 2009 from:

“Wiretapping.” (2005) Electronic Privacy Information Center. May 7, 2009 from:

Harris, Tom. “How Wiretapping Works.” (2001) HowStuffWorks. May 7, 2009 from:

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