Big Idea Map Our House Series Big Idea

Big Idea Map

Our House

God’s wisdom, understanding, and knowledge can help us build rare and beautiful relationships.

“By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established;

through knowledge its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures.” -Proverbs 24:3-4
Series Overview

Imagine your life as a house with each of its rooms representing different relationships.

The bedroom represents the one with whom you long to experience intimacy.

In the kids room are all the children you know.
And, of course, the front door determines who is given access to your life.
We all long for those rare and beautiful relationships that will fill our lives with joy, happiness, and love. In this series, we’ll see how God’s wisdom can help us build those relationships.
Each message will have a wisdom verse from Proverbs that launches us into that day’s Big Idea.

Week 1 |  April 23 | Front Door

Scripture: Proverbs 24:3-4, Proverbs 4:23, 1 Peter 4:10, Ephesians 4:15, Galatians 5:1, Galatians 6:2-5, Matthew 18:15-20
Message Big Idea

Wise boundaries build life-giving relationships.

As Christ-followers, we are called to love everyone, yet that doesn’t mean we keep the front door to our lives wide open for everyone to come and go as they please. For example, we are called to forgive, but forgiveness doesn’t always mean there is to be reconciliation. Sometimes the front door is a proper boundary between ourselves and other people.

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  Grace comes in two forms: 1) Straight from God (there is nothing I can do to make God love me more or love me less) and 2) From each other (1 Peter 4:10). In life-giving relationships, grace means each person is safe. There’s no condemnation, no judgement.
  
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  Truth is what’s real. Because grace makes the relationships safe, there is opportunity to speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15). Truth is the necessary feedback we give on another. Truth provides the structure we need so that we don’t screw our lives up.
  

Unhealthy relationships are based on control.

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  In an out-of-control relationships, someone tramples on grace and doesn’t listen to the truth (a common example is an addict). If you love an out-of-control person, you can be tempted to take responsibility for them...for their emotional problems, relational problems, financial problems, etc. This is codependency. God never intended for you to be “God” for anybody and take responsibility for their lives.
  

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  In a controlling relationship, someone tramples on grace and distorts the truth. A controlling person either controls by anger (“If you don’t do it my way, I’ll be mad at you.”) or by guilt (“If you don’t do it my way, I’ll be hurt.”) God has designed us for freedom, not control (Galatians 5:1). In a controlling relationship, one person is not free.
  

2 Key Aspects of Boundaries

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  Love others without Rescuing Them. In Galatians 6:2-5 we’re told to “carry each other’s burdens...carry your own load.” In Greek, “burdens” means boulder...something you can’t carry on your own (i.e. divorce, cancer diagnosis, losing house). “Load” means a knapsack. Life goes well when we help others carry their boulders but we don’t pick up their knapsacks. Ask: Is this something they should be doing for themselves?
  
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  Learn to Confront in Love. Matthew 18:15 “go and point out their fault.” Go have the tough talk. We all have blind spots and we need each other to see them. That’s how we’re supposed to love each other.
  

3 Skills for Setting Boundaries

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  Start from a position of love. Check your heart to make sure you want the other person to “win.”
  
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  Say “no” when it’s best to say “no.” “No” is a good word. Matthew 5:37: “...let your ‘no’ be no.” How to say “no”: “That doesn’t work for me.”
  
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  Give consequences if necessary. Sometimes you have to go beyond saying “no” to doing no. Proverbs 19:19 “...a hot tempered person must pay the consequences…” Words don’t affect some people, the only thing that changes them is pain. (Example: 3 year old needs “time out.” A lot of 32 year olds are 3 year olds.) We give consequences when we say: “If you continue behaving this way, I’m going to have to…”
  

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  Commentary on Proverbs 24:3-4, Proverbs 4:23, Galatians 6:2-5 (see Townsend interpretation above), Matthew 18:15-20 .
  
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  Additional insights and illustrations from Cloud/Townsend (and/or other experts) on:
  
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    Defining life-giving (healthy) relationships and life-stealing (unhealthy) relationships.
    
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    Practical advice on setting and communicating boundaries.
    
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    Arguments for how boundaries have the potential to improve our relationships.
    
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  Humorous examples where ignoring a physical boundary had bad consequences.
  

Understanding children can equip us to help them become all God created them to be.

Jesus said kids are a pretty big deal. When we read his words in Mark 9, we might not understand how revolutionary they were at the time. In Jesus’ day, children were at the bottom of the social totem pole. Jesus ascribes value to children in a culture that dismissed them. In this message we’ll spend a little time describing the status of kids in 1st century Palestine, and how amazing it would have been to hear Jesus say: “When you welcome one of these little children in my name, you’re welcoming me.” What does it mean to “welcome” a little child?

Every child is made in the image of God. When we remind ourselves constantly that kids are made in the image of God, it can change: how we see them, how they see themselves, and even how they see God.

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  Make decisions
  
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  Use technology
  
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  View sex
  
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  Relate to parents
  
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  See the church
  
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  Treat their body
  
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  Care about people
  
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  Trust God
  

Learn to read the invisible questions your child is asking at each phase so that you can have a big influence on their future.

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  Preschoolers ask AM I questions (Am I safe? Am I OK? Am I able?)
  
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  Elementary kids ask DO I questions (Do I have your attention? Do I have what it takes? Do I have any friends?)
  
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  Middle schoolers begin to ask philosophical questions (Who do I like? Who am I? Where do I belong?)
  
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  High schoolers ask abstract questions (Why should I believe? How can I matter? What will I do?)
  

At the center of every question is “I” because your child is developing identity.

If you have a preschooler…

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  EMBRACE their physical needs
  
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  Help your child develop a sense of security and confidence
  

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  ENGAGE their interests
  
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  Appeal to your child’s curiosity to broaden their knowledge and abilities
  

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  AFFIRM their personal journey
  
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  Show up consistently to give your kid stability as they navigate changes and discover their potential
  

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  MOBILIZE their potential
  
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  Guide your teenager’s values and passions as they launch into the new realities of an adult world
  

No matter what phase a child is in, there is still time to invest in his or her life! Don’t miss this week!

Sooner or later, a shift will happen in your relationship with your son or daughter. When it happens, it may seem like they will care more about what other adults say than what you say. Don’t take it personally. Leverage this shift to “widen the circle” of positive influences in your child’s life. That’s why a church or faith community should play such a significant role in your family. A church has the potential to connect your son or daughter to caring leaders who believe in their future like you do. Every kid is looking for a place outside of their family where they belong. Either they will find it on their own, or you can help them find a place that reflects your values and dreams for their future. So why not connect them to other adults who will also treat them like they are made in the image of God?

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  Commentary on Proverbs 22:6, Mark 9:36-37, Mark 10:13-16, Matthew 18:2-6 Psalm 127:3-5, Deuteronomy 6:7
  
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  Historical information on the place of children in the society of Jesus’ day.
  
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  Humorous material on throwback “phases” today’s parents went through as kids and teens (i.e. big hair phase, parachute pants phase, preppy phase, etc.).
  
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  Examples/stories of caring for and raising up children, even if you are not a parent yourself.
  
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  Illustrations/imagery that support the notion of “passing batons” to the generation coming behind us.
  

“How could something so wrong be so right?” Perhaps that question from Atlantic Starr’s classic song “Secret Lovers” best describes the tension that exists between Biblical principles for sexuality and the sexual norms of our day. But is a way that can appear to be right always leading us to what we really desire?

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  Understand your triggers and avoid them.
  
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  Invite accountability into your life.
  

In Ephesians 5:3, Paul writes, “But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality…”  Not even a hint! How can you do that? Why so hard line? Because God knows our tendencies and how the longings he placed inside us can turn into lust.

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  Commentary on Proverbs 14:12, James 1:13-15, Ephesians 5:3
  
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  Stats or research that illustrate the statement “We live in a sex saturated society.”
  
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  Psychological/Sociological insights on the damaging effects of pornography.
  
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  Any helpful excerpts from Matt and Lauren Chandler’s “Mingling of Souls”
  

Truly knowing one another is how we live as the family of God.

   and he will reward them for what they have done. -Proverbs 19:17

   she has set up its seven pillars.

   she has also set her table.

   from the highest point of the city,

   and drink the wine I have mixed.

   walk in the way of insight.” -Proverbs 9:1-6

When we think of hospitality, what images typically come to mind?

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  A coffee station at a VFW?
  
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  A table with snacks in a church lobby?
  
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  A beautiful spread for a holiday meal?
  

As good as those things are, the word hospitality actually has a lot more power and nuance than that. It means, “love for one another, even and especially those who are different from you. The other.”

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  We accepted one another
  
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  We defended one another
  
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  We loved one another
  

In this message, we will challenge one another to the practice of hospitality encouraging one another to expand our definition of family and open our homes (and hearts) to all God's children.  We’ll especially challenge one another to extend hospitality to those in our community who need a family. The widow. The college student who is far from home. The single man or woman. The sick. The homeless. The forgotten. God promises to “set the lonely in families” and we are to be that family. Who do you need to invite to your dining room table? What would it look like to build longer tables instead of higher fences?

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  Safe Families
  
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  World Relief
  

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  Commentary work on Proverbs 19:17; Proverbs 9:1-6; Ephesians 2:19-20; Romans 12:13, 1 Peter 4:9, Hebrews 13:1-2, Matthew 12:46-50, Psalm 68:5-6, Luke 14:12-14
  
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  Historical accounts of how the early church modeled hospitality.
  
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  Word study on the use of “family” throughout scripture.
  
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  Humorous  examples of hospitality gone wrong.
  
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  Practical ideas for modeling hospitality in any context.