Googly written by Mehul Oza May 11, 2009 int. Day dressing room of cricketers

(running inside and shouting.)

Coach aa raha hai! Coach aa raha hai!
Guys run to their side. Anil is talking to a girl. He hears Sunil's warning and runs but trips and spills his drink on the girl. Girl shouts. Anil ignores her and runs. Vijay is seated with two girls and hears Sunil's warning. He gets up very fast and ends up flipping table on two girls when getting up, bathing them in red-hot food gravy. Girls get burned by hot gravy and scream in pain. Everyone crosses but Sanjit cannot find way amidst chaos. He hides behind bar. Coach is coming in. Everybody jumps over the line of control in slow motion, just in time. Then they get up and settle in their places. Coach walks-in in complete silence on guys’ side. Team pretends like nothing has happened.
COACH

(unaware of goings-on inside and saying to self.)

Massage parlor. Huh! Bowlers kya kam massage karate hain hamari? (Looking at the party and surprised at quietness.) Yahan itana sannata kyun hai bhai? Kya ho gaya aap sab ko? (Guys are pondering over the mess they have created in hall and shrug at coach’s statement. In the meantime, Sanjit is trying to be comfortable behind bar table but accidentally kicks bottles inside. Coach hears the sound of bottles and looks in bar's direction. He does not see anyone.)
COACH

(looking at bar.)

Kaun hai wahan par? (everyone turns towards bar desk. Coach asks again.)
COACH

Kaun hai wahan par? Yeh bhi koi baitthane ki jagah hai? Baitthana ho to kursi par baittho. Sofe par baittho. Magar bar ke pichhe? (Laughs and walks across boundary. Anita approaches coach and stops him.)

(refusing to let him go to the other side.)

Oonhoo! Yeh meri side hai. Main dekhati hoon.
COACH

(looking at girls on other side.)

Isame kya pareshani hai? Main dekh leta hoon.
ANITA

Pareshani to hai. Aap ne bahot kuchh dekh liya hai. Please apani side jaiye aur mujhe dekhane dijiye.

(peeking over to girls’ side.)

Ek minute ka to kaam hai.
ANITA

Dekhiye maine kaha na nahi dekhiye.

Dekhiye bhi kaheti ho aur nahi dekhiye bhi. Sab se pehale to mujhe yeh dekhana hai ki main dekhoon ya na dekhoon. (in complaining tone.) Vaise aap ko to dekh hi liya.

(laughing.)

Shayad andar chuha gaya hai. Aap sab mujhe rasta do. Rasta banao. Main hi dekhata hoon. (Girls move away. BG music of bugle of war plays. Coach walks towards bar table like a disciplined soldier. Sound of shoe-heels plays. Sanjit hears coach coming and peeks to see. Seeing coach nearing he squeals louder and rolls a big bottle outside. Coach sees it coming. It scares him. He steps back. Everyone laughs.)
COACH

(looking at bar desk.)

Itani badi bottle hila di? Chuha hai ya dinosaurs? (Looks behind him and sees a guy who is holding a cricket bat. Asks for bat) Jaldi se mujhe woh bat do. (Guy with bat walks towards him.)
Coach walks towards the guy for bat. Sanjit finds chance and goes out of table squealing. After going out he crawls on floor, over food and runs into a door, smeared in food stains. Door leads to a girls’ room. A girl is putting on her make-up. He steps inside on pressed feet. Girl hears sound of door and gets up.
GIRL

(looking at door.)

Kaun hai?
Sanjit runs inside fast from corner and goes towards a closet. Girl goes back to her table after two seconds and puts lipstick. Sanjit hides inside a closet and see girls’ clothes. Starts looking for something to wear. The Girl that is putting lipstick is singing “Pari hu main, mujhe na chhuna” in rough voice. Sanjit shuts his ears on song and searches for dress he can fit in. He finds white skirt and t- shirt. Wears them and looks outside. Girl is still sitting at table. He squeals like mouse again. It scares girl and her lipstick goes on her nose. She walks to a corner and sees where sound came from then slowly goes to washroom, wiping her nose with handkerchief. Sanjit comes out in woman’s clothes, puts on makeup, wears wig. Then throws make-up kit on table. Girl hears sound of table in washroom and walks out. Sanjit walks out of room just in time, tightening buttons of his bra. He looks like girl.
OUTSIDE
Coach is looking for Sanjit and asks to his teammates.
COACH

Main Sanjit ko talash kar raha hoon. Kya kisi ko malum hai woh kaha hai?

Coach shayad bathroom gaya hoga.

Aa jaye tab mere paas bhej dena.

Thik hai coach.

(looking at the skirt.)

Hey yeh meri skirt hai.
SANJIT

(making girl’s voice.)

Na...nahi. Yeh meri hai.
GIRL

Yeh meri skirt hai. Maine ise change kar ke girls’ room me rakha tha. You thief abhi ke abhi ise utaar kar aao.

Nahi yeh meri skirt hai…

(pulling skirt.)

Bitch! Give me my skirt back!
Sanjit moves back. Girl moves towards him and pulls him. Sanjit fights back. Girl pulls at Sanjit’s wig. It almost comes off. Sanjit hold it and puts it back in place. Sanjit pulls her hair too and runs from her. Girl follows him and throws drinking glass on his head. Sanjit falls on someone’s plate. Food spills on his face. He wipes face, crawls, gets up and continues running. He makes it to the guys’ side and goes to Men’s bathroom. He goes in toilet and takes woman’s clothes off. He puts skirt on wall of the toilet stall. It falls on the other side of the toilet stall. Coach has just entered the bathroom.
Sanjit is looking outside from toilet stall to see where the skirt went. He sees it lying outside and walks out to get it but hears someone coming in, looks at his make up and hides inside the toilet stall again. Then he lies on floor to pull skirt inside and stretches his hand out without being able to see the floor from the toilet stall. The guy who is coming in is coach. He is coming singing this song, “Aaja re. Aaja re o mere dilabar aaja.” Coach steps on skirt. Sanjit has found skirt and pulling it inside at the same time. Skirt tears. It makes tearing noise. It scares Sanjit and he lets go of skirt and gets up to hide. Coach looks down and sees torn skirt.
COACH

(thinks.)

Yeh kya hai? (observing well.) Skirt? Men’s toilet me skirt kaun la sakata hai? (Knocks on Sanjit’s stall) Yahan par kaun hai?
Coach peeks from below stall. Sanjit climbs up on pot and jumps onto the wall of stall.
COACH

Koi hai? (looks in and says to self.) Yahan par to koi nahi hai.

(to self.)

Is skirt ke baare me pata karana hoga. Na jane kaise-kaise short-skirts lete hain log.
Sanjit goes out and joins everybody. Sunil sees him.
SUNIL

(to Sanjit.)

Tum ab tak kahan the? Coach tumhe kab se dhundh rahe hain.
SANJIT

Yuhi thodi der bahar gaya tha.

Kyun? Shayad lipstick lagane?

(wiping lipstick.)

Lipstick?
COACH

Haan lipstick! Batao yeh hadasa kaise hua? (All laugh.) Kahan? Aur kab? Kya aaj kal mardo ke lipstick ka fashion hua hai?

Nahi coach.

To kya tumane apani biradari badalane ka faisala kar liya hai? Kya tumhe mardanagi se dar lagane laga hai? Batao yeh kya maajara hai?

Mujhe nahi pata coach.

(not believing him.)

Kya? Tumhe nahi pata? Kal ko tum kahoge mujhe kapade kisane pahenaye. Mere baal kisane banaye? Mujhe jute kisane pahenaye. Kya har wakt nashe me rahete ho?
SANJIT

Nahi coach. Main to sharab ko chhuta tak nahi hoon.

Pine ke liye chhune ki zarurat nahi padati. Sach bolo Sanjit. Mujhe daal me kuchh laal nazar aa raha hai. Jaldi se batao yeh chakkar kya hai?

Kaisi daal? Kaisa laal? Shayad mirchi hogi coach. Varana meri daal to bilakul saaf hoti hai. Mujhe nahi pata aap kya kahe rahe ho coach.

Yani ki daal-daal bach rahe ho? Bolo yeh daag lipstick ka nahi hai to kya sharm ki laali ka hai?

Good point coach. Sharm ki laali ka ho sakata hai.

Sanjit mujhe pura yakin hai ki tumane koi gadabad ki hai. Kal tumhe maidan ke pachas chakkar lagane honge. Ladakiyo ke karib jane ki yehi saza hai.

Mujh garib par aisa zulm nahi kijiye coach. Main aap ko sach baat batata hu. Dar asal mujhe yeh lipstick bahar ek salesgirl ne lagai thi. Hum lipstick ke rang test kar rahe the.

Kyun? Kya yeh kaam karane ke liye wahan koi ladakiya nahi thi?

Nahi coach aur shayad usane mujhe ladaki samajh liya hoga.

(sarcastically.)

Tumhara chehara pariyo jaisa jo hai. Sanjit tum chahe jitane bhi khubasurat kyun na ho yeh saza to tumhe bhugatani hi padegi. (Others laugh. Coach turns to others.) All of you shut up. (All stop laughing. Coach walks and says.) Let’s go! (All walk. So does Sanjit. His teammates are still laughing at him. He is wiping off his lipstick.)
NEXT DAY ON PLAYGROUND
A close-up of sun and then harsh sunlight on Sanjit’s face. He is running on playground with bat held high in his hands and is sweating a lot. BG sound of footsteps in thick waters plays.
EXT. DAY - CITY STREET
A big car stops on the side of the road. A woman is sitting inside. She opens her handbag and takes out make-up box. She opens it carefully and takes out lipstick. Twists it with sound of bullet going inside gun. Puts it on her lips. Gunshot sound plays. She puts lipstick back. Opens car door slowly. Puts her stylish, big-heeled shoe out. Puts another one out. Gets out. Her face is not shown because it's a suspense. View from behind her is- she is going inside a building and is ushered in by a guard who looks at her in awe. Guard sends her inside a door. She is welcomed by Stevens coach of opposite team.
STEVENS

Hello.
UNRECOGNIZED WOMAN

(Her face isn't shown because it's a suspense. Her voice should sound scratchy on screen and should be very difficult to identify.)

Hello Mr Stevens. What can I do for you?

Main aap ke liye kya kar sakati hoon?

Thanks for coming.

Yahan aane ka shukriya.

Pleasure is all mine. Tell me what the job is?

Kahiye kaam kya hai?

(softly.)

I will but don’t let anyone find out about this.
SUBTITLE OR VOICEOVER

Batata hu lekin kisi ko is baat ki kaanokaan khabar nahi honi chahiye.

You can trust me Mr Stevens.

Aap mujh par bharosa kar sakate ho.

(pointing at pictures.)

This is the famous coach Singh and his cricket team.
SUBTITLE OR VOICEOVER

Yeh hai janemane cricket coach Singh aur unaki cricket team. Kya aap inhe pahechanati hain?

I don’t like cricket.

Mujhe cricket me koi dilchaspi nahi hai.

(smiling mysteriously.)

But you can like it for me right?
SUBTITLE OR VOICEOVER

Lekin dilchaspi le to sakati hain na?

Sure. Please continue.

Zarur. Bolate rahiye.

All you have to do is make this coach and his team forget cricket and teach them to love. (looking at her tip-to-toe. Sensual music piece plays.) I hope you know what I mean.

Aap ko bas itana karana hai. Is coach aur usaki team ko cricket ki ladai bhula kar pyar ki sagai karana sikha hai. (Looking at her tip-to-toe. Sensual music piece plays.) Mujhe asha hai ki aap mera matalab samaj gayi hongi.

Sure. Consider it done.

Zarur. Samajhiye aap ka kaam ho gaya.

Thank you.

(looking at photos of team.)

You’re welcome.
INT. DAY - COACH SINGH’S OFFICE
Coach Singh is playing tabala on his office desk and singing.
COACH SINGH

(singing.)

Hai agar dushman dushman zamana gam nahi, gam nahi. Koi aaye koi jaye hum kisi se kam nahi, kam nahi.
Phone rings.
SINGH

Hello? Hello Mr Shrivastav. Kaise yaad kiya?

(on phone.)

Mr Shrivastav. Main aap se baad me baat karata hoon. Shayad yahan koi aaya hai.
Hangs up. Girls are putting on music.
SINGH

(angrily.)

Kaun ho aap log? Yahan kya kar rahe ho?
GIRL NO. 1

(saying it after looking at other girls.)

Hum hain..?
ALL GIRLS IN UNISON

Angles of Love!

(naughtily.)

Hum aap ko swarg ki sair par le jane aaye hain.
COACH

(irritated.)

Main yahan dharati par hi bahot busy hoon. Mujhe swarg ki sair karane nahi jana hai. Yahan se nikal jao.
GIRL

(doting.)

Aap to gussa ho gaye. Aisi bhi kya baat hai?
COACH

(confused.)

Aisi hi to baat hai aur aap log andar kaise aa gaye?
GIRLS

Darwaze se. Hum to (sexily.) aur andar jana chahate hain. Aap to khamakha ghabara rahe ho. Hum to sirf aap ki zindagi ko thoda sa namakin banane aaye hain.

(taunting.)

Meri zindagi pahele hi bahot khaari hai. Aap log shayad galat pate par aa gaye ho.
GIRL

(removes one button of her shirt.)

Hum bilakul thik pate par aaye hain.
COACH

Pate ki baat kare to aap yeh kya kar rahi ho? Mujhe aap ki shirt nahi chahiye. Ise pahene rakhiye aur yahan se dafa ho jaiye.

Bahar bhi chale jayenge. Pahele kuchh (Looking at own chest.) andar ki bate to kar le.

(exhaling.)

Mujhe koi baat nahi karani hai.
GIRL

(flirtily.)

Hume ek mauka to dijiye.
COACH

Dekho. (gawking at undone button.) Yeh sab (with difficulty.) band karo!

(naughtily.)

Abhi abhi to khule hain. (wraps her arm around him and injects him with serum which makes him drowsy and says.) Aap to bade katthor ho!
COACH

(coach feels reaction of serum. Feels hot and talks softly now.)

Woh to main hoon hi. (reeling.) Magar…yeh kya ho raha hai?
GIRL

(begins slowly.)

Yeh? Yeh to kuchh bhi nahi hai. (Opens second button of her shirt.) Abhi to bahot kuchh hona baki hai.
COACH

(almost unconscious and talking very slowly.)

Bahot...kuchh...hona...baki...hai? Kuchh...bhi...baki...nahi...hona...chahiye. Mujhe har...kaam…pura…karana pasand hai.
GIRL

To abhi kar dete hain.

(politely and very softly.)

Are...woh...mera...drawer...hai. Aap ko...kya...chahiye?
GIRL

(takes shirt off to show vest and says innocently.)

Kya hai aap ke drawer me?
COACH

(sleepily and drooling for her.)

Kuchh...kagaz...wagaz...hai. Mera...bijali...ka...bill...hai. Mera dil hai. (laughs.) Mera will hai. (Laughs more. Then shushing.) Shhhh! Aur...mere...(Takes his mouth close to her ear and whispers.)...secret...cricket...plans...hain.
Coach laughs sweetly. Girls laugh with him. Then one girl speaks.
GIRL

(to other girls.)

Rita. Sima. Jaldi se inhe ek pyari si pappi do.
Coach is astonished and stares at girls. Girls go and kiss him. One girl takes out camera from bag and takes his photographs.
SINGH

(hugging girls happily, posing and talking slowly.)

Mera...photo...kyun...nikaal...rahi...ho? Mera...manager...mujhe...naukari...se...nikaal dega. Aisa...nahi...karo.
GIRL

Hum to bas aap ko yaad rakhane ke liye photo le rahe hain.

To...yaad...rakho. Mujhe...to...kuchh...bhi...yaad...nahi...hai.

(sleepily.)

Angels of love!
Nurse walks in with medicine.
NURSE

(nagging.)

Yahan par to hum hi Angels of Love hain. Yeh dawai khane ka aur let jane ka.
SINGH

Woh sab to thik hai lekin main yahan kaise aaya?

(harshly.)

Ambulance me. Aap ke dost aap ko yahan laye the.
Coach makes sarcastic expressions. His phone rings. He answers it.
SINGH

Hello?
VOICE ON OTHER LINE

Hello coach Singh? Main Sinha bol raha hoon. Aap kaise ho?
SINGH

(coming back to senses and irritable.)

Sinha? Bilakul thik nahi hoon. Hospital me pada hoon.
SINHA
Mujhe pata hai coach. Aap office me behosh ho gaye the.
SINGH

(remembers everything.)

Ha. Ab yaad aaya. (in tone of urgency.) Jaldi se meri office ja kar pata karo ki wahan sab thik hai ki nahi?
SINHA

Karata hoon coach.

Aur haan mere drawer me dekhana nahi bhulana. Chaabi kapaat me hai. Achhe se check karana.

(walking.)

Kya hua coach? Hume Sinhaji ne khabar di ki aap behosh ho gaye the?
SUNIL

Aap thik to ho?

(embarrassed.)

Ha. Woh…subah se kuchh khaya nahi tha isaliye gym me kasarat karate wakt gir pada.
SANJIT

Ab aap ki tabiyat kaisi hai?

Ab kuchh thik hoon. Ground par sab thik to hai na? Agar meri zarurat ho to (getting up from bed.) main chalata hoon.

Nahi nahi coach. Aap aaram kijiye. Hum sabakuchh samhaal lenge.

(goes back on bed.)

Phir thik hai.
Nurse comes.
NURSE

(to team.)

Are yahan itani bhid kyun hai? Bahar jao. Patient ko pareshani nahi karo. (looks at cricketers.) Arre tum Sanjit Sharma hai na?
SANJIT

Haan. Yeh kitane dino me thik ho jayenge?

Aap inaki fikra nahi karo. Do din me ho jayenga. (Gives pen and paper to Sanjit and says.) Humako ek autograph chahiye.

Nurse. Meri nabz kamzor ho gayi hai. Zara...

(interrupting coach.)

Haan haan. Woh sab thik hai. Thoda rukane ka. Hum autograph karata hai na?
Coach swallows his pride and stares at cricketers.
INT. DAY - HEADQUARTER OF ANGELS OF LOVE
In slow motion: Four neatly dressed girls walk inside a door with precision and no-nonsense look on their faces. They are carrying handbags. Rock music plays in BG. Their sights are firmly fixed in front. They knock on the door. An unrecognized woman is sitting at desk and putting nail paint on her nails. Her face is not shown.
UNRECOGNIZED WOMAN

Come on in.

(Girls go inside.)
FIRST GIRL

Kaam ho gaya ma’am.

(in unrecognizable voice.)

(screams.)

Ohh my goddddddd! Anil Sharmaaa??

(goes near him.)

(continues weight lifting but looks stressed while talking.)

Aap ki tarif?
GIRL

(ignoring his question.)

Anil Sharma is it really you? Main aap ki bahot badi fan hoon. Aap ki har game dekhati hoon.
ANIL

Achha?
GIRL

(star struck and extending her hand towards Anil for handshake.)

Haan. Mera naam Kiran hai.

(shaking her hand.)

Hi Kiran.
KIRAN

(handing him pen and book.)

Autograph please.
Anil signs autograph.
KIRAN

Thank you Anil.

Wow! Great muscles.

Main aap ko kayi saalo se ddhunddh rahi hoon.

(in disbelief.)

Sach?
KIRAN

Sach! Kitani...(sexily saying word “raate”) raate guzaari maine... (Anil holds breath.) aap ki batting dekhate hue. (Anil releases breath.) Kayi din guzaare maine aap ki yaado me.

Oh!
KIRAN

Oh? Kayi saalo baad meri mannat puri hui hai.
ANIL

Kaisi mannat?

Aap se milane ki.

Sach?
KIRAN

(happily.)
Sach, sach, sach! Aaj shaam ko aap kya kar rahe ho?
ANIL

(visibly happy.)

Kuchh nahi.
KIRAN

To kyun na hum sath kahin chale?

Zarur. Kahiye kahan chalana hai?

Jahan aap le chale?

Aisa karate hain practice ke baad mujhe mere ghar par milana magar dhyan rahe koi tumhe dekh na le. Agar coach ko is baat ka pata chala to mujhe team ke bahar kar denge.

Fikar nahi karo. Hume koi nahi dekhega.

Thik hai. To mujhe kal shaam paanch baje Yari Road, Versova, Bungalow no. 11 me milana.

Ok.
EXT. DAY - PRACTICE GROUND