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- The Licensing Board – Abattoir
Sandy Aiberdeen in brackets…Alexander Aiberdeen in brackets, Sandy, thanking you for your valuable contribution, is number 14-5! Mr Taylor, Mr Taylor, this is een of yours. Time to sing for your supper, boy. Mr Taylor The Board has the application before it in full. Suffice it to say that my clients seek the grant of a licence under the Civic Government (Scotland) Act to authorise and permit the sale of high quality leather and other goods for private use within the home. Alexander Leather, leather, and other goods, you say, Mr Taylor? Mr Taylor Yes, Mr Chairman. Alexander For use within the home. What exactly are we speaking about here? Sofas, that kind of thing? Mr Taylor They would be smaller in size than a sofa. I don’t think there is any need to go into details. There is a brochure attached to the application form which would give the Board a clearer idea of the goods involved. Alexander And this is the application yer spikken aboot, is it Mr Taylor? The een presented on behalf of Kinky Costumiers of Shiprow? Mr Taylor On behalf of my client, yes. Alexander For a licence for a sex shop. Mr Taylor A licence in terms of section 45 of the Civic Government Scotland Act. Alexander Oh, Mr Taylor, Mr Taylor, you’ve been on ower mony Licensing Board shindigs to be bashful! Let us call things by what they are, Mr Taylor. Let us not be sleekit. For this committee was established by statue to dae justice. And justice is nae daen wi nods and winks and coded signals passing atween the initiated. Sandy A peety, cos ye get better back-handers then. Alexander The work of this committee is carried out in the full glare of publicity, oor every move scrutinised not only by the twa lawyers that hiv a’ the licensing work stitched up atween them, but also by three auld mannies that come in for a free heat & the cub reporter fae the P&J. And it is in this great cruciform of justice that we deliberate, cogitate, and master the arguments which are laid before us. And it is right that we should hear a’ the gories aboot this application, because it raises matters of broad pubic interest. Moreover, the Committee his received objections fae householders in Shiprow, who believe that the premises would tend to lower the tone of the neighbourhood and have a negative effect on house prices. Now fit do you say to that Mr Taylor? Mr Taylor Well, Mr Chairman, for my part I doubt if the opening of my clients’ shop would have any such effect in that particular locality. Sandy Quite right, it is a shitehole is it? Alexander Yes, yes, very cogent, but nevertheless the contents of this application touch on sensitive areas and require very close scrutiny. Sandy Ye’ll ging blind. Alexander I have read the application and its supporting materials, and I have re-read them, and I have read them again. And there are a number of issues on which I still require to be satisfied. Are the French Maid’s outfits sufficiently similar to the real thing to facilitate convincing role play? Sandy Cos the last een I bought wiz a complete wash oot. Alexander Are the intimate items on sale sufficiently durable to withstand the stresses and strains that might reasonably be made of them? That’s your department, Alec. Alec Certainly. Alexander The mucky books & films. Foo mucky are they? Are they jist a bittie mucky, or are they likely to pervert or deprave? Foo much div they cost, and is there a discount for members of a local authority? Gentlemen, I do not feel that we can satisfactorily discharge our duties unless we have - a site visit! Alec Certainly! Sandy A site visit! Alexander A site. A site – visit. [Gavel.] [Blackout] Mither; Visiting Time [Project: Hospital interior] Elaine [V/o] Mrs Crawford? He’s awake. You can go in and see him now. [Mid-Stage Blacks Out] [Lights up to reveal Faither in a hospital bed. Mither breenges in.] Mither Noo, faither. [She gives him a big bosie.] Oh! Faither Aye careful, careful, mither. Watch the leg. Mither Foo’s the patient? Faither Oh, jist champion, ye ken. Lying here wi a broken hip, spoilt for choice. Will I stare at the ceiling? Or will I stare at the wa? So far the ceiling’s winning cos it hurts fan I turn my heid. Mither Ye peer sowel. I’ve taen some books for ye to read to keep yer pecker up. Faither We’re nae allowed yon kind o’ books. Mither Chick! Faither I’ll tell ye, I must be some husband, the lengths I’ll ging til tae smuggle oot pins for yer sewin’ Mither But it’s nae ‘at kinda pins they use. Faither I ken ‘at Mither But ye are some husband. I’ve hid yer loonie on the phone. Faither Ronnie. Ah-ha. And fit wiz he sayin to it? Mither Oh, he wiz very sorry to hear yer news, faither, I mean, he couldna hiv been mair concerned for ye. Faither And Charlotte? Mither Charlotte too, she wiz awfa weeried, and they a wish ye weel. I mean fair play, they did laugh, faither, I’m nae gaan to lee to ye, because it is comical….. Faither Hilarious. Mither I even heard little baby Kieran hae’en a chuckle. Oh, we a hid a good laugh, faither, ye should hiv been there. Faither I’d hiv liked to hiv been. Mither So, fit kind of job did yer surgeon do? Faither Well I wizna really in muckle o’ a position to see. Mither Fa’s yer surgeon, onywye? [Looks at the Board]. Mr Vizzle. Faither Viz-aal, I think it is. Mither Hiv ye seen him? Faither Jist briefly. Mither Is he bleck? Faither Bleckish, I suppose. Mither Aye, but is he real bleck? Cos fan Selma got her gall-steens oot her surgeon wiz awfa bleck. But he wiz awfa good. Faither Weel, mine een wiz jist quite bleck. So he’ll maybe jist be quite good. [Pause] Thanks for coming in. Mither Of course I came in, faither, I mean fit wye wid I nae hiv come in? Faither Did it tak lang to get here? Wi the twa busses? Mither Och, twa busses is nithing to me. Faither At’s my girl. [They hold hands.] Mither Do a these young nurses nae haud yer hand, faither? Faither No, so far Gareth’s nae felt the need. Mither Oh, a male nurse? He’ll be a bittie funny is he? Faither Indeed he is not! He’s a fine lad, Gareth. Been very good wi the TV. Mither Turning the channels for ye? Faither Turning it aff. Bloody muck. Mither Oh, ye’re crabbit faither. Faither Aye, I’m crabbit. I’m crabbit cos I’m sair. Mither Weel I ken this isna going to help, but I’m going to say it onywye. I’ve hid Selma and Eddie on the phone. And they jist feel terrible aboot fit happened. Faither So they should. Mither But faither, promise me ye winna blame Eddie. Faither I dinna blame Eddie. Mither Oh, fit a relief. Faither I blame you. Mither Oh, faither, fit wye? Faither Cos you’re the een that cracked and agreed we could dae wi’ shelves up in the livingroom! Mither Oh, but he jist went on and on and on. Faither You’re the een that condemned me to ging wi him to B & bloody Q! And you’re the een that came breenging in and couped me aff the ledder wi a trolley o’ tea and reinforced concrete masquerading as date loaf! So fan it comes tae dealing oot blame, Eddie and Selma are a pair but you’ve got a royal flush! Mither I’m sorry faither but Selma made such a fuss aboot providing for the workers. Div ye wint me to ging hame? Faither No, stay here. There’s nae anither bus due for a whilie. Mither Oh, bit I’d walk! Faither Stay here. [Pause] Ye didna tell then fit hospital I wiz in did ye? Mither No, but they guessed it wid be Forresterhill. And they ken a mannie that broke his leg last year. So they guessed the right ward an a’. Faither I might of kent. Sniffing oot fit ward ye’re in is nithin’ to someone that can track ye doon t’yer hotel in Fuertoventura! Mither They said they’d maybe pop by the night. And I dinna ken if I should say this or not, faither. But Selma did say she wiz to be daein a bit of baking. [Blackout] [Mid-Stage Blacks In] The Licensing Board – AbattoirAlexander Now the next application. For consideration. By the executive commit-tee of the licensing board Directory: wp-content -> uploads -> 2010 2010 -> Hr 116 Application for Employment with Hills and Dales 2010 -> Polimaster ltd V. Rae systems inc polimaster ltd.; Na&se trading co., Limited, Plaintiffs-Appellants 2010 -> The game a morality play in one act by Louise Bryant 2010 -> Seamheads at sabr 40 2010 -> Curriculum vitae 2010 -> Mid atlantic coaching clinic 2010 -> The Case for Integrating Crisis Response with Social Media Chapter One: Introduction 2010 -> Press pack shamrock Bowl XXIV american football – Tallaght Stadium 2010 -> Andy Northedge1 2010 -> Partnership Brokers Training Download 347.99 Kb. Share with your friends:
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