Christ In The Home: God’s Plan For His Family
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What Is Discipline?Discipline" is usually associated with punishment but such is terribly wrong. Discipline, properly understood, is instruction and training. It will include punishment but it certainly cannot be limited to it - in fact, good discipline utilizes only a small amount of punishment. How is discipline achieved? The child is disciplined through every kind of communicative avenue the parent possesses - words, example, eye contact, attention, personal habits, marriage harmony, spiritual concerns, etc. The parent who is conscious of these communication avenues will carefully live a "disciplined life" for the child to follow. There seems to be one significant factor which assists the parent in discipling -- the child must know, beyond all doubt, that he is unconditionally loved. Only then will the child accept the parental guidance as a lasting control in life. Campbell suggests that when we keep the child' s "emotional tank" filled he will be willing to respond positively to discipline (p. 8lff). Campbell stresses 2 factors which are critical in the discipline process: (1) Genuine love and acceptance communicated to your child; (2) Practice focused listening so your child will know you understand what he is saying to you. Before you act you consider his feelings and position. NOTE: This does not mean you cater to his whims, you listen to him so he does not feel you have ignored his thoughts and feelings. Discipline is simply teaching the child to act in a responsible way, : to follow rules and limits. 'Parents who are willing to suffer the pain of the child's intense anger by firmly holding him to the responsible course are teaching him a lesson that will help him all his life" (Glasser,. Reality Therapy, p. 18). Punishment IS NOT always discipline! Anyone can spank a child and control behavior for awhile - it takes no sensitivity, judgment, understanding, or talent. At times a spanking is the best way to correct a child, but at other times it would be the worse way! Too often we have believed that spanking is the only way to train a child. Our duty as parents is to train (discipline) our child so they will behave properly through life, often a spanking is not the best way to do this. Hopefully we will discover several other options available so we do not always rely on spankings. "To summarize, in order for a child to respond well to discipline (Training), we parents must give him what he needs. A child can learn (train) well only if he is happy, feels safe, content, confident, secure, accepted, and loved. Expecting a child to learn, namely, be disciplined, without our giving him what he needs is cruel enough. But then to beat him for not living up to our expectations. We treat our pets better than that!” (Campbell, p. 87). What Is The Objective?The objective of parental discipline is simple -- It is to train children how to conduct themselves as responsible humans. The Christian parents have a two-fold duty in discipline: they must teach their children to behave responsibly in the worldly realm, and, they must teach their children to behave responsibly in the spiritual realm (church). "We want the most positive, pleasant, loving relationship we can possibly have with a child. At the same time, we want him to develop self-control and act appropriately to the extent that he is able (considering his age, development, etc.). In order to see these two priceless happenings come to pass, parents must give their child two things. First, give him unconditional love, and give it appropriately. Second, give him loving discipline, that is, training in the most positive way possible. Training by all available means, in such a way that enhances a child's self-esteem and does not demean him or hurt his self-conception.” (Campbell, p. 89). When Kids Do WrongNo matter how well we do our jobs our children are going to misbehave. There are no perfect children! Although our next lesson discusses specific ways to handle behavior problems, look at a logical beginning point in addressing the problem. Most behavior problems arise because the child functions on an emotional/feeling level. He is hurt by something or someone and strikes back. Children will act immaturely because they are immature. As parents we need to try to understand the source of the hurt and as we correct the source the behavior problems should be corrected as well. When a child’s behavior goes beyond the set limits, parents should ask “What does this child need?” Has the child received enough attention so he/she feels loved and accepted or is the child seeking that love and acceptance by irresponsible ways? Most behavior problems communicate a need that should be answered by the parents. Unfortunately parents often react first to the behavior problem and never investigates to discover what caused the child to misbehave in the first place. Thus, the child’s basic needs are never met. When we find what the child needs we can logically begin to address the problems in a proper way. If a child is punished in a way that closes his/her spirit the parent is not accomplishing the objective of proper “discipline.” Misbehavior must be stopped, but the first step is not punishment! In the discipline process one message from parent to child ought to be constant: “I truly love you and care about you. I want you to enjoy life and you can only do this by acting responsibly.” This love message will allow the child to be forgiven when he/she is truly sorry about some irresponsible actions and this message will undergird punishment (even spanking) if the child’s behavior demands such a response. Factors Causing Resentment in DisciplineAs we strive to train (discipline) our children we must be extremely careful that we do not cause resentment (Eph. 6:4). Listed below are some of the most common ways that parents cause resentment to arise in their children: Anger. Whenever your child does something that is clearly “off limits” it is too easy to allow anger to get out of control. Parents are easily stirred to anger when they are depressed, physically ill, over-worked, fatigued, caught up in the petty concerns of life, or spiritually ill. When parents allow anger to go unchecked problems will arise. “I do believe that a parent’s worst enemy in raising his child is his uncontrolled feelings, especially anger.” (Campbell, p. 83). Children know when they are disciplined out of anger and they resent it. Parents would do well to humbly ask forgiveness from children if they loose their cool and discipline from anger. Closed-minded. When children are punished without even the justice of ‘explaining’ their side of the issue, spirits will close. A child easily senses whether mom or dad are being ‘fair’ and fairness in discipline is a tremendous responsibility for the parent to follow. Parental lack of self-discipline. Glasser said: “Parents who have no self-discipline cannot successfully discipline a child.” If parents do not show the children good manners, proper respect, etc., the children will not see any necessity to perform well in these areas. If a parent is never seen reading a good book or using intelligence the children will be hard pressed to see any value in doing well in school. Children listen more to what parents do than to what parents say. Double standards. A parent cannot successfully teach his/her child the wrongness of cursing, swearing, and disrespectful language if the parent practices such. A parent can never impress the child with God’s morality if the parent does not abide by God’s morals. Children are wise beyond their tender years to parental double-standards. Resentment is quickly seen in the child who is disciplined for doing what mom and dad do. Absence of communicated love and respect for the child. If the parent disciplines and the child is unsure of parental love, maybe the child even thinks the parent ‘hates’ the child, resentment will grow. But, if the child is secure in knowing that he/she is loved and the parent is deeply hurt by the misbehavior, the bond between parent and child will grow stronger. Expectations beyond reach. If parents expect the child to perform beyond normal levels of development, resentment will occur as well as low self-esteem. As parents we need to remember that no child is ‘average,’ each is unique and will develop at different levels. Parents must learn on what level the child is and require acceptable expectations for age, emotions, and mental abilities. Punishment when the child has already punished himself. If the child is truly sorry, he should not require severe punishment. Parents need to be flexible to allow for times when true repentance is seen. Remember: discipline is ‘teaching’ first and foremost. Spanking when physical factors are pressing. Spanking over ‘childish’ things is discouraged (let the child act like a responsible child). Also, spankings should never be given when naps have been missed, pain is present, the child is ill, the child is on medication, etc., Also studies have discovered that most spankings take place around mealtimes because everyone is hungry, the blood sugar level is low, children are restless, impatient, and the senses are heightened by the food. Add to this the ever-present fact that mom wants everyone there so the food does not get cold! Directory: 2016 2016 -> Senate, No. 627 State of new jersey 217th legislature 2016 -> 2017 afoCo Landmark Scholarship Program 2016 -> Instructions for the Preparation of Camera-Ready Contributions to the Conference Proceedings 2016 -> Strategic Plan South Sudan Country Office Context 2016 -> Original: English 2016 -> Step student Scholarships for Year 10-13 2016 -> Resolution 2016 -> American bar association adopted by the house of delegates Download 1.16 Mb. Share with your friends:
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