Wordiness can exist on many levels, from rambling statements to unnecessary repetition to expressions that could be replaced by shorter, sharper alternatives. Rewrite the following:
The trend in the industry is toward self-generation by some companies of their own websites, and Internet technology is changing the nature of training necessary to acquire the skill of website development at an acceptable level of sophistication, so that this activity can more and more be handled in-house. [49 words]
We are unable to fill your order at this point in time because there is an ongoing dock strike that affects our operations. [23 words]
I am writing in response to a number of issues that have arisen with regard to the recent announcement that there will be an increase in the charge for the use of our lobby computers. [35 words]
The greater number of these problems can readily be dealt with in such a way as to bring about satisfactory solutions. [21 words]
The manufacturers of tools for gardening have been the victims of a compression factor that has resulted in an increase in units on the market accompanied by a negative disproportionate rise of prices. [36 words]
For the near and intermediate future in terms of growth goals, Bromodrotics, Inc., is evaluating its corporate design needs. The purpose of this short-term and intermediate-term evaluation is to make a determination as to how the image of the company might best be positioned to be of assistance to the sales force in meeting its growth goals. [57 words]
Eliminate Business clichés:
Read through the first excerpt before you read Buffett’s translation below it, and note the biz-speak phrases that landed on the cutting-room floor as Warren Buffett tightened and translated:
Maturity and duration management decisions are made in the context of an intermediate maturity orientation. The maturity structure of the portfolio is adjusted in the anticipation of cyclical interest-rate changes. Such adjustments are not made in an eff ort to capture short-term, day-to-day movements in the market, but instead are implemented in anticipation of longer-term, secular shifts in the interest rates (i.e., shifts transcending and/or not inherent to the business cycle). Adjustments made to shorten portfolio maturity and duration are made to limit capital losses during periods when interest rates are expected to rise. Conversely, adjustments made to lengthen maturation for the portfolio’s maturity and duration strategy lies in the analysis of the U.S. and global economies, focusing on levels of real interest rates, monetary and fiscal policy actions, and cyclical indicators.
Words: 136 Sentences: 5 (All passive voice)
Average sentence length: 27.2
Flesch Reading Ease: 8.2
We will try to profit by correctly predicting future interest rates. When we have no strong opinion, we will generally hold intermediate-term bonds. But when we expect a major and sustained increase in rates, we will concentrate on short-term issues. And conversely, if we expect a major shift to lower rates, we will buy long bonds. We will focus on the big picture and won’t make moves based on short-term considerations.