Nothing completes this wall, except what I run up against Donít let your forehead be a battering ram
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| Nothing completes this wall, except what I run up against
Donít let your forehead be a battering ram A room vibrates. Is that, possibly, because I erase mysetf? Could I ask for my bill? You could not ask, but we could plan a meal backwards Oh? In the case of an unsatisfied appetite, I would never want to be the one who remembered everything You must be hungry I am not, yet a certain mechanism, repeats iytself in meWhat do you see Light
I don't think you cansee light, I think you can see what it bounces off What enters my eye is light You see this orange? Yes
To be consistent, shouldnít you answer-- no, I see the light bouncing off something An orange Yes Do you see light In what part of the brain does that intuition take place I donít knowIs it morning? Yes How can you tell By the quality of the light Reference to the clock doesnít condition the way you perceive that light Yes, it probably does So which takes prescidence The light You mean, the aspect under which you see objects Yes, the light What you mean is, the objects in your field of vision appear differently at this moment tan they do at other remembered moments Yes Such as evening Yes Nioght
Yes High noon Yes. I suppose so (Pause) This is all hypothetical, of course You say that and my blood runs cold Why I donít know (Pause) What I mean is, I donít know myself well enough to be able to explain myself (Pause) I just live Ah, make an imaginary world of your own design No--
Whoís design Notice, I donít answer Did you or did you not answer (Pause) What do you see now You
Do you see the light bouncing off me No. I see you Iíll count to three. When I reach three-- No, I wonít wake up 1-2-3. Iíll keep tryingThis isnít the moment I expected. How could you expect a moment before it happened No-- after it happened, thatís when I realized Iíd been expecting it, but it was different Right now-- are you expecting anything? I donít think so Good
--but what happens next may prove me wrong In what way What happens next may suddenly make me realize-- Oh, I was expecting this, but with a difference Thatís why I ask.. What are you expecting Nothing Liar
You see? I didnít expect that You coaxed me into it I can see that in retrospect Liar
You donít mean that, you just say that to provide a certain consistancy (Pause) Too late For what
You were trying to change your mind --Your mind Too late. It changed before you could change it (Others taope mouths)If I were in fact here-- facing a twist in the street which allowed just a glimpse of the ocean beyond With the sun, shining on that ocean. Thatís what Iím imagining Myself
In this end of the world sunlight, I have decided to be reminded by you, of me. Nothing can kiss me. This light is terrific Thats just how I feel about it I do This light is terrific (Pause) Thereís nothing else I want, really Oh, then youíre in for a dissapointment Why?
It doesnít stay like this always Then letís just try to pan a life that doesnít have to register those times when it isnít just like this The rest of the time you want to be unconscious? Well, not exactly unconscious, but registering things differently, so I can know deeply that when itís like this it counts, and when it isnít, in some sense or other, it doesnít count (Pause) I think I made a mistake How come Talking about it spoiled it. Now-- it doesnít seem quite so wionderful. I shouldnít have talked about it You donít care if it changes (Pause) No (Pause) In fact Iíd like it to change What a sudden flip flop Could I have something to drink? Not yet (Light changes) Notic e anything Yes Do you want to talk about it No Are you sure Oh well, maybe I better because my feelings certainly change and they get lost, so if I talk about it, thatís what I can have in perminent possession, whenever I talked about it. So Iíll say-- this light is evocative. But I know it wonít last and I know its evocativenesss wonít last either, as a feeling I have Does this stand in for tears of regret? My talking Yes
Yes Tears of regret Yes (Pause) Maybe that means if you didnít talk, you wouldnít have to experience unhappiness No, no-- Iím talking my way out of unhappiness Successfully? Well, I wonít know that for a very long time, will I?This rather unpleasant moment when spring returns. Iíve lived through this many times, and each time itís a sadness, as life springs forth again, so delicately that it mocks me. It mocks me. I canít possibly match it in delicateness It has a life, therefore I canít enter and dance with Itístotally unapproachable, and therefore I feel the worst I can possibly feel, and yet, savoring it-- this is the torture. To compensate for this, what stratagiesare available to me>? Well. I rouse myself with great painful effort-- and build a totally different world into which I disappear Good bye spring! This is a hammer. Used to hit things Now-- letís give a hammer a choice. Would it prefer to hit this nail-- or, the center of this target This?
You see neither object. I know that You must be imagining each Yes. I am imagining a small golden nail, I inch long by one eighth of an inch in diameter Why is it gold It is gold, of course, the better to persuade the hammer to be attracted, attractive, valadated in and of itself. God hammer. God hammer Who said anything about God Does God himself hammer upon us-- through and by life. Help. Iíve been hit by God himself Ah, target person I am!
I am indeed target person!Rest assured, I circulate amongst you so that no effort on your part is necessary, except perhaps. . .I thought I was going to get to know things-- raced, to know something reAl before I die. Now-- I see what is real can never be known, and I will die-- not knowing
I donít know what it would be like to be young and write. I consider myself ëoldí. and write out of the void, because I have tried everything-- (well, no. I have tried very little-- but--
Probably the only reason to write anything. . . The book of life, as it were There is a window in me, right now, right this minute, which-- shows me only the self evident. I am required to present you with a whole life, but I have not the resources for doing so. So Which lie to evoke next? Please
lift all veils Please: be afraid (Of what. Be afraid of what) By not answering. . . Please, donít answer I tried not to Ah, it worked.Please, open your eyes They are open, but shining If they shine, do they receive light? Black night I find my way How
By stumbling Thank goodness for stumbling It hurts Thank goodness, it doesnít hurt forever Realy? Prove it to yourself Please, donít frighten me I canít You can frighten me without knowing it How By saying things What things I wonít tell you Tell me (Pause) Iím sorry. That sounded like a threat Did I frighten you? No I think I did. I really think I did _____________________________ Please, talk to me Itís true. What I am interested in is destruction To destroy everything valuableWho shall I invite to my party? Oh, I donít think anybody really would be interesting to you That is true Must you have a party? Certainly not Then you neednít invite anyone Thank God (Pause) Iím bored How about throwing a party Yes. But who would I invite?To speak bluntly: I donít. What No to friendship. No to love No to erotic compatability Nothing is happening between us
Come closer I donít want to come closer What are you doing here What I like to do best is drink Eat something NoOh please, all this effort and what you come up with is nothing (Pause) Day after day after day-- Nothing?
Nothing I have better things to do with my time Not me So I gather What better things do you have to do with your time Oh please. Get a life Is that for my benifit? Everything has to be for your benefit Well, hopefully so When was the last time you had a successful emotional relationship This is my escape mechanism What?
I know you think I canít escape, but I can escape How is this possible Sex Magic Sex magic is your escape mechanism? Yes Explain
If I begin kissing you-- Yes, please do Then I go further How much further * * * * Escape
I dream of that Always
Always Isnít that dream enough Let me see if the door is effective (Exits)
It is (Re-enter) Well-- I feel myself irrestibaly re-involved You mean, the opposite of escape Iím not sure if I had the experience If thereís nothing to escape from thereís no escape Sometimes I think thatís what I mean by talking to myself If you could, but I donít think you can When I touch something similar Yes?
You just said I was into sex magic Oh, I didnít believe it was real magic Letís not bother with verrification Letís not bother with putting into practice what we KNOW to be only semi-satisfactory Thereís the escape route What
That disillusionment you seem to be talking about (He kisses her) Go further Thatís it What That dissillusionment you seem to be talking about (Pause) Neither of us seem satisfied with sticking to the same subject for a very long time How strange-- I thought the opposite Satisfied? I thought we both found it impossible to change the subject Escape
To what extend is talking about it dreaming about it Yes. I have that feeling Thatís why I never trust words But you do No I can tell you do How (Pause)\ If I tell you-- all the fun goes out of it This isnít my idea of fun You donít have to have any ideas about it. Thatís why itís fun. Potentially. (Pause) Suppose I were to cinfuse you totally-- Ah, escape I canít just dream about it Thatís just words Yes. My favorite dream word. I mean ìnoí-- my favorite dream word is no. Close to yes, but not quite Not quite no, either Youíre right. Not quite Escape
Yes. Thatís the closest Iíve been able to come. Not quite rightIím 58, and wonderfully close to death Nothing to say Nothing to do Nothing the least bit interesting This dream of liviong without language. If only one could. Be in the presence of others and rely on gestures only. Glances Basically, the articulation of the eye. Actually, written notes permitted, so that life is able to continue vis a vis the practicalities. But the human interaction-- no longer tripped up and lascerated by words, flayed alive by words because that is indeed what happens. Most of lifeís pain-- words. Knives.What do you understand? Nothing. Why begin understanding.? Totally unnecessary Perhaps you should disappear Perhaps you HAVE disappeared Perhaps you have opened your eyes and seena flag, fluttering in the wind and said-- ah, thatís the image for me. But was it the word, or the movements of that flag, or that flag itself with its bright colors and bold geometric design. Couldnít it be all three? How many? Three
Think again. There are no heroes Never There are no heroes. Correction There are no heroes If there are no heroes-- What? If there are no heroes-- Think again.Human beings. Lying in wait to put things together Anything is grist for the mill What did you say Anything
Psychoanalysis, the sort you claim to represent, has been much discredited of late. I hope you know that Why are you here Why are YOU here.Isnít it possible that I am not understood Of course. You are not understood So close to you, I am I am
Is this where one might expect to find it What
You donít know what Iím looking for? Love?
Not love (Pause) On object? This vase? Itís quite. . .special It can hold anything. Well-- not anything Here-- put something insideMy only reason for being here is to. . .
My life is very lifelike Lifelike Yes
By which you mean? Itís full of things that are like the things that make up a life You notice things. Well-- yes. I do My life is lifelike too It could be your particular life Itís much more specific Oh?
If Iím tired enough, I kow myself. I mean, I sink into my real self Most people donít like being tired Iím different How do you explain that Oh, the beauty of it is-- tired enough and explinations donít drive me. I mean, the guilt that makes one offer up explinations. Bye bye to that. I donít care Tired
Yes How tired Watch me I donít see it happening Another plus. Itís invisible Why is that a plus (Pause) Tell me, why is that a plus (Pause) Donít pretend youíre too tired to answer I donít have to pretend See? You talked Yes, I managed (Pause) I donít feel like talking any more Tired?
No Ah, two routes to the same destination What? I realize you hope to destroy something effectively, and the search is for the object of that focused energy What a waste of time See? No, I donít see You mean its your words that lead you forward. When you find that desired and destructable object, once having destroyed it, it enters that realm where it could have been any other object whatsoever. Once destroyed, all objects are equal in their nothingness Whatís the moment in which that destruction takes place. In that moment, this table for instance, is still different from this photograph -- (takes out of pocket) Where did you acquire that photo (Tears it up) I canít remember Truly then, uopu have destoyed it Well, I could take the pieces and re-assemble them Youíd never be sure Of what If they were put back together in the same order, recreatring the same face Oh, all faces have the characteristic of a certain coherence. I would be sure Was it a face Yes Then you didnít destroy it I donít always do what I say. In fact, after the fact, I find out I NEVER do what I say You donít destroy anything Never (Pause) How terrible YesDoes it help to think of roses. Each moment:: at least, each moment isolatable that way in the mind. A rose hovering in space Everything. Hovering in space. The memory of a certain morning in childhood. A house at the edge of town and outside the open window, a trellace covered with roses Other roses evoke those roses Yes. How did you know (Pause) Roses hovering everywhere Roses
Roses (Pause) The day of my birth I donít think you should touch on that Why not Could I tell you a secret What I wasnít alive at that time Where were you (Pause) I had no existence. I wasnít what I am now What am I now Wait a minute. You have your own existence, and I am not alive in that existence which is yours. In the same way-- the way I was before I was born But we talk about things Yes We share things Yes Before you were born, maybe we did that also Youíre probably talking about somebody else Yes, but it does seem interchangeable It hovers? Yes
(Pause) Roses
ight. I remember and think-- roses Roses.HERE IS A MAN, DRIVEMN BY LOVE, BUT UNREWARDED What drives you Yes. I am driven What drives you, sir Love Love?
Yes Are you in love? (Pause) Are you in love, sir? I do not speak because I have no way of answering Are you in love There is no one thing I can point to which I find loveable What are you in love with, sir Nothing Then you are not driven by love But I am (Pause) Then, right now, youíre being asked to explain This is something I cannot do Then I donít believe that you are driven by love You see? I should have said nothing Wrong Why wrong You present me with a paradox. This forces me to search for an explination. What this search arouses in me, I do understand, is love. Ah, but when you have understood-- Letís not rush into this. What do you love Nothing
What do I love Understanding Which is the more worthy object of a human beingís love (Pause) Is it nothing, or is it understanding My lips are sealed Why Thatís the best policy (Pause) Then we remain in suspended animation Yes (Pause) No. A move has to be made Why
This is what life is-- movement. The brain, to begin with, reaching out for gratification Does it work? What Does something slip through your fingers? Always. But this is what life is like. I donít turn my back on it Of course not. Youíre in love And you, sir? Iím in love also But with nothing (Pause) Well, there is nothing I have found about which I can say-- ah, here is the object of my love (Covers eyes) Are you quite sure (Girl in) Quite Why donít you uncover your eyes Iím trying something What
I donít know exactly, but Iím trying it (Girl sits-- he uncovers eyes) Well. This is certainly a woman I find attractive Thank you (Pause) Thereís no reason I shouldnít be in love with you, my dear Thank you (Pause) Iím in love with you (She exits) I donít think she believed you were a hundred per cent sincere Then sheís made a terrible mistake Reallly? Iíll prove it How Well-- Iíll marry her Not unless you convince her, firtst, of your sincerity (Pause) Even then, she may not return your affection Well, Iíll have to convince her More than that Iíll have to capture her affection Will there be an exact match between her love and your love Probably not Then what Whatís your question (Girl reappears) Well, the man who says he loves me is still sitting there Yes he is Why should I believe you Why should it matter if you believe me or not. I mean-- why should it matter to ME. I simply. . .love you And you wouldnít porefer for that love to be reciprocated? (Pause) Iím not sure if that would be better or if that would be worse. Let me tell you a story-- (Story, add at end ìand I love youî) Iím not convinced Let me tell you another story (Done. ìI love you) (other scenes, add I love youîDonít you understand we float on ideas Iíd like to think we made contact with something other than what we float on We float on ideas But-- do we make contact with reality This is unanswerable I can imagine a man who loses touch with reality I cannot imagine such a man This inability of yours represents your own losing touch with reality I insist this is impossible. Believe me-- if I could lose touch with reality I would persue that with a vengence. But whatever turn I take, I find myself still enclosed in that c ircle that asserts itself as perhaps centerless, but nevertheless in regards to which I am always in the center. Because. I am I. Radiating out from me is what I radiate. Then, I touch, as in a reflection, things that are sometimes houses, trees, or other people, and sometimes dreams or even emptiness. Itís the same, isnít it. I canít stop the process of this invisible, poverty stricken me, generating more and more reality no matter what the intensity of my efforts to remove my self so I am not in touch with reality, but I am!Partically dead Oh, not quite Thatís what I said Partially dead Not quiteDoes this mean youíve lost touch with reality Oh, long ao I thought so Thatís my only contact What with With realityAre you in love I donít think so How about me Oh? Why not. Through you-- the world, of course Prove it
Just the opposite What do you mean?Are you out of touch with reality I hope not Why
No-- I mean I hope I am You donít like reality? If I was in touch with it, Iíd be dead, wouldnít I Either that or in love Here is a man in love with reality Why is there nothing in my bag of tricks Look again Well, I donít have any bag I can look into How do you know itís empty (Pause) I suppose I want it to be empty Ah, you want to be possessed of no resources Right
Why Well, maybe I want to get to the bottom of things Wouldnít one need resources to be able to accomplish that I have them What Resources. They were of no help So youíre trying something different Perhaps
You ëd like to feel empty Yes
What next Nothing
(Pause) I donít believe that Believe it I think that ënothingí is in fact impossible Think again You see? You made a request It was automatic It may have been automatic, but that means it wasnít nothing (Pause)
This woman is going to be here-- The one youíre attracted to? Am I? What do you find so attractive about her Well, sheís always surprising me, but I have to admit that in itself wouldnít count for much if it wasnít accompanied by a desire to make multiple physical contact I donít understand multiple I mean innovative How
Finding, or imagining, ways to place different psarts of my body in contact with different parts of her own body in a wide variety of ways Well, that in itself would probably lead to surprises Yes, but when I said she surprises me, I didnít mean that What did you mean (Pause) Itís not what she says-- Itís how she says it? No. Itís rather that what she says is never said at the exact moment I seem to register it being said. True love There is no such thing Then what are you experiencing (Pause) I donít know what to call it, but I do know this. Thereís nothing there Where When she comes into the room-- at least the room where I am at the same time-- thereís an emptiness there. I can experience it Isnít it here now? No Of course it is I donít sense it Thereís no emptiness No But if she walks in, there is Yes (Knocks) Come in (Pause) The is the one The one what Yes. (Pause. She exits) Well, I can ssee nothing was said Nothingís still being said I donít think so What I mean is, even if you stopped talking, there wouldnít be emptiness, therre would be boredoom (Pause) Can I offer you a drink. Why notConsider this. Human beings, whatever their roles in life, function as teachers for other human ebings. All human beings learn from each other, even if their official role in life is something other than teacher, students, businessmen, artists, police, etc. This man teaches through arrogance, while this second man teaches through humility. These two different methods prehaps produce similar results. Some pupils are awakened to the truth by the stern menthod of arrogance. Others, by the impenetrable mystery of sweetness These two men are used by the dsame necessity, but manifest in seemingly different, ah-- leave the next word blank. Let life itself write the next word in a language that is not spoken with words. (seat one) One of these men does his work by disappearing (other exit) Which one disappears, in fact. You do not know, believe me, you cannot know, which one of these men does his work from a center of invisibility that others, such as yourself, have no tools to meanure.I no longer believe in that ëother worldí that heretofore sustained me and/or fed into me in secret Ah, do you feel great loss? Not realy. In my previous life-- because I think of it as a previous life-- Yes?
I donít want to talk about this, I just want to express it-- no-- not express it, just experience it What
If I communicate what, it changes it You used to have faith in some-- --I wonít continue this concersation. (Pause) There is morfe to life than a conversation Isnít that my point? Evolution has happened What Evolution has happened You mean, molocules to aomebas, to fish, to apes, to human beings No. I mean way past that. Right now-- we have evolved much more-- unimaginably more ìWeî? Yes. We are blind to it, but we have already evolved way past what we are I donít understand I said-- we are blind to the fact, but itís a fact Because you say so No. Not because I say so (Pause) If weíve evolved, what are some of our unimaginable attributes. Thatís exactly what canít be put into words because we have evolved beyond words Feelings
Forget it. Primitive stuff. Just imagine something beyond words, beyond feelings. Just imagine something that seems arbitrary (Pause) Well, thatís a vast catagory Right. Anything could happen Multiple worlds No, this world (Pause) Shall we go to the delicatessen? Which one The one around the corner Why go there To get sandwiches Iím not in the mood for a sandwich Liar
I want to tell you something. Iíve been to the delicatessen around the corner, and they donít make sandwiches As of today Ah, thereís been a change in policy Yes there had )Pause) When God walked into the delicatessen around the corner and said ìIíve come for a sandwichî-- well, certain adjustments were made Are we talking about the same delicatessen? You said-- the one around the corner I never patronize that delicatessen of course, because-- No, donít give me REASONS Then Iíll hold back (Pause) We understand each other Now we do When I say ìanimalî-- whatís the first picture you see in your mind Guess
How many do I get 20 All right. Zebra No Lion
No Giraffe
No Dog
No Cat
No But Iím on the verge of something Oh yes. On the verge. But thatís not much of an accomplishment. One is always-- on the verge I wasnít claiming it as an accomplishment GoodI shall do what I deem best Your next move? When itís necessary (Pause) The world is waiting Dies the world have the power to punish me? Not really Oh yes it does (Pause) It will punish me, I assume, if I donít make a move If you donít make a move, nobody can be offended If Iím asked to move? Are you? Yes
By me? Yes
(Pause) Well, I didnít realize that, but now I do So. Iím being punished You already internalized that Love me How can I control whether or not that happens See? I shouldnít have made my move Did you mean-- love me, in the sense of loving mankind, or loving the earth, or culture, or something like that? Something like that Then I do love you See> I made my love. Do you know how humiliated I feel Well, everybody needs love Why Thatís the human condition Iíl like to be a little more clear sighted than that, thank you No such luck I do my best Well-- your best isnít good enough As a matter of fact, my best is perfect. I mean, it suits me perfectly, because it is me. My best. (Pause) That shouldd blind you What
My best Why blind me The perfect fit. That should be radient I failed the test Yes I donít pick up on this radience Sorry. You failed the test. But thatís OK Why
It makes you radient (Pause) Thank goodness Careful-- itís not necessarily a lot of fun Thatís OK Right. Because--? Iím radient Yes. You areRest assured, this man-- myself-- is not here. You are here. This table is here-- but this man, this man is not here. This man is, in fact, a hole carved in everything else here manifest. Oh, his body is here, but he is not here-- do not think what I am speaking of is some unfathomable soul. No. No. Iím not speaking vis a vis the existence of that or anything else postulated being not-visible.This is not what I am saying. This cabinet is here (opened) this book is here-- even though its contents are of course invisible to you at this moment. But this man-- myself-- is not here. What Iím sasying is-- thatís your decision. Your decision is how you read me. And whichever way you choose to read me-- I can respond to you by saying youíve made the wrong choice. The man youíve decided to postulate is not here (exit)Answer any available questions Well, all questions are probably available, even if only some of them get asked
Why are you here? (Pause) Because Iím breathing, thinking, registering what I see and hear Go on Because I was born. Because having been born, I continue existing (Pause) Because the world evolved in such a way that creatures evolved and gave birth to other creatures. Lose oneself in others? Iím not sure thatís such a wonderful idea. Itís necessary. Itís the only was I have enough energuy to go on Is that why youíre here? I am here in order to move toward the future. IE-- death Did you come from death? Well, I came from not being alive Who made you say that You did
Ah, then you DO need others, after all, to get you to say those things you desparately want to say Yes, but also I get pulled into saying things I have no desire to say. Things I donít mean all, but the saing of them just gets provoked (Pause) Go on about being dead before you were alive Iím not sure I was dead. Iím not sure you can be dead until after youíve been alive Can you be dead for a long time Yes Really? Think about it (Pause) Youíre suggesting that Iím only dead for a minute. After that-- Iím not anything, since Iím not alive Maybe Iím dead now Really? I donít know why I say that Really? (Pause) Well, maybe Iím as good as dead Ah, being dead is as good as being alive That could be true Even though you wouldnít be able to enjoy things There are things I havenít experienced that I might enjoy-- but Iím not sure that I miss them So-- do you wish to be dead? It might hurt Other than that? Let me think about this Yes?
(Pause) I think itís something I can think about better if Iím alive If I go away, will you talk o yourself? No Then I better stay All right-- Iíll talk to myself (Exit: Pause) If I wasnít here-- now wait a minute-- whatís the relationship between not being in this room, and geing dead? (Goes)
ìNotice. The room is still here, and it is not at all sad about being emptyîNothing. Nothing. This is nothing You canít believe this, or rather-- you can believe this but you can BELIEVE anything. Can you therefore believe this. Yes. You can believe that I am speaking and in my speaking you can believe that I say what is in my heart. This is easy for you to believe Now I have said enough. Hidden in what I have said is everythingI am aware of everything, so I donít have to be You mean, there are parts of yourself that close down for the night Did I say that I think there are parts of myself that close down for the night Then you are not aware of everything Please (Holds out phone) Did you call out for dinner? If I did, another phone call is necessary? That wasnít my implication What was
You called out for dinner-- now cancel it First of all I didnít, but why cancel Is it time for dinner? No Then why cancel The more times we cancel, the more confused the source is And the more confused at the source-- Ah, are we then in a position of power? I think he who controls the lines of communication controls the power Better hang up now Why
Better be aloof. Or should I say-- withdrawn. Then one is cocooned in oneís power Excellent Not quite. But one option, and if there remains one option, thedn one hasnít covered everything, and one wants to cover or include everything Dinner
That too Itís been covered Good. Then the phone line is unoccupied For now
Letís make it forever (Pause) Letís effectuate that final message Oh, I think that final message is already written all over the walls --In invisible ink? No. Not in ink I said invisible ink And I said, not in ink (Pause) Did you hear me? Funny-- putting two and two together, Iíd say I didnít hear you the first time, but I heard you the second time This is the third time And I heard, even though you didnít have to say it a third time And I did Right. You didnít. (Shake)The outside limit. Now what the hell does that mean? Itís too vague Ah-- that must be what it means What
It just popped into my head What The whole phrase Therefore it has to be important Anything that pops into somebodyís head wants, certainly, to be there. Thatís whatís important The outside limit of being important (Pause) This is important Actually, itís the outside limit of being important Whatís the opposite There is no opposite Is it the opposite that I hate being here, being in this place in which I am living, surrounded by the people who I experience-- You wish you were someplace else Some other epoch. Yes. I wonít name it Itís probably wrong Probably You probably wouldnít like that other time and place any better, if you were actuallyinside it, it would probably see equally suffocating Yes It would always be the outside limit of what was tollerable Yes, I suppose this is tollerable. Well, hereís the secret. Whatever it was, it would be tollerable, even though it would seem that just a little bit more and it wouldnít be. Yes. If this world Iím living in were just a little bit more suffocating than it is-- it wouldnít be tollerable Except, it would be Yes. I suppose it would Why
Iíd change along with it Ah, my friend. You will always be placed at the outside limit of things Right, here I am, waving to everybody inside Waving?
Yes Trying to attract peopleís attention? Yes No, letís postulate that you succeed in attracting everybodyís attention, or at least the attention of a significant number of people. They turn toward you, because youíve attrracted-- at least for the moment--everybodyís attention. They all ëcenterí on you, at least for a moment (Pause) Youíre the center of their attention Where am I You tell me Well, I suppose Iím in the middle of things Is that good? I donít know Iím focusing my attention on you Well, Iím returning the favor Ah, then we find ourselves locked together in a circle of mutual attention Very true (Pause) How did we get here Oh no, I never look back Please (Think. Exit) Why bring roses, when roses are visible in the distance
Guess what. You donít get anything unless you work for it How about if you wish for it Wishes without work? No results See? Thatís why life sucks No/ Thatís why YOU suck Fuck youThis is not what you imagine. This is a field over which your attention is even distributed, and then you zone in on small sectorss of that total field This is something you can hardly avoid doing because you lack discipline. But if you acquire self-discipline, you will be able to sustain in your consciousness the entire field as one thing, or not one thing, but as an endless wideness, and you will not make a ëthingí out of it, but truth will start speaking to you as it bounces randomly across the wide vista of this entire field. It will happen. It will happen. But of course you are not yet really in a position to allow this to happen and so for the moment you are busy making discoveries which repeat old patterns which are just as valuable as new patterns, but thatís not the point, is it. The point is-- oh, look, there is a recognizable tree in that painting on the wall, but who said anything about a wall? Thatís the point. Who said anything about a wall?You donít watch this probably I donít watch what Who is going to be giving me what I want What do you want . . .Everything for free. Everything IS free. Just take it. No. Everything is for free only if I use violence, and that wastes my energy The more you waste, the more you acquire. This is a rule of life Really? Really.
Was my imitation of a dogís face effective? It made me think that you were a dog I guess it doesnít get any better than that Could I interest you in a rubber hat? Am I getting it for free? It keeps the rain off Because itís rubber Yes
Then itís for free, really. Yes
(Pause) I donít even have the energy to reach out and take it. This is not one of your better experiences I wonít say You mean, you wonít correct yourself You can judge me, but I wonít do it myself (Pause) I better go (Pause. Goes) Now Iím really alone (Other enters) Did you know your name had been called? No
(Exit) Now Iím really aloneHis reason for becoming one of us was at first only apparent. Then, he slid into this was of being at one with himself. A door opened and he was there but a light shone on him, and the light was not there, but the smile it illuminated was flying. Ahh, flying smiles You should be able to recognize me I do, I recognize you That was quick Oh, I donít think so quick, because Iíve evolved into that ability, and that certainly took time Then what I wanted to say was wrong But you said it When a hand is offered in friemndship. Be prepared to take it You talked to me about sex philosophy, and I thought that was very wonderful I didnít know what I was talking about I knew that to be the caseI decided in my next life to be a table. Is that OK with you? Why not. I like tables I donít know if youíll be around to like or not like the kind of table I turn into Letís try it out What
Table you Table me
Table you appeals to me as a table for usage Use me
I decided in my next life to be a table because I would be so useful. You could eat off me. You could sit at me and read books. You could cut pieces of paper leaning your elbows on me. You could play cards with somebody else sitting on the other side of the table. Or you could have negotiations Letís try negotiations About what About being dead But weíre not dead. Weíre living a second lifeDonít you ever have the feeling-- I do-- that there I a secret content that is undiscoverable. We could talk, of course, of a hundred things-- but non of these things-- not really sex, excetement, power, etc-- none of these things are the secret content What is ther secret content I donít know Maybe itís a picture Maybe itís this picture of this cat. Something is driving me forward and maybe itís this. The secret content. The content that blows everything else away. The seed. The content is a seed that could turn into almost ANYTHING. The secret content Maybe the secret content is numbers. Just numbers. You fill it naming numbers and itís totally satisfying in and of itself. MaybeI feel growing in me-- a love for everything in the world, which is certainly not explicable. But I have chosen to accept it. Let us class it as a distortion of the field in which I exist. OK. But there is nothing evil in this particular distortion of reality, even if it is a distortion, because it makes me love everythingEverything under a different sign 1) Now that I am dead Now that I have entered my second life 2) Because I feel a love for everything 3) This is my move to render the inexplicable 4) I think I have touched a super content, a content that is inexhaustable 5) This is my openess to things 6) If I empty myself out, something else is able to speak through me 7) I want my consciousness to be able to trvel in multiple directions at once 8) The thing Iím taling about is not what Iím talking about 9) In order to contact the emptiness which is productive 10) Understand why what Iím about to say is a little bit confusing. Thereís a lapse in time 11) Can I go on? Can I grow, or regress-- Iíll try to grow Please, he says. Please do not punish me. To whom does he speak? To life itself. But of course, his words are useless, because life, certainly, will punish him, as it already has, and as it will forever and ever. Because this man intuits-- everything that he is not and all the pleasures that fail to descend upon him and all the limitations of his own consciousness and ability. And this intuition of the truth of things-- this finds different ways in which to manifest itself and these different manifestations do punish him, and so he says-- Pleae-- donít punish meî. He is speaking to the wind and his heartfelt plea is supressed by music. ------- This flower. . .is yours Shall I reward you with a kiss? I think not That was not my expectation Wasnít it now Not heretofore, but I can see that I am being punished Listen-- my kiss would punish you even more ----------------- Am I a child still-- that I must be punished for reasons I do not understand? Are you a child? In a sense, yes. I feel childlike-- But you are not innocent, however I feel innocent Really? Ah. Now you twist something inside me-- Really? --so I no longer feel the security of my inocence Really? (Pause) And yet-- I do not understand whatís happening to me-- so in that sense, I feel my innocence restored (Present rose) For you (Takes) I donít know what to do with this flower Then you are certain to be punished Why? (Pause) For your lack of generosity Generosity? Yes. You donít undertsand? I donít understand. Well, after you are punished-- perhaps you will understand.Can you see anything? Oh yes.
Those glasses look opaque I find the word opaque to be very bizarre. To me it sounds like something totally penetrable. It sounds like, glass-- that you can see through, thatís opaque. Itís transparent, but opaque sounds more transparent than transparent (Pause) Iím sure thereís an explination for that You mean, etimologically Yes
(Pause) You mean-- these eye glasses are opaque In which sense You bore me. You bore me. --You bore me! (Pause) Here. See if these are opaque (Tried on) yes In your sense or my sense You bore me, you bore me --You bore me! (Package) Here. --Flowers. Oh? I thought-- carrots, (open, our carrots) (enters with roses, stops) I said ROSES. Getr rid of those carrots OK
(Exit) Roses--
Now get rid of those roses OK
(Pause. Exit)Itís basic. People like to put things on their wall, so those things are there to look at. Sort of reminders-- ? No. Tuning machines. You see a picture, and tune yourself to that image. Ah yes-- have that image in mind. Why? Well-- I donít want to forget a certain energy. Reference to a certain energy. The was things go together to make beauty. Energy is implied in that. Thereís an energy transfer when you look at a beautiful thing. See energy in the movement of lines and colors. In the transformation of a face or a table or flowers-- into lines that are lively. A principal of life is contained in that. In that transfer. In that livelyness of line. Is that what makes it work?Certain words that leap out of me. That take possession of a person. Say a thing. Tomorrow. Tomorrow. The messiah comes tomorror. Yes, this is a quality of ëtomorrowí that kind of-- sleeps inside the word, doesnít it. Yes (Pause) Here, these flowers are for you Tomorrow
Now (Pause) Thank you Thatís not particularly intense, that ëthank youí. Without talking about it-- would you have known? I donít know Would you have known even that ëdonít knowí? Letís see. I would have given you flowers-- No, I gave them (Pause) Then Iím confusedThe word is.... Reply The word is re-play Then the word is re-place. Rather tha-- Wait a minute. I postulate an experience-- that I have no means of describing Why do you use the word ëpostulateí It means-- --I know what it means. (Pause) It means, I ask you to imagine-- --No you donít All right. I use the word ëpostulateí because it says what I want. In the total sentence-- it works. I postulate an experience I have no means of describing. Try To myself, even. I just say-- Iím having an experience-- Iím sitting here talking to you. That I can describe, imagine, talk about-- everything else. But at the same time Iím having another experience, which I donít know about. Then youíre not having it But I am
Why should I believe that Because it seems self evident to me Is there any reason to say-- youíre having hundreds of experiences right now, of which you are not aware No. That seems true Are you having them in your unconscious? Maybe
Do better than that No. Maybe is an excellent response (Pause) Can you imagine the intensity in that ìmaybeî? Maybe I can (Pause) See those flowers? Yes
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