You Are the Placebo: Making Your Mind Matter
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| Joann’s Story Joann lived most of her life in the fast lane. The 59-year-old mother of five was also a committed wife, a successful businesswoman, and an entrepreneur who constantly juggled her home life, family dynamics, growing career, and thriving business. Although her goal was to stay sane, healthy, and balanced, she couldn’t imagine her life any other way than intense, fast paced, and busy she was living on the edge and proving to everyone that her mind was active and sharp. Joann constantly pushed herself to take on as much as possible, all the while maintaining exceptionally high standards. She was a leader, admired by many and regularly sought out for advice. Her peers called her Superwoman and she was—or so she thought. All that ended abruptly in January 2008, when Joann stepped off the elevator in her apartment building and then just collapsed, about 50 feet from her front door. She hadn’t felt well that day, so she’d gone to a walk- in clinic for help and been on her way back home. Ina matter of moments, everything in her world had changed, and she found herself clinging to life. After eight months of testing, the doctors diagnosed her with secondary progressive multiple sclerosis (SPMS), an advanced stage of multiple sclerosis (MS, a chronic disease in which the immune system attacks the central nervous system. Symptoms vary widely depending on the individual, but can start with conditions such as numbness in a leg or an arm, progressing as far as paralysis and even blindness. These symptoms can include not only physical but also cognitive and psychiatric problems. Joann’s symptoms had been so vague and sporadic over the previous years that she’d easily brushed them off as byproducts of a hectic lifestyle. But now her condition had a label, and it felt like a life sentence —with no chance of parole. She found herself thrown into the depths of the Western medical world, challenged by its strong belief that MS is a permanent disease. A few years before the diagnosis, Joann had put the family business in Calgary on hold and made a life-changing move to Vancouver, on the 214 west coast of Canada, something her family had wanted to do for years. After the move, Joann struggled with one challenge after another as the family’s eroding finances and resources put them in a very precarious situation. Joann’s self-esteem, confidence, and health all took a nosedive. Once she found herself unable to become greater than her environment, her mental and physical state began to decline. Money became tighter and tighter as other stressors began to increase. Soon, the family couldn’t even meet their basic needs of food and shelter. In early 2007, the woman everyone else had always seen as Superwoman hit bottom, and before the end of the year, the family returned to Calgary. MS is an inflammatory disease in which the insulating coverings of nerve cells in the brain and spinal cord are damaged, along with the nerve fibers themselves. The condition disrupts the nervous system from communicating and sending signals to various parts of the body. The type of MS Joann developed is a progressive type that builds up over time, often causing permanent neurological problems, especially as the disease advances. Her doctors told her it was incurable. Initially, Joann was determined that her MS wouldn’t define her. Yet she quickly spiraled downward into physical disability and cognitive decline. Joann had to depend on others for basic care as her limitations increased. Because of her sensory and motor problems, she began to rely on crutches, walkers, and a wheelchair. Eventually she had to rely on a mobility scooter to get around. It wasn’t much of a surprise that she crashed when her life did. Joann’s body finally did her the favor she wouldn’t do herself—that is, to stop and say, No more She’d pushed herself too hard. Even though she’d achieved success in her early years, deep down inside, she felt like a failure most of the time because she constantly judged herself and thought that she could always do abetter job. She was never satisfied. Whatever she did or achieved was never good enough. Most important, Joann didn’t want to stop doing, because then she would have to attend to that impending feeling of failure. So instead, she stayed busy by putting all of her attention on her outer world—various experiences with people and things at different times and places—so that she wouldn’t have to put any attention on her inner world of thoughts and feelings. The majority of Joann’s life had been filled with supporting others, by celebrating their successes and encouraging them, yet she’d never allowed anyone to see what wasn’t working in her own life. She hid her pain from everyone. Joann constantly gave but never received—because she never allowed herself to receive—so she’d spent a lifetime denying herself her 215 own personal evolution by never expressing herself. It makes sense that when Joann tried to change her inner world by using the conditions in her outer world, she would inevitably manifest only failure. When she finally collapsed, Joann was so weak and defeated that she barely had the strength to fight for her life. All that time spent living in emergency mode, constantly reacting to the conditions in her external world, had robbed Joann of her life force, draining all the energy from her internal world—the place for repair and healing. She was simply tapped out. Download 5.46 Mb. Share with your friends:
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