Family Life Series Part 9- intimacy in Marriage



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Family Life Series

Part 9- Intimacy in Marriage

Proverbs 5 | Song of Solomon | 1 Cor. 7

July 18, 2010 Pastor David King

As we have worked through this Family Life Series we have spent the majority of the time dealing with the relationship between the husband and wife. The relationship between husband and wife must be the highest priority among earthly relationships. God as creator and giver of every good and perfect gift gave to marriage a special gift that was designed to be uniquely shared between one man and one woman for life. The gift of sex was given by God to bring great pleasure and satisfaction to a couple and to bond their relationship emotionally in a way that no other human relationship is to be bonded.
Buyer Beware! The dangers of misdirected intimacy (Proverbs 5)


  • Sexual Immorality offers a taste of life, but delivers the reality of death (Proverbs 5:3-6; 7:6-23)

  • Sexual immorality will rob you of wealth, honor, strength, life and spiritual vitality (Proverbs 5:9-14; Hebrews 13:14; 1 Thess. 5:3-8)

  • Sexual Immorality will ensnare the one who lacks discretion and self-control (Prov. 5:7-8; 20-23; 6;24-35; Romans 13:14)

Satisfied! The joy of marital intimacy (Prov. 5; S. O. S.; 1 Cor. 7)

  • Intimacy is increasingly satisfying ONLY in the context of marriage (Proverbs 5:15-17).

  • You have the ability to satisfy and be satisfied in marriage (Proverbs 5:18-19; 1 Cor. 7:2-5)

  • God IS glorified when you are sexually satisfied in your marriage (Gen. 1:31; 2:24-25; Song of Solomon; Hebrews 13:4a; 1 Cor. 7:2-5)


**Bonus Closing Observation: Marriage is a picture of Christ’s relationship with the church and just as we are to be satisfied in our spouse, so also our Savior is most glorified when we are most satisfied in him!
Ephesians 5:31-32 31 “’For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church”.
Part 1 The Perfect Family (Genesis 2)

Part 2 The Death of the Perfect Family (Genesis 3)

Part 3 Husbands…Love and Protect (Ephesians 5)

Part 4 Wives…Submit and Respect (Ephesians 5)

Part 5 Children…Obey and Honor (Ephesians 6 and Proverbs)

Part 6 Communication in the Home (Ephesians 4)

Part 7 The Disciple-Making Father (Deuteronomy 6)

Part 8 Love and Respect (1 Peter 3)



Part 9 Intimacy in Marriage (Proverbs 5, 1 Cor. 7 and Song of Solomon)

5:1-6. This chapter, like other portions in Proverbs, begins with the exhortation that the son pay attention and listen (cf. 4:1, 10, 20; 5:7; 7:24) to his father’s words, for doing so gives discretion (cf. 1:4) and knowledge. Speaking (lips, 5:2) wisdom helps the son ignore the words (lips, v. 3) of an adulteress (zārâh; see comments on 2:16). Her deceptive, seductive words are persuasive, sweet like honey, the sweetest substance in ancient Israel, and smoother than (cf. 6:24; 7:21) olive oil, the smoothest substance in ancient Israel. But what seems attractive at first becomes bitter and sharp later. Involvement in adultery is like tasting gall, the bitterest substance known (from a plant), or like being cut by a double-edged sword. The adulteress leads men to death (cf. 2:18; 7:27; 9:18). Her sin makes her unaware that her ways are crooked (lit., “staggering or unstable”), in contrast with the “straight paths” of 4:11.

5:7-8. Again Solomon urged his sons (cf. comments on 4:1) to listen (cf. 4:1, 10, 20; 5:1; 7:24) and adhere to what he said. He urged them not to turn . . . from his teachings, but to turn from the adulteress. They were not even to go near . . . her house (cf. 2:18) because of the danger of succumbing to her temptations.

5:9-14. Failure to keep away from the adulteress can result in many losses: loss of strength (which may mean losing one’s health, self-respect, or both), loss of a long life (v. 9), loss of money (cf. 6:26; 29:3b)—by paying the adulteress, paying her husband, or paying child support—and loss of health (5:11). Falling prey to lust also brings remorse when a person recognizes too late that he did not heed his parents’ (here called teachers) instructions which inevitably leads to ruin and disgrace before others.

5:15-18. The rewards of chastity are a further encouragement to moral purity. A cistern . . . well . . . springs . . . streams, and fountain control water, keeping it from being dissipated in the streets. Similarly marital love with one’s wife (v. 18) is pictured as enjoying one’s cistern or fountain (cf. Song 4:12, 15). Sexual desires should be controlled and channeled in one’s marriage, not wasted as described in Proverbs 5:7-14. Some commentators say the word them (v. 17) refers to children; others say it continues the metaphor of streams picturing one’s sexual desires. As a person would not get water from his neighbor’s cistern because he had his own (2 Kings 18:31), so a man should have his physical needs met by his own wife, not someone else’s.

5:19-20. The breasts of a man’s wife are soft to the touch and graceful in appearance like a deer (cf. Song 4:5; 7:3). Therefore a husband should be captivated (cf. Prov. 5:20; the verb šāgâh means “go astray,” cf. v. 21; but it may also suggest the idea of being captured) by her love, not the affections of an adulteress. By two rhetorical questions (v. 20) the author pointed up the folly of being captivated (cf. v. 19) by an immoral woman and loving someone else’s wife.

5:21-23. The dire consequences of adultery (vv. 7-14) should motivate a person to avoid it. But four even higher motivations are given in verses 21-23: (1) Since God sees man’s ways (cf. 15:3; Job 31:1, 4; Heb. 4:13), adultery committed in secret is known by the Lord. (2) Also God examines man’s conduct (on ways and paths see comments on Prov. 4:26). Man cannot escape God’s scrutinizing. (3) Sin ensnares (cf. 1:17-18), and ties a person down like ropes (5:22). Though people like to talk about being “free” to sin as they wish, sin actually takes away freedom. (4) Being undisciplined (cf. v. 12) in one’s moral life results in death (cf. vv. 5, 11). Such living is foolish because it leads one astray from God’s standards. “Led astray” is from the same word šāgâh rendered “captivated” in verses 19-20. Folly appears 21 times in Proverbs. To yield to sexual lust is folly.

K.     The value of wisdom in preserving from poverty (6:1-11)

Solomon warned against two practices that lead to poverty: foolish financial entanglements (vv. 1-5) and laziness (vv. 6-11). In a sense both pertain to finances because the former guards against unnecessary loss of what one has earned and the latter against the inability to earn any money at all.



1
Proverbs 5 1 My son, pay attention to my wisdom; Lend your ear to my understanding,
2 That you may preserve discretion, And your lips may keep knowledge.
3 For the lips of an immoral woman drip honey, And her mouth is smoother than oil;
4 But in the end she is bitter as wormwood, Sharp as a two-edged sword.
5 Her feet go down to death, Her steps lay hold of hell.
6 Lest you ponder her path of life— Her ways are unstable; You do not know them.
7 Therefore hear me now, my children, And do not depart from the words of my mouth.
8 Remove your way far from her, And do not go near the door of her house,
9 Lest you give your honor to others, And your years to the cruel one;
10 Lest aliens be filled with your wealth, And your labors go to the house of a foreigner;
11 And you mourn at last, When your flesh and your body are consumed,
12 And say: “How I have hated instruction, And my heart despised correction!
13 I have not obeyed the voice of my teachers, Nor inclined my ear to those who instructed me!
14 I was on the verge of total ruin, In the midst of the assembly and congregation.”
15 Drink water from your own cistern, And running water from your own well.
16 Should your fountains be dispersed abroad, Streams of water in the streets?
17 Let them be only your own, And not for strangers with you.
18 Let your fountain be blessed, And rejoice with the wife of your youth.
19 As a loving deer and a graceful doe, Let her breasts satisfy you at all times; And always be enraptured with her love.
20 For why should you, my son, be enraptured by an immoral woman, And be embraced in the arms of a seductress?
21 For the ways of man are before the eyes of the Lord, And He ponders all his paths.
22 His own iniquities entrap the wicked man, And he is caught in the cords of his sin.
23 He shall die for lack of instruction, And in the greatness of his folly he shall go astray.

Song of Solomon 1-7


1 This is Solomon’s song of songs, more wonderful than any other.
2 Kiss me and kiss me again, for your love is sweeter than wine.
3 How fragrant your cologne; your name is like its spreading fragrance. No wonder all the young women love you!
4 Take me with you; come, let’s run! The king has brought me into his bedroom. How happy we are for you, O king. We praise your love even more than wine. How right they are to adore you.
5 I am dark but beautiful, O women of Jerusalem— dark as the tents of Kedar, dark as the curtains of Solomon’s tents.
6 Don’t stare at me because I am dark— the sun has darkened my skin. My brothers were angry with me; they forced me to care for their vineyards, so I couldn’t care for myself—my own vineyard.
7 Tell me, my love, where are you leading your flock today? Where will you rest your sheep at noon? For why should I wander like a prostitute among your friends and their flocks?
8 If you don’t know, O most beautiful woman, follow the trail of my flock, and graze your young goats by the shepherds’ tents.
9 You are as exciting, my darling, as a mare among Pharaoh’s stallions.
10 How lovely are your cheeks; your earrings set them afire! How lovely is your neck, enhanced by a string of jewels.
11 We will make for you earrings of gold and beads of silver.
12 The king is lying on his couch, enchanted by the fragrance of my perfume.
13 My lover is like a sachet of myrrh lying between my breasts.
14 He is like a bouquet of sweet henna blossoms from the vineyards of En-gedi.
15 How beautiful you are, my darling, how beautiful! Your eyes are like doves.
16 You are so handsome, my love, pleasing beyond words! The soft grass is our bed;
17 fragrant cedar branches are the beams of our house, and pleasant smelling firs are the rafters.

1 I am the spring crocus blooming on the Sharon Plain, the lily of the valley.


2 Like a lily among thistles is my darling among young women.
3 Like the finest apple tree in the orchard is my lover among other young men. I sit in his delightful shade and taste his delicious fruit.
4 He escorts me to the banquet hall; it’s obvious how much he loves me.
5 Strengthen me with raisin cakes, refresh me with apples, for I am weak with love.
6 His left arm is under my head, and his right arm embraces me.
7 Promise me, O women of Jerusalem, by the gazelles and wild deer, not to awaken love until the time is right.
8 Ah, I hear my lover coming! He is leaping over the mountains, bounding over the hills.
9 My lover is like a swift gazelle or a young stag. Look, there he is behind the wall, looking through the window, peering into the room.
10 My lover said to me, “Rise up, my darling! Come away with me, my fair one!
11 Look, the winter is past, and the rains are over and gone.
12 The flowers are springing up, the season of singing birds has come, and the cooing of turtledoves fills the air.
13 The fig trees are forming young fruit, and the fragrant grapevines are blossoming. Rise up, my darling! Come away with me, my fair one!”
14 My dove is hiding behind the rocks, behind an outcrop on the cliff. Let me see your face; let me hear your voice. For your voice is pleasant, and your face is lovely.
15 Catch all the foxes, those little foxes, before they ruin the vineyard of love, for the grapevines are blossoming!
16 My lover is mine, and I am his. He browses among the lilies.
17 Before the dawn breezes blow and the night shadows flee, return to me, my love, like a gazelle or a young stag on the rugged mountains.

1 One night as I lay in bed, I yearned for my lover. I yearned for him, but he did not come.


2 So I said to myself, “I will get up and roam the city, searching in all its streets and squares. I will search for the one I love.” So I searched everywhere but did not find him.
3 The watchmen stopped me as they made their rounds, and I asked, “Have you seen the one I love?”
4 Then scarcely had I left them when I found my love! I caught and held him tightly, then I brought him to my mother’s house, into my mother’s bed, where I had been conceived.
5 Promise me, O women of Jerusalem, by the gazelles and wild deer, not to awaken love until the time is right.
6 Who is this sweeping in from the wilderness like a cloud of smoke? Who is it, fragrant with myrrh and frankincense and every kind of spice?
7 Look, it is Solomon’s carriage, surrounded by sixty heroic men, the best of Israel’s soldiers.
8 They are all skilled swordsmen, experienced warriors. Each wears a sword on his thigh, ready to defend the king against an attack in the night.
9 King Solomon’s carriage is built of wood imported from Lebanon.
10 Its posts are silver, its canopy gold; its cushions are purple. It was decorated with love by the young women of Jerusalem.
11 Come out to see King Solomon, young women of Jerusalem. He wears the crown his mother gave him on his wedding day, his most joyous day.

1 You are beautiful, my darling, beautiful beyond words. Your eyes are like doves behind your veil. Your hair falls in waves, like a flock of goats winding down the slopes of Gilead.


2 Your teeth are as white as sheep, recently shorn and freshly washed. Your smile is flawless, each tooth matched with its twin.
3 Your lips are like scarlet ribbon; your mouth is inviting. Your cheeks are like rosy pomegranates behind your veil.
4 Your neck is as beautiful as the tower of David, jeweled with the shields of a thousand heroes.
5 Your breasts are like two fawns, twin fawns of a gazelle grazing among the lilies.
6 Before the dawn breezes blow and the night shadows flee, I will hurry to the mountain of myrrh and to the hill of frankincense.
7 You are altogether beautiful, my darling, beautiful in every way.
8 Come with me from Lebanon, my bride, come with me from Lebanon. Come down from Mount Amana, from the peaks of Senir and Hermon, where the lions have their dens and leopards live among the hills.
9 You have captured my heart, my treasure, my bride. You hold it hostage with one glance of your eyes, with a single jewel of your necklace.
10 Your love delights me, my treasure, my bride. Your love is better than wine, your perfume more fragrant than spices.
11 Your lips are as sweet as nectar, my bride. Honey and milk are under your tongue. Your clothes are scented like the cedars of Lebanon.
12 You are my private garden, my treasure, my bride, a secluded spring, a hidden fountain.
13 Your thighs shelter a paradise of pomegranates with rare spices— henna with nard,
14 nard and saffron, fragrant calamus and cinnamon, with all the trees of frankincense, myrrh, and aloes, and every other lovely spice.
15 You are a garden fountain, a well of fresh water streaming down from Lebanon’s mountains.
16 Awake, north wind! Rise up, south wind! Blow on my garden and spread its fragrance all around. Come into your garden, my love; taste its finest fruits.

1 I have entered my garden, my treasure, my bride! I gather myrrh with my spices and eat honeycomb with my honey. I drink wine with my milk. Oh, lover and beloved, eat and drink! Yes, drink deeply of your love!


2 I slept, but my heart was awake, when I heard my lover knocking and calling: “Open to me, my treasure, my darling, my dove, my perfect one. My head is drenched with dew, my hair with the dampness of the night.”
3 But I responded, “I have taken off my robe. Should I get dressed again? I have washed my feet. Should I get them soiled?”
4 My lover tried to unlatch the door, and my heart thrilled within me.
5 I jumped up to open the door for my love, and my hands dripped with perfume. My fingers dripped with lovely myrrh as I pulled back the bolt.
6 I opened to my lover, but he was gone! My heart sank. I searched for him but could not find him anywhere. I called to him, but there was no reply.
7 The night watchmen found me as they made their rounds. They beat and bruised me and stripped off my veil, those watchmen on the walls.
8 Make this promise, O women of Jerusalem— If you find my lover, tell him I am weak with love.
9 Why is your lover better than all others, O woman of rare beauty? What makes your lover so special that we must promise this?
10 My lover is dark and dazzling, better than ten thousand others!
11 His head is finest gold, his wavy hair is black as a raven.
12 His eyes sparkle like doves beside springs of water; they are set like jewels washed in milk.
13 His cheeks are like gardens of spices giving off fragrance. His lips are like lilies, perfumed with myrrh.
14 His arms are like rounded bars of gold, set with beryl. His body is like bright ivory, glowing with lapis lazuli.
15 His legs are like marble pillars set in sockets of finest gold. His posture is stately, like the noble cedars of Lebanon.
16 His mouth is sweetness itself; he is desirable in every way. Such, O women of Jerusalem, is my lover, my friend.

1 Where has your lover gone, O woman of rare beauty? Which way did he turn so we can help you find him?


2 My lover has gone down to his garden, to his spice beds, to browse in the gardens and gather the lilies.
3 I am my lover’s, and my lover is mine. He browses among the lilies.
4 You are beautiful, my darling, like the lovely city of Tirzah. Yes, as beautiful as Jerusalem, as majestic as an army with billowing banners.
5 Turn your eyes away, for they overpower me. Your hair falls in waves, like a flock of goats winding down the slopes of Gilead.
6 Your teeth are as white as sheep that are freshly washed. Your smile is flawless, each tooth matched with its twin.
7 Your cheeks are like rosy pomegranates behind your veil.
8 Even among sixty queens and eighty concubines and countless young women,
9 I would still choose my dove, my perfect one— the favorite of her mother, dearly loved by the one who bore her. The young women see her and praise her; even queens and royal concubines sing her praises:
10 “Who is this, arising like the dawn, as fair as the moon, as bright as the sun, as majestic as an army with billowing banners?”
11 I went down to the grove of walnut trees and out to the valley to see the new spring growth, to see whether the grapevines had budded or the pomegranates were in bloom.
12 Before I realized it, I found myself in the royal chariot with my beloved.
13 Return, return to us, O maid of Shulam. Come back, come back, that we may see you again. Why do you stare at this young woman of Shulam, as she moves so gracefully between two lines of dancers?

1 How beautiful are your sandaled feet, O queenly maiden. Your rounded thighs are like jewels, the work of a skilled craftsman.


2 Your navel is perfectly formed like a goblet filled with mixed wine. Between your thighs lies a mound of wheat bordered with lilies.
3 Your breasts are like two fawns, twin fawns of a gazelle.
4 Your neck is as beautiful as an ivory tower. Your eyes are like the sparkling pools in Heshbon by the gate of Bath-rabbim. Your nose is as fine as the tower of Lebanon overlooking Damascus.
5 Your head is as majestic as Mount Carmel, and the sheen of your hair radiates royalty. The king is held captive by its tresses.
6 Oh, how beautiful you are! How pleasing, my love, how full of delights!
7 You are slender like a palm tree, and your breasts are like its clusters of fruit.
8 I said, “I will climb the palm tree and take hold of its fruit.” May your breasts be like grape clusters, and the fragrance of your breath like apples.
9 May your kisses be as exciting as the best wine, flowing gently over lips and teeth.
10 I am my lover’s, and he claims me as his own.
11 Come, my love, let us go out to the fields and spend the night among the wildflowers.
12 Let us get up early and go to the vineyards to see if the grapevines have budded, if the blossoms have opened, and if the pomegranates have bloomed. There I will give you my love.
13 There the mandrakes give off their fragrance, and the finest fruits are at our door, new delights as well as old, which I have saved for you, my lover.



1Walvoord, J. F., Zuck, R. B., & Dallas Theological Seminary. (1983-c1985). The Bible knowledge commentary : An exposition of the scriptures (1:914-915). Wheaton, IL: Victor Books.


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