《Sermon Illustrations (D~F)》(a compilation) table of contents



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Humor


Daily Exercise for the Non-Athletic: A calorie guide citing a recent medical association report: "Proper weight control and physical fitness cannot be attained by dieting alone. Many people who are engaged in sedentary occupations do not realize that calories can be burned by the hundreds by engaging in strenuous activities that do not require physical exercise." Here's the guide to calorie-burning activities and the number of calories per hour they consume.

Beating around the bush..................... 75
Jumping to conclusions......................100
Climbing the walls..........................150
Swallowing your pride....................... 50
Passing the buck............................ 25
Throwing your weight around
(depending on your weight)..........50-300
Dragging your heels.........................100
Pushing your luck...........................250
Making mountains out of molehills...........500
Hitting the nail on the head................ 50
Wading through paperwork....................300
Bending over backwards...................... 75
Jumping on the bandwagon....................200
Running around in circles...................350
Eating crow.................................225
Tooting your own horn....................... 25
Adding fuel to the fire.....................150
Opening a can of worms...................... 50


Source Unknown.

EXHAUSTION


If I had to do it all over again, I'd be too tired.

EXHAUSTIVE


No illustrations yet.

EXPECTATION


Stephen Hawking is an astrophysicist at Cambridge University and perhaps the most intelligent man on earth. He has advanced the general theory of relativity farther than any person since Albert Einstein. Unfortunately, Hawking is afflicted with ALS Syndrome (Lou Gehrig's disease). It will eventually take his life. He has been confined to a wheelchair for years, where he can do little more than sit and think. Hawking has lost the ability even to speak, and now he communicates by means of a computer that is operated from the tiniest movement of his fingertips.

Quoting from an Omni magazine article: He is too weak to write, feed himself, comb his hair, fix his classes--all this must be done for him. Yet this most dependent of all men has escaped invalid status. His personality shines through the messy details of his existence.

Hawking said that before he became ill, he had very little interest in life. He called it a "pointless existence" resulting from sheer boredom. He drank too much and did very little work. Then he learned he had ALS Syndrome and was not expected to live more than two years. The ultimate effect of that diagnosis, beyond its initial shock, was extremely positive. He claimed to have been happier after he was afflicted than before. How can that be understood? Hawking provided the answer.

"When one's expectations are reduced to zero," he said, "one really appreciates everything that one does have." Stated another way: contentment in life is determined in part by what a person anticipates from it. To a man like Hawking who thought he would soon die quickly, everything takes on meaning--a sunrise or a walk in a park or the laughter of children. Suddenly, each small pleasure becomes precious. By contrast, those who believe life owes them a free ride are often discontent with its finest gifts. 

James Dobson, New Man, October, 1994, p. 36.



A young psychology student serving in the Army decided to test a theory. Drawing kitchen duty, he was given the job of passing out apricots at the end of the chow line. He asked the first few soldiers that came by, "You don't want any apricots, do you?" Ninety percent said "No." Then he tried the positive approach: "You do want apricots, don't you?" About half answered, "Uh, yeah. I'll take some." Then he tried a third test, based on the fundamental either/or selling technique. This time he asked, "One dish of apricots or two?" And in spite of the fact that soldiers don't like Army apricots, 40 percent took two dishes and 50 percent took one! 

Bits & Pieces, May 26, 1994, pp. 9-10.



In some countries you have to watch your P's and Q's. In Mexico, however, when you take a bath or shower, better watch your H's and C's as well. An "H" on the faucet means Helado -- cold. A "C" means caliente -- hot. For the unsuspecting, the result can be a bit surprising. 

Bits & Pieces, June 24, 1993, p. 3.



John Quincy Adams held more important offices than anyone else in the history of the U.S. He served with distinction as president, senator, congressman, minister to major European powers, and participated in various capacities in the American Revolution, the War of 1812, and events leading to the Civil War. Yet, at age 70, with much of that behind him, he wrote, "My whole life has been a succession of disappointments. I can scarcely recollect a single instance of success in anything that I ever undertook." 

Charles Sell, Unfinished Business, Multnomah, 1989, p. 233.



Please all and you please none. 

Aesop.



An interesting cartoon shows a fourth-grade boy standing toe-to-toe and nose-to-nose with his teacher. Behind them stares a blackboard covered with math problems the boy hasn't finished. With rare perception the boy says, "I'm not an underachiever, you're an overexpecter!"  

Today in the Word, MBI, April, 1990, p. 30.




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