Christ In The Home: God’s Plan For His Family

The Failure of Dialogue

2. Openly share feelings. Families can talk for hours about the weather or sports. But they do not have a good communication system until they can discuss truly vital areas: what they think and what they feel.

In fact, we cannot truly be known by other people until we share our thoughts and feelings. This can be threatening, though, because as other people get to know us they learn ways in which we can be hurt, areas in which we are vulnerable.

As a result, we protect ourselves from being hurt by not discussing our thoughts and feelings. Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "There is no terror like that of being known."

- Jumping to conclusions. A wife might say, "I know why you won't help with the dishes -- you just think you're so macho."

- Switching the subject and making counteraccusations. Suzie says, "Fred, you never seem to get that yard mowed." He responds, "Never seem to get the yard mowed -- look at this filthy house. You never straighten it up." Instead of dealing with the problem of the yard, the other person's faults are attacked.

- Playing the numbers game or "I try much harder around here than you do."

We must be aware of and respond to the other person's feelings. Re-member that communication has two levels: on the surface are the spoken words; below the surface are the

One of our greatest emotional needs is to be accepted -- not condemned or criticized.

When people disagree with us, we often confuse rejection of that idea with rejection of the person. When people do not make that distinction they get their feelings hurt and

There is a sense of freedom to express yourself. There is also a sense of being understood and an absence of win-lose arguments and a reduction of tension. There is a sense of being safe and secure in the home!

Do you affirm and support each family member? Jane Howard has written, "Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family. Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one." Robert Frost wrote, "Home is the place where, when you have to go there....they have to take you in."

We all need a place where we are affirmed for who we are, not for our abilities or our achievements, where people like us and we like them – a place of acceptance. Individuals may not approve of actions taken by

Is your family's work load fairly distributed? With some 53% of American families now made up of two wage earners, whose job is it to do those many, many things which perhaps only a few (Mom?!) used to do?

Continual self-assertiveness about who-should-do-what will destroy relationships. Deepest intimacy between spouses is not possible apart from a genuine equality, a partnership. Each spouse should give to the
other the greatest freedom and encouragement to use his/her full intelligence, creativity, and productive energies.

Are decisions made fairly?
Getting the "upper hand" has no place in a Christian home! But as relationships deepen, as a family expands and grows, its members must be flexible. Family "rules" are revised as the family changes. As the children mature, so should the rules.

The difference between the healthy and the unhealthy family is not whether conflicts ever occurs. In strong families, conflicts become stages for growth. Good families learn to laugh over their disagreement

They "do not let the sun go down" on their anger (Eph. 4:26). Healthy families respect one another's opinions and preferences without necessarily approving of them.

The Importance of Self Esteem

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  Ego-syntonic: our ‘gut’ agrees with the compliment
  
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  Ego-dystonic: our ‘gut’ disagrees with the compliment.
  

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  money, things
  
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  intelligence, wit
  
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  beauty
  
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  athletic ability