Reform Jews:
Who do they think they are? We get so mad about their uppity attitude. Do they think we aren’t as good as they are because we don’t keep kosher? There is no need for that today. Those laws were given when Jews needed to be protected from bad food. Do they think eating kosher food makes them better Jews? They should remember how much we give to the Federation, the Jewish Community Center, Temple Beth Israel, and Hadassah. That is what makes a responsible Jew in today’s world. What we do with the money and other resources we have. What we eat has nothing to do with our commitment to the community and the world. They won’t even come over for dinner. Well, we don’t need to eat at their house either.
We want to celebrate our twenty-fifth wedding anniversary with both of our girls and their husbands on a cruise to the Bahamas. That won’t work for Becky now. We’re certainly not going on one of those kosher cruises. Why does she have to make life so difficult for our family? We’ll just go without her and let her hear about the great time we had. Maybe then she’ll rethink the whole kosher business.
Now that Becky and Daniel are keeping kosher, it makes it trickier to have them over for dinner, but we want to keep celebrating family occasions together. We could get paper plates and plastic ware and make the whole thing into a winter picnic. They could bring the cooked food, and we can get the vegetables and fruit and find a kosher dessert in the freezer section. Maybe they can help us plan the menu to be sure it will work for them. It can be a creative adventure. We’re glad we don’t keep kosher, but we can work something out with them so that we can share some family meals together.
How can we celebrate our twenty-fifth wedding anniversary together as a family? Maybe there are kosher cruises we could all go on. Or maybe we can find a resort that serves kosher food. We could all go on Sunday, and they could leave early to be back home before Shabbat begins. The rest of us could stay through the weekend. We know we can work it out in a way that takes care of all of us. We don’t really understand why they decided to be so observant, but we can see how committed they are. Something is clearly drawing them to it. Challenging though it may be for us, it is certainly way better than some of the difficulties our friends are facing with their children. They are a loving, caring, and committed couple. That is worth a lot.
Conservative Jews: The judgmental disapproving view
David won’t pray in our synagogue because we don’t separate the women from the men. That’s an Old World practice from when women weren’t thought of as equals. We’re so grateful that we can sit together for services. The women don’t have to sit in the balcony or behind a screen at Neveh Shalom. We can’t imagine what it must be like for Hannah to have to go to a different section because she can’t pray with her new husband. Join the twenty-first century! Men and women belong together.
We go to Neveh Shalom because we like the Rabbi. He’s an excellent speaker, very well read, knowledgeable about politics, and very committed to Israel. David won’t even go on Friday night because we live on the other side of town. Of course, it was fine for his bar mitzvah, but now that he is more religious, he won’t drive on the Sabbath. He doesn’t get that being there is important to us. Everyone in the congregation drives on the Sabbath to get there. We can’t all buy houses within walking distance. That’s ridiculous. We are certainly not going to drive to his synagogue. We don’t like the rabbi or the services.
Eating out after services on Saturday morning is a special time for us to be with each other. We have our favorite restaurants. It’s our weekend date. We don’t have to cook or clean up at home and can spend time talking to each other. Our friends are busy with their own lives. Hannah spends all day Friday cooking for guests on the Sabbath. What is she going to do when they have children? She won’t have the energy for it then.
The loving accepting view
Little did we know at David’s bar mitzvah that as a young married man he would be going to a different synagogue across town, the Orthodox one. Our rabbi keeps asking about him. We wish David and Hannah would come to Neveh Shalom for one of the holidays so we could be together as a family again. It’s exciting, though, to see him so engrossed in the study of the very texts he struggled with in Sunday school. He has an understanding of Rashi and the Rambam and other commentaries that amazes us. We like to hear him expand on the parashah of the week.
We have gone to his shul a couple of times. We either have to spend the night at their house or park our car blocks away. Lisa sits with Hannah in the women’s section. Hannah has a very different understanding about the importance of separating the women and the men. It’s not what we grew up with, but we feel it is important to share some services together, so we sit with our children.
It’s interesting for us to see what a tight-knit community they have. Everyone lives within walking distance of the shul and each other. David and Hannah always have guests for Sabbath lunch. We can see they are happy and very involved in the community. We realize they are living the kind of life we would want for them in broad values. The particulars are different, but who knows how long they will stick it out. Meanwhile, we love them and appreciate their earnestness.
Secular Jews: The judgmental disapproving view
My great-grandparents were religious Jews in the old country; one in Russia and one in Germany. Life was very difficult for them. There is no way I am interested in their lifestyle. They had so little choice about their lives. It was dictated for them – who they would marry, where they would live, what they would do. They were so superstitious about life. Now my son says he wants to be religious. He likes hearing about the old country. If you ask me, he is romanticizing that time and their life. He doesn’t get it. He has had so much handed to him. Maybe this is his way of rebelling. My father rebelled by leaving the synagogue life, and my son is rebelling by entering it. Some irony. He doesn’t know the good life is what he has. He can be a good human being without having to be religious. I have certainly given my share and more to charities, mainly Jewish ones. I treat people decently. Doesn’t he see this? Why take on so many things that are counter cultural. We live in America in the twenty-first century; act like it.
Share with your friends: |
