Googly written by Mehul Oza May 11, 2009 int. Day dressing room of cricketers

(sarcastically.)

Mujhe lagata hai ki main aap ko kuchh batana bhul gaya hoon. Are maine abhi kuchh bataya hi kaha hai? Shayad aap log hi mujhe kuchh batana bhul gaye ho.
TEAM

(in unision.)

Woh ya hai coach?
COACH

(reading from file.)

Yahi ki aaj se lekar tis dino tak aap ke aas-paas ladakiyo ka aana-jana mana hai. Aap naahi kisi ladaki se miloge naahi unaki tarf aankh utha kar dekhoge. Pure tis dino tak!
Hall they are standing in crashes down. All freeze. Soon the room comes back to its place and they unfreeze.
SANJIT

(shocked.)

Humari to duniya barabad ho jayegi coach.
COACH

Barbad nahi aabad ho jayegi. Ab aage suno. (reading from file.) Yeh ki shadishuda players ko apani biwiyo se alag rahena hoga.

(sadly.)

Aur mere sine me lagi aag thandi ho jayegi. Ab aur suno. (reading from file.) Yeh ki aap logo ka bina ijazat bahar jana mana hai.

(sadly.)

Suni to vaise bhi ho jayegi. Agar aap log thik se khele nahi to. Isase to achha hai ki aap log in niyamo ko maan lo. (Pauses and looks at file.) Anyway abhi thodi aur bate baki hai. (Players see big swords hug over their heads. Coach looks at imaginary swords.) Aap ke saro par to jaise talaware latak rahi hai. (players look up and swords disappear. Sunil talks first.)

Please hum par aisa zulm nahi kijiye coach. Hum bina shadi kiye hi vidhawe ho jayenge.

(stepping out.)

Coach hume maaf kar dijiye. Hume hamare chhote-chhote papo ki itani badi saza nahi dijiye.
VIJAY

(following Anil.)

Hum is baar game par pura dhyan denge coach magar aap hamari zindagi ke sath game nahi kheliye.
SUNIL

Coach hum aap ko kabhi kisi shikayat ka mauka nahi denge. Please hamari dukeli zindagi ko akela nahi banaiye.

(slowly stepping forward.)

Aaj hum sab sath mil kar, haath jod kar aap se mafi mangana chahate hain.
ALL

(stepping forward.)

Coach hume maaf kar dijiye. Hum dobara koi galati nahi karenge.
SANJIT

Please coach yeh niyam vapas le lijiye.

Hum koi aur niyamo se bhi to jit sakate hain.

Hum se yeh niyam sambhale nahi jayenge coach.

Aap se to aasan catche nahi sambhalati to niyam kya khaak sambhlenge? Magar fikar nahi karo isaka jawab aap ko aakhari niyam me mil jayega.

(tired.)

Jee haan. (reading from file.) Aaj se aap log jaha bhi jayenge aap ki aur cup ki salamati ke liye aap ke sath guards rahenge. (Calls some guards out.) Bhima, Shera, Shabbir, Rana!

(to team.)

Yeh hai aap ke naye bodyguards! Iname se koi kushti samrat hai to koi Mr world. Aur in sab ne aajivan kaware rehane ki shapath bhi le rakhi hai. Agar aap me se kisi ne bhi ladkiyo ki taraf dekha to yeh (Slaps Sanjit’s back twice.) har dum aap ko yaad dilate rahenge ki aap yahan cricket khelane aaye hain. Ladakiyo se luka-chhupi nahi.
Players wipe sweat off their faces.
COACH

Samajh gaye na aap sab? (His voice echoes in hall like thus.) SAMAJH GAYE NA AAP SAB? NA AAP SAB? AAP SAB?? SAB???

(shouting Sanjit’s name at Sanjit who is speechless.)

Sanjit? Sanjit? (Sanjit can’t hear him.) (Says Vijay's name.) Vijay? (Vijay can’t hear him either.) Sunil? (No response from Sunil too. They are all gazing at the rulebook.) Ho gayi na batti gul? Lag gaya na electric shock? Aaj hi yeh nakhush-khabar apani dosto ko suna dijiye aur kal hi se unase milana band kar dijiye. (Laughing and stretching words.) Agale...tees...dino...tak! (walks laughing more and saying looking at the ceiling.) Badal diya na sab kuchh? Coach ko badalane chale the. (His voice echoes in their ears. Coach turns back a little to say.) Howzzat?
Sound of gunshot plays. The team gains complete awareness after coach has left.
SANJIT

(plunking on sofa and shouting behind coach.)

Psycho! (Then says to his friends) Yeh kya ho gaya dosto? Kisaka idea tha coach ko badalane ka? Bolo?
All point at each other. Sanjit slams his head.
SANJIT

Main kaheta raha ki game par dhyan do. Game par dhyan do. Magar kisi ne meri ek bhi nahi suni. Ab bhugato natija.

(sitting and holding head.)

Aaj hamari azadi ki maut hui hai dosto.
SUNIL

(putting hand on Sanjit’s shoulder.)

Is dukh ki ghadi me hume do minuto ka maun rakhana chahiye.
All turn quiet. Vijay is very upset.
VIJAY

(shouting.)

Main chup nahi rahunga. Us coach ke bachhe ko sabak sikha kar rahunga.
SANJIT

(sadly.)

(sadly.)

(consoling.)

Zindagi me utar-chaddhav to aate rahete hain. Kuch dino me sab kuchh thik ho jayega mere dost.
SUNIL

(without meaning it.)

Jo beet gayi use bhul jao aur humare aane wale kal ki socho.
ANIL

(supports him to rise.)

Utho bhai. Sambhalo apane aap ko. Pani pi lo.
SANJIT

(to everyone.)

Matam karana chhodo aur hamari azadi ke jo bhi gine-chune ghante bache hain unhe rokar nahi has kar guzaro.
VIJAY

(sadly.)

Ab hasi vapas lane ke liye kya kare?

(happily.)

Party. Phir tis dino tak aisa mauka nahi milega.
Sanjit gets up but he is still sad.
VIJAY

(sadly.)

(continues reading the magazine and lifts her head a little.)

Sanjit kal raat ko tum kaha the?
SANJIT

Dosto ke sath bahar gaya tha.

Itani der tak?

Ha. Game ke mamale me meeting thi wahan gaya tha. (thinking about something.) Aarati mujhe tum se kuchh zaruri baat karani hai.

(shutting magazine worriedly.)

Kya baat hai?
SANJIT

Tum to janati hi ho ki world cup karib aa raha hai.

Haan janati hoon.

Aur hum kayi wakt se ek bhi game nahi jite hain.

Janati hoon janati hoon lekin isame fikar karane wali kaun si baat hai? Aaj nahi to kal jit jaoge.

Mujhe fikar us baat ki nahi hai Aarati.

To kis baat ki fikar hai tumhe?

Baat yeh hai ki hamare coach ne is baar game ke liye kuchh naye niyam banaye hain.

Kaise niyam?

Batata hoon lekin yeh niyam kuchh tedhe-medhe hain.

Kya matalab?

Matalab yeh ki in niyamo ko maan kar hume kuchh dino tak ek-dusare se door rahena hoga.

(in disbelief.)

Kya kaha tumane? Niyamo ke liye ek dusare se door rahena hoga? Kal zyada ho gayi thi kya?
SANJIT

Mazak nahi kar raha hoon Aarati. Yeh sach hai. Hum logo se kaha gaya hai ki tis dino tak hamare aas-paas kisi bhi ladaki ka aana jana mana hai. Isaka matalab hai ki world cup ke khatam hone tak hum kabhi bhi, kahi bhi, kisi bhi ladaki ke karib nahi ja sakate.

Ajib niyam hain. Matalab hamari zindagi ab hamari nahi rahi hai. Cricket ki ho rahi hai? Sanjit main yeh niyam-shiyam manane wali nahi hoon.

Please samajhane ki koshish karo Aarati.

Samajhane ko reh hi kya gaya hai Sanjit?

Thode hi dino ki to baat hai.

Thik hai to yeh batao ki tum kaha ja rahe ho?

(hesitates.)

Main kahin nahi ja raha hoon Aarati. (hesitates) Main soch raha tha ki tum hi kuchh din apane mayake jakar raho.
AARATI

(determinedly.)

Sanjit main kahin nahi jana chahati hoon. Tumhe jaha jana ho wahan ja sakate ho aur phir aise betuke niyam maine aaj tak nahi sune hain.
SANJIT

Kash mera coach tumhari is baat ka yakin kar le lekin yeh sach hai Aarati.

Nahi Sanjit. Yeh impossible hai.

Please darling maan jao.

Dekho Sanjit subah subah mera dimag kharab nahi karo.

(looking at kitchen door.)

(loudly.)

Aarati! (Sanjit hears noise of vessels inside and stays out and shouts from outside in jest.) Aarati shayad tumhara frying-pan bahar aakar pada hai. Ise le jao.
Aarati throws a tin-can outside. It lands on Sanjit’s shoe. He jumps. Aarati is coming out with glasses and bowls to throw. Sanjit hears her coming and hides behind sofa.
AARATI

(looking for him.)

Sanjit! Tumane mujhe samajh kya rakha hai? Main koi kataputali nahi hu ki jab jaise chaho vaise nachao. (peeking behind sofa.) Mujhe pata hai ki tum sofe ke pichhe chhipe ho. Wahan se bahar aao.
SANJIT

(saying it from behind the sofa.)

Dekho Aarati meri baat to suno.
AARATI

(throws plate behind sofa. It passes close to Sanjit’s nose. Sanjit watches it pass in slow motion. Swooshing sound plays in BG.)

Sanjit main kuchh sunana nahi chahati hoon.
Sanjit gets up and jumps behind other couch.
SANJIT

Aarati pagalapan nahi karo. Hamara is game ko jitana behad zaruri hai.

To kya hua Sanjit. Jab maine kahe diya ki main kahi nahi ja rahi hoon to main kahi nahi ja rahi hoon.

(looking at the flying bowl that he has hit.)

Woh dekho sixer! (Aarati takes a thick book from a table near her and throws it at him. Sanjit jumps on sofa.) Aarati mujhe maaf kar do. Main kuchh nahi kar sakata.
AARATI

Magar main bahot kuchh kar sakati hoon.

(catching bottle. Spilling water on head and drinking.)

Thank you! Jao touliya lekar aao?
AARATI

(looking tired and breathing hard.)

Bahot ho gaya Sanjit.
Then she walks. Sanjit seems relaxed and takes a breather. Aarati goes in corner and lifts a small chair tiredly and slowly.
SANJIT

(sees her lifting chair and is shocked. He runs and shouts in fear.)

Nahiiiiiiii. Please Aarati chair nahi maaro. Yeh meri sehat ke liye hanikarak ho sakata hai. (Aarati has lifted up the chair completely now and she is walking towards Sanjit.) Aarati please meri baat ka yakin karo. (Aarati throws chair at Sanjit. Sanjit moves away. Chair falls by his side.) I’m sorry Aarati. (running out of apartment and shouting behind him.) Main is mamale me kuchh nahi kar sakata Aarati. Tum khud hi mere coach se baat kar lena. (looking behind at her.) Shayad tumhara gussa dekh kar woh dar jaye aur niyamo ko badal de.
Aarati chases him, finds a vase and throws it behind him. It hits a stranger who is talking on phone outside their home. That guy falls down. Sanjit keeps running and stops after going little far.
SANJIT

(to self.)

Sar salamat to paghadi hazar.
He walks.
INT. DAY - SHOPPING MALL
Sunil is shopping with Vishakha in a shopping mall. She’s is looking at a dress.
VISHAKHA

(puts the new dress on the dress that she has worn and looks at mirror. Then asks Sunil.)

Yeh kaisi hai?
SUNIL

(disinterestedly.)

Bahot achhi hai.
VISHAKHA

(checking out another dress.)

Yeh kaisi hai?
SUNIL

(lost in thoughts and looking elsewhere.)

Yeh bhi achhi hai. Jaldi karo Vishakha. Shopping ke baad mujhe tum se kuchh baat karani hai.
CUT-TO:
Sunil is walking fast. Vishakha is chasing him and looking very angry. We can guess that something has gone wrong before scene cut happened.
VISHAKHA

(shouting behind him.)

Mujhase nahi milo? Isase tumhara kya matalab hai Sunil? Kya samajhate ho apane aap ko?
SUNIL

(walking faster and saying apologetically.)

Vishakha sirf tis dino ki to baat hai. Please maan jao.
VISHAKHA

(determinedly.)

Sunil tis din bahot zyada hai.
SUNIL

Sirf ek mahine ki baat hai.

(sarcastically.)

Nahi nahi yeh bhi kahe do ki sirf char hafto ki baat hai.
SUNIL

To phir tum mere faisale se naraz nahi ho?

Naraz nahi hoon. (Sunil smiles. Vishakha turns angry.) Char guna naraz hu. (Sunil is shocked and runs for cover because Vishakha has lifted a pair of shoes from the shelf of the mall. She aims and throws them at Sunil. Sunil ducks and walks faster. Vishakha chases him. Salesperson sees them and follows them. He us carrying a bill book and writes bill for shoes that Aarati threw on Sanjit.)

(running with Sunil and writing the bill for shoes.)

Sir juto ke ho gaye ek hazar.
SUNIL

(running and shocked.)

Ek hazar? (Looking behind at Vishakha and saying.) Please stop Vishakha. Mere paas tumhare gusse ka bill ada karane ke paise nahi hai.
Vishakha lifts big chandelier and throws. She seems tired and slows down. Other shoppers in the mall clear path for chandelier to fall.
SUNIL

(looking at the crashing chandelier and saying.)

Yeh kya kar diya tumane? Yeh to bahot mahenga hoga.
SALESPERSON

(still running with Sunil, writing the bill for chandelier and interfering.)

Haan sir. Do hazar rupaye ka hai.
SUNIL

(to salesperson.)

Do hazar rupaye? Magar yahan to Sale ki board lagi hai. (Salesperson ignores him and keeps writing his bill. Sunil sees Vishakha walking slow and slows down himself. Then says to Vishakha apologetically.) Magar suno Vishakha. Isame main kya kar sakata hoon? Yeh sab us kutte Singh ka kiya hua hai.
VISHAKHA

Sunil main kuchh nahi janati. Main kahin aur rahene nahi ja sakati.

(sees her lifting the jewelry box and saying.)

Nahi Vishakha. Gahene nahi fekana. (Vishakha comes towards him.) Are kya kar rahi ho? Please inhe fekana nahi. Tum to mujhe bhikh mangane par majabur kar dogi.
VISHAKHA

Vaise kaun se rais rahoge? Dil ke to bhikhari ho hi samaj lo ab paiso se bhi ban rahe ho.

(showing bill.)

Sir aap ke ho gaye pachas hazar rupaye.
SUNIL

Pachhas hazar rupaye? Yeh judai to bahot mahengi pad rahi hai. (looking at sky.) He bhagawan maine shaadi kyun ki.

Tum mujhase nahi miloge?

(laughs.)
VIJAY

Sach kahe raha hoon.

Nahi tum jhuth bol rahe ho.

Tumhari kasam.

Magar kyun? Maine aisa kya kar diya hai?

Aisi baat nahi hai. Hume upar se order mile hai.

Main tumase baat nahi karungi.

Bilakul thik karogi.

Kahin tumhe pachhtana nahi pade.

Nahi padega. Bye.

Yeh maine kya kar diya.

“Tanhaiiiiiiiiiii! Dil ke rasate me maine thokar aisi khayi.”

(looking at Bhima and turning away to hum a song.)

“Sukh bhare din bite re bhaiya. Ab dukh aayo re.”
Bhima smirks.
SANJIT

(mocking him.)

He he he!
Sanjit turns on TV. On TV- A girl in bikini is dancing on beach.
BHIMA

I am sorry sir aap ka yeh channel ko dekhana mana hai.

(sneering.)

To kya dekhoon? Doordarshan?
Bhima switches TV to a sports channel and gives back remote control to Sanjit prudishly. It annoys Sanjit. He pulls away the remote control from his hands and watches. Suddenly his imagination spurs and he sees a dream. Sensual piece of saxophone plays and in place of male umpire he sees a beautiful woman umpire removing her hat, throwing her hair back and signaling four runs sexily in slow motion. He gazes stupidly. Doorbell rings. Woman on Sanjit’s TV disappears and he sees old umpire with funny moustache signaling Four. Sanjit is disappointed and looks at door. Bhima goes to open the door. Sanjit quickly changes back to Babes and Bikinis show. Women are running in bikinis on beach. Bhima is coming back. Sanjit tries going back to sports channel but ends up on devotional channel. A woman is singing bhajan and playing sitar. Sound on TV: “Om jai jagadish hare. Swami Jai jagadish hare.” Sanjit sings along.
BHIMA

(looking at TV suspiciously.)

Sir aap ko ground par bulaya gaya hai. Paach minutes me khel shuru hone wala hai.
SANJIT

Tum chalo Bhima. Main ek bhajan dekh kar aata hoon.

(convincing him.)

Har kaam se pahele bhagawan ka naam lena chahiye Bhima. Isase man shant raheta hai.
BHIMA

Achha sir.

(looking at Bhima from window.)

Horror show kahi ka!
EXT. DAY - STADIUM SEATS
Small crowd has gathered in stadium to the watch cricketers training. Shera is sending girls out.
SHERA

(to girls.)

Excuse me ma’am. Aap log yahan nahi baith sakate ho.
GIRL

Kyun nahi baith sakate?

Coach ne ladakiyo ko stadium me aane se mana kiya hai. Please aap bahar jaiye.

Ok. Ok. Huh!

Excuse me sir! Aap yeh sign nahi hata sakate ho.

Oh! I am sorry. Maine socha ki yeh boards kisi ne bina ijazat yahan lagaye honge.

(showing doubt and resentfully.)

Sir. Please aap yahan se jaiye.
ANIL

(Picking up one “No entry for Girls” signboard and walking.)

Achha achha. I am sorry. Main jata hoon.
Shabbir sees signboard in Anil's hands and stops him.
SHABBIR

Sir, please mujhe woh board dijiye.

(looking at board and overreacting.)

Oh! Oh I am sorry. Yeh to tumhara board hai. (handing it.) Thik se upar ki tarf tang do. Shayad hawa se gir pada hoga.
Shabbir shows him the way out and puts the sign back up. Anil looks back at them while walking and lets out a sigh.
AT THE SAME TIME - ON GROUND
Coach is training the players.
COACH

Aaj main aap sab ko kuchh naye shots sikhana chahata hoon. Inhe dhyan se dek chahatae baad hum ek practice game khelenge.

Ok coach.

What can I do for you?

Main aap ke liye kya kar sakata hoon?

I’m the Australian coach John Stevens. I want to meet coach Singh.

Main Australian coach John Stevens hoon. Mujhe coach Singh se milana hai.

Oh I'm sorry but coach Singh is busy. Please wait here.

Maaf kijiyega coach Singh busy hai. Aap yahan intezar kijiye.

Sure.
Stevens looks around and spots the signboards that read No Entry for Girls and goes “Hmmm.” He looks around the stadium more and sees the guards asking girls to leave the stadium. He fails to find any female watchers.

(to a stadium guy.)

What is going on here?
SUBTITLE OR VOICEOVER

Yahan par kya ho raha hai?

Girls are banned from entering stadium.

Ladakiyo ke stadium me aane par pabandi lagai gayi hai.

Oh I see.

Achha.
Stevens looks at coach Singh on the playground. Singh is watching the team playing. After three or four seconds, Singh turns his head to see coach Stevens and looks away as if he did not recognize him.

(saying to self in anger.)

Ladakiya ja rahi hai? Hum yeh atyachar sahan nahi karenge coach! (He hits sixer in anger and smiles arrogantly.)
COACH

(looking at sixer and saying to self.)

Yahi to chahata tha main.
Fielders have gone on boundary to get ball back. Sunil comes to talk to Sanjit on pitch.