Flying Pig Productions Present The Seagull Has Landed 11th
Aberdonian Pavement Dances
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Aberdonian Pavement Dances[Project: Sign “Aberdonian Pavement Dances”] Host: Welcome to this wik’s lesson on Aberdonian Pavement Dances. Noo those of you that hiv been following these clesses fae the start’will by now have mastered the Bus Stop Schottische, and the St Nicholas Waltz. The day we’ll be demonstatin’ some mair advanced dances, but first, as a wee refresher, let’s hae a look at an all time classic, the Avoidance Dunce. [Pikey gives a blast on the accordion.] Nae yet Pikey. I hinna telt them the steps yet. It gings like this. [Project: Steps of The Avoidance Dance] Tak a step tae the right, apologise. Step to the left – apologise; repeat, and rest. Ok, take it away, Pikey for the avoidance dunce. [The Avoidance Dance] [Project: Sign “Aberdonian Pavement Dances] Host: Ok, let’s step up a gear, and examine some of the drunken pavement dances which so enliven oor city center jist aboot ivery night o’ the wik. To gie them their technical name, the Scoshus Country Dances. Oor first dance, ladies and gentleman, taks place at an early stage in an evening’s drinking, fan the participants still hae their wits intact and an eye to economy. It’s a dance for twa or mair grippy participants and it’s kent as The Miser’s Jig. [Blast on the Accordian] Noo the steps of this dance are as follows. [Project Steps of The Miser’s Jig] Enter a bar in good humour, having previously had several drinks bought for you by ither folk. As you near the bar, realise it’s your shottie to stand your hand, and the barman is attempting to make eye contact. So swing and side-step your partners until some ither sucker pit his hand in hi pooch. Tak it away Pikey, for the Miser’s Jig! [The Miser’s Jig] [Project: Sign “Aberdonian Pavement Dances] Oorthe next dunce involves the step fit is central to Drunken Dancin’: the Stot. Noo to demonstrate the Stot we hiv the benefit o’ wir resident pavement dancing expert, Moray “Strathspey” Barber – a man steeped in Socshus Country Dancing; and Blue Stratos. Those of you who hiv been following wir hit TV show, Strictly Pavement Dancing, will be aware o’ the speculation which his surrounded Moray and his celebrity partner, Maureen Simpson fae the Evening Express. Moray is keeping a dignified silence aboot these rumours…. Pikey But they’re a’ true. Host Noo Moray, for the benefit of the ladies and gentlemen, let’s hae a stot fae you. [Stot] Looks simple, doesn’t it, but I must emphasise that Moray his been stotting for mony years. The Stot is deceptively tricky and for a novice a Stot [he stots again] can very easily turn into a heiter [heiter]. Onywye, makin’ liberal use o’ the Stot we come to a traditional Scoshus Country dance, to be enjoyed at the end of the evening, efter a snifter his become a skite and a skite a bucket. [Project: steps of The Dashing White Pudding] This dunce is the symbiosis o’ the three things that a Scottish reveller holds dear: bevy, birds and deep-fried trock fae the chipper. At it’s heart lies an eternal dilemma. Do I rush hame and save my fite pudding supper til I get there? Or do I stop here and scoff it afore it gings caul? Do I rush or stop, save or scoff? Ladies and gentlemen – the Dashing White Pudding. [Dashing White Pudding] Noo for our final dance this evening, the Byron Square-Go. [Project steps of the Byron Square Go] This is a modern classic which has become so popular that it will frequently commence spontaneously at weddings, staff dances or efter looking at somebody the wrang wye in a taxi rank. As a result of a misunderstanding… Moray At’s my drink ye prick Host …or a few poorly chosen words. Susan I see the bride’s hid the cheek wear fite. Host So, Ladies and Gentlemen, choose your partners, and yer weapons, for the Byron Square-Go! [Byron Square Go] [Tabs] Act 2 Affa; “I’m A Cleaner” [Project: Pigs Rampant] [Tabs] [Sfx: V/o intro and backing track – “Mama Mia”] And now, please welcome the band who have had international hits with songs like “Far’s the Loo” and “Thank you for the Methlick” Ladies and gentlemen, this is Affa! [Project: Affa 45 cover]Elaine I've been doon on my knees langer than I can mind& Susan Clearing up the debris ither folk leave behind Nae a career I wid recommend Scrubbers for years, now we canna bend over right And there’s never an end in sight. Every cleaner has a similar curse, but for me it is a little bit worse. Oh oh I’m a cleaner at St. Nicholas house. That means 14 fleers to Hoover Every cleaner at St Nicholas Hoose must be quite a little mover. Each of us to a woman, needs to be superhuman It taks mair than cloots and soapy water Our employer is the City Cooncil; no one ever made a bigger sotter. Every lunatic scheme they unveil in the press Ends, inevitably, in a helluva mess. Marketing chiels said a slogan wid boost oor appeal They took quite a few quid fae us to state the blindingly obvious. It’s enough tae make ye pull oot yer hair. There’s one measure we can take, if we dare Oh oh When we’re knocking doon St Nicholas Hoose Why not leave the cooncil in there? [Blackout] [Project: Pigs Rampant] Aberdeen’s 2016 Olympic Bid; Part 1 [Project: Olympic rings and caption “IOC: The Games, 2016”.] V/O Would the committee now please welcome the bid from the City of Aberdeen, which is being presented [slight pause] by Robbie Shepherd. [Sfx: “Chariots of Fire” on accordion] [Enter Robbie] Robbie Aye aye, faith aye, heederum hoderum aye, Robbie Shepherd here to gie ye the spiel and the low-doon on the Aiberdeen bid. Noo loons and quines o’ the International Olympic Committee, I ken fit you’re thinking. You’re thinkin’ “Fa’s the boy?” Weel, in Aiberdeen, City and shire, I am kent as the voice of the games. The Braemar games usually, but fit’s the difference? So, fit wye hiv Aiberdeen nae daen the same as London and headed its bid wi’ an Olympic champion from the past? Weel, we did gie it a go. David Wilkie wiz a “no” and Katherine Grainger said she disna bide in Aiberdeen ony mair and she’s sick o’ us trying t’ claim her. But I am verra pleased to say that a verra famous name indeed his agreed to help oot. So please welcome, Kelly Holmes! [Sfx: “There is Nothing Like A Dame” on the accordion] [Kelly enters.] Nae the Kelly Holmes, but files Dame Kelly won twa gold medals in Athens, oor Kelly is the chief fryer in the Ashvale, and she’s won the White Fish Association’s Gold medal fower years on the spin. Kelly Ladies & Gentlemen, Mesdames et Monsieurs, Damme unt Herren, Signors y signoras. Robbie Michty, fit a cosmopolitan clientele they get there. Kelly I’m proud to be presenting the Aberdeen bid, both as a citizen and as someone with a keen interest in sport, health and nutrition. Robbie Kelly’s mock chop supper is second to naen. But we widna wint ye to think that we dinna hae ony sporting greats willing to speak up and back the bid. Here’s a bit endorserment fae a real Aiberdeen icon. [Project: FMV Willie Miller’s Bid Endorsement] Willie I’m Willie Miller. I won 65 Scotland caps, 12 of them as captain, and played in two World Cups. I was captain of Aberdeen Football Club from 1975 to 1990, during which time we won 12 major domestic titles, the European Cup Winners’ Cup and the Super-Cup. I know what sport means to this city and I know what this city can do for sport. And that’s why I’m backing Aberdeen’s bid for the 2016 Olympics. [Pan out, fast, to reveal Willie sitting in the doorway outside Harry Ramsden’s, selling the big issue.] Big Issue. Get your big issue! [Project: Olympic rings and caption “Aberdeen, 2016”.] Robbie Thank you Wullie, faith aye, jiggerypokery aye. Oh, he’s a rare Wullie, is Wullie. Een o the best in the business. Jist nae the best at business. Kelly The Aiberdeen bid was carefully pit thegither by the best sports scientists and strategic infrastructure planners at wir disposal. [Project: Cove Rangers’ physio] Cove Rangers’ physio [Project: The boy that designed the Chapel Street car park] and the boy that designed the Chapel Street car park.. And so far as facilities go, fortunately we started from a position of great strength. Robbie Aiberdeen is a world leader in [Project: Bowling Greens] bowling greens [Project: Municipal tennis courts] municipal tennis courts [Project: Putting facilities ] and putting facilities Kelly And the suitability of Balmedie for beach volleyball his already been strongly endorsed by no less an authority than the Icelandic national team. [Project: People playing volley-ball in parkas at Balmedie.] Robbie But niver eens to rest on our laurels, we hiv hid a verra thorough and valuable set of fact-finding site visits carried out [Project: Olympic rings and “Aberdeen, 2016”] [Alec, Alexander and Sandy enter] by the current membership of the Council’s Parks and Rec Committee. Sandy Aiberdeen in brackets. Alexander Good efterneen, ladies and gentlemen. Fit a great pleasure it is come here to spend a few days in this beautiful city of Singapore. Weel, I say a few days. We’ve been here three weeks so far, and it’ll be anither fortnight afore we’re able to ging hame. Sandy We’d awfa trouble wi wir flights. Alec Certainly. Robbie Oh, losh, I’d nae bither of a’ wi’ mine. Sandy Shut it, Shepherd. [Robbie and Kelly exit] Alexander I’m sure the Committee will understand the terrible burden it’s been to be here, working tirelessly on the Bid, separated by the oceans and the miles from children, spouses… Sandy and loved ones. But we’ve been billeted at Raffles Hotel and that’s fairly helped. Alexander A rare placie athegither Sandy Although it diznae hae a dartboard, which wid see it docket a starrie or twa fae oor Tourist Board. Alexander But to the bid! A central part o’ the Cooncil’s strategy his been a series o’ strategic site visits, selflessly undertaken by wirselves, to scrutinise the facilities fit hiv so impressed you at ither successful host venues. We hiv been to London [Project: The boys in front of the London Eye] Barcelona. [Project: The bold three in front of Gaudi’s cathedral.] And Los Angeles [Project: Our heroes in front of the Hollywood sign] we hiv also been to ither great cities fas bids were not successful, in order to learn far they went wrang; to New York [Project: They’re in front of the empire state building] and Madrid [Project: Them in the crowd watching Real Madrid] but nae Moscow because it’s bid wiz so heavily criticised we didna think onything could be learned frae visiting there. Sandy And it’s perishing cauld. Alexander Yes…. Sandy I mean, we can get lashed by horizontal sleet at hame. Alexander But we have not stopped there; such his been wir devotion to the cause, we hiv been to places that hiv niver even made an Olympic bid, to see fit wye they chose not to. So we’ve been to Tahiti [Project: The boys relaxing on a beach] the ancient rock city of Petra, jewel of the Arabian desert [Project: The boys on a camel in front of Petra] and Bangkok. And it is safe to say that we learnt a great deal there too. [Project: The boys chatting to a rather unconvincing ladyboy.] Alec [Smiling broadly] Certainly! Directory: wp-content -> uploads -> 2010 2010 -> Hr 116 Application for Employment with Hills and Dales 2010 -> Polimaster ltd V. Rae systems inc polimaster ltd.; Na&se trading co., Limited, Plaintiffs-Appellants 2010 -> The game a morality play in one act by Louise Bryant 2010 -> Seamheads at sabr 40 2010 -> Curriculum vitae 2010 -> Mid atlantic coaching clinic 2010 -> The Case for Integrating Crisis Response with Social Media Chapter One: Introduction 2010 -> Press pack shamrock Bowl XXIV american football – Tallaght Stadium 2010 -> Andy Northedge1 2010 -> Partnership Brokers Training Download 347.99 Kb. Share with your friends:
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