MARRIAGE ENRICHMENT EXERCISE

MARRIAGE ENRICHMENT EXERCISE

1. 
   In our marriage, I am happiest when. . ..
   
2. 
   In our marriage, I am saddest when. . .
   
3. 
   In our marriage, I am angriest when. ..
   
4. 
   The best thing about our marriage is. . .
   
5. 
   I feel most afraid when. ..
   
6. 
   I feel loved when you ...
   
7. 
   I feel appreciated when you ...
   
8. 
   My greatest concern/fear for our marriage is . . .
   
9. 
   What I like most about myself is . . .
   
10. 
    What I dislike most about myself is ...
    
11. 
    What I like most about you is . ..
    
12. 
    My greatest concern/fear for you is. . .
    
13. 
    The feelings that I have the most difficulty sharing with you are . . .
    
14. 
    The feelings that I can share most easily with you are. . .
    

1. 
   Am I open with you in discussing my thoughts and feelings?
   
2. 
   Do I regularly ask you about your thoughts and feelings?
   
3. 
   Do I express interest in the things you reveal to me?
   
4. 
   Do I judge your feelings as unreasonable, unacceptable, or just wrong?
   
5. 
   Do I ever take advantage of your self disclosures?
   
6. 
   What can I do to help bring the two of us closer together?
   

Some have therefore judged fathers to be hard, unspiritual creatures who are devoid of feeling. This is an unjustified judgment! A father is not inferior to a mother; he is simply different. Remember that when God selected a figure to impress us with his love for his wayward children,

The father's role in making a home successful and happy is equally as important as the mother's -- although vastly different in some respects. As in every other marriage relationship, husband and wife are complementary to each other. Each parent contributes his special abilities in such a way as to reinforce and strengthen the other.

Fathers, 100% of the responsibilities of parenthood are yours! The souls of your precious children depend upon you for proper guidance. We need to get all information and counsel concerning the role of a father that we can possibly come by.

And, since parenthood is a spiritual responsibility, we especially need to study the Bible for the information contained in its sacred pages relative to the responsibilities of a Christian Father/Husband.

Marriage is no place for two mates to behave like children! Children need adults to take care of their shelter, food, clothing, medical needs, and educational requirements. This is no realm for the immature who would care less about meeting this week's grocery bill or from where money for

The husband should be a dominant figure in the life of his family, even though he should not be dominating. He should be a leader without being a dictator. He should be the…head of the home, while carefully preserving the equal rights and privileges of the wife. He should be the decision-maker, after careful and thorough consultation and agreement with his partner.

Without these basic characteristics, it is extremely doubtful whether any man can fulfill the role of husband. – Alexander Schneiders..in Marital Counseling.
The husband should assume the leadership role, not just proclaim it! The husband should have or develop the capacity to lead by model more than mouth. A study found a close tie between violence and the method a couple uses for making decisions. If the husband makes almost all decisions, he is far more likely to hit his wife or be hit by her. Between husbands and wives who share the decision making, there is almost no violence. From Violence in the Family by Murray A. Straus, Richard Gelles, and Suzanne K. Steinmetz.
Most husbands/fathers don’t realize their homes have problems. 83% of the wives say their marriage could be improved while only 53% of their husbands agree that their marriage could be improved.
Major problems are caused by dominating husbands. The wife may respond with clinical depression, reaction formation, or apathy.
This husband’s response can be termed “homoclite” or sociopath. “A ‘homoclite’ believes that (he) has the correct or normal set of emotional responses and anyone who reacts differently is incorrect, abnormal,…or defective. Since he permits no independent emotional reactions, he can drive someone who takes him seriously quite mad. However, since he seems so secure, correct, and normal, he attracts people who doubt themselves and feel security in his supposed strength. They attract themselves to him and grow increasingly insecure as they find themselves reacting ‘incorrectly’ to life’s events. ‘Homoclites’ may sound paranoid or appear obsessive-compulsive, but they are totally comfortable and find it unfortunate that everyone close to them sinks into a state of dithering despair. ‘Homoclites’ make disastrous spouses, parents, friends, bosses, and therapists.” From Turning Points by Frank Pittman.
Healing for this problem? Husbands: listen, see and show a willingness to change. Wives: become more assertive (not aggressive).
PRINCIPLES OF ASSUMED VERSES PROCLAIMED LEADERSHIP:
Proclaimed Leadership Assumed Leadership
gives orders without asking asks questions, seeks to truly hear,
questions, without permitting questions suggests alternatives

makes demands, dishes out directions; respects freedom and dignity of others,

challenged but non-defensively

requires compliance regardless of values willing cooperation, works for

pushes and manipulates; one man leads, attracts, persuades personal relationships rule in over-under position in side-by-side identification;

says "You do, you must do, says "Come, let's do, we might have done,

you ought to have done; can we try?”

you'd better do"

depends on his own external generates acceptance, cooperation, and

authority to motivate others; reconciliation;
separates and isolates people. unites and helps persons relate to each other
God gave woman the privilege of making important choices.

1. 
   Eve could choose to eat of the forbidden fruit (Gen. 3:1-6).
   
2. 
   Rebekah could choose to become Isaac’s wife (Gen. 24:8).
   

When a man forces a wife to do his will, he denies her the responsibility of making her own choices. Adam was wrong to blame Eve because he ate the fruit (Gen. 3:12). Amnon was wrong to force Tamar to commit fornication with him (2 Sam. 13:1-15).