Barriers to Good Communication

B. Fear of Being Rejected

C. Environmental and Social Pressures

1. 
   Materialism. When we strive for “the top” it takes precious time at the most crucial time of family needs. (Proverbs 11:4) "Wealth is worthless in the day of wrath, but righteousness delivers from death." (Proverbs 23:4) "Do not wear yourself out to get rich; have the wisdom to show restraint."
   
2. 
   Time commitments away from home. A family takes time. Some homes are too busy with outside work: civic activities, husbands bringing home office work, committees, PTA. These are not ‘sinful’ of themselves. The question is one of priority.
   
3. 
   Television and movies. There are 146 studies of approximately 10,000 students that indicate that violence on TV is detrimental to young people. (Psalms 101:3) "I will set before my eyes no vile thing. The deeds of faithless men I hate; they will not cling to me." (Proverbs 19:27) "Stop listening to instruction, my son, and you will stray from the words of knowledge." In one study of 4-6 year olds, nearly half “like TV better than Daddy.” A VCR can change the negative impact with National Geographic videos or great movies that built up and challenge.
   
4. 
   Alcohol. Alcohol abuse figures in nearly a sixth of all American divorces – from the Detroit News. By the time most drinking women first learn they are pregnant, it may be too late to save their babies from alcohol-induced developmental damage. Los Angeles Superior Court Judge William McKay said that “3/4 of the divorces in California are alcohol related.” O.H. Mowrer said: “Alcohol is a super ego solvent.”
   

1. 
   Gossip.Sharing family secrets. Share your problem, if you wish, but not your spouse’s. It closes the mouth in fear you will tell. Keep confidence even when not asked; learn to discern, be sensitive. (Proverbs 25:9) "If you argue your case with a neighbor, do not betray another man's confidence.."
   
2. 
   Lying. A character fault. (Proverbs 12:22) "The LORD detests lying lips, but he delights in men who are truthful."
   

Love lets the past die. It moves people to a new beginning without settling the past. Love does not have to clear up all misunderstandings. In its power, the details of the past become irrelevant; only its new beginning matters. Accounts may go unsettled; differences remain unsolved; ledgers stay unbalanced. Conflicts between people’s memories of how things happened are not cleared up; the past stays muddled. Only the future matters. Love’s power does not make fussy historians. Love prefers to tuck all the loose ends of past rights and wrongs in the bosom of forgiveness – and pushes us into a new start. – Lewis Smedes, from Love Within Limits.

1. 
   Serving Love
   
2. 
   Build a Love Bank.
   
3. 
   Transparency.
   

1. 
   Learn to accept or ignore criticism. Don’t let criticism devastate. Catch it in the glove, not with your nose. Prov. 12:16: “The prudent man ignores an insult.”
   
2. 
   Confess your faults immediately – don’t put it off! Ask for forgiveness…wait for an answer. (James 5:16) "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective."
   
3. 
   Be specific and complete the first time. Try to know what you are going to say before you speak. Husbands usually “clue in” their wives with just half enough information, then resent it when the wives start asking questions. When the wives ask questions to clarify, the men do not want to respond, claiming they have “already answered” the question once. Then starts the argument and more half-answers. The cure: be specific and complete the first time. Take little for granted.
   
4. 
   Check out what you hear (say it back, or paraphrase). “Have you ever crawled inside another’s skin and looked at a thought? You can’t do it. Neither can I. We have to check.” – Virginia Satir. Examples: ways to check it out: “what did you hear me say?” “What I heard you say was…”
   
5. 
   List three things you would like for me to do or not do and I promise to do one.
   
6. 
   Speak in the plural. “Our” children, “our” house, “our” car, etc.
   
7. 
   Don’t get out of the car for five minutes. Plan your attitude when you walk in the house.
   
8. 
   Know what an “inbetween” kiss is.
   
9. 
   Personal quiet time.
   
10. 
    Conversational Prayer. I haven’t found one family who prays together that was in serious trouble.
    
11. 
    Gut Level. Tell me the absolute, honest truth.
    
12. 
    Learn Their Interest. I learn more about you and your work when you are talking to your men friends than when you are talking to me.
    
13. 
    Use “I” Messages, Not “you” messages. “I have a problem I would like to discuss vs. the problem with you is…”
    
14. 
    Speak about items on a scale of 1-10
    
15. 
    Don’t talk to me “on the run”
    
16. 
    Discernment.
    
17. 
    “Check in” time. When apart, give each other 5-15 minutes to “check in” and do not use it for problem solving.
    
18. 
    Brook Time. For some strange reason, human beings (and particularly women) tolerate stresses and pressures much more easily if at least one person knows they are enduring it.
    
19. 
    “Poor Baby.” It’s been a really tough day and I need a little spoiling.
    
20. 
    Written dialogue. Communication in written form is important; the spouse is able to finish without interruption. Helps us to listen to the entire message. Takes hard feelings out, puts soft feelings in. Gives the non-verbal spouse a chance.
    

Some people always seem to notice things that other people miss; they catch little touches that are terribly important but seldom obvious to people who never look beneath the surface. They see subtle shifts in body language, hear delicate messages in other people’s tones of voice, catch quiet hints that less sensitive people never notice. They have discernment.

1. 
   We must see marriage in the light of the oneness God desires. There are no fights within the Godhead.
   
2. 
   Divorce should be like amputating an arm or a leg. You would not consider cutting off your arm when you get a splinter in your finger….now would you consider cutting off your husband or your wife because you have not been able to adjust to some unpleasant characteristic in him or her?
   
3. 
   If earthly communication lines are broken, the chances are it began when you hung up the phone on God!