II.7.A. “How Kisa-Gotami Came to Understand Sorrow and Death”
Theme: bereavement, grief and compassion for humanity as a whole
This is what we have been told. Ever since she was a little child Gotami was much thinner than the other girls, and as a result she had to put up with the insulting nick-name ‘Kisa-Gotami’, or ‘Skinny Gotami’. And then, on top of that, when she got married her husband treated her badly, so it was only when she bore a child that at last people started to treat her with some respect. At last, it seemed, she was to have some happiness in her life. However, just when her little boy was old enough to begin to run about and play, he became ill and died. At this point, remembering how much she had always been insulted before her little boy was born, Gotami became almost crazy with sorrow, and refused to believe that he was dead. So she took the little corpse from house to house, asking for medicine to cure her child. ‘Why are you asking for medicine?’ everyone said. ‘Can’t you see that the child is dead? You are crazy.’
But one of her neighbours, wiser and more kindly than the others, realised that Gotami’s strange behaviour was due to the depth of her sorrow, and said: ‘Why don’t you go to the Buddha; perhaps he can give you the medicine you need.’ So she took the dead body of her little boy, showed it to the Buddha, and said, ‘Please, O Wise One, give me some medicine for my poor sick child.’ The Buddha looked at Gotami and at the little dead body, and he could see that deep down Gotami had enough wisdom and strength to understand her sorrow and gain comfort, even though her terrible loss had made her almost mad with grief. So he said to her, ‘Go back to the town, knock on all the doors and wherever you find a household where no-one has died, ask them to give you a little mustard seed. Then, in the evening, bring me all the mustard seed you collect and we will be able to make some medicine for your child.’
So Gotami went into the town, still carrying the dead body of her little boy, knocked on the door of the first house and said, ‘If no-one has died in your family, please give me some mustard seed: I need it as a medicine for my sick child.’ The woman of the house looked at her sadly and said, ‘Certainly I can give you some mustard seed, but I’m afraid that we have had many, many deaths in our family.’ And Gotami looked sadly at the woman, saying, ‘In that case, I’m sorry for you, but your mustard seed will be of no use as medicine for my little boy.’ She went to the second house, and the same thing happened: yes she could have some mustard seed, but in that house also there had been many deaths and much sorrow. And at the third, fourth and fifth house it was the same. At every house where she knocked at the door the family told her that they also were in sorrow for the death of a dearly loved relative – a mother, or a father, or an uncle, or an aunt, or a son, or a daughter.
So by the evening, she still had no mustard seed for medicine for her child. However, something important had happened. As a result of sharing her sorrow with so many other people who also had lost a loved one, she found that her own sorrow was now different. No longer did she feel agonized and almost mad with grief. Instead, although she still felt sorrow at the loss of her child, she also knew that there were many others in the town who had also experienced a similar loss and the same terrible sorrow. Suddenly she realized that sorrow and death are part of how life is, not only for her but for everyone. So she took her dead child to the cemetery outside the town and, sadly, lovingly, buried his little body.
Then she went back to the Buddha, who asked, ‘Well, Gotami, have you got the mustard seed for the medicine?’ Gotami answered, ‘Thank you, O Wise One. No, I have not brought any mustard seed, but your medicine of the mustard seed has already worked, as you knew it would. Because I now see that my own sorrow is part of the sorrow of all people, and that the death of our loved ones is part of the pattern of life for everyone. That is the medicine I needed, and that is what you have helped me to understand.’
And from that time onwards, Gotami became one of the wisest and most respected followers of the Buddha. She became famous for her sad and beautiful poetry on the sufferings of women, caused by the pains of giving birth, the difficulties of marriage, the deaths of husbands and, particularly, the deaths of children.
Questions:
Why did Gotami thank the Buddha for sending her to fetch mustard seeds from families where no-one had died?
What if the Buddha had said to Gotami, ‘Stop crying, don’t you realize there are many people who have suffered the death of a child?’ Would this have been as helpful? How would it have been different for Gotami?
Dharma Issues:
Dukkha– The importance of universal compassion in coming to terms with personal suffering.
The nature of the ‘skilful means’ through which we can help others with their suffering.
Permission granted by Richard Winter, Cambridge Buddhist Centre, Based on C. Rhys Davids and K. Norman: Poems of Early Buddhist Nuns, Pali Text Society, pp.88-9, a translation of the Therigatha from the Pali Canon, and the commentary by Dhammapala (6th century AD) who claimed he was following traditional interpretations – see introduction p.viii.
II.7.F. “The Laws of Manu”
India’s most famous early legal code, The Laws of Manu were compiled over the years between 200–400 C.E. While the position of women in early Vedic India had been good these laws illustrate the efforts of the Brahmin elite to restrict women’s legal independence in this later period
“Women must always be honored and respected by the father, brother, husband and brothers-in law who desire their own welfare.”
“If the female members live in grief, the family is destroyed. If the female members are happy, the family flourishes in all directions.”
“Women shall receive one-quarter share of the inheritance of their parents. If a man has no sons, his daughter may inherit everything he had.”
“Brothers should give one-forth of their inheritance to their sisters for their sisters’ dowries.”
“In childhood a female must be subject to her father, in youth to her husband, and when her lord is dead, to her sons; a woman must never be independent.”
“A father sins unless he marries his daughter off when she reaches puberty.”
“Women do not care for beauty, nor is their attention fixed on age; they give themselves to the handsome as well as to the ugly just for the fact that he is a man.”
“A husband should be worshiped as a God.”
“Even in the home nothing should be done by a child, a young or even an old wife (woman) independently.”
“A wife, a son, and a slave, these three are declared to have no property. The wealth which they earn is acquired for him to whom they belong.”
“Women, shudra (or sudra, lowest of four castes), dog and crow embody untruth, sin and darkness.”
“Women must particularly be guarded against evil inclinations, however trifling they may appear to be; for, if they are not guarded, they will bring sorrow on both the families. Considering it the highest duty of all castes, even wealthy husbands must strive to guard their wives....lest the seed of others be sown on your soil.”
“It is the nature of women to seduce men in this world, for that reason the wise never remain unguarded in the company of female.”
“A woman should not go to a meeting place; and they should not dance like the young, but sit at their proper places.”
“This is the first law...A wife cannot be dismissed from the marriage by a slave, separation or abdication.”
“A man can leave a barren woman after eight years and one who only gives birth to daughters.”
“A virtuous wife who after the death of her husband constantly remains chaste, reaches heaven, though she have no son, just like those chaste men.”
“If a woman should happen to merely to overhear recitations of Vedic mantras by chance, hot molten glass should be poured into her ears.”
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