Expectations regarding good manners differ from person to person and vary according to each situation. As the perception of behaviors and actions vary, intercultural competence is essential. However, a lack of knowledge about the customs and expectations of people in Australia and New Zealand can make even the best intentioned person seem ignorant, inconsiderate or even rude.
Shared expectations
Australia and New Zealand are separate countries, each with its own distinct national identity that includes particular customs and rules of etiquette. Confusing their identities in general conversation is usually not tolerated and will be quickly corrected. Points of etiquette that apply to both countries include the following:
General -
Australians have a notable reliance on rote niceties, the classic "P's & Q's: especially the word "please," but also the phrases "thank you," and "excuse me." While apologizing or expressing appreciation has somewhat displaced the ubiquity of the rote expressions elsewhere in the Anglosphere -- in the US and England, especially -- Australians will sometimes visibly scowl if a stranger makes a casual request or initiates transaction without specifically saying "please" or "thank you." Likewise, even those suffering some obvious distress are expected to speak the words "excuse me" when asking to move past.
The expectation is not displaced by friendliness or apologies. For example: "I'm terribly sorry to bother you -- but may I have another napkin?" might illicit an eyeroll that could easily be avoided by simply saying: "may I have another napkin, please?" This may hold true even, perhaps counter-intuitively, if the latter is delivered somewhat more curtly or coolly.
When meeting friends or new people and when leaving the company of friends or people who one has just met it is becoming less common to require the handshake to be firm, though many are still offended by a 'limp' handshake. Giving someone a limp handshake is referred to as giving someone a "dead fish" and is often viewed with derision, especially in country areas. A quick clasping of hands may be OK for younger people. However, it is always respectful to make eye contact when you shake hands.
Language -
Requesting a fanny pack can be considered obscene due to the use of "fanny" as a slang term for female genitalia. "Bum bag" is the acceptable local variation in some areas.[1] Australians and New Zealanders are generally tolerant of foreigners making this mistake.
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Enquiring about which sporting team "you root for" will be met with amusement. "Root" is a vulgar term in both Australia & New Zealand for sexual intercourse. Use "go for" or "support" instead. "Barrack for" is also used by some Australians.
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An enquiry about a person's well being (such as "How's it going?" or "How are you going?") is a common greeting. Generally the accepted response is "Not too bad", and it is considered polite to ask the person the same question back. It is also considered polite to greet anyone, including strangers, in this way.
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Bragging, or initiating discussion of one's own achievements, is usually considered in poor taste. (See tall poppy syndrome.)
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It is acceptable to host a barbecue without supplying all the food and drink. The host may ask guests to bring particular items such as beverages, salad, or meat, often using the acronym "BYO"
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The term "bring a plate" is synonymous with "potluck"
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As cars drive on the left side of the road in both countries, people moving forward will generally go to the left as well. When walking on the pavement (usually called the 'footpath'), one should walk on the left, whenever possible. When travelling on escalators or moving walkways, one should keep to the right when walking, or keep to the left when standing.[2]
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When using public transport, it is rude to board before letting other passengers disembark. It is polite to move from the aisle to the window seat if it is vacant, to allow others passengers to sit down easily.
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Trains and buses in all states of Australia and in New Zealand have seats set aside for elderly and disabled people. Sitting in these seats is acceptable but these seats should be offered to the people they are set aside for.
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Spitting on the street is frowned upon.
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When getting off a bus you may choose to say thank you to the driver, especially if they have been polite or provided a comfortable ride, although it is not bad manners if you don't.
Bars and restaurants -
When paying a cashier, it is common to place the money in their hand. Change is usually placed in your hand in return. When paying at a restaurant it is acceptable to leave the money in the tray on the table, if one is provided. Otherwise, leave it inside the menu card and hand back to the waiter/waitress with a word of thanks. Paying at the cash register is most often the best way to avoid confusion.
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Tipping is not usually expected and some employees may not understand the gesture. Some employees are forbidden from accepting gratuities (this is mainly in positions of authority e.g. in a casino one cannot tip the dealer or a security guard however, this would not apply in a formal restaurant situation) and tipping face-to-face can create an awkward situation. However, it is appropriate to add a tip to restaurant bills if the service has been especially good. It is also acceptable to suggest that taxi drivers or waiters "keep the change", especially if the difference is small. Tips may be as large or as small as you feel appropriate. Where tip jars are provided, they are mostly used for loose change or coins.
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Queuing (forming a line) is expected when there is any demand for an item. The only exception to this is a pub. However, it is still rude to accept service from a barman before someone who has been waiting longer. A simple nod or subtle gesture towards the person who has waited longer will be understood by any experienced server to mean that the indicated person was before you.
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If you are in a pub and accidentally knock a person's drink over or bump into them and cause a spillage, it is both customary and polite to buy him another one - or at least offer to do so. Failing to do so may aggravate the average Australian bar patron and possibly cause them to respond aggressively toward you.
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When out with friends, co-workers or relatives, it is common but not compulsory for people to take turns buying rounds of drinks. This is referred to as a 'shout', e.g. "It's my shout."[3]
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When entering the bar of a RSL (Returned Services Association - R.S.A. in New Zealand) or golf club, a man who does not remove his hat is considered rude and as a result rebuked by being told that he is expected to 'shout' (buy a round of drinks) for all those present.
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It is very rude to try to get someone's attention in a public place by saying "Oi!" or "Hey you!" or whistling especially in bars/pubs and restaurants.
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A person who takes the last item of food from a common plate, without first offering it to the others at the table may be seen as greedy or inconsiderate.
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You should treat people serving you as politely as you expect them to treat you. Use 'please' when placing an order or making a request and 'thank you' when you receive your order or service. They are there to help you, but they are not your 'slaves' or inferiors[4]
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Complaints in restaurants are rare. Most will merely refuse to revisit an establishment after bad food or service[5]
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Surcharges for use of less commonly used credit cards such as Diners Club and Amex commonly apply in many Australian establishments. To avoid conflict most establishments will advertise this with a sign of some sort near the cashier area[6]
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Arguing or yelling with staff in a food & beverage establishment is considered rude and inappropriate[7]
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Common restaurant manners include using the knife and fork properly, refraining from burping and placing elbows on a table, placing your napkin on your lap and leaving it folded on the table after use, and eating neatly. Chewing open-mouthed, slurping loudly and talking with a full mouth are considered rude.
Driving -
Australians, in common with most other Commonwealth nations, drive on the left side of the road.
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Waving as a gesture of thanks to drivers that stop to allow you into their lane, exit a driveway, merging into the lane, or cross at a crossing, is viewed as polite.
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A common experience while travelling on state highways is being 'flashed' by oncoming vehicles. This is when an oncoming vehicle flicks its high beam headlights quickly but noticeably (day or night), and serves to warn drivers they are approaching a hazard: a speed camera or Police vehicle/Radar/Random Breath Test (most commonly), or a motor vehicle accident, or animals/rocks on the road . Many drivers acknowledge this with a return wave or a brief reply 'flash' of their high beam headlights.[citation needed]. It is also done to alert the other driver if they have neglected to turn their own headlights on when necessary.
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When driving on Australian highways, if you are passed by a vehicle that is towing it is customary to signal to the passing vehicle that they are far enough ahead to move back into the left lane by 'flashing' your headlights. It is then polite for the passing vehicle to quickly flash their left, right and then left indicator as a signal of thanks.[8]
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When coming out of parking lots and driveways in an automobile, it is considered polite (and required by law) to let a pedestrian walking on a footpath pass first.
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If a fellow driver is in trouble in Australia (for example: broken down, flat tire, lost) it is polite to take some time to assist them, however if it is impossible for you to stop then it is not a necessity.
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