CHECK LIST FOR HUSBANDS/WIVES

CHECK LIST FOR HUSBANDS/WIVES

1. I write a personal, affectionate note or letter to my wife regularly (weekly?).

2. I never have to be reminded of her birthday or our anniversary.

3. I plan an honest evaluation of our marriage regularly (perhaps with testing).On your anniversary do you recommit? Perhaps listen to the tape of your marriage ceremony.

4. We have developed specific goals for n our family spiritually, emotionally and economically.

5. We have at least one meal daily with all the family members together.

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6. My wife has confirmed to me that the money she receives is reasonable and adequate under our financial circumstances.

8. I am aware of what is going on in my house between my wife and our children.

9. In dealing with all family members, I am more positive than negative.

10. I regularly help my wife with the children and the "necessary drudgery."

11.I never ask others to our house without my wife knowing in advance and with assurance of my help.

12. I respond to her preferences in buying a new house or automobile.

13. I seldom tire of talking with my wife.

14. I still court my wife.

15. I spend at least one hour each week, alone with my wife, talking about our mutual interests.

16. I am closer to my wife now than I was one year ago.

17. I make most decisions of my family's welfare rather than my own (Phil. 2:3,4).

18. I allow my wife to use her abilities and talents to their fullest.

19. I show patience in most situations.

20. I allow her to make many decisions.

21. I treat her as a partner, not as a servant.

22. I forgive her when she makes bad decisions.

23. I try to guide (vs. boss) when she needs

24. She can talk with me about anything without my getting angry.

25. There is nothing about which she is afraid to talk with me.

26. I try basically to be an unselfish person.

27. I am primarily a Christian who loves the Lordship of Jesus.

"Christ In The Home: God’s Plan For His Family” Series

#4 “The Biblical Model for Love”
The meaning of love.

1. 
   Storge: family love; the love of parents for children, children for parents, brothers and sisters for each other.
   
2. 
   Eros: sensual love. It means a love that is egocentric, “wanting to have,” seeking union with the object of its desire. The value that evokes it is found in the thing loved.
   
3. 
   Philia: friendship; love given to all kinds of human beings, shown in such terms as philadelphia, brotherly love.
   
4. 
   Agape: a spontaneous impulse of the heart to desire that which is good for the one loved, and it will be at my cost. There are no prerequisistes, no conditions, no requirements.
   

1. 
   Storge: “my family is important to me. I want my family to be important to you. I recognize that your family is important to you. Your family will also be important to me.”
   
2. 
   Eros: “I am physically attracted to you.”
   
3. 
   Philia: “Í like you. I enjoy being with you, going places with you, experiencing things with you.”
   
4. 
   Agage: “I will be good to you. I will treat you with patience and kindness, with courtesy, consideration, and deep concern. That is an unconditional promise. I will always, under all circumstances, treat you that way.”
   

Agape

Agape is unconditional -- That means:

1. 
   There are no conditions necessary.
   
2. 
   You don’t have to earn my love.
   
3. 
   You don’t have to deserve my love.
   
4. 
   You don’t have to measure up to any standard to get me to love you.
   
5. 
   You don’t have to work for my love.
   
6. 
   You don’t even have to appreciate my love.
   

Agape is not a feeling. It is an act of the will. Agape is a commitment to act in the best interest of another without any conditions on his/her part, except his/her need.

Love is an unconditional commitment to an imperfect person.

Philia

In a good marriage, the husband and wife are also friends. Philia’s companionship is many things…being reasonably happy to go shopping with her…watching TV together and munching popcorn…feelong lonely when he/she is out of town.
Friendship also means communication. Philia’s communication is many things…sharing something you read in a book or magazine…reminiscing how you had to catch all the mice and remove all the bats before you could move into your apartment…eating breakfast together without the morning paper…agreeing on the design of the new wallpaper for Jane’s room…having the courage to tell you her you don’t that dress she’s trying on.
Philia is also cooperation. While eros is almost always face-to-face relationship, philia is very often a shoulder-to-shoulder relationship. When there is philia, husband and wife are working together on something greater than both of them. They are finding their oneness, not directly in each other, but in their interest in a common cause. In eros, each seeks fulfillment in the other; in philia, they both seek fulfillment in one mutual goal.
Married Love

You have said to another, “I will,” and with those words you have declared your voluntary assent and turned a crucial point in their lives. You know full well all the doubts and suspicions with which a life-long partnership between two persons is faced. It is you as a married couple who must bear the whole responsibility for the success of your married life, with all the happiness it will bring. It is not your love which sustains the marriage, from now on the marriage sustains your love.

“I will give to you a love that is patient…a love that is kind, a love that endures. I will pledge to you a love that is not jealous or possessive, a love that is not proud or selfish, a love that is not rude or inconsiderate.
“My love for you will not insist in its own way, will not be irritable or resentful, will not keep account of wrongs or failures. I will rejoice when good prevails.
“Our love will know no limit to its endurance, no end to its trust, no fading of its hope. It will outlast everything. Our love will stand when all else has fallen. Our life together will have three great qualities: faith, hope and love. But the greatest is love.” --- Dietrich Bonhoeffer.
Marriage was designed by God to provide companionship.

“…not good to be alone” the key to a great marriage is delightful companionship. Long-term, delightful companionship is at its best in an intimate friendship!

How Love Acts (1 Cor. 13:4-7)

(1 Corinthians 13:4-7) "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. {5} It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. {6} Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. {7} It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."
Patience Love suffereth long

Kindness and is kind

Generosity Love envieth not

Humility Love vaunteth not itself, Is not puffed up

Courtesy Doth not behave itself unseemly

Unselfishness Seeketh not its own

Good temper Is not provoked

Guilenessness Taketh not account of evil

Sincerity Rejoiceth, not in unrighteousness, but rejoiceth with the truth
Male/Female Differences

Anatomical/Psychological Differences

Men	Female
Men have 50% more brute strength	Greater constitutional vitality: outlive men 4-8 years
40% of man’s weight is muscle	Lower metabolism than men and therefore, withstand higher temperatures better than men
	Shorter legs; longer trunk; larger kidneys, liver, stomach, and more active; different and more numerous hormones
	Blood contains more water & 20% fewer RBC’s (tires more easily)
	23% of women’s weight is muscle
Average heart rate is 72 bpm	Average heart rate is 80 bpm
Significantly higher vital capacity	Her blood pressure is generally 10 pts. lower than man’s and thus has less tendency toward high blood pressure

Rational/Emotional Differences

Men’s self-esteem is more centered in what they do; men tend to show love in how they perform	Women’s self-esteem is more centered around how they relate to others
Men tend to find their identify through their vocations	Women tend to find their identity via close relationships, and tend to be more personal than men
	Women become an intimate part of their surroundings; view their house as an extension of self; need more time to adjust to change because of their emotional identity
Men are more solution oriented. Men tend to feel responsible for their wife’s happiness; when she is emotional – he hears “FIX IT!”	Women are more process oriented (i.e. the process of taking the time to stop and listen to a woman has an much as the end result)
Men are geared more to maintaining survival; providing for the family	Women are more geared to dependency, but are great survivors.
Men generally talk around 12,000-15,000 words per day	Women generally talk between 25,000-40,000 words per day
Men are less trained to share emotions and talk more from the cognitive brain (tend to be more preoccupied with logical deduction and practicalities – straight to the point	Women are better at using the language of emotion (feelings)
Men tend to mull over their feelings and are hesitant in pulling them up; harder for them to verbalize feelings	Women tend to think their feelings out loud, and cover it all
Men are more general in their observations. Look at the “big picture” with great awareness but not aware of a lot of details	On the whole, women are more detailed in their observations, and more sensitive to the little things
Men are more apt than women to express hostility via physical violence	Women tend to express their hostility verbally

Sexual Differences

Men are like a microwave; need little to no preparation for sex (turned on first via their eyes)	Women are like a crock-pot; often need both mental and emotional preparation for sexual fulfillment (turned on first with their heart)
Men’s sexual drive is fairly constant	Women’s pre-menopause sex drive is somewhat related to her menstrual cycle. Women are generally more sexually sensitive (i.e. want to have more than sex; want to be a lover, friend, fan, appreciated partner, etc.

10 Worst Mistakes

1. 
   Treat a man like a child (kills passion – no man sleeps with his mother).
   
2. 
   Women make men wrong.
   
3. 
   Women fall in love with a man’s potential.
   
4. 
   Women cover up their excellence, their competence, when around men.
   
5. 
   Women get too serious.
   
6. 
   Women act like girls to get what they want.
   
7. 
   Women either tiptoe around men, or they rebel against them.
   
8. 
   Women use their sexuality to manipulate men.
   
9. 
   Women offer unsolicited advice.
   
10. 
    Criticizes him when he makes decisions or takes initiative.
    

Directory: 2016
2016 -> Senate, No. 627 State of new jersey 217th legislature
2016 -> 2017 afoCo Landmark Scholarship Program
2016 -> Instructions for the Preparation of Camera-Ready Contributions to the Conference Proceedings
2016 -> Strategic Plan South Sudan Country Office Context
2016 -> Original: English
2016 -> Step student Scholarships for Year 10-13
2016 -> Resolution
2016 -> American bar association adopted by the house of delegates

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